The woman"s mouth dropped open as Candace approached and there was something very endearing about her lack of composure. Even obviously embarra.s.sed, there was humor dancing in her eyes-green eyes-and the crimson hue that spread down her chest served to highlight the generous curves framed by the scalloped edge of her royal blue tank top. She wore sleek, form-fitting shorts and skimpy leather sandals that wrapped up her ankle and calf with Roman elegance. Casual, but turned out, a look that Candace had always admired and never achieved herself. Ginny-now Ginny had always looked that good.
Ginny had never minded that Candace liked to watch the ladies. She"d enjoyed hearing what Candace admired and enjoyed in the appearance of other women. "As long as it"s me you"re looking at when we turn out the lights at night, you look all you want," she"d always said.
Swallowing down the still vivid memory of the last night they"d turned out the lights together, she came within a polite distance of the crimson-flushed woman. Even as she said, "Are you okay?" she felt a thrill of recognition.
"Yes. I"m sorry. I-Candace? Candace McNamara?"
"Yeah, how do you . . . ?" Candace studied the woman even more closely, subtracted some laugh lines and put more red in the hair before she hazarded, "Alice? Hayes?"
Alice nodded fervently. "Amazing!"
"Now that is a small world. What have you been doing with yourself all these years? How"s Bill? How"s... Tamera?"
"She prefers Tammi now." Alice"s high color began to fade. "How are your twins?"
Stupid question about Alice"s husband, Candace told herself. She"s here, you dummy-hubby must be out of the picture. Berating her lack of brain, Candace answered, "They"re fine, I presume. I haven"t heard from them much since they left for college. That was nine-ten years ago, so I"ve given up thinking they"ll forgive me for the sin of divorcing their father before they went into middle school."
"That must hurt," Alice said. "I don"t know what I"d do without Tammi. She was great. I mean-Bill pa.s.sed away a few years ago. And since Tammi was already out, she was cool when I came out to her."
"Oh, that"s wonderful. Tammi, I mean, not Bill." Now she was going to blush. "Hey-would you like a drink? I"m told they"re not often free, and they"ve still got a tray of those blended daiquiris."
They walked together to the bar and each got one of the small frozen drinks. Alice also picked up a skewer of melon, lifted an eyebrow at Candace, and when Candace nodded, handed it to her, before picking up a second one for herself.
The simplicity of the gesture reminded Candace vividly of the mornings they"d shared coffee and watched their kids gambol about on the gra.s.s. That easy generosity and elegant economy with actions had been a very attractive quality. But at the time Candace hadn"t had a clue that maybe she found her next-door neighbor so fascinating for more than just her ease as a loving parent, a seemingly content housewife and a sympathetic friend. It had been a pity when their sporadic correspondence had petered out altogether.
They continued along the bar, without speaking, toward an out-of-the-way table that looked out on the pool deck. Once they were settled Candace said, "I"m sorry to hear about Bill."
Alice lifted one shoulder, but it was a shrug. "He was quite ill. He had congenital heart disease and it got very bad when Tammi was in high school. She, thankfully, appears to have inherited my heart. He couldn"t work but did what he could to get Tammi places she needed to be. I went back to accounting."
"That"s right-you were an auditor before you had Tammi." Candace watched Alice take an appreciative sip of the cold drink, studying the way she pressed her lips together, then licked them to catch all the ice.
"I"m in private accounting now. It pays well and I get plenty of vacation time. A good company."
"So you decided on a lesbian cruise?" Candace grinned broadly. "This is my first one."
"Mine too. Tammi has been before, and convinced me to come along on this one. Look." Alice pointed at the long line of bodies surrounding the pool below them. "She"s the strawberry redhead in the cl.u.s.ter of exhibitionists. She has not one ounce of shy. Yesterday at the scavenger hunt when they asked for a pink triangle, my Tammi dropped her shorts."
Laughing, Candace admired the vista on the lido, taking note of the topless women gathered halfway down the near side of the pool. She"d wondered if the cl.u.s.ter was bravado or affinity. It didn"t matter. It looked dandy. "The redhead-oh. Well. Oh my.
"She is a looker. And there"s a brain to go with it."
"Like mother, like daughter." The words were said before Candace thought better of them, and what the h.e.l.l, why not? Alice was attractive and Tammi looked much the way Alice had all those years ago. Well, she would look like her mother had back then if she was wearing a chic twinset and capri slacks. As it was, Candace found herself thinking that Alice of twenty-five years ago had darned well been shaped just like her daughter was now. Alice of today was still d.a.m.ned s.e.xy.
Alice blushed the way only a redhead could, and Candace tried not to delight in it. It wasn"t nice to make the poor woman blush just because it was easy ... oh h.e.l.l, it was fun. She wondered how long Alice had suspected her longing for women, and how hard it had been to be a caregiver instead of a partner with Bill. Still, Tammi had turned out okay, it seemed. Unlike life with her own ex, their home must have been peaceful and loving enough.
After another sip of her drink, Alice said, "So you divorced?"
"Yes, it was impossible to stay. Not just because I"d figured out I was gay, but Larry"s alcoholism was destroying the kids and our finances. I sc.r.a.ped together some capital and started my own transcription business."
"You got custody?"
"Yes, and that lasted through high school. But the day after their eighteenth birthday, I introduced them to Ginny, the woman I"d been seeing for a while, and after that . . ." She shrugged. "They chose to believe their father"s version of events, that I"d driven him to drink and had stolen the kids and the money out from under him to finance my deviant lifestyle."
Alice"s expression was laden with sympathy. "How awful. It must have been terrible for you."
With someone else Candace might have made light of it, but already she could remember the worries they had shared as young mothers. "It was. Thank goodness for Ginny, though. She helped fill the void. I mean-I expected them to go away to college of course. But not with such bitterness. Ginny was very good for me."
"Are you still together?" Alice abruptly put down the skewer of melon she"d been nibbling. "I"m sorry, that"s a silly question. You"re here. Mingling with the singles."
"She died. Two years ago, nearly." Seeing that Alice had that oh-what-to-say look, Candace went on, "We booked this cruise, and a couple of days later during her annual check-up the doctor found a lump on her ovary. It was the bad kind and moved really fast. Just a few months."
"Oh my." Alice dabbed the gleaming corner of one eye, and Candace remembered all at once how easily Alice showed her emotions. "Candace, I"m so sorry."
"I was going to cash in the ticket and then I thought I"d honor her by coming anyway. And as the last year went by, I realized she"d really hate it if I put on widow"s weeds and stopped living." She wasn"t going to admit that she thought of Ginny as an angel on her shoulder these days, a second set of eyes and a kind voice to get her through some bleak times.
"I can"t imagine you wasting away. I used to marvel at your energy. You had that long list of things you wanted to do. You were always adding to it."
"Italy and Greece-I get to cross both of those off. Though I didn"t see nearly enough of Italy for my liking. I want to go back."
"Me too. Venice was beautiful. I want to see Rome and get out into the countryside. Have real Italian food."
This time Candace"s brain engaged before she suggested they do that together sometime, even though her Ginny angel was loudly cheering her on. It had been twenty-five years, but why did it feel as if it had only been twenty-five weeks? Or twenty-five days? The past had been painful for them both, but abruptly Candace no longer felt weighed down by it. The present was quite diverting.
"Outside the restaurant at six fifteen, then." Alice waved a good-bye to Candace and headed back to her cabin. Where had the last two hours gone? She was supposed to meet Tammi by the pool to watch the pool games, but instead she and Candace had kept an eye on them from their table in the lounge. Now she had to tell Tammi she was ditching her for dinner. Not that Tammi would mind. She"d been in deep conversation with a brunette most of the afternoon. She suspected she might not see her daughter until morning.
"Sure, Mom, whatever," was the reply she got as she explained the situation. Tammi turned from the mirror where she was brushing out her long hair. "I don"t remember her, though."
"You were only three when they moved, so of course you don"t." Relieved that Tammi was taking their change of plans in stride, she was half out of her clothes in antic.i.p.ation of a shower when Tammi suddenly laughed.
"Hey, wait a minute-you have a date! Way to go, Mom!"
"Stop that-"
"Oh no, you don"t." She turned from the mirror grinning ear-to-ear. "It"s my turn. Alice and Candy, sittin" in a tree, K-I-S-S-"
"Don"t be childish." Alice put her hands over her ears. Considering the serviceable Tevas and many-pocketed shorts Candace had been wearing, she added, "And I don"t think she"d like being called Candy. It was always Candace, way back when."
"Now, Mom, I don"t want you to get serious about the first girl you meet. You should take your time." Tammi was obviously relishing her role. "Do you have protection? You know that you don"t have to say yes to be popular, right?"
She lobbed a handful of water from the shower toward Tammi, managing to spatter her midriff. "Zip it, kid!"
Alone in the shower she relaxed into the steam with a groan that she hoped Tammi didn"t hear. Adolescent didn"t even begin to describe her physical response to Candace. The longer they"d talked, the more she couldn"t tear her gaze away from Candace"s strong, flexible hands. She couldn"t remember where she"d read that if men had to wear pants then lesbians should wear mittens, but for goodness sake, what was she supposed to do? Okay, so she was vibrating like a bowstring and just about anybody could play her at this point, but two hours with Candace had brought back all the ease of their conversations. Had their closeness been based on something neither of them had been able to interpret?
Her skin felt unreal, as if there were a layer of electricity on every inch. But you don"t do this, Alice, she told herself. You don"t just get into bed with someone you just met. And you did just meet her, really, for the first time. What about all the speeches you made to Tammi about respecting herself and the mind being mightier than the s.e.x drive? Right, that"s a laugh.
She toweled her hair and then wiped the mirror to regard her anxious face. You don"t know that Candace even wants to, she p.r.o.nounced firmly, hoping her libido was listening.
Except she did know. Candace was obviously a more practiced woman, and she"d been mingling with the singles for a reason. Alice knew when she was being appraised, especially after those long stints at the hospital when other men a.s.sumed she might have unmet needs. She knew how to deliver a firm brush-off to the kind of look Candace had given her, but the thought had not crossed her mind. She hoped her flirtatious manner, though rusty, conveyed confidence to match Candace"s.
Tammi made various ooo la la noises when Alice got out the little black dress she"d acquired just for the cruise. A wonder of synthetic science, it didn"t look wrinkled and could be rinsed out with shampoo to be worn over and over. With the sheer emerald green wrap over her shoulders, it also managed to look like she"d fussed, just a little.
"I thought that dress was for the formal night."
Alice patted a last hint of blush on her cheeks, then surveyed her lipstick for creases. "I just don"t want to look dowdy, that"s all."
"As if." Tammi put her hands on her hips and regarded her in the mirror. "If she"s not panting to have you, she doesn"t have eyes."
"Thank you, dear." Alice wondered, with parents who had been practically celibate for a decade, how Tammi had become so openly s.e.x positive. Rebellion?
"I think that dress looks terrific on you."
On her way out the door, she looked over her shoulder to say, "Don"t wait up."
She was halfway to the stairs when Tammi called from behind her, "In fact, I think that dress would look terrific on the floor of her cabin, too."
So, Ginny Angel, what do you think? Candace studied her reflection in the highly polished bra.s.s of the Degli Argentieri Restaurant portico. No matter what Alice wore it would look elegant, and you didn"t take a woman like that into dinner not dressed to match. It was too early in the week for her tux, but the cabin steward had gotten her tan slacks pressed in a matter of minutes and she could only hope that the white b.u.t.ton-up, string bolo, and black suede over shirt-sleeves not rolled up- would pa.s.s muster.
It was a d.a.m.ned good thing she saw Alice before Alice saw her. Oh Ginny Angel, she thought, that is one gorgeous woman, and I am the luckiest gal on this ship to get to look at her all night. Then Alice saw her and smiled and Candace felt like a million bucks. She hadn"t felt quite like that since Ginny had slipped away. Don"t feel guilty, she told herself. Ginny wouldn"t want you to feel guilty for thinking Alice is ... special.
"You look fantastic," Candace said sincerely. Without thinking better of it, she gave Alice a hearty peck on the cheek.
A little flushed, Alice said, "You are looking very spiffy yourself."
Was spiffy good? Or was it code for nice try but no cigar} Candace had to trust the look in Alice"s eyes, then, which said spiffy meant maybe even better than good. She proffered her arm and they went into the dining room together.
She"d already spoken to the maitre d" and they were escorted to the second level, which was quieter and less brightly lit than the larger tables of more raucous groups on the main floor. Once seated, she accepted the daily menu and had to hide a smile. Roma means Romance was emblazoned across the top, and offerings included oysters on the half sh.e.l.l, chilled champagne soup, antipasto for two and a choice between lamb in rosemary or lobster Corfu.
They discussed the selections, told the waiter what they wanted and Candace was pleased to ask the wine steward to open the bottle of wine her travel agent had provided as a thank you for booking the cruise. They were just confronting the half dozen oysters when he returned and displayed the bottle for Candace"s approval. Just like that, with smooth efficiency, they had oysters, wine and only each other.
"The trick," Alice said after she tossed back her first oyster, "is not to chew. Just swallow."
"This isn"t my best thing."
But the oyster went down, and stayed down, and a gla.s.s of wine and bowl of champagne soup later, Candace found herself smiling nonstop at Alice, who was smiling back.
"I"ve read that anthology," Alice was saying. "It was one of Tammi"s hand-me-downs. She does like the more outer stories."
"I enjoyed it," Candace admitted.
"I have to admit," Alice said after she sipped her wine, "that I didn"t initially think you were a Raw Divas and Ready d.y.k.es kind of reader."
"Ginny liked-sorry."
"Don"t be. It"s okay, she"s still part of your life." Alice reached across the table to briefly cover Candace"s hand. "I truly understand."
"Of course you do. Anyway, Ginny liked adventurous... reading." No need to tell Alice that reading about power scenes and accessory-laden s.e.x was the closest she and Ginny had gotten to it. They"d certainly found it inspiring.
Alice flushed beautifully. "So do I."
They shared a long look over the top of their winegla.s.ses, and Candace wondered why it felt as if they"d settled something. She certainly found Alice attractive, and the thought of skin-to-skin contact after such a long hiatus was quite appealing. Alice seemed to be agreeable, but on the other hand, well... on the other hand ...
She could hear her Ginny Angel telling her not to get cold feet with such a warm and lovely woman, one who was adventurous and fun-loving. She wasn"t a Ginny, Candace thought with a flash of insight. But she was an Alice, an interesting, intelligent Alice.
Their evening couldn"t have been more romantic, really. By the time they finished the strawberries and cream and strolled the deck under the bowl of star-studded sky, they were holding hands. The talent show by volunteer pa.s.sengers had them laughing together, and it was Candace"s decided opinion that shared laughter was nearly the same thing as s.e.x, except you could do it in public all you wanted.
"Another turn around the deck?"
"I"d love to." Alice linked her arm with Candace"s as they slowly walked, agreeing again that they didn"t know the constellations as well as they"d like. The warmth of Alice"s skin had Candace revising her opinion about laughter and s.e.x. s.e.x was better.
In a small nook off the quiet pool deck, she confessed that she didn"t want their evening to end and Alice, whose dress in the warm wind left little to Candace"s imagination, agreed.
"Perhaps a nightcap?" She indicated the sign to the Tivoli bar and Candace opened the access door for her. The first thing that hit them was the noise and she saw the same dismay on Alice"s face.
"We could bring the drinks back outside," Candace hollered over the din. But the line at the bar was long, and she decided to accept that she only had one choice to offer. She led Alice back outside and said, "I have brandy in my cabin, if that appeals."
Alice"s lips parted, then she said very quietly, "It appeals."
"We can sit on the veranda and sip, if you"d like." Candace smiled rea.s.suringly at Alice. There would be time to get mellow and then see what happened.
Alice looked quite calm. She"d certainly been perfectly comfortable talking about erotica over dinner, and had used words like o.r.g.a.s.m and c.o.c.k play with the same casualness she"d once used to discuss diapers and baby bowel movements. She"d talked about s.e.x so casually that Candace wondered what it would take to create a memorable encounter for Alice. She didn"t have any toys or bags of tricks. Nothing up her sleeve or down her pants.
They left the wide, carpeted stairwell and encountered two women, one with a hand out of sight between the other"s legs, making out against the wall next to one of the suite doors. They didn"t even take notice of the two of them pa.s.sing by.
The suite door was open, too, and a glance inside reminded Candace that this was the suite the rock band was sharing. The heavy metal musicians-and some friends, it seemed-were entertaining, and various stages of nudity had already been reached. More than nudity. Body parts were already in contact.
She took Alice"s arm and finished escorting her to her own suite, two doors down. Once the door was unlocked she said, "Excuse me, I"ll be right back. Make yourself at home," and left a surprised Alice on the other side of the door.
Quickly, trying not to lose her nerve, she dashed down the hallway and walked through the open suite door. The twosome sprawled on the couch had progressed to loud groans, and interrupting them was more than Candace could contemplate. She was about to back out of the suite when she heard voices coming from the bedroom.
On tiptoe she got close enough to peek in. A threesome was getting quite involved in the bathroom beyond, but closer was a couple not yet in the throes and a dark-haired girl perhaps looking for someplace to get involved herself.
Catching the dark-haired girl"s eye, she said something she never in a million years thought she ever would. "Can I borrow some lube?"
The girl, looking more than a little out of it, wandered over to the threesome. Gestures ensued, then she made her way a bit unsteadily to a table where little bottles were scattered. Candace tried to keep her gaze at the level of the girl"s eyes, but her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were hard to ignore. She took one little bottle gratefully. "Thanks."
"Yeah, whatever. Enjoy."
Now she had a bottle of something called Elbow Grease. She was in the hallway before Ginny Angel pointed out that Elbow Grease must be useful stuff because, yes, one woman"s hand had been easily sliding inside the other woman and maybe they should go back and watch-sometimes, Ginny Angel was a Ginny Devil.
She took a moment to catch her breath at her cabin door, hoping she didn"t look like she"d just walked in and out of a s.e.x-soaked room. It was for the best, she thought, because Alice was comfortable with that kind of action and her own pulse was now quite elevated.
When she let herself back into her suite, Alice was already on the veranda. That beautiful green wrap-the precise shade of her eyes-draped around her shoulders but looked as if it might slip off at any moment. One s.e.xy sandal dangled from the tips of her toes, also threatening to leave Alice more naked. Candace hurried into the bedroom to stash the little bottle under die mattress and then made herself useful at the bar, pouring two brandies into the ship"s lovely stemware. She told herself that regardless of all the fun she"d just witnessed among the younger generation, she would still be able to show Alice a good time without all the goodies. She"d proven time and again with Ginny that pa.s.sion, and a little bit of lube, made many good things possible.
And if Alice wanted something more, well, maybe she could borrow other accoutrements as well.
Alice turned as she heard Candace join her on the veranda. She hoped the low light hid the flush that she could feel burning her chest and neck. She knew perfectly well why she was flushed and sweating at the small of her back, why the hair on her neck felt like electrical wires. In the moonlight Candace looked like Cary Grant, except she was a woman, most definitely a woman, unquestionably, desirably, wonderfully a woman.
"What was that all about?"