"Get into ut, av coorse, and keep wan eye open through the curtains. Whin I see a likely man av the native persuasion, I will descind blushin" from my canopy and say, "Buy a palanquin, ye black scutt?" I will have to hire four men to carry me first, though; and that"s impossible till next pay-day."
Curiously enough, Learoyd, who had fought for the prize, and in the winning secured the highest pleasure life had to offer him, was altogether disposed to undervalue it, while Ortheris openly said it would be better to break the thing up. Dearsley, he argued, might be a many-sided man, capable, despite his magnificent fighting qualities, of setting in motion the machinery of the civil law--a thing much abhorred by the soldier.
Under any circ.u.mstances their fun had come and pa.s.sed; the next pay-day was close at hand, when there would be beer for all. Wherefore longer conserve the painted palanquin?
"A first-cla.s.s rifle-shot an" a good little man av your inches you are,"
said Mulvaney. "But you niver had a head worth a soft-boiled egg. "Tis me has to lie awake av nights schamin" an" plottin" for the three av us.
Orth"ris, me son, "tis no matther av a few gallons av beer--no, nor twenty gallons--but tubs an" vats an" firkins in that sedan-chair. Who ut was, an" what ut was, an" how ut got there, we do not know; but I know in my bones that you an" me an" Jock wid his sprained thumb will get a fortune thereby. Lave me alone, an" let me think."
Meantime the palanquin stayed in my stall, the key of which was in Mulvaney"s hands.
Pay-day came, and with it beer. It was not in experience to hope that Mulvaney, dried by four weeks" drought, would avoid excess. Next morning he and the palanquin had disappeared. He had taken the precaution of getting three days" leave "to see a friend on the railway," and the colonel, well knowing that the seasonal outburst was near, and hoping it would spend its force beyond the limits of his jurisdiction, cheerfully gave him all he demanded. At this point Mulvaney"s history, as recorded in the mess-room, stopped.
Ortheris carried it not much further. "No, "e wasn"t drunk," said the little man loyally, "the liquor was no more than feelin" its way round inside of "im; but "e went an" filled that "ole bloomin" palanquin with bottles "fore "e went off. "E"s gone an" "ired six men to carry "im, an" I "ad to "elp "im into "is nupshal couch, "cause "e wouldn"t "ear reason.
"E"s gone off in "is shirt an" trousies, swearin" tremenjus--gone down the road in the palanquin, wavin" "is legs out o" windy."
"Yes," said I, "but where?"
"Now you arx me a question. "E said "e was goin" to sell that palanquin, but from observations what happened when I was stuffin" "im through the door, I fancy "e"s gone to the new embankment to mock at Dearsley. "Soon as Jock"s off duty I"m goin" there to see if "e"s safe--not Mulvaney, but t"other man. My saints, but I pity "im as "elps Terence out o" the palanquin when "e"s once fair drunk!"
"He"ll come back without harm," I said.
""Corse "e will. On"y question is, what "ll "e be doin" on the road?
Killing Dearsley, like as not. "E shouldn"t "a gone without Jock or me."
Reinforced by Learoyd, Ortheris sought the foreman of the coolie-gang.
Dearsley"s head was still embellished with towels. Mulvaney, drunk or sober, would have struck no man in that condition, and Dearsley indignantly denied that he would have taken advantage of the intoxicated brave.
"I had my pick o" you two," he explained to Learoyd, "and you got my palanquin--not before I"d made my profit on it. Why"d I do harm when everything"s settled? Your man _did_ come here--drunk as Davy"s sow on a frosty night--came a-purpose to mock me--stuck his head out of the door an" called me a crucified hodman. I made him drunker, an" sent him along.
But I never touched him."
To these things Learoyd, slow to perceive the evidences of sincerity, answered only, "If owt comes to Mulvaaney "long o" you, I"ll gripple you, clouts or no clouts on your ugly head, an" I"ll draw t" throat twistyways, man. See there now."
The emba.s.sy removed itself, and Dearsley, the battered, laughed alone over his supper that evening.
Three days pa.s.sed--a fourth and a fifth. The week drew to a close and Mulvaney did not return. He, his royal palanquin, and his six attendants, had vanished into air. A very large and very tipsy soldier, his feet sticking out of the litter of a reigning princess, is not a thing to travel along the ways without comment. Yet no man of all the country round had seen any such wonder. He was, and he was not; and Learoyd suggested the immediate smashment of Dearsley as a sacrifice to his ghost. Ortheris insisted that all was well, and in the light of past experience his hopes seemed reasonable.
"When Mulvaney goes up the road," said he, ""e"s like to go a very long ways up, specially when "e"s so blue drunk as "e is now. But what gits me is "is not bein" "eard of pullin" wool off the n.i.g.g.e.rs somewheres about.
That don"t look good. The drink must ha" died out in "im by this, unless e"s broke a bank, an" then--Why don"t "e come back? "E didn"t ought to ha"
gone off without us."
Even Ortheris"s heart sank at the end of the seventh day, for half the regiment were out scouring the countryside, and Learoyd had been forced to fight two men who hinted openly that Mulvaney had deserted. To do him justice, the colonel laughed at the notion, even when it was put forward by his much-trusted adjutant.
"Mulvaney would as soon think of deserting as you would," said he. "No; he"s either fallen into a mischief among the villagers--and yet that isn"t likely, for he"d blarney himself out of the Pit; or else he is engaged on urgent private affairs--some stupendous devilment that we shall hear of at mess after it has been the round of the barrack-rooms. The worst of it is that I shall have to give him twenty-eight days" confinement at least for being absent without leave, just when I most want him to lick the new batch of recruits into shape. I never knew a man who could put a polish on young soldiers as quickly as Mulvaney can. How does he do it?"
"With blarney and the buckle-end of a belt, sir," said the adjutant. "He is worth a couple of non-commissioned officers when we are dealing with an Irish draft, and the London lads seem to adore him. The worst of it is that if he goes to the cells the other two are neither to hold nor to bind till he comes out again. I believe Ortheris preaches mutiny on those occasions, and I know that the mere presence of Learoyd mourning for Mulvaney kills all the cheerfulness of his room, The sergeants tell me that he allows no man to laugh when he feels unhappy. They are a queer gang."
"For all that, I wish we had a few more of them. I like a well-conducted regiment, but these pasty-faced, shifty-eyed, mealy-mouthed young slouchers from the depot worry me sometimes with their offensive virtue.
They don"t seem to have backbone enough to do anything but play cards and prowl round the married quarters. I believe I"d forgive that old villain on the spot if he turned up with any sort of explanation that I could in decency accept."
"Not likely to be much difficulty about that, sir," said the adjutant.
"Mulvaney"s explanations are only one degree less wonderful than his performances. They say that when he was in the Black Tyrone, before he came to us, he was discovered on the banks of the Liffey trying to sell his colonel"s charger to a Donegal dealer as a perfect lady"s hack.
Shackbolt commanded the Tyrone then."
"Shackbolt must have had apoplexy at the thought of his ramping war-horses answering to that description. He used to buy unbacked devils, and tame them on some pet theory of starvation. What did Mulvaney say?"
"That he was a member of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, anxious to "sell the poor baste where he would get something to fill out his dimples." Shackbolt laughed, but I fancy that was why Mulvaney exchanged to ours."
"I wish he were back," said the colonel; "for I like him and believe he likes me."
That evening, to cheer our souls, Learoyd, Ortheris, and I went into the waste to smoke out a porcupine. All the dogs attended, but even their clamor--and they began to discuss the shortcomings of porcupines before they left cantonments--could not take us out of ourselves. A large, low moon turned the tops of the plume-gra.s.s to silver, and the stunted camel-thorn bushes and sour tamarisks into the likenesses of trooping devils. The smell of the sun had not left the earth, and little aimless winds blowing across the rose-gardens to the southward brought the scent of dried roses and water. Our fire once started, and the dogs craftily disposed to wait the dash of the porcupine, we climbed to the top of a rain-scarred hillock of earths and looked across the scrub seamed with cattle paths, white with the long gra.s.s, and dotted with spots of level pond-bottom, where the snipe would gather in winter.
"This," said Ortheris, with a sigh, as he took in the unkempt desolation of it all, "this is sanguinary. This is unusually sanguinary. Sort o" mad country. Like a grate when the fire"s put out by the sun." He shaded his eyes against the moonlight. "An" there"s a loony dancin" in the middle of it all. Quite right. I"d dance too if I wasn"t so downheart."
There pranced a Portent in the face of the moon--a huge and ragged spirit of the waste, that flapped its wings from afar. It had risen out of the earth; it was coming toward us, and its outline was never twice the same.
The toga, table-cloth, or dressing-gown, whatever the creature wore, took a hundred shapes. Once it stopped on a neighboring mound and flung all its legs and arms to the winds.
"My, but that scarecrow "as got "em bad!" said Ortheris. "Seems like if "e comes any furder we"ll "ave to argify with "im."
Learoyd raised himself from the dirt as a bull clears his flanks of the wallow. And as a bull bellows, so he, after a short minute at gaze, gave tongue to the stars.
"MULVAANEY! MULVAANEY! A-hoo!"
Oh then it was that we yelled, and the figure dipped into the hollow, till, with a crash of rending gra.s.s, the lost one strode up to the light of the fire, and disappeared to the waist in a wave of joyous dogs! Then Learoyd and Ortheris gave greeting, ba.s.s and falsetto together, both swallowing a lump in the throat.
"You d.a.m.ned fool!" said they, and severally pounded him with their fists.
"Go easy!" he answered; wrapping a huge arm around each. "I would have you to know that I am a G.o.d, to be treated as such--tho", by my faith, I fancy I"ve got to go to the guardroom just like a privit soldier."
The latter part of the sentence destroyed the suspicions raised by the former. Any one would have been justified in regarding Mulvaney as mad. He was hatless and shoeless, and his shirt and trousers were dropping off him. But he wore one wondrous garment--a gigantic cloak that fell from collar-bone to heel--of pale pink silk, wrought all over in cunningest needlework of hands long since dead, with the loves of the Hindu G.o.ds. The monstrous figures leaped in and out of the light of the fire as he settled the folds round him.
Ortheris handled the stuff respectfully for a moment while I was trying to remember where I had seen it before. Then he screamed, "What _"ave_ you done with the palanquin? You"re wearin" the linin"."
"I am," said the Irishman, "an" by the same token the "broidery is sc.r.a.pin" my hide off. I"ve lived in this sumpshus counterpane for four days. Me son, I begin to ondherstand why the naygur is no use, Widout me boots, an" me trousies like an openwork stocking on a gyurl"s leg at a dance, I begin to feel like a naygur-man--all fearful an" timoreous. Give me a pipe an" I"ll tell on."
He lit a pipe, resumed his grip of his two friends, and rocked to and fro in a gale of laughter.
"Mulvaney," said Ortheris sternly, ""tain"t no time for laughin". You"ve given Jock an" me more trouble than you"re worth. You "ave been absent without leave an" you"ll go into cells for that; an" you "ave come back disgustin"ly dressed an" most improper in the linin" o" that bloomin"
palanquin, Instid of which you laugh. An" we thought you was dead all the time."
"Bhoys," said the culprit, still shaking gently, "whin I"ve done my tale you may cry if you like, an" little Orth"ris here can thrample my inside out. Ha" done an" listen. My performinces have been stupenjus: my luck has been the blessed luck av the British Army--an" there"s no betther than that. I went out dhrunk an" dhrinkin" in the palanquin, and I have come back a pink G.o.d. Did any of you go to Dearsley afther my time was up? He was at the bottom of ut all."
"Ah said so," murmured Learoyd. "Tomorrow ah"ll smash t" face in upon his heead."
"Ye will not. Dearsley"s a jool av a man. Afther Ortheris had put me into the palanquin an" the six bearer-men were gruntin" down the road, I tuk thought to mock Dearsley for that fight. So I tould thim, "Go to the embankmint," and there, bein" most amazin" full, I shtuck my head out av the concern an" pa.s.sed compliments wid Dearsley. I must ha" miscalled him outrageous, for whin I am that way the power av the tongue comes on me. I can bare remimber tellin" him that his mouth opened endways like the mouth av a skate, which was thrue afther Learoyd had handled ut; an" I clear remimber his takin" no manner nor matter av offence, but givin" me a big dhrink of beer. Twas the beer did the thrick, for I crawled back into the palanquin, steppin" on me right ear wid me left foot, an" thin slept like the dead. Wanst I half-roused, an" begad the noise in my head was tremenjus--roarin" and rattlin" an" poundin", such as was quite new to me.
"Mother av Mercy," thinks I, "phwat a concertina I will have on my shoulders whin I wake!" An" wid that I curls mysilf up to sleep before ut should get hould on me. Bhoys, that noise was not dhrink, "twas the rattle av a thrain!"
There followed an impressive pause.