"I know Mei." Zack smothered her against him, his voice soft and low in her hair. "We"re catching our balance, that"s all. This has been h.e.l.l week. As far as Alex is concerned, finding LiLi is my next a.s.signment. He doesn"t know how to give up. Neither do I."
"I"m afraid I"ll never see her again." Mei wiped her face with the sleeve of her robe as she regained her composure. Her moment of weakness embarra.s.sed her. Zack had just lost a good friend. She should be comforting him.
"Come here." He scooped her into his arms and carried her into his bedroom, settling her neatly beside him in his bed, robe and all. "I bring all my best girls here."
She sighed as he covered them both with his blanket. Dressed in pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, Zack"s body was rock solid, the same as his self-confidence. She pressed against him to listen to the steady rhythm of that good heart beneath his chest muscles. It sounded strong and sure, just like him.
Mei relaxed. He was always gentle with her even when she"d been a beast. The comfort of his strength warmed her as Zack shared the weight of her awful world. He reached to the nightstand to turn off the light, pulling her into the crook of his arm. Listening to his steady breathing, she closed her eyes. No wonder Song fell asleep in his arms.
His hands smoothed down her arm and back up again as he settled onto his pillow.
"I"ve been so mean to you," she admitted, her fingers roaming up his neck to secure themselves around his ear. His scalp p.r.i.c.kled with the day"s growth.
"Nah. You"ve been fine. Don"t worry about it."
"Why do you shave your head?" she asked, her hands smoothing over his scalp. She used to think it bare and vulgar, but somewhere during their time together his bare head had become a badge. Zack Lennox was who he was, exposed for all the world to see, like him or not. Hair wouldn"t change the man.
"I started shaving it when I joined the Corps. Guess I thought it made me look tougher, meaner. Why? Don"t you like it? You want me to grow it out?"
"No." She brushed her forehead against his scratchy chin, breathing in the just-showered smell of the man she loved as her fingers roamed over his head again. "I like you just the way you are."
They lay quietly together, her heart pumping with pleasure at her position tight against him. He always smelled so good; a hint of leather andhim. She drank in a deep breath, willing the comfort of it into her soul.
"Do you ever untie that knot thingee in your hair?" he asked mischievously, his fingers plucking the tight bun at the back of her head.
"No." Her heart pitched, not sure if he was talking about her hair or something else. Suddenly, she didn"t want to be closed off and fighting the world by herself. "But I could."
His hand cupped the side of her head, his fingers smoothing over her tightly pulled hair, the pad of his thumb on her cheek. "I"d sure like to see the real you," he coaxed, peering into her face. "I know you"re in there."
Mei forgot how to breathe when he leaned in to place a feather-soft kiss on her forehead. It wasn"t enough. She shifted to a sitting position at his side, releasing her hair from the army of bobby pins that had restrained it for so long. Her heart pounded at what the simple action really meant. This was a huge step, an undressing that would bare her soul again. Questions flooded her mind. Did she truly have anything left to give this man who"d only and always chosen to stand with her? Did he really want her? More than anything elsehow could he?
"Yes," he growled, his fingers combing through her tangled tresses. His breath hitched when he shifted his weight to his elbow to bury his hands in her hair, turning it into a cape for her shoulders. "My h.e.l.l, Mei. You"re a whole different woman."
"Zack," she whispered timidly, scared at what might happen next, but finally willing. "I don"t want to be alone anymore."
"Are you sure?" he asked tenderly. "I"m not pushing you, Mei. Don"t think you have to do anything you"re not ready for. Honest. I"m happy just being here with you."
"Please kiss me. Like you did the first time. Like you...." She left the words unsaid. Like you love me.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," she whispered, quieter still. Kiss me. Love me. Help me feel something besides the awful hole in my heart.
He groaned, reaching his arm around her, his hand gentle at the base of her skull as he pulled her into his face. "There is something you must know before we do this, Mei. I meant it when I said I was here to stay. I can"t explain it, but I..." He paused and she turned her head. Rejection was always better when you didn"t have to take it face first.
Zack smoothed his hands over both her cheeks, cupping her so gently as he forced her gaze back to him. The room was barely lighted from the outside. His eyes glowed with so much tenderness and she was afraid. There was so much more at risk. Her child. Her soul.
"Mei," he whispered, again closing the distance between them. "All I have to give you is everything I am. I love you with every piece of my heart, every breath, and every minute of every day. I don"t want to ever leave you. Are you good with that?"
There were no words. Her heart swelled and broke at the same moment his lips captured hers, no longer asking as much as telling her of the strength in this good man"s heart. Their groans meshed as their tongues entwined, and she came undone. The starving woman emerged again, famished for love she didn"t have to earn or deserve. He moaned when she pushed him back to his pillow, tearing his clothes off to bare his body to her. Her robe and gown flew to the floor.
"I love you, Mei," he reaffirmed over and over, her desire stoked higher and hotter with each endearment.
The softest light exposed his body to her; the flat, square panes of his chest punctuated with small, dark nipples, which hardened beneath her scrubbing palms. Heaving abs barely strained beneath the weight of her body. His hands cupped tight at her backside, gently separating the cheeks of her a.s.s when she lowered herself onto him. Her body opened itself to him, welcoming all he had to give.
"You are beautiful." His deep voice rumbled through her, encouraging her daring act of life. "So beautiful." His fingers flexed again, pulling her closer. "Come to me, Mei."
She cried at his sensual command, sinking him into the deepest, softest, most broken parts of her body and soul. There was no struggle to her taking of him, no resistance to her a.s.sault as she ravaged and insisted, pulled and pushed until she straddled above him, her shame tossed aside along with all her fears. He simply never let go. Not once. He just let her ride and rock until there was nothing left of her, until she was no more alone or separate. Until she and he occupied one and the same s.p.a.ce and time.
The gentlest hands in the world reached up to cup her face, his thumbs wiping the tears she hadn"t realized were spilling over. "Hey," he muttered. "Why so sad?"
"I"m not. I"m...I"m...." There were no words to describe the incredible conflict within her heart. How could one woman feel so saved and still so broken at the same time? So found and still so d.a.m.ned lost? There was no happily ever after to her life. There was only sustenance along the way, and she needed all this man had to offer just to survive another day. "I"m so happy you love me."
"Ah, Mei," he muttered as he rolled her onto her back without breaking contact. "My turn."
He grazed her lips, his hands reverently caressing her body, skimming lightly over her cheek, down her neck, and coming to rest at her breast. Heat coursed through him, but he wanted to do this right. Mei was no ordinary woman. She was all he"d ever wanted but never knew he needed until now. The pain and loss of the past days were somehow easier to carry with her at his side.
The depth of his feelings for this woman evoked every nerve-ending in his body. Strumming his thumb across her hardening nipple, he captured her mouth, breathing in the delicate essence of her feminine body. Making love had never felt like this before. He couldn"t taste enough or touch enough. Mei had become fire and breathand life. His all. The delicious fragrance of cherry blossom tantalized, singeing his nose with a scent that would never leave. The brush of her hair on his arms teased in the most pleasant way. Her lips and tongue were honey, more needful than food or drink.
He moved against her fragile strength, lowering himself carefully onto and into. Eagerly, she wrapped herself around every inch of him, her body arching into his, ready and wanting. Everywhere he touched, softness, warmth, and womanly desire accepted, and in the way that only Mei coulddemanded all he had to give.
He gave. For a sensation-filled, exhilarating moment, he wanted nothing more than the physical pleasure he"d antic.i.p.ated since their first kiss on the sidewalk in Rosslyn. He"d wanted her then, and now that he had his hands all over her, he wanted her all the more. In the heat of a ferocious hunger, he filled her in another exertion of total surrender. The release of body and soul ripped out of him. Now. Now. Now!
She offered all, grinding her lovely body against his as they melted together, her fingernails clenched to the back of his shoulders and the sweetest murmurs floating up to his ears. He"d found heaven in the arms of this beautiful, mean, desperate woman. There was no turning back. Only more.
"I"m going to make love with you...every day...for the rest of my life," he vowed.
"I...love...you," she answered, each word a prayer he so did not deserve. The tremble in her voice resonated to the deepest cords of his heart. This was what he"d been searching for all his life, the genuine surrender of a real woman"s heart.
Mei sighed, breathing him into her soul. The scent of him mingled perfectly with hers. The feel of his rough, naked body empowered her femininity in every sensuous way possible. Beneath the midnight curtain of her silken hair, his hands explored, pinched, and smoothed. Like softest rain on a summer day, she poured herself all over him again, kissing every part she could reach.
Within a very few minutes, they were once again enfolded in the exquisite flames of intimacy, striving with and against each other, pulling and pushing, angling for deeper, bettermore. Her body remembered the mechanics of s.e.x, only it had never known this depth of pleasure. He coaxed and teased. Her body responded easily and happily, drawn out of its sh.e.l.l by this most tender warrior.
Zack sounded tired, drawing in huge breaths when they finished their third go round, but her libido seemed to be revving up. Now it was her turn to coax and tease, his to respond. At last, he rolled her to her back again. The darkened room lit with shuddering fireworks that exploded her skyward. Up. Higher. Into forever....
She closed her eyes and succ.u.mbed to the fall back to earth and into love. He cradled her tenderly, the heat of his mouth in her neck as he fell with her. Starlight. He"d turned her into pure starlight.
"I love you," she whispered, snuggling into the delicious warmth of his world.
"You are mine," he whispered in return, his voice as ragged as hers. "All. Mine."
TWENTY-SIX.
Alex really ought to know better by now.
Zack always had a problem with the word obedience. He took one day off like his boss requested before he walked to work the following morning. Early downtown Alexandria was void of most tourists but busy with delivery trucks, shop owners opening their stores, and the sounds of another workday. Despite the chilly wind blowing with it, the smell of the Potomac wafted uphill, energizing everyone in its wake, him included. The love of a good woman had worked wonders for him. Despite the ache in his heart at losing Todd, he felt more balanced today.
Safety was another of those words. It was something he provided, but rarely accepted. He didn"t need to be kept safe from the wolves of the world. The wolves of the world had it backward. They needed protection from him, and he intended to begin the hunt for them today. St.i.tched and healing hands or not, he was done being obedient and safe.
A shiny red fire engine roared by, its siren screaming. Zack kept walking. All the truck did was remind him how much he missed his car. For now, the pearl black beauty was parked in The TEAM"s parking garage to keep it safe. He did not trust hotel valets or parking.
The d.a.m.ned fire engine blasted its horn up ahead, making a sharp right turn that startled Zack out of his reverie. The engine had turned onto the same street as The TEAM"s office building. It couldn"t be. There were plenty of other businesses on the street. It could be a cat in the tree. It could be....
What the h.e.l.l?
He ran to intercept the fire engine. Black smoke poured from The TEAM"s subterranean parking lot. He dodged fire hoses, as well as the firefighters scrambling around him to the underground nightmare. There was no getting past Battalion Chief Burgess though, who stopped him at the barricade.
"Stay behind the line," the very stern man commanded.
"That"s my team in there," Zack insisted "No, sir, that"s my team in there," Burgess bit out. "It"s a crime scene now. No one crosses my line."
"What the h.e.l.l happened?"
"Bomb went off in the elevator shaft."
Zack"s heart plummeted. Alex was the office early bird. Was that his black truck barely visible through the smoke belching out the garage entrance?
"Anyone hurt?"
Burgess shot him a grim look. "Only if they were in the elevator when it blew."
"My boss..." Zack couldn"t finish the thought. Alex.
"Was he in there? Are you certain?"
"Maybe." Zack"s mind pinged, searching for any reason Alex would not have come in early. He couldn"t come up with a thing. All he could do was stand and try to breathe.
"Your boss own a truck? Might have been a big diesel?"
"GMC," Zack ground out. "Parked across from the elevator?"
The fire chief"s demeanor softened. He waved Zack around the barrier. "The fire"s out. Come with me."
The paramedics had just rolled onto the scene. Burgess called to them. "Don"t know if we need you guys. Go see for yourselves."
Zack groaned as he entered the blackened catacomb that had once housed five company vehicles and enough parking stalls for the twenty or so agents on staff. Most of the destruction was contained at ground level. The scene was surreal, everything opposite the elevator shaft blackened or twisted. Not even the elevator call b.u.t.tons remained on the wall. Worse, Alex"s truck had been blown to the other side of the garage where it rested on its side. The cha.s.sis and tires still smoked. None of The TEAM"s SUVs survived the blast.
He shot a glance into the farthest, darkest corner where he"d parked his pride and joy. At least it had survived unscathed, but his small piece of good fortune paled at what he did not see and could not find. Alex.
It should have been me.
"I can"t say officially, but my best guess is someone planted a pressure bomb," Burgess said, pointing to the gaping hole, now filled with water and blackened puddles of ash. "We"ll know for sure once we finish our arson investigation, but in a case like this, the bomb usually explodes after a person calls the elevator. They don"t even have to set foot inside. Soon as the elevator hits the hydraulic b.u.mper at ground level, it detonates. Looks like someone wanted to make sure they got their point across. They used more than enough explosive. Probably SEMTEX. Maybe dynamite."
Zack listened for any comment from the firefighters about survivors or body parts, but deep down, he knew. His gut clenched at all the evidence. Anyone standing in front of the elevator door would have been incinerated on the spot. Blown away. Turned to ash.
"Any bodies?" he asked, his voice dry and weak.
First Todd. Now Alex. They both died instead ofme.
"Can"t get into the blast zone yet to know for sure," Burgess responded, his hand to Zack"s shoulder. "It"s still too hot. You doing okay, son?"
"I"m good." Zack gave the customary USMC reply, although catastrophic pain engulfed him. "Need to call my guys."
A sizzle of electricity arced from exposed wiring within the blackened shaft. Firefighters hurried around him. They had work to do, while he seemed capable of nothing more than standing like an idiot and gawking, his phone in his hand and dread stuck in his throat. How do I say the words? Alex is dead.
He turned from Burgess and shook the paralysis of shock off. Later. He"d deal with his personal feelings later, so he stabbed in the preset numbers and focused. First Murphy, then David, and Roy. By the time he"d finished, his resolve shattered. He had one more call to make. The hardest one of all. Kelsey....
The world spun sideways. He stuck his phone deep into his jacket pocket as grief climbed out of his heart. How much could they stand? It seemed the earth had tilted the wrong way on its axis. Revolved backward. Nothing felt right. A wave of vertigo slanted his vision. His knees wobbled and down he went, unable to take his eyes from the smoking hole where Alex had...died. Unable to make the last call and break his sweet wife"s heart.
Not this. Not Alex. G.o.d, not Alex.
Burgess yelled for the paramedics, but they couldn"t help him. This kind of pain wasn"t treatable. A rage unlike any he"d felt before exploded from deep inside. Zack cursed the man he"d served; the man he loved. d.a.m.ned stupid type-A, have to be first, have to know everything. Jesus Christ, Alex! What"d you go and do this for?
Memories deluged him like a home movie he couldn"t shut off. The first time he"d met the intense man he"d eventually call Boss was on a flight to Baghdad, where they"d worked a successful black op together. He and Alex had completed their last mission near the northwestern borders of Pakistan. They were equalsalmost. Born the same year, but Zack went one step further in his career to become USMC gunnery sergeant. Alex called it good at staff sergeant because of his family tragedy.
But he never lost his heart. Not really. Zack had been honored and privileged to witness the man"s marriage to sweet Kelsey in Hawaii. They were made for each other; two kids with messed up lives who had latched onto each other and done good.
Zack scrubbed an ash-covered hand over his face. Alex"s death would kill her. h.e.l.l. It was killing him. His heart pounded from the cavernous, sucking hole death always left in its wake. Tears rolled down his face, and he didn"t care. He stared at the smoking pit that used to be an elevator. Nothing mattered anymore.
"Get that sonofab.i.t.c.hin" thing off me!"
Zack"s ears perked up. He turned toward the sound of that angry voice.
"I"m not dead, you freaking moron!"
Alex?
A familiar stream of the most welcome expletives in the whole world resounded from the stairwell where two hapless paramedics were transporting a very angry man to ground level.
"Let me walk, you b.a.s.t.a.r.ds! I"m not crippled!"
Strapped to the gurney and soaked from the building"s mandatory fire suppression system, Alex was bleeding, dirty, and mad as h.e.l.l. Zack stumbled to his feet, wiping his face and so d.a.m.ned relieved. For once, Alex"s wonderfully wide range of cuss words was music to his ears.
"I don"t need this d.a.m.ned c.r.a.p on my face." Alex peeled off the oxygen mask, but just as quickly the medic put it back on.
"Yes, sir. You do."
"Boss," Zack choked, not sure how much emotion Alex would allow in his present condition. Oh, what the h.e.l.l. He charged the gurney, needing to touch the lucky b.a.s.t.a.r.d to make sure he wasn"t seeing things. "You"re alive," he ground out, his stupid eyes filling with tears. "You dog. You"re alive."
"What?" Alex bellowed, blinking through the grime on his face. Both of his eyes were bloodshot. His nose was bleeding and he looked like he"d been in one h.e.l.luva fight. "Zack! What"d you say?"