Catching her grip? “Why didn’t you let me go? I know how scared of heights you are.”
He drew back. “I will never let you go.” He cradled her face in his hands. “Wherever you were headed—I don’t give a f.u.c.k—that’s where I want to be as well.”
He’d been her anchor, refusing to release her. Just as she’d always wanted.
Then she remembered.
“I’ve missed you so much, Josie—”
She pushed at his chest until he eased his hold. “How did you know where I was?” She scrambled off the bed, standing to face him.
He stood as well. “I’ve known since that night at Val Hall.” He was unshaven, with dark circles under his eyes. He’d lost weight, his jeans hanging looser than usual.
“You’ve been spying on me!”
He nodded shamelessly. “I’ve lived in the carriage house for the last week.”
Then he’d overheard every conversation between her and Thad. “You need to go. Not doing this here. I’m not doing this with you.”
“Please. Give me five minutes.”
She glared, rubbing her arms. She was freezing in only a T-shirt—since it’d been chilly in the stratosphere.
“You’re cold.” He crossed to her, removing his coat. “Take my jacket.”
Ignoring him, she traced to her closet for clothes. “I can’t believe you’ve been right there all week,” she called as she yanked on jeans. “Why not show yourself?”
“An ally pointed out I shouldn’t barge in on your bonding with Thad. You’d waited more than half your life to reunite with him. I decided nothing should interrupt you two.”
She s.n.a.t.c.hed on a hoodie, her anger seething. She’d been in a good place with hating him. Then he had to go and follow her into s.p.a.ce and all. “You were spying on me—except for when you went out to score?” She returned to her room. “The demon in you needs to get off multiple times a day, right?”
He closed the distance between them with two strides of his long legs. Standing too close, he gazed down at her. “The demon in me is mated. As is the fey. Both are quite happy about this.”
Even now he could affect her. Luckily, all she had to do was recall . . . “That didn’t stop you with Meliai.”
“No, it didn’t.”
To hear it confirmed . . . Knife in gut. Her outline flickered.
“I stopped myself with Meliai.”
“What does that mean?” Please mean what I think it means!
“I didn’t have s.e.x with her.”
Wasn’t the word s.e.x a qualifier in this sense? “You two got off another way? A little slap and tickle for the nymph? Hey, as long as she was satisfied, right?”
“I was determined to breach the wraiths that night; I was in bed, naked with her.”
Jo couldn’t stifle her wince.
“No one got off in any way, and I guarantee she was anything but satisfied. But I don’t really remember what I was doing—I get . . . detached. I go cold, and my mind grows hazy.”
Flashes of a dream arose. A new one. Before Jo had sleep-ghosted, she must’ve seen another memory of his. She experienced that night on Ayers Rock from his point of view. When she’d admitted her phobia to him, he’d thought, She fears floating away; I fear extinguishing my emotions forever. . . . Maybe we could be each other’s anchors.
Her lips parted. I go cold. He’d grown so detached that he’d feared staying that way forever.
She’d seen how unemotional he was with others. On that last night, he’d told her, “I want you to experience what it’s like feeling utterly nothing.”
But she’d experienced his emotions for her.
“I remember replaying every word of our fight,” he said. “I was consumed with jealousy at the thought of you biting another.”
His comment snapped her from her thoughts. “So I’m not the only one with jealousy issues?”
He gave her a look that said You have no idea. “I decided I never wanted another to know your bite. That it was our private act, only between us, to bond us. I realized that’s how you view s.e.x. And I realized I do too, with you. I abruptly stopped with Meliai, wanting only to get back to you.”
Jo turned from him, putting s.p.a.ce between them. “Well, good for you, Rune, you didn’t sleep with her. You did a.s.sure me it wouldn’t happen every night.” In a fake cheery tone, she said, “Why, after the Accession, your cheating might taper off even more!”
He grimaced. “If I could take back those words—”
“I still won’t tolerate it, and you still have to do it for your work.”
“I resigned from that part of my job,” he rushed to say. “Actually, I’d consider my new circ.u.mstances more of a promotion. I’m an archer only from now on.”
She narrowed her eyes, refusing to get her hopes up. “Maybe there was some truth to the things you said. I don’t see how this can work between us when you think I’m immature and childish.”
“I believed you were trying to manipulate me because I never thought you’d choose to end this—even though you’d warned me.”
“You were so adamant that night. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around this turnaround.”
“One of the reasons I was holding on to that life was because I didn’t want to change again. Magh had forced me to so many times, and I think on some level, I equated change with her. So I resisted. Then I realized you were right—that transaction would have made me a wh.o.r.e. I recognized I’d never stopped being one.”