"Yes," said the girl, with a quivering sigh; "it must be hateful to him." She paused, and then she rushed on with bitter self-reproach. "And I--_I_ have helped to make it so! O Mrs. Bowen, perhaps it"s _I_ who have been trifling with _him_ Trying to make him believe--no, not trying to do that, but letting him see that I sympathised--Oh, do you think I have?"
"You know what you have been doing, Imogene," said Mrs. Bowen, with the hardness it surprises men to know women use with each other, they seem such tender creatures in the abstract. "You have no need to ask me."
"No, no."
"As you say, I warned you from the first."
"Oh yes; you did."
"I couldn"t do more than hint; it was too much to expect----"
"Oh, yes, yes."
"And if you couldn"t take my hints, I was helpless."
"Yes; I see it."
"I was only afraid of saying too much, and all through that miserable veglione business I was trying to please you and him, because I was afraid I _had_ said too much--gone too far. I wanted to show you that I disdained to be suspicious, that I was ashamed to suppose that a girl of your age could care for the admiration of a man of his."
"Oh, I didn"t care for his admiration. I admired _him_--and pitied him."
Mrs. Bowen apparently would not be kept now from saying all that had been rankling in her breast. "I didn"t approve of going to the veglione.
A great many people would be shocked if they knew I went; I wouldn"t at all like to have it known. But I was not going to have him thinking that I was severe with you, and wanted to deny you any really harmless pleasure."
"Oh, who could think that? You"re only too good to me. You see," said the girl, "what a return I have made for your trust. I knew you didn"t want to go to the veglione. If I hadn"t been the most selfish girl in the world I wouldn"t have let you. But I did. I _forced_ you to go, and then, after we got there, I seized every advantage, and abused your kindness till I wonder I didn"t sink through the floor. Yes; I ought to have refused to dance--if I"d had a spark of generosity or grat.i.tude I would have done it; and I ought to have come straight back to you the instant the waltz was done. And now see what has come of it! I"ve made you think he was trifling with me, and I"ve made him think that I"m a false and hollow-hearted thing."
"You know best what you have done, Imogene," said Mrs. Bowen, with a smiling tearfulness that was somehow very bitter. She rose from the sofa, as if to indicate that there was no more to be said, and Imogene, with a fresh burst of grief, rushed away to her own room.
She dropped on her knees beside her bed, and stretched out her arms upon it, an image of that desolation of soul which, when we are young, seems limitless, but which in later life we know has comparatively narrow bounds beyond the clouds that rest so blackly around us.
XII
In his room Colville was devouring as best he might the chagrin with which he had come away from Palazzo Pinti, while he packed his trunk for departure. Now that the thing was over, the worst was past. Again he observed that his emotions had no longer the continuity that the emotions of his youth possessed. As he remembered, a painful or pleasant impression used to last indefinitely; but here he was with this humiliating affair hot in his mind, shrugging his shoulders with a sense of relief, almost a sense of escape. Does the soul really wear out with the body? The question flitted across his mind as he took down a pair of trousers, and noticed that they were considerably frayed about the feet; he determined to give them to Paolo, and this reminded him to ring for Paolo, and send word to the office that he was going to take the evening train for Rome.
He went on packing, and putting away with the different garments the unpleasant thoughts that he knew he should be sure to unpack with them in Rome; but they would then have less poignancy.
For the present he was doing the best he could, and he was not making any sort of pretences. When his trunk was locked he kindled himself a fire, and sat down before it to think of Imogene. He began with her, but presently it seemed to be Mrs. Bowen that he was thinking of; then he knew he was dropping off to sleep by the manner in which their two ideas mixed. The fatigues and excitements of the week had been great, but he would not give way; it was too disgraceful.
Some one rapped at his door. He called out "_Avanti_!" and he would have been less surprised to see either of those ladies than Paolo with the account he had ordered to be made out. It was a long, pendulous, minutely itemed affair, such as the traveller"s recklessness in candles and firewood comes to in the books of the Continental landlord, and it almost swept the floor when its volume was unrolled. But it was not the sum-total that dismayed Colville when he glanced at the final figure; that, indeed, was not so very great, with all the items; it was the conviction, suddenly flashing upon him, that he had not money enough by him to pay it. His watch, held close to the fire, told him that it was five o"clock; the banks had been closed an hour, and this was Sat.u.r.day afternoon.
The squalid accident had all the effect of intention, as he viewed it from without himself, and considered that the money ought to have been the first thing in his thoughts after he determined to go away. He must get the money somehow, and be off to Rome by the seven o"clock train. A whimsical suggestion, which was so good a bit of irony that it made him smile, flashed across him: he might borrow it of Mrs. Bowen. She was, in fact, the only person in Florence with whom he was at all on borrowing terms, and a sad sense of the sweetness of her lost friendship followed upon the antic notion. No; for once he could not go to Mrs. Bowen. He recollected now the many pleasant talks they had had together, confidential in virtue of their old acquaintance, and harmlessly intimate in many things. He recalled how, when he was feeling dull from the Florentine air, she had told him to take a little quinine, and he had found immediate advantage in it. These memories did strike him as grotesque or ludicrous; he only felt their pathos. He was ashamed even to seem in anywise recreant further. If she should ever hear that he had lingered for thirty-six hours in Florence after he had told her he was going away, what could she think but that he had repented his decision?
He determined to go down to the office of the hotel, and see if he could not make some arrangement with the landlord. It would be extremely distasteful, but his ample letter of credit would be at least a voucher of his final ability to pay. As a desperate resort he could go and try to get the money of Mr. Waters.
He put on his coat and hat, and opened the door to some one who was just in act to knock at it, and whom he struck against in the obscurity.
"I beg your pardon," said the visitor.
"Mr. Waters! Is it possible?" cried Colville, feeling something fateful in the chance. "I was just going to see you."
"I"m fortunate in meeting you, then. Shall we go to my room?" he asked, at a hesitation in Colville"s manner.
"No, no," said the latter; "come in here." He led the way back into his room, and struck a match to light the candles on his chimney. Their dim rays fell upon the disorder his packing had left. "You must excuse the look of things," he said. "The fact is, I"m just going away. I"m going to Rome at seven o"clock."
"Isn"t this rather sudden?" asked the minister, with less excitement than the fact might perhaps have been expected to create in a friend. "I thought you intended to pa.s.s the winter in Florence."
"Yes, I did--sit down, please--but I find myself obliged to cut my stay short. Won"t you take off your coat?" he asked, taking off his own.
"Thank you; I"ve formed the habit of keeping it on indoors," said Mr.
Waters. "And I oughtn"t to stay long, if you"re to be off so soon."
Colville gave a very uncomfortable laugh. "Why, the fact is, I"m not off so very soon unless you help me."
"Ah?" returned the old gentleman, with polite interest.
"Yes, I find myself in the absurd position of a man who has reckoned without his host. I have made all my plans for going, and have had my hotel bill sent to me in pursuance of that idea, and now I discover that I not only haven"t money enough to pay it and get to Rome, but I haven"t much more than half enough to pay it. I have credit galore," he said, trying to give the situation a touch of liveliness, "but the bank is shut."
Mr. Waters listened to the statement with a silence concerning which Colville was obliged to form his conjectures. "That is unfortunate," he said sympathetically, but not encouragingly.
Colville pushed on desperately. "It is, unless you can help me, Mr.
Waters. I want you to lend me fifty dollars for as many hours."
Mr. Waters shook his head with a compa.s.sionate smile. "I haven"t fifty francs in cash. You are welcome to what there is. I"m very forgetful about money matters, and haven"t been to the bankers."
"Oh, don"t excuse yourself to me, unless you wish to embitter my shame.
I"m obliged to you for offering to share your dest.i.tution with me. I must try to run my face with the landlord," said Colville.
"Oh no," said Mr. Waters gently. "Is there such haste as all that?"
"Yes, I must go at once."
"I don"t like to have you apply to a stranger," said the old man, with fatherly kindness. "Can"t you remain over till Monday? I had a little excursion to propose."
"No, I can"t possibly stay; I must go to-night," cried Colville.
The minister rose. "Then I really mustn"t detain you, I suppose.
Good-bye." He offered his hand. Colville took it, but could not let it go at once. "I would like extremely to tell you why I"m leaving Florence in such haste. But I don"t see what good it would do, for I don"t want you to persuade me to stay."
The old gentleman looked at him with friendly interest.
"The fact is," Colville proceeded, as if he had been encouraged to do so, "I have had the misfortune--yes, I"m afraid I"ve had the fault--to make myself very displeasing to Mrs. Bowen, and in such a way that the very least I can do is to take myself off as far and as soon as I conveniently can."
"Yes?" said Mr. Waters, with the cheerful note of incredulity in his voice with which one is apt to respond to others" confession of extremity. "Is it so bad as that? I"ve just seen Mrs. Bowen, and she told me you were going."