"I know it too. But it doesn"t help. I may want to stay, but I know I can"t."
She closed the window and took a deep breath again. She gazed at the wide valley.
She said, "If I weren"t English I think I would like to be a Masai. So tall, those women. So elegant."
It was a compliment to Africa: he took it as a sign of her new att.i.tude to him. But he said, "How very Kenya-settler. The romantic blacks are the backward ones."
"Are they backward? I was thinking of the manyattas or whatever they are. Like the drawings in a geography book. You know, your little hut, your tall fence, and bringing home your cattle for the night to protect them against marauders."
"That"s what I meant. Peter Pan in Africa."
"But doesn"t the pre-man side of Africa have this effect on you sometimes?"
He didn"t reply. They both became embarra.s.sed.
He said, "I can"t see you in a manyatta, I must say."
She accepted that.
A little later she said, "Marauders. I love that word."
The emptiness of the road couldn"t now be taken for granted. Traffic to the capital was light but steady: old lorries, tankers driven by turbaned Sikhs, a few European and Asian cars, African-driven Peugeot estate-cars, often looking brand-new, always speeding, packed with rocking Africans.
These Peugeot cars were the country"s long-distance taxi-buses. One, horn blaring, surprised and overtook Bobby on a steep slope. The Africans in the back turned round to smile. Linda looked away. The horn continued. Almost immediately the road curved and the Peugeot"s brake-lights came on.
"I can"t understand why some people like to drive with their brakes," Bobby said.
Linda said, "For the same reason that they sell their spare tyres."
Bend by bend, brake-lights intermittently flashing, the Peugeot pulled away.
"It was one of the things I noticed when I first came out," Linda said. "Nearly everybody you met had been in an accident or knew someone who had been in an accident. There were so many people in splints in the compound it looked like a ski resort."
It was an old joke, but Bobby acknowledged it. "There was an accident right here not long ago. One of our Singer-Singer Sikh friends turned off his ignition, to coast down. But somehow that locked his steering."
"What happened?"
"He ran off the road and was killed."
"Martin says they are the worst drivers."
"Whenever you see a Mercedes in the middle of the road you can be sure it"s an Asian at the wheel. I can"t stand those shops. They don"t sell the Africans a pack of cigarettes. They sell them just one or two cigarettes at a time. They make a fortune out of the Africans."
"A good way of getting something out of them is to say, "h.e.l.lo, isn"t this made in South Africa?" They get so terrified they virtually give you the shop free."
She stopped then, feeling she had gone too far.
At last they were at the foot of the cliff and on the floor of the valley. The sun was getting high; the land was scrub and open; it became warm in the car. Linda rolled down her window a crack. At the other side of the valley the escarpment was blurred; colour there was insubstantial, like an illusion of light and distance. They were headed for that escarpment, for the high plateau; and the road before them was straight.
Sixty, seventy, eighty miles an hour: without effort or thought Bobby was accelerating, drawn on by the road. Here, after the hillside windings, the adventure of the drive as speed, distance and tension always began. As he concentrated on the car and the black road, Bobby"s sense of time became acute. Without looking at his watch he could measure off quarter-hours.
A derelict wooden building; a warning to slow down, on a washed-out red-and-white roadside board and then in elongated white letters on the road itself. Aright-angled turn over the narrow-gauge, desolate-looking railroad track; and the highway became the worn main road of a straggling settlement: tin and old timber, twisted h.o.a.rdings, a long wire fence with danger signs stencilled in red, dirt branch-roads, trees rising out of dusty yards, crooked shops raised off the earth. And then, making the road narrow, an African crowd.
They wore felt hats with conical crowns and brims pulled down low. Many were in long drooping jackets, brown or dark-grey, which looked like cast-off European clothes. Quite a few, men and women, were brilliantly patched. Two or three men with pencils and pads were marshalling the Africans into open lorries with high canopy-frames. Policemen in black uniforms watched.
"They are restless today," Linda said.
Bobby, driving very slowly, let the old joke pa.s.s. Africans stared from the road and down from the lorries, their black faces featureless below their felt hats. Bobby began a low wave but didn"t complete it. Linda, encountering stares, adjusted her scarf and looked straight ahead. Even when they had pa.s.sed the crowd Bobby continued to drive slowly, anxious not to appear to be running away. In the rear-view mirror the blank-faced Africans with their patches and hats grew small. Out of the settlement, past a curve, Bobby checked again: the road behind showed clear.
The light hurt. Linda put on her dark gla.s.ses. The scrub stretched in every direction and seemed to end only with the hazy mountains. In the high sky clouds grew swiftly from the merest white wisps, became silver and black with storm, then disintegrated and reshaped. Bobby and Linda didn"t talk. It was some time before Bobby took the car up to speed again.
Linda said, "You know what they"re up to, don"t you?"
Bobby didn"t reply.
"They are going to swear their oaths of hate. You know what that means, don"t you? You know the filthy things they are going to do? The filth they are going to eat? The blood, the excrement, the dirt."
Bobby leaned over the wheel. "I don"t know how much of those stories one can believe."
"I believe you know. It"s been going on all weekend in the capital."
"There"s an awful lot of gossip in the capital. Some people will insist on their thrills."
"Hate against the king and the king"s people. And against you and me. I can do without that sort of thrill."
"I know, I know. You think oaths, you think terrorists and pangas. But that"s not the issue today, thank goodness. And you know, all I believe they do is to eat a piece of meat. I don"t think they even eat it. They just bite on it."
"Well, I suppose going up to Government House to eat dirt and hold hands and dance naked in the dark is no better and no worse than going up to sign the visitors" book."
She laughed. It broke the mood.
"I must say I didn"t like the looks we got there," Bobby said. "For a minute it made me feel we were back in the old days. I would"ve hated to be here then, wouldn"t you?"
"Oh, I don"t know. I suppose I would have adjusted. I adjust very easily."
"I wonder whether we aren"t a little jealous of the president and his people. At a time like this we feel excluded, and naturally we resent it. I"m sure we would like them a lot more if they were more easygoing. Like the Masai. Speaking personally, I haven"t found any ... "prejudice"."
Above her dark gla.s.ses her narrow forehead twitched. "Oh, it"s easy for you, Bobby."
"What do you mean?"
"I think it"s going to rain this afternoon. Just when we leave the tar. I"m looking at those clouds piling up there. If you travel a lot with Martin you get this eye for clouds. That untarred bit of road is my private nightmare. Just half an hour of rain and it"s all mud. I can"t stand skids. It"s like being in an earthquake. It"s the one thing that really makes me hysterical. That and earthquakes."
"I wouldn"t say the clouds are "piling up"."
"Still, wouldn"t it be romantic if we had to spend the night at the colonel"s, watching the rain come sweeping in across the lake?"
"He"s very much the sort of character I prefer to keep away from. Everything I hear about him leads me to believe he"s a total bore."
"He"s a very settler settler, I must say. He doesn"t care for anyone."
"I suppose you mean Africans."
"Bobby. Pay attention. The first time the Marshalls went there she asked for a port and lemon."
" "My dear!" "
"My dear. He just lifted up his scrawny arm and pointed to the door and shouted, "Get out!" Even the barboy jumped."
"Ittykit in Suffafrica. I forgive him that. I might almost say it"s a point in his favour. But why do you say it"s easier for me?"
"Oh, Bobby, I"ve gone over this so often with Martin. We appear to talk of nothing else. When I was a girl lapping up my Somerset Maugham and learning about the great world I never dreamt that so much of my married life would have been spent anguishing about things like "terms of service"."
"Ogguna w.a.n.ga-Butere is my superior," Bobby said. "He is my "boss". I show him respect. And I believe he respects me."
"I"m sorry, but when those names trip off your tongue like that, you make them sound very funny."
"I very much feel that Europeans have themselves to blame if there"s any prejudice against them. Every day the president travels up and down, telling his people that we are needed. But he"s no fool. He knows the old colonial hands are out to get every penny they can before they scuttle South. It makes me laugh. We lecture the Africans about corruption. But there"s a lot of anguish and talk about prejudice when they rumble our little rackets. And not so little either. We were spending thousands on overseas baggage allowances for baggage that never went anywhere."
"It was nice to have," Linda said.
She was abstracted; her good humour had gone. Her bony forehead, curving sharply from the flat, thinning hair below her scarf, had begun to shine; above her dark gla.s.ses the worry-lines were beginning to show.
"Busoga-Kesoro brought me the papers. He said, "Bobby, this claim by Denis Marshall has been pa.s.sed and paid. But we know he didn"t take any baggage anywhere this last leave. What do we do?" What could I say? I knew very well there would be talk over the coffee-cups about my "disloyalty". But who are my loyalties to? I told B-K, "I think this should go up to the minister." "
He was exaggerating his role; he was talking too much. He saw that; he saw he was losing Linda"s interest. He leaned over the wheel, smiled at the road, shifted about on his seat and said, "Where shall we stop for coffee?"
"The Hunting Lodge?"
He didn"t approve. But he said, "What a good idea. I hear it"s under new management."
She said in her new abstracted manner, "After the property scare."
"The Asians did very well out of that."
She didn"t reply. He fell silent. He would have liked to abolish the impression of talkativeness, to be again, as at the beginning, the man with personality in reserve. But now the sombre person was she.
The road ran black and straight between the flat scrub.
"I believe you are right," he said after a time. "The clouds are piling up. At times like this one doesn"t know whether to press on or to hang back."
His manner was conciliating. She made no effort to match it. She said firmly, "I want coffee."
They looked at the road.
"I"d heard," he said, "that Sammy Kisenyi wasn"t the easiest of men. But I didn"t know that Martin was so unhappy."
She sighed. Bobby was stilled; he leaned back against his seat. Then, stilling him further, keeping up the tension, Linda with great weary self-possession rearranged her hair and scarf.
Far away on the road something shimmered. It was more than a mirage. They concentrated on it. A mangled dog.
"I"m glad I"ve seen it," Linda said. "I was waiting for it." Her tone was mystical. "You always have to see one."
"So you"ll be leaving?"
"Oh, Bobby, it"s so different for you. In your department the work goes on and there"s always something to show. But radio is radio. You have to put out programmes. And if you"re an old radio man, as Martin is, you know when you are putting out rubbish. And surely the point of coming out here and giving up the BBC was to do something a little better than that. I suppose it"s Martin"s fault in a way. He was never one of the pushing P.R.O. types."
"I see that. About the radio. I do feel they overdo the politics and the speeches. There could be a little more editing."
"When I think that Martin was offered the job of Regional Director. But he said, "No. This is an African country. This is a job for someone like Sammy." "
"They say that Sammy had a rough time in England."
"Of course it hasn"t been a disaster. There are still people in the BBC who remember Martin. When we were there on leave last year someone at the Club said to Martin, "Oh, but you"re pretty high-powered over there, aren"t you?" "
"But of course. No one spoils his career by coming out here. So you think you"ll be going back to England?"
"One has to think of the future. But England: I don"t know. Martin has put out feelers here and there. I have no doubt that something will happen."
"I"m sure it will." But his question hadn"t been answered. He asked, "Where do you think it"ll be?"
He waited.
She said, "South."
He said, "My life is here."
3.
THE SCRUB, when it ruled, had appeared to stretch all the way to the escarpment across a flat valley. But for some time the land had been getting broken and greener. The escarpment still bounded the view, but less and less abruptly. There were now low, spreading, isolated hills; dark trees in the distance hinted at water and streams; here and there hummocked fields spoke of recent forests. Dirt roads began to meet the highway; simple road-signs gave the names of places, twenty, thirty, sixty miles away. There were a few small h.o.a.rdings. Traffic was still light.
Linda said, in her even mystical voice, "That"s my favourite hill on this drive. It looks as though some giant hand had clawed down the side."
The description was accurate. It was what Bobby himself felt about the hill.
He said, "Yes."
Ahead of them, a tall covered van entered the highway from a side road. Beagles pushed their heads above the tailboard of the van. Hanging on at the back, badly jolted, were two Africans in jodhpurs and riding boots, red caps and jackets.
"Such a strange part of Africa," Linda said.