"There"s nothing in the world as good as fresh fish," Pie said. "If the catch is good you"ve got a choice of forty, maybe fifty, dishes. From tiny jepas to squeffah my size and bigger."
"Is there anything I"d recognize?"
"A few species. But why travel all this way for a cod steak when you could have squeffah? Or better, there"s a dish I have to order for you. It"s a fish called an ugichee, which is almost as small as a jepas, and it lives in the belly of another fish."
"That sounds suicidal."
"Wait, there"s more. The second fish is often eaten whole by a bloater called a coliacic. They"re ugly, but the meat melts like b.u.t.ter. So if you"re lucky, they"ll grill all three of them together, just the way they were caught-"
"One inside the other?"
"Head, tail, the whole caboodle."
"That"s disgusting."
"And if you"re very lucky-"
"Pie-"
"-the ugichee"s a female, and you find, when you cut through all three layers of fish-"
"-her belly"s full of caviar."
"You guessed it. Doesn"t that sound tempting?"
"I"ll stay with my chocolate mousse and ice cream."
"How is it you"re not fat?"
"Vanessa used to say I had the palate of a child, the libido of an adolescent, and the-well, you can guess the rest. I sweat it out making love. Or at least I used to."
They were close to the edge of the glacier now, and their talk of fish and chocolate ceased, replaced by a grim silence, as the ident.i.ty of the forms encased in the ice became apparent. They were human bodies, a dozen or more. Ice-locked around them, a collection of debris: fragments of blue stone; immense bowls of beaten metal; the remnants of garments, the blood on them still bright. Gentle clambered and skidded across the top of the glacier until the bodies were directly beneath him. Some were buried too deeply to be studied, but those closer to the surface-faces upturned, limbs fixed in att.i.tudes of desperation-were almost too visible. They were all women, the youngest barely out of childhood, the oldest a naked many-breasted hag who"d perished with her eyes still open, her stare preserved for the millennium. Some ma.s.sacre had occurred here, or farther up the mountain, and the evidence been thrown into this river while it still flowed. Then, apparently, it had frozen around the victims and their belongings.
"Who are they?" Gentle asked. "Any idea?" Though they were dead, the past tense didn"t seem appropriate for corpses so perfectly preserved.
"When the Unbeheld pa.s.sed through the Dominions, He overthrew all the cults He deemed unworthy. Most of them were sacred to G.o.ddesses. Their oracles and devotees were women."
"So you think Hapexamendios did this?"
"If not him, then His agents, His Righteous. Though on second thought He"s supposed to have walked here alone, so maybe this is His handiwork."
"Then whoever He is," Gentle said, looking down at the child in the ice, "He"s a murderer. No better than you or me."
"I wouldn"t say that too loudly," Pie advised.
"Why not? He"s not here."
"If this is is His doing, He may have left ent.i.ties to watch over it." His doing, He may have left ent.i.ties to watch over it."
Gentle looked around. The air could not have been clearer. There was no sign of motion on the peaks or the snow-fields gleaming below. "If they"re here I don"t see "em," he said.
"The worst are the ones you can"t see," Pie replied. "Shall we go back to the fire?"
They were weighed down by what they"d seen, and the return journey took longer than the outward. By the time they made the safety of their niche in the rocks, to welcoming grunts from the surviving doeki, the sky was losing its golden sheen and dusk was on its way. They debated whether to proceed in darkness and decided against it. Though the air was calm at present, they knew from past experience that conditions on these heights were unpredictable. If they attempted to move by night, and a storm descended from the peaks, they"d be twice blinded and in danger of losing their way. With the High Pa.s.s so close, and the journey easier, they hoped, once they were through it, the risk was not worth taking.
Having used up the supply of wood they"d collected below the snow line, they were obliged to fuel the fire with the dead doeki"s saddle and harness. It made for a smoky, pungent, and fitful blaze, but it was better than nothing. They cooked some of the fresh meat, Gentle observing as he chewed that he had less compunction about, eating something he"d named than he thought, and brewed up a small serving of the herders" p.i.s.s liquor. As they drank, Gentle returned the conversation to the women in the ice.
"Why would a G.o.d as powerful as Hapexamendios slaughter defenseless women?"
"Whoever said they were defenseless?" Pie replied. "I think they were probably very powerful. Their oracles must have sensed what was coming, so they had their armies ready-"
"Armies of women?"
"Certainly. Warriors in their tens of thousands. There are places to the north of the Lenten Way where the earth used to move every fifty years or so and uncover one of their war graves."
"They were all slaughtered? The armies, the oracles-"
"Or driven so deep into hiding they forgot who they were after a few generations. Don"t look so surprised. It happens."
"One G.o.d defeats how many G.o.ddesses? Ten, twenty-"
"Innumerable."
"How?"
"He was One, and simple. They were many, and diverse."
"Singularity is strength-"
"At least in the short term. Who told you that?"
"I"m trying to remember. Somebody I didn"t like much: Klein, maybe."
"Whoever said it, it"s true. Hapexamendios came into the Dominions with a seductive idea: that wherever you went, whatever misfortune attended you, you needed only one name on your lips, one prayer, one altar, and you"d be in His care. And He brought a species to maintain that order once He"d established it. Yours."
"Those women back there looked human enough to me."
"So do I," Pie reminded him. "But I"m not."
"No... you"re pretty diverse, aren"t you?"
"I was once..."
"So that puts you on the side of the G.o.ddesses, doesn"t it?" Gentle whispered.
The mystif put its finger to his lips.
Gentle mouthed one word by way of response: "Heretic."
It was very dark now, and they both settled to studying the fire. It was steadily diminishing as the last of Chester"s saddle was consumed.
"Maybe we should burn some fur," Gentle suggested.
"No," said Pie. "Let it dwindle. But keep looking."
"At what?"
"Anything."
"There"s only you to look at."
"Then look at me."
He did so. The privations of the last many days had seemingly taken little toll on the mystif. It had no facial hair to disfigure the symmetry of its features, nor had their spartan diet pinched its cheeks or hollowed its eyes. Studying its face was like returning to a favorite painting in a museum. There it was: a thing of calm and beauty. But, unlike the painting, the face before him, which presently seemed so solid, had the capacity for infinite change. It was months since the night when he"d first seen that phenomenon. But now, as the fire burned itself out and the shadows deepened around them, he realized the same sweet miracle was imminent. The flicker of dying flame made the symmetry swim; the flesh before him seemed to lose its fixedness as he stared and stirred it.
"I want to watch," he murmured.
"Then watch."
"But the fire"s going out..."
"We don"t need light to see each other," the mystif whispered. "Hold on to the sight."
Gentle concentrated, studying the face before him. His eyes ached as he tried to hold onto it, but they were no compet.i.tion for the swelling darkness.
"Stop looking," Pie said, in a voice that seemed to rise from the decay of the embers. "Stop looking, and see see."
Gentle fought for the sense of this, but it was no more susceptible to a.n.a.lysis than the darkness in front of him. Two senses were failing him here-one physical, one linguistic-two ways to embrace the world slipping from him at the same moment. It was like a little death, and a panic seized him, like the fear he"d felt some midnights waking in his bed and body and knowing neither: his bones a cage, his blood a gruel, his dissolution the only certainty. At such times he"d turned on all the lights, for their comfort. But there were no lights here. Only bodies, growing colder as the fire died.
"Help me," he said.
The mystif didn"t speak.
"Are you there, Pie? I"m afraid. Touch me, will you? Pie? Pie?"
The mystif didn"t move. Gentle started to reach out in the darkness, remembering as he did so the sight of Taylor lying on a pillow from which they"d both known he"d never rise again, asking for Gentle to hold his hand. With that memory, the panic became sorrow: for Taylor, for Clem, for every soul sealed from its loved ones by senses born to failure, himself included. He wanted what the child wanted: knowledge of another presence, proved in touch. But he knew it was no real solution. He might find the mystif in the darkness, but he could no more hold on to its flesh forever than he could hold the senses he"d already lost. Nerves decayed, and fingers slipped from fingers at the last.
Knowing this little solace was as hopeless as any other, he withdrew his hand and instead said, "I love you."
Or did he simply think it? Perhaps it was thought, because it was the idea rather than the syllables that formed in front of him, the iridescence he remembered from Pie"s transforming self shimmering in a darkness that was not, he vaguely understood, the darkness of the starless night but his mind"s darkness; and this seeing not the business of eye and object but his exchange with a creature he loved, and who loved him back.
He let his feelings go to Pie, if there was indeed a going, which he doubted. s.p.a.ce, like time, belonged to the other tale-to the tragedy of separation they"d left behind. Stripped of his senses and their necessities, almost unborn again, he knew the mystif s comfort as it knew his, and that dissolution he"d woken in terror of so many times stood revealed as the beginning of bliss.
A gust of wind, blowing between the rocks, caught the embers at their side, and their glow became a momentary flame. It brightened the face in front of him, and the sight summoned him back from his unborn state. It was no great hardship to return. The place they"d found together was out of time and could not decay, and the face in front of him, for all its frailty (or perhaps because of it), was beautiful to look at. Pie smiled at him but said nothing.
"We should sleep," Gentle said. "We"ve got a long way to go tomorrow."
Another gust came along, and there were flecks of snow in it, stinging Gentle"s face. He pulled the hood of his coat up over his head and got up to check on the welfare of the doeki. It had made a shallow bed for itself in the snow and was asleep. By the time he got back to the fire, which had found some combustible morsel and was devouring it brightly, the mystif was also asleep, its hood pulled up around its head. As he stared down at the visible crescent of Pie"s face, a simple thought came: that though the wind was moaning at the rock, ready to bury them, and there was death in the valley behind and a city of atrocities ahead, he was happy. He lay down on the hard ground beside the mystif. His last thought as sleep came was of Taylor, lying on a pillow which was becoming a snowfield as he drew his final breaths, his face growing translucent and finally disappearing, so that when Gentle slipped from consciousness, it was not into darkness but into the whiteness of that deathbed, turned to untrodden snow.
23
Gentle dreamed that the wind grew harsher and brought snow down off the peaks, fresh minted. He nevertheless rose from the relative comfort of his place beside the ashes, and took off his coat and shirt, took off his boots and socks, took off his trousers and underwear, and naked walked down the narrow corridor of rock, past the sleeping doeki, to face the blast. Even in dreams, the wind threatened to freeze his marrow, but he had his sights set on the glacier, and he had to go to it in all humility, bare-loined, barebacked, to show due respect for those souls who suffered there. They had endured centuries of pain, the crime against them unrevenged. Beside theirs, his suffering was a minor thing.
There was sufficient light in the wide sky to show him his way, but the wastes seemed endless, and the gusts worsened as he went, several times throwing him over into the snow. His muscles cramped and his breath shortened, coming from between his numbed lips in hard, small clouds. He wanted to weep for the pain of it, but the tears crystallized on the ledge of his eye and would not fall.
Twice he stopped, because he sensed that there was something more than snow on the storm"s back. He remembered Pie"s talk of agents left in this wilderness to guard the murder site and, though he was only dreaming and knew it, he was still afraid. If these ent.i.ties were charged to keep witnesses from the glacier, they would not simply drive the wakeful off but the sleeping too; and those who came as he came, in reverence, would earn their special ire. He studied the spattered air, looking for some sign of them, and once thought he glimpsed a form overhead that would have been invisible but that it displaced the snow: an eel"s body with a tiny ball of a head. But it was come and gone too quickly for him to be certain he"d even seen it. The glacier was in sight, however, and his will drove his limbs to motion, until he was standing at its edge. He raised his hands to his face and wiped the snow from his cheeks and forehead, then stepped onto the ice. The women gazed up at him as they had when he"d stood here with Pie"oh"pah, but now, through the dust of snow blowing across the ice, they saw him naked, his manhood shrunk, his body trembling; on his face and lips a question he had half an answer to. Why, if this was indeed the work of Hapexamendios, had the Unbeheld, with all His powers of destruction, not obliterated every last sign of His victims? Was it because they were women or, more particularly, women of power? Had He brought them to ruin as best He could-overturning their altars and unseating their temples-but at the last been unable to wipe them away? And if so, was this ice a grave or merely a prison?
He dropped to his knees and laid his palms on the glacier. This time he definitely heard a sound in the wind, a raw howl somewhere overhead. The invisibles had entertained his dreaming presence long enough. They saw his purpose and were circling in preparation for descent. He blew against his palm and made a fist before the breath could slip, then raised his arm and slammed his hand against the ice, opening it as he did so.
The pneuma went off like a thunderclap. Before the tremors had died he s.n.a.t.c.hed a second breath and broke it against the ice; then a third and fourth in quick succession, striking the steely surface so hard that had the pneuma not cushioned the blow he"d have broken every bone from wrist to fingertip. But his efforts had effect. There were hairline cracks spreading from the point of impact.
Encouraged, he began a second round of blows, but he"d delivered only three when he felt something take hold of his hair, wrenching his head back. A second grip instantly seized his raised arm. He had time to feel the ice splintering beneath his legs; then he was hauled up off the glacier by wrist and hair. He struggled against the claim, knowing that if his a.s.saulters carried him too high death was a.s.sured; they"d either tear him apart in the clouds or simply drop him. The hold on his head was the less secure of the two, and his gyrations were sufficient to slip it, though blood ran down his brow. Freed, he looked up at the ent.i.ties. There were two, six feet long, their bodies scantily, fleshed spines sprouting innumerable ribs, their limbs twelvefold and bereft of bone, their heads vestigial. Only their motion had beauty: a sinuous knotting and unknotting. He reached up and s.n.a.t.c.hed at the closer of the two heads. Though it had no discernible features, it looked tender, and his hand had sufficient echo of the pneumas it had discharged to do harm. He dug his fingers into the flesh of the thing, and it instantly began to writhe, coiling its length around its companion for support, its limbs flailing wildly. He twisted his body to the left and right, the motion violent enough to wrench him free. Then he fell, a mere six feet but hard, onto slivered ice. The breath went from him as the pain came. He had time to see the agents descending upon him, but none in which to escape. Waking or sleeping, this was the end of him, he knew; death by these limbs had jurisdiction in both states.
But before they could find his flesh, and blind him, and unman him, he felt the shattered glacier beneath him shudder, and with a roar it rose, throwing him off its back into the snow. Shards pelted down upon him, but he peered up through their hail to see that the women were emerging from their graves, clothed in ice. He hauled himself to his feet as the tremors increased, the din of this unshackling echoing off the mountains. Then he turned and ran.
The storm was discreet and quickly drew its veil over the resurrection, so that he fled not knowing how the events he"d begun had finished. Certainly the agents of Hapexamendios made no pursuit; or, if they did, they failed to find him. Their absence comforted him only a little. His adventures had done him harm, and the distance he had to cover to get back to the camp was substantial. His run soon deteriorated into stumbling and staggering, blood marking his route. It was time to be done with this dream of endurance, he thought, and open his eyes; to roll over and put his arms around Pie"oh"pah; to kiss the mystif"s cheek and share this vision with it. But his thoughts were too confounded to take hold of wakefulness long enough for him to rouse himself, and he dared not He down in the snow in case a dreamed death came to him before morning woke him. All he could do was push himself on, weaker by the step, putting out of his head the possibility that he"d lost his way and that the camp didn"t lie ahead but off in another direction entirely.
He was looking down at his feet when he heard the shout, and his first instinct was to peer up into the snow above him, expecting one of the Unbeheld"s creatures. But before his eyes reached his zenith they found the shape approaching him from his left. He stopped and studied the figure. It was s.h.a.ggy and hooded, but its arms were outspread in invitation. He didn"t waste what little energy he had calling Pie"s name. He simply changed his direction and headed towards the mystif as it came to meet him. It was the faster of the two, and as it came it shrugged off its coat and held it open, so that he fell into its luxury. He couldn"t feel it; indeed he could feel little, except relief. Borne up by the mystif he let all conscious thought go, the rest of the journey becoming a blur of snow and snow, and Pie"s voice sometimes, at his side, telling him that it would-be over soon.
"Am I awake?" He opened his eyes and sat up, grasping hold of Pie"s coat to do so. "Am I awake?"
"Yes."
"Thank G.o.d! Thank G.o.d! I thought I was going to freeze to death."
He let his head sink back. The fire was burning, fed with fur, and he could feel its warmth on his face and body. It took a few seconds to realize the significance of this. Then he sat up again and realized he was naked; naked and covered with cuts.
"I"m not awake," he said. "s.h.i.t! I"m not awake!"
Pie took the pot of herders" brew from the fire, and poured a cup.
"You didn"t dream it," the mystif said. It handed the cup over to Gentle. "You went to the glacier, and you almost didn"t make it back."
Gentle took the cup in raw fingers. "I must have been out of my mind," he said. "I remember thinking: I"m dreaming this, then taking off my coat and my clothes... why the h.e.l.l did I do that?"
He could still recall struggling through the snow and reaching the glacier. He remembered pain, and splintering ice, but the rest had receded so far he couldn"t grasp it. Pie read his perplexed look.
"Don"t try and remember now," the mystif said. "It"ll come back when the moment"s right. Push too hard and you"ll break your heart. You should sleep for a while."
"I don"t fancy sleeping," he said. "It"s a little too much like dying."