""Fair words, Sargint," sez I, "or I may be insolint again,"
""Tis not like you," sez he, "to lave your rifle in the rack widout the breech-pin, for widout the breech-pin she was whin Vulmea fired. I should ha" found the break av ut in the eyes av the holes, else," he sez.
""Sargint," sez I, "fwhat wud your life ha" been worth av the breech-pin had been in place, for, on my sowl, my life wud be worth just as much to me av I tould you whether ut was or was not. Be thankful the bullet was not there," I sez.
""That"s thrue," sez he, pulling his moustache; "but I do not believe that you, for all your lip, was in that business."
""Sargint," sez I, "I cud hammer the life out av a man in ten minuts wid my fistes if that man dishpleased me; for I am a good sodger, an" I will be threated as such, an" whoile my fistes are my own they"re strong enough for all work I have to do. They do not fly back toward me!" sez I, lookin"
him betune the eyes.
""You"re a good man," sez he, lookin" me betune the eyes--an" oh he was a gran"-built man to see!--"you"re a good man," he sez, "an" I cud wish, for the pure frolic av ut, that I was not a Sargint, or that you were not a Privit; an" you will think me no coward whin I say this thing."
""I do not," sez I. "I saw you whin Vulmea mishandled the rifle. But, Sargint," I sez, "take the wurrd from me now, spakin" as man to man wid the shtripes off, tho" "tis little right I have to talk, me being fwhat I am by natur". This time ye tuk no harm, an" next time ye may not, but, in the ind, so sure as Slimmy"s wife came into the veranda, so sure will ye take harm--an" bad harm. Have thought, Sargint," sez I. "Is ut worth ut?"
""Ye"re a bould man," sez he, breathin" harrd. "A very bould man. But I am a bould man tu. Do you go your way, Privit Mulvaney, an" I will go mine."
"We had no further s.p.a.che thin or afther, but, wan by another, he drafted the twelve av my room out into other rooms an" got thim spread among the Comp"nies, for they was not a good breed to live together, an" the Comp"ny orf"cers saw ut. They wud ha" shot me in the night av they had known fwhat I knew; but that they did not.
"An", in the ind, as I said, O"Hara met his death from Rafferty for foolin" wid his wife. He wint his own way too well--Eyah, too well!
Shtraight to that affair, widout turnin" to the right or to the lef", he wint, an" may the Lord have mercy on his sowl. Amin!"
""Ear! "Ear!" said Ortheris, pointing the moral with a wave of his pipe, "An" this is "im "oo would be a bloomin" Vulmea all for the sake of Mullins an" a bloomin" b.u.t.ton! Mullins never went after a woman in his life. Mrs. Mullins, she saw "im one day"--
"Ortheris," I said, hastily, for the romances of Private Ortheris are all too daring for publication, "look at the sun. It"s quarter past six!"
"O Lord! Three quarters of an hour for five an" a "arf miles! We"ll "ave to run like Jimmy-O."
The Three Musketeers clambered on to the bridge, and departed hastily in the direction of the cantonment road. When I overtook them I offered them two stirrups and a tail, which they accepted enthusiastically. Ortheris held the tail, and in this manner we trotted steadily through the shadows by an unfrequented road.
At the turn into the cantonments we heard carriage wheels. It was the Colonel"s barouche, and in it sat the Colonel"s wife and daughter. I caught a suppressed chuckle, and my beast sprang forward with a lighter step.
The Three Musketeers had vanished into the night.
THE TAKING OF LUNGTUNGPEN
So we loosed a bloomin" volley, An" we made the beggars cut, An" when our pouch was emptied out.
We used the bloomin" b.u.t.t, Ho! My!
Don"t yer come anigh, When Tommy is a playin" with the baynit an" the b.u.t.t.
_--Barrack Room Ballad_.
My friend Private Mulvaney told me this, sitting on the parapet of the road to Dagshai, when we were hunting b.u.t.terflies together. He had theories about the Army, and colored clay pipes perfectly. He said that the young soldier is the best to work with, "on account av the surpa.s.sing innocinse av the child."
"Now, listen!" said Mulvaney, throwing himself full length on the wall in the sun. "I"m a born scutt av the barrick-room! The Army"s mate an" dhrink to me, bekaze I"m wan av the few that can"t quit ut. I"ve put in sivinteen years, an" the pipeclay"s in the marrow av me. Av I cud have kept out av wan big dhrink a month, I wud have been a Hon"ry Lift"nint by this time--a nuisince to my betthers, a laughin"-shtock to my equils, an" a curse to meself. Bein" fwhat I am, I"m Privit Mulvaney, wid no good-conduc" pay an"
a devourin" thirst. Always barrin" me little frind Bobs Bahadur, I know as much about the Army as most men."
I said something here.
"Wolseley be shot! Betune you an" me an" that b.u.t.terfly net, he"s a ramblin", incoherint sort av a divil, wid wan oi on the Quane an" the Coort, an" the other on his blessed silf--everlastin"ly playing Saysar an"
Alexandrier rowled into a lump. Now Bobs is a sinsible little man. Wid Bobs an" a few three-year-olds, I"d swape any army av the earth into a towel, an" throw it away aftherward. Faith, I"m not jokin"! Tis the bhoys--the raw bhoys--that don"t know fwhat a bullut manes, an" wudn"t care av they did--that dhu the work. They"re crammed wid bull-mate till they fairly _ramps_ wid good livin"; and thin, av they don"t fight, they blow each other"s hids off. "Tis the trut" I"m tellin" you. They shud be kept on water an" rice in the hot weather; but there"d be a mut"ny av "twas done.
"Did ye iver hear how Privit Mulvaney tuk the town av Lungtungpen? I thought not! "Twas the Lift"nint got the credit; but "twas me planned the schame. A little before I was inviladed from Burma, me an" four-an"-twenty young wans undher a Lift"nint Brazenose, was ruinin" our dijeshins thryin"
to catch dacoits. An" such double-ended divils I niver knew! Tis only a _dah_ an" a Snider that makes a dacoit, Widout thim, he"s a paceful cultivator, an" felony for to shoot. We hunted, an" we hunted, an" tuk fever an" elephints now an" again; but no dacoits, Evenshually, we _puckarowed_ wan man, "Trate him tinderly," sez the Lift"nint. So I tuk him away into the jungle, wid the Burmese Interprut"r an" my clanin"-rod.
Sez I to the man, "My paceful squireen," sez I, "you shquot on your hunkers an" dimonstrate to _my_ frind here, where _your_ frinds are whin they"re at home?" Wid that I introjuced him to the clanin"-rod, an" he comminst to jabber; the Interprut"r interprutin" in betweens, an" me helpin" the Intilligince Departmint wid my clanin"-rod whin the man misremimbered.
"Prisintly, I learn that, acrost the river, about nine miles away, was a town just dhrippin" wid dahs, an" bohs an" arrows, an" dacoits, and elephints, an" _jingles_. "Good!" sez I; "this office will now close!"
"That night, I went to the Lift"nint an" communicates my information. I never thought much of Lift"nint Brazenose till that night. He was shtiff wid books an" theouries, an" all manner av thrimmin"s no manner av use.
"Town did ye say?" sez he. "Accordin" to the theouries av War, we shud wait for reinforcemints."--"Faith!" thinks I, "we"d betther dig our graves thin;" for the nearest throops was up to their shtocks in the marshes out Mimbu way. "But," says the Lift"nint, "since "tis a speshil case, I"ll make an excepshin. We"ll visit this Lungtungpen to-night."
"The bhoys was fairly woild wid deloight whin I tould "em; an", by this an" that, they wint through the jungle like buck-rabbits. About midnight we come to the shtrame which I had clane forgot to minshin to my orficer.
I was on, ahead, wid four bhoys, an" I thought that the Lift"nint might want to theourise. "Shtrip boys!" sez I. "Shtrip to the buff, an" shwim in where glory waits!"--"But I _can"t_ shwim!" sez two av thim. "To think I should live to hear that from a bhoy wid a board-school edukashin!" sez I.
"Take a lump av timber, an" me an" Conolly here will ferry ye over, ye young ladies!"
"We got an ould tree-trunk, an" pushed off wid the kits an" the rifles on it. The night was chokin" dhark, an" just as we was fairly embarked, I heard the Lift"nint behind av me callin" out. "There"s a bit av a _nullah_ here, sorr," sez I, "but I can feel the bottom already." So I cud, for I was not a yard from the bank.
""Bit av a _nullah!_ Bit av an eshtuary!" sez the Lift"nint. "Go on, ye mad Irishman! Shtrip bhoys!" I heard him laugh; an" the bhoys begun shtrippin" an" rollin" a log into the wather to put their kits on. So me an" Conolly shtruck out through the warm wather wid our log, an" the rest come on behind.
"That shtrame was miles woide! Orth"ris, on the rear-rank log, whispers we had got into the Thames below Sheerness by mistake. "Kape on shwimmin", ye little blayguard," sez I, "an" don"t go pokin" your dirty jokes at the Irriwaddy,"--"Silince, men!" sings out the Lift"nint. So we shwum on into the black dhark, wid our chests on the logs, trustin" in the Saints an"
the luck av the British Army.
"Evenshually, we hit ground--a bit av sand--an" a man. I put my heel on the back av him. He skreeched an" ran.
""_Now_ we"ve done it!" sez Lift"nint Brazenose. "Where the Divil _is_ Lungtungpen?" There was about a minute and a half to wait. The bhoys laid a hould av their rifles an" some thried to put their belts on; we was marchin" wid fixed baynits av coorse. Thin we knew where Lungtungpen was; for we had hit the river-wall av it in the dhark, an" the whole town blazed wid thim messin" _jingles_ an" Sniders like a cat"s back on a frosty night. They was firin" all ways at wanst, but over our hids into the shtrame.
""Have you got your rifles?" sez Brazenose. "Got "em!" sez Orth"ris. "I"ve got that thief Mulvaney"s for all my back-pay, an" she"ll kick my heart sick wid that blunderin" long shtock av hers."--"Go on!" yells Brazenose, whippin" his sword out. "Go on an" take the town! An" the Lord have mercy on our sowls!"
"Thin the bhoys gave wan divastatin" howl, an" pranced into the dhark, feelin" for the town, an" blindin" an" stiffin" like Cavalry Ridin"
Masters whin the gra.s.s p.r.i.c.ked their bare legs. I hammered wid the b.u.t.t at some bamboo-thing that felt wake, an" the rest come an" hammered contagious, while the _jingles_ was jingling, an" feroshus yells from inside was shplittin" our ears. We was too close under the wall for thim to hurt us.
"Evenshually, the thing, whatever ut was, bruk; an" the six-and-twinty av us tumbled, wan after the other, naked as we was borrun, into the town of Lungtungpen. There was a _melly_ av a sumpshus kind for a whoile; but whether they tuk us, all white an" wet, for a new breed av divil, or a new kind av dacoit, I don"t know. They ran as though we was both, an" we wint into thim, baynit an" b.u.t.t, shriekin" wid laughin". There was torches in the shtreets, an" I saw little Orth"ris rubbin" his showlther ivry time he loosed my long-shtock Martini; an" Brazenose walkin" into the gang wid his sword, like Diarmid av the Gowlden Collar--barring he hadn"t a st.i.tch av clothin" on him. We diskivered elephints wid dacoits under their bellies, an", what wid wan thing an" another, we was busy till mornin" takin"
possession av the town of Lungtungpen.
"Thin we halted an" formed up, the wimmen howlin" in the houses an"
Lift"nint Brazenose blushin" pink in the light av the mornin" sun. "Twas the most ondasint p"rade I iver tuk a hand in. Foive-and-twenty privits an" a orficer av the Line in review ordher, an" not as much as wud dust a fife betune "em all in the way of clothin"! Eight av us had their belts an" pouches on; but the rest had gone in wid a handful av cartridges an"
the skin G.o.d gave thim. _They_ was as nakid as Va.n.u.s.
""Number off from the right!" sez the Lift"nint. "Odd numbers fall out to dress; even numbers pathrol the town till relieved by the dressing party."
Let me tell you, pathrollin" a town wid nothing on is an ex_pay_rience. I pathrolled for tin minutes, an" begad, before "twas over, I blushed. The women laughed so. I niver blushed before or since; but I blushed all over my carkiss thin. Orth"ris didn"t pathrol. He sez only, "Portsmith Barricks an" the "Ard av a Sunday! Thin he lay down an" rowled any ways wid laughin".
"Whin we was all dhressed, we counted the dead--sivinty-foive dacoits besides wounded. We tuk five elephints, a hunder" an" sivinty Sniders, two hunder" dahs, and a lot av other burglarious thruck. Not a man av us was hurt--excep" maybe the Lift"nint, an" he from the shock to his dasincy.
"The Headman av Lungtungpen, who surrinder"d himself, asked the Interprut"r--""Av the English fight like that wid their clo"es off, what in the wurruld do they do wid their clo"es on?" Orth"ris began rowlin" his eyes an" crackin" his fingers an" dancin" a step-dance for to impress the Headman. He ran to his house; an" we spint the rest av the day carryin"
the Lift"nint on our showlthers round the town, an" playin" wid the Burmese babies--fat, little, brown little divils, as pretty as picturs.
"Whin I was inviladed for the dysent"ry to India, I sez to the Lift"nint, "Sorr," sez I, "you"ve the makin"s in you av a great man; but, av you"ll let an ould sodger spake, you"re too fond of the-ourisin"." He shuk hands wid me and sez, "Hit high, hit low, there"s no plasin" you, Mulvaney.
You"ve seen me waltzin" through Lungtungpen like a Red Injin widout the warpaint, an" you say I"m too fond av the-ourisin"?"--"Sorr," sez I, for I loved the bhoy; "I wud waltz wid you in that condishin through _h.e.l.l_, an"