Imperfect Desires

Even when Jackie kept asking her what was wrong, Nora had nothing to say. In fact, she really had nothing to say to him. Her thoughts were just a blur to her. She didn"t know what she was thinking. The only thing kept ringing in her mind was Ah-Si"s parting words, "I just want to spend my life with my daughter." 

Daughter...

Daughter!

Nora was having a mental breakdown all by herself thinking about how he had moved on. He really moved on while she was still suffering on her own. When she arrived home, without talking to anyone she simply chose to lock herself in her room.

"Jackie, what"s wrong with your sister?" Clara asked as she noticed the lack of shopping bags in her daughter"s hands and also the way Nora quietly went to her room was suspicious. Since when did she become so well behaved?

"I don"t know. She"s been acting weird today," answered Jackie as he pulled out his newly bought books to show to his father. With his books around, he really wasn"t in the mood to entertain anyone else.

"Huh? But I even re-activated her cards. Shouldn"t she be happy?" Clara was really confused since she couldn"t understand her daughter"s mood at all. Nora had never been the quiet type. And today, her silence was feeling weird to everyone. "Jackie, did you say something to make her upset?"

"I did not," refuted Jackie immediately. "I was at my best behavior. Well, as best as I could possibly be."

Clara could tell what her son"s best behavior was like but she didn"t comment on that. Right now, she was really worried about her daughter. She took some snacks and knocked on Nora"s door. The only answer she received was silence.

"Nora, open the door," called out Clara softly. "Don"t make me repeat myself." Her voice had just taken a harsher turn when she heard the click sound and smiled contentedly. Using her free hand, she walked inside and found Nora cooped up on the bed bawling her eyes out. Clara was startled to see tears in her eyes. She immediately rushed to her side and pulled her in for a hug, "What"s wrong? Why are you crying?"

Instead of answering her, Nora chose to snuggle up against her and cried even harder. It was the safest place in the world. Her mother"s arms that always made her feel protected. Even if she wanted to stop crying, she couldn"t at this point. She just wanted to vent out all of her emotions. All of her pain that was gnawing at her heart so brutally.

Seeing Nora"s condition, Clara chose not to question anything for the meanwhile. Instead, she kept rubbing Nora"s back gently and let her cry. Nora didn"t even realize when she slept in her mother"s arms while crying her heart out. But when she woke up, she was surprised to find that her head was in her mother"s lap while she was caressing her hair so gently.

It had gotten quite dark outside and she was still in Nora"s room. She didn"t feel like it was the right time to leave her daughter alone. Clara had never seen Nora crying like this before and it really scared her this time. 

"Mom..." Nora called out in a hoa.r.s.e voice. Because there were no lights turned on, she could faintly make out her mother"s expressions. But she liked it this way. She didn"t want to show her ugly swollen eyes to her mother. Besides, she didn"t think she"d be able to face her mother right now.

"Are you feeling better after crying so much? You scared mom so much," said Clara in a slightly harsh tone but Nora could make out her concern hidden behind her words. Clara stroked her face and asked, "Now, tell mom what"s wrong. If you won"t say anything, how will I fix everything for you?"

"Mom, you can"t fix everything," said Nora with a heavy tone.

"Hmm... Yes, I might not be able to fix everything. But I"d still love to try my best. Besides, I need to find my daughter"s smile back. These tears make her look so ugly."

Nora didn"t whine as she usually would do when her mother teased her by calling her an ugly crier. She simply hugged her mother"s stomach and said, "Mom, was it difficult being a single mother?"

Clara frowned at her question. "Where is that question coming from?"

Nora shook her head as she insisted, "Just tell me, please."

Clara stayed quiet for a minute before answering, "Maybe. It was a little difficult at first but later on, this challenge became quite interesting. Besides, I had the sweetest daughter in the world so it was all worth it." She took a pause before adding, "I never liked running from difficult situations. Maybe that"s why your presence was a gift to me."

"Mom, you"re really strong," mumbled Nora. "I don"t know why I am not like you."

"Who said you"re not like me?"

"I"m not like you, mom. I never liked difficult situations or confrontations. This fear of mine is the reason I drove him away from myself. If I hadn"t been overthinking on my own and actually listened to him, none of this would have happened. He wouldn"t have moved on. And I wouldn"t be a pathetic mess right now without him."

Nora could tell it was her own fault. If that morning, she hadn"t run away from him, all of this would have been different. But she was scared that he was gonna wake up and realize that it was just a drunken stupid mistake. And since she didn"t have the heart to hear him say that it was just a mistake, she said it herself. Trying to save their friends.h.i.+p, she lost her only chance to find her love as well.

Clara felt Nora"s tears wetting her s.h.i.+rt again and her heart constricted in her chest. She already could guess that it was related to a boy but she didn"t expect that Nora was so deeply invested in whoever this guy was.

"Do you love him very much?" asked Clara knowing the answer very well and yet she couldn"t help asking it.

"I do," answered Nora without hesitation. 

"Does he love you?" 

"I think so..."

"Then what"s the problem? You can"t go back to the past but you can build a present together."

"Mom, you"re not getting it. He has a daughter now. He moved on. He said he doesn"t want to see me."

While Nora was busy sharing the tale of her long-buried love with her mother, there was another person who was listening to her outside the door. It was none other than her grandaunt, Mel. And right now, Mel"s eyes had a complicated look. She looked conflicted. With one last glance towards Nora"s room, she turned around to leave with a heavy sigh escaping from her mouth.