"I"m glad, Winnie."
"I should tell him that most of it is your doing."
"No, don"t. You helped with the planning. Allow him to think it"s all you." If it makes him easier to live with, she added to herself. She squeezed her friend"s hand. "Go enjoy yourself. I won"t be long."
She walked onto the terrace. With the lanterns in the garden, she could see a few couples strolling along the numerous paths. She"d never had a gentleman take her on a turn about the garden. Not entirely true, she realized. Claybourne had walked through a garden with her the night they agreed to their bargain.
She wandered over to the side of the terrace where the glow from the lights didn"t reach. She wanted solitude, she wanted- "Will you honor me with this dance?"
Her heart very nearly stopped at the sound of Claybourne"s voice. She spun around to see him lurking in the shadows like some miscreant.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I was invited."
"No, yes, I mean, I know you received an invitation, but you"ve not made your entrance."
"Why should I go through that bother when you"re the only one I care to dance with? I a.s.sumed sooner or later you"d step outside, so I"ve been waiting."
And Luke had almost given up on her coming out. He"d been peering discreetly through a window, watching her. She was so beautiful this evening, her gown revealing the gentle swells of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. The music drifted onto the night, and for the first time in his life, he wanted to dance with a woman.
He was aware of her watching him, studying him. He"d dressed as though he intended to attend, but once he"d arrived he"d no longer seen the point in going through the annoyance of actually being in the company of those he didn"t favor. All he truly wanted was a dance with Catherine. And now he would have it.
"You"ve been waiting in the shadows"-she peered around the corner-"looking in the windows, like some sort of voyeur?"
"It"s not as bad as all that. I was simply waiting for you to appear, and my patience has been rewarded." Taking her hand, he drew her nearer. "Dance with me."
"My G.o.d, you"re a coward."
She might as well have slapped him. He released her hand. "Don"t be ridiculous."
"Walk in through the front door. Dance with me on the dance floor. Attend this ball like a gentleman."
"I have attended a d.a.m.ned ball like a gentleman!" he hissed. "I know what they think of me. I saw the way they all looked away...except you. They think I"ll steal their souls and their children."
"Because they don"t know you. You"ve not given them a chance to come to know you. I daresay all they know of you is that you take their money at Dodger"s gaming h.e.l.l. Of course, gossip, speculation, and unease circles you. Your past guaranteed that it would be so. As long as you cower, as long as you hide and run-"
"I am not a coward," he ground out.
She raised her chin. "Then prove it. Or do you need Frannie by your side first? Is that what you"re waiting for? To have a wife strong enough to stand beside you so you are strong enough to step out of the shadows? Do you think it will make it easier? Will you honestly lead her into the lion"s den without first making certain that it"s safe?"
"You know nothing at all about this, about what I will or will not do."
She wrapped her hand-the hand that had possibly saved his life-around his, offering comfort, support. It was almost his undoing. He didn"t want her sympathy, he didn"t want her understanding. He didn"t even know any longer why he was there.
"It"s like drinking whiskey," she said quietly. "The first sip is bitter, the second not so much. And eventually, you come to antic.i.p.ate the flavor."
"You can drink whiskey in the privacy of your own home. Let me dance with you here in the privacy of the garden."
She studied him for a moment while the music drifted into silence, and another refrain finally began to waft out into the garden.
"Very well. If that"s how you wish it to be," she said softly.
And he saw in her eyes, heard in her voice, the disappointment that he would choose the easier road.
"Even if I were to make an appearance, I"d not be able to dance with you."
"Why ever not?"
"Your reputation would be ruined."
"Perhaps in the beginning, but once they come to know you better, I daresay I"d be viewed with a great deal of awe, as a visionary."
"You have an inordinate amount of confidence in my ability to win them over."
"I do." She touched her gloved hand to his cheek. "You"ve won me over."
She held his gaze for only a heartbeat longer, before it wavered, as though she"d revealed too much.
"d.a.m.n you," he growled.
Then he spun on his heel and strode away. How dare she challenge him? How dare she- How dare she make him regret that he was not a better man.
As she returned to the ballroom, Catherine realized that she"d pushed too hard, and in the pushing, she"d shoved him away.
She should have taken the dance in the garden-joyfully, gratefully, but she was weary of everything involving him being done in the shadows as though their relationship was shameful. Even their encounter at the Crystal Palace was not without its deceptions. They"d pretended they were nothing more than pa.s.sing acquaintances.
Worse, she felt silly for continuing to invite him to affairs that he had no intention of attending. Even now, knowing that he"d not make an appearance, she still kept hoping- "Lucian Langdon, the Earl of Claybourne!"
The announcement echoed through the room like a death knell. With her heart pounding furiously, Catherine jerked her gaze to the stairs.
And there he was, standing so incredibly proudly with defiance etched in his stance.
"Oh, dear G.o.d, what"s he doing here?" Winnie asked, suddenly at Catherine"s side, clutching her arm. "I didn"t send him an invitation."
"I did."
"What? Why? Whatever were you thinking?"
"That he intrigues me."
She watched as he descended the stairs with an air of arrogance that she now realized was nothing more than a ruse. Growing up, he"d been taught how to deceive, how to trick-but he didn"t just apply it to gain what he wanted. He wrapped it around himself like a finely tailored cloak in order to protect the core of his being.
He"d come here to prove to her that he wasn"t a coward.
His face was an unreadable mask, just as it had been the first night that she"d ever set eyes on him. He prowled now as he had prowled then. He dared anyone to refute his right to be there-and she knew now that he dared them, because he doubted his own place so much.
He wanted-needed-them to accept his position among them because he was unable to accept it himself.
As she watched him, she was struck with the realization that somehow, in spite of all the odds, she"d come to care deeply for this man. That she didn"t want him hurt. That she didn"t want him to lose that last bit of soul that he clung to.
"Since I invited him, I"ll welcome him," Catherine said, and before Winnie could object, Catherine began walking toward their new guest.
The music had halted with the announcement and had yet to resume. As Claybourne made his way into the room, people stepped back as though a leper walked amongst them. She knew Claybourne had to be aware of the reactions, the lowered gazes, the fear, the dismay. And yet, he didn"t retreat. He strode forward with the elegance of a king, so much more worthy of respect than those who surrounded him.
When she was near enough, he stopped. If she"d not come to know him so well, she"d have not realized what this moment was costing him. Nearly every ounce of his pride. He was not a man to bow down, and yet for her, he almost had.
She curtsied. "My Lord Claybourne, we"re so pleased you could join us tonight."
He bowed slightly. "Lady Catherine, I"m very honored to have been invited."
"My dance card is presently blank, but it is not the custom for a lady to ask a gentleman to dance."
"A coward might not ask for fear of being rebuffed."
"But then you are not a coward, my lord."
She watched his throat work as he swallowed. "Will you honor me with a dance?"
"The honor, sir, is all mine."
She extended her hand toward him, and as he took it, she signaled the orchestra. The strains of a waltz began to fill the room.
"I do hope we won"t be dancing alone," he muttered.
"I don"t care one way or the other. I only care that I"m dancing with you."
He took her in his arms then, and it was as she"d always imagined it would be. She was aware of his strength as he held her, the warmth in his eyes as he gazed upon her.
Very slowly, cautiously, others began to join them on the dance floor. Catherine suspected they were vying for nearness so they might overhear what the scandalous Devil Earl and Lady Catherine Mabry were discussing.
"Gossip about us will abound tomorrow," he said quietly.
"I suspect it will abound tonight."
"And you don"t care."
"Not one whit. I have wanted to dance with you since the first ball I ever saw you attend."
"You looked so young and innocent that night, dressed in white. Who would have thought you were such a h.e.l.lion?"
She wasn"t certain whether he was striving to compliment or insult her, but it didn"t matter. What mattered was that he appeared to recall as many details about that night as she did. "You remember what I was wearing?"
"I remember everything about you that night. You wore pink ribbons in your hair and pearls against your throat."
"The pearls were my mother"s."
"You were standing amongst a gaggle of girls, and you stood out not because of your beauty-which far exceeded theirs-but because of your refusal to be cowed. No one has ever challenged me as you do, Catherine."
"No one has ever intrigued me as you do, my lord."
She feared they were skirting the edges of flirtation gone too far.
The final strains of the music wafted into silence. Catherine took a deep breath. "I"ve grown rather warm. Would you be so kind as to escort me onto the terrace where the air is cooler?"
"If that is your pleasure."
She wound her arm around his and strolled through the room, holding her head high, meeting gazes that were quickly averted, watching as her reputation was irrevocably destroyed. Her father would never know, but if-when-her brother returned, he"d be furious. She would deal with the repercussion when it happened.
Once they were outside, she led Claybourne to the corner of the terrace, where they could find a measure of privacy, but were still visible. Her reputation was in tatters but still she held on to what fraying threads she could.
"I have decided not to have you dispense with someone of my choosing. But I am determined to redouble me efforts in convincing Frannie that by your side is where she belongs, and where she"ll be comfortable. I"m convinced that it"s not so much that she needs to be taught, but rather that she simply needs to be accepted, so I intend to change strategy and bring her into this world, slowly but with more success."
"You"re going to keep your part of the bargain without me keeping mine?"
"As strange as it seems, I feel that in the past few weeks we"ve become...friends of a sort, and I"d like to a.s.sist you in your quest for a wife-out of friendship." Regardless of the cost to herself, which would be high. She thought she"d never come to care for another man as she"d come to care for Claybourne, that she"d never respect another as she respected him, that she"d never be as fascinated by, as impressed with, any other man as she was him.
But his heart had been given elsewhere, while hers, she feared had been given to him.
"That"s extremely generous of you. I hardly know how to thank you."
"It"s barely anything at all. As you so aptly pointed out the night we struck our bargain, I"m doing little more than instructing her on the proper way to host an afternoon tea."
"On the contrary, she"s acquiring a confidence under your tutelage that she was lacking before. I almost fear she"ll become as headstrong as you."
"Do you really want a trifle of a wife? You"d become bored in no time."
"You think you know what I desire in a woman?"
"I credit myself for knowing what you deserve from a woman. As tonight proved, obstacles remain to be overcome, but I have no doubt you will overcome them."
"You remind me of the old gent. He never doubted. I never quite understood what he saw in me."
"He saw his grandson."
Chapter 16.
He saw his grandson.
Luke considered those words as his coach rattled over the cobblestone streets. He"d been wandering aimlessly through London for more than two hours trying to settle his thoughts.