I COULDN"T SLEEP THAT NIGHT, AND IN THE MORNING I checked myself out of the hospital and went home. The doctor had asked me how I felt. My answer had not been quite accurate. I felt empty, washed-out inside, my skin rubbery and dead to the touch, my eyes jittering with refracted light mat seemed to have no source. I felt as if I had been drinking sour mash for three days and had suddenly become disconnected from all the internal fires that I had nourished and fanned and depended upon with the religious love of an acolyte. There was no pain, no broken razor blades were twisting inside the conscience; there was just numbness, as though wind and fleecy clouds and rain showers marching across the canefields were a part of a curious summer phenomenon that I observed in a soundless place behind a gla.s.s wall.
I drank salt water to make myself throw up, ate handfuls of vitamins, made milkshakes filled with strawberries andbananas, did dozens of pushups and stomach crunches in the back yard, and ran wind sprints in the twilight until my chest was heaving for breath and my gym shorts were pasted to my skin with sweat.
I showered with hot water until there was none left in the tank, then I kept my head under the cold water for another five minutes. Then I put on a fresh pair of khakis and a denim shirt and walked outside into the gathering dusk under the pecan trees. The marsh across the road was purple with haze, sparkling with fireflies. A black kid in a pirogue was cane fishing along the edge of the lily pads in the bayou. His dark skin seemed to glow with the sun"s vanishing red light. His body and pole were absolutely still, his gaze riveted on his cork bobber. The evening was so quiet and languid, the boy so transfixed in his concentration, that I could have been looking at a painting.
Then I realized, with a twist of the heart, that something was wrong-there was no sound. A car pa.s.sed on the dirt road, the boy sc.r.a.ped his paddle along the side of the pirogue to move to a different spot. But there was no sound except the dry resonance of my own breathing.
I went into the house, where Bootsie was reading under a lamp in the living room. I was about to speak, with the trepidation a person might have if he were violating the silence of a church, just to see if I could hear the sound of my own voice, when I heard the screen door slam behind me like a slap across the ear. Then suddenly I heard the television, the cicadas in the trees, my neighbor"s sprinkler whirling against his myrtle bushes, Batist cranking an outboard down at the dock.
"What is it, Dave?" Bootsie said.
"Nothing."
"Dave?"
"It"s nothing. I guess I got some water in my ears." I opened and closed my jaws.
"Your dinner is on the table. Do you want it?"
"Yeah, sure," I said.
Her eyes studied mine.
"Let me heat it up for you," she said.
"That"d be fine."
When she walked past me she glanced into my face again.
"What"s the deal, Boots? Do I look like I just emerged from a hole in the dimension?" I said, following her into the kitchen.
"You look tired, that"s all."
She kept her back to me while she wrapped my dinner in plastic to put it in the microwave.
"What"s wrong?" I said.
"Nothing, really. The sheriff called. He wants you to take a week off."
"Why didn"t he tell me that?"
"I don"t know, Dave."
"I think you"re keeping something from me."
She put my plate in the microwave and turned around. She wore a gold cross on a chain, and the cross hung at an angle outside her pink blouse. Her fingers came up and touched my cheek and the swelling over my right eye.
"You didn"t shave today," she said.
"What did the sheriff say, Boots?"
"It"s what some other people are saying. In the mayor"s office. In the department."
"What?"
"That maybe you"re having a breakdown."
"Do you believe I am?"
"No."
"Then who cares?"
"The sheriff does."
"That"s his problem."
"A couple of deputies went out to the movie location and questioned some of the people who were at Mr. Goldman"s birthday party."
"What for?"
"They asked people about your behavior, things like that."
"Was one of those deputies Rufus Arceneaux?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Boots, this is a guy who would sell his mother to a puppy farm to advance one grade in rank."
"That"s not the point. Some of those actors said you were walking around all evening with a drink in your hand. People believe what they want to hear."
"I had blood and urine tests the next morning. There was no alcohol in my system. It"s a matter of record at the hospital."
"You beat up one of Julie Balboni"s hoods in a public place, Dave. You keep sending local businessmen signals that you just might drive a lot of big money out of town. You tell the paramedics that there"re wounded Confederate soldiers in the marsh. What do you think people are going to say about you?"
I sat down at the kitchen table and looked out the back screen at the deepening shadows on the lawn. My eyes burned, as though there were sand under my eyelids.
"I can"t control what people say," I said.
She stood behind me and rested her palms on my shoulders.
"Let"s agree on one thing," she said. "We just can"t allow ourselves to do anything that will help them hurt us. Okay, Dave?"
I put my right hand on top of hers.
"I won"t," I said.
"Don"t try to explain what you think you heard or saw in the marsh. Don"t talk about the accident. Don"t defend yourself. You remember what you used to say? "Just grin and walk through the cannon smoke. It drives them crazy." "
"All right, Boots."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
She folded her arms across my chest and rested her chinon the top of my head. Then she said, "What kind of person would try to do this to us, Dave?"
"Somebody who made a major mistake," I said.
But it was a grandiose remark. The truth was that I had taken the drink at the party incautiously and that I had walked right into the script someone else had written for me.
Later that night, in bed, I stared at the ceiling and tried to recreate the scene under the oak trees at Spanish Lake. I wanted to believe that I could reach down into my unconscious and retrieve a photographic plate on which my eye had engraved an image of someone pa.s.sing his hand over the gla.s.s of Dr Pepper, black cherries, orange slices, and bruised mint that a waiter was about to serve me.
But the only images in my mind were those of a levee extending out into gray water and an electrically charged fog bank rolling out of the cypress trees.
Bootsie turned on her side and put her arm across my chest. Then she moved her hand down my stomach and touched me.
I stared up into the darkness. The trees were motionless outside the window. I heard a "gator flop in the marsh.
Then her hand went away from me and I felt her weight turn on the mattress toward the opposite wall.
An hour later I dressed in the darkness of the living room, slipped my pickup truck into neutral, rolled it silently down the dirt lane to the dock, and hooked my boat and trailer to the b.u.mper hitch.
I PUT MY BOAT INTO THE WATER AT THE SAME PLACE I HADdriven my truck off the levee. I used the paddle to push out into deeper water, past the cattails and lily pads that grew along the bank"s edge, then I lowered the engine and jerked it alive with the starter rope.
The wake off the stern looked like a long V-shaped trench roiling with yellow mud, bobbing with dead logs. Then the moon broke through the clouds, gilding the moss in the cypress with a silver light, and I could see cottonmouths coiled on the lower limbs of willow trees, the gnarled brown-green head of a "gator in a floating island of leaves and sticks, the stiffened, partly eaten body of a c.o.o.n on a sandbar, and a half-dozen wood ducks that skittered across the water in front of the high ground and the grove of trees where I had met the general.
I cut the throttle and let the boat ride on its wake until the bow slid up on the sand. Then I walked into the trees with a six-battery flashlight and a GI entrenching tool.
The ground was soft, oozing with moisture, matted with layers of dead leaves and debris left by receding water. Tangles of abandoned trotlines were strung about the tree trunks; Clorox marker bottles from fish traps lay half-buried in the sand.
In the center of the clearing I found the remains of a campfire.
A dozen blackened beer cans lay among the charred wood. Crushed into the gra.s.s at the edge of the fire was a used rubber.
I kicked the wood, ashes, and cans across the ground, propped my flashlight in the weeds, folded the E-tool into the shape of a hoe, screwed down and locked the socket at the base of the blade, and started chopping into the earth.
Eighteen inches down I hit what archaeologists call a "fireline," a layer of pure black charcoal sediment from a very old fire. I sifted it off the blade"s tip a shovelful at a time. In it was a scorched bra.s.s b.u.t.ton and the bottom of a hand-blown bottle, one that had tiny air bubbles inside the gla.s.s"s green thickness.
But what did that prove? I asked myself.
Answer: That perhaps nineteenth-century trappers, cypress loggers, or even army surveyors had built a campfire there.
Then I thought about the scene the other night: the stacked rifle muskets, the haversacks suspended in the trees,the exhaustion in the men who were about to move out on patrol, the dry, bloodless wounds that looked like they had been eaten clean by maggots, the ambulance wagon and the crusted field dressings that had been raked out onto the ground.
The ambulance wagon.
I picked up my flashlight and moved to the far side of the clearing. The water was black under the canopy of flooded trees out in the marsh. I knelt and started digging out a two-by-four-foot trench. The clearing sloped here, and the ground was softer and wetter, wrinkled with small eroded gullies. I sc.r.a.ped the dirt into piles at each end of the hole; a foot down, water began to run from under the shovel blade.
I stopped to reset the blade and begin digging back toward the top of the incline. Then I saw the streaks of rust and bits of metal, like small red teeth, in the wet piles of dirt at each end of the hole. I shined the flashlight into the hole, and protruding from one wall, like a twisted snake, was a rusted metal band that might have been the rim of a wagon wheel.
Five minutes later I hit something hard, and I set the E-tool on the edge of the hole and used my fingers to pry up the hub of a wagon wheel with broken spokes the length of my hand radiating from it. I placed it on the slope, and in the next half hour I created next to it a pile of square nails, rotted wood as light as balsa, metal hinges, links of chain, a rusted wisp of a drinking cup, and a saw. The wood handle and the teeth had been almost totally eaten away by ground-water, but there was no mistaking the stubby, square, almost brutal shape; it was a surgeon"s saw.
I carried everything that I had found back to the boat. My clothes were streaked with mud; I stunk of sweat and mosquito repellent. My palms rang with popped water blisters. I wanted to wake up Bootsie, call Elrod or perhaps even the sheriff, to tell anybody who would listen about what I had found.
But then I had to confront the foolishness of my thinking.How sane was any man, at least in the view of others, who would dig for Civil War artifacts in a swamp in the middle of the night in order to prove his sanity?
In fact, that kind of behavior was probably not unlike a self-professed extraterrestrial traveler showing you his validated seat reservations on a UFO as evidence of his rationality.
When I got back home I covered my boat with a tarp, took a shower, ate a ham-and-onion sandwich in the kitchen while night birds called to each other under the full moon, and decided that the general and I would not share our secrets with those whose lives and vision were defined by daylight and a rational point of view.
CHAPTER 12.
I slept late the next morning, and when I awoke, I found a note from Bootsie on the icebox saying that she had taken Alafair shopping in town. I fixed chicory coffee and hot milk, Grape-Nuts, and strawberries on a tray and carried it out to the redwood table under the mimosa tree in the backyard. The morning was not hot yet, and blue jays flew in and out of the dappled shade and my neighbor"s sprinkler drifted in an iridescent haze across my gra.s.s.
Then I saw Rosie Gomez"s motor-pool government car slow by our mailbox and turn into our drive. Her face was pointed at an upward angle so she could see adequately over the steering wheel. I got up from the table and waved her around back.
She wore a white blouse and white skirt with black pumps, a wide black belt, and a black purse.
"How you feeling?" she asked.
"Pretty good. In fact, great."
"Yeah?"
"Sure."
"You look okay."
"I am okay, Rosie. Here, I"ll get you some coffee."
When I came back outside with the pot and another cup and saucer, she was sitting on the redwood bench, looking out over my duck pond and my neighbor"s sugarcane fields. Her face looked cool and composed.
"It"s beautiful out here," she said.
"I"m sorry Bootsie and Alafair aren"t here. I"d like you to meet them."
"Next time. I"m sorry I didn"t come see you in the hospital. I"d left for New Orleans early that morning. I just got back."
"What"s up?"