He tossed it aside. "You are so lucky, Claudia, that you never had to go to the Academy. I thought I"d die of dullness. Anyway, aren"t we going out with the hawks? The servants can do all this. It"s what they"re for."
"Yes."
Claudia was biting her nail; she realized, and stopped.
"Are you trying to get rid of me, Claudia?"
She looked up. He was watching her, his small eyes fixed in that nerveless stare. "I know you don"t want to marry me," he said.
"Caspar ..."
"It"s all right, I don"t mind. It"s a dynastic thing, that"s all. My mother"s explained it. You can have any lovers you like, after we"ve had an heir. I certainly will."
She stared at him in disbelief. She couldn"t sit still; she jumped up and paced the disrupted room.
"Caspar, listen to yourself!" "Have you ever thought about what sort of life we"ll have together, in that marble mausoleum you call a palace? Living a lie, a pretense, keeping false smiles on our faces, wearing clothes from a time that never existed, posing and preening and aping manners that should only be in books? Have you thought about that?"
He was surprised. "It"s always been like that."
She sat next to him.
"Have you never wanted to be free, Caspar? To be able to ride out alone one spring morning and set off to see the world? To find adventure, and someone you can love?"
It was too much. She knew it as soon as she had said it. Too much for him. She felt him stiffen and frown, and he glared at her.
"I know what all this is about." His voice was harsh. "It"s because you"d have rather had my brother. The saintly Giles. Well, he"s dead, Claudia, so forget about him."
Then his smile came back, sly and narrow. "Or is this about Jared?"
"Jared?"
"Well, it"s obvious, isn"t it? He"s older, but some girls like that."
She wanted to slap him, to get up and slap his sn.i.g.g.e.ring little face.
He grinned at her. "I"ve seen how you look at him, Claudia. Like I said, I don"t mind."
She stood, stiff with anger. "You evil little toad."
"You"re angry. That proves it"s true. Does your father know about you and Jared, Claudia? Should I tell him, do you think?"
He was poison. He was a lizard with a flicking tongue. His smirk was acid. She bent and put her face into his and he moved back.
"If you mention this again, to me, to anyone, I will kill you. Do you understand, my lord Steen? Myself personally, with a dagger through your weak little body. I will kill you like they killed Giles."
Trembling with wrath she marched outside and slammed the door with a clap that rang down the corridor. Fax, the bodyguard, was lounging outside. As she pa.s.sed him he stood, with an insolent slowness, and as she ran beneath the portraits to the stairs, she felt his eyes on her back, the cold smile. She hated them. All of them. How could he say that!
How could he even think it! Thundering down the stairs, she crashed through the double doors, maids scattering before her, her mood like thunder. Such a filthy lie! Against Jared! Jared, who would never dream, never even think of such a thing! She screamed for Alys, who came running.
"What"s wrong, lady?"
"My riding coat. Now!"
While she waited she fumed, pacing, staring through the open front door at the eternal perfection of the lawns, the blue sky, the peac.o.c.ks practicing their eerie cries. Her anger was warm and a comfort. When the coat came she flung it around her, snapped, "I"m riding out."
"Claudia ... There"s so much to do! We leave tomorrow."
"You do it."
"The wedding dress ... the final fitting."
"You can tear it to shreds as far as I"m concerned."
Then she was gone, running down the steps and across the courtyard, and as she ran, she looked up and saw her father, standing in the impossible window of his study that didn"t exist, wasn"t even there. He had his back to her, was talking to someone. Someone in the study with him?
But no one ever went in there. Slowing, she watched for a moment, puzzled. Then, afraid he"d turn around, she hurried to the stables and found Marcus already saddled, pawing the ground with impatience.
Jared"s horse was ready too, a lean rangy creature called Tam Lin, which was probably some secret Sapient jest she"d never understood.
She looked around.
"Where"s the Wise One?" she asked Job.
The boy, always tongue-tied, muttered, "Gone back to the tower, lady. He forgot something."
She stared at him. "Job, listen to me. You know everyone on the estate?"
"Pretty much."
He swept the floor hastily, raising clouds of dust.
She wanted to tell him to stop, but that would have made him even more nervous, so she said, "An old man called Bartlett. Pensioned off, a retainer of the Court. Is he still alive?"
He raised his head. "Yes, my lady. He has a cottage out on Hewelsfield. Just down the lane from the mill."
Her heart thudded. "Is he ... Is his mind still clear?"
Job nodded, and managed a smile. "He"s razor-sharp, that one. But he doesn"t say much, not about his days at Court. He just stares if you ask him."