Yorkshireman like you"--
"Nay," says I, "it"s none o" t" blunderin" Yorkshireman she wants; it"s Rip. He"s t" gentleman this journey."
Soa t" next day, Mulvaney an" Rip an" me goes to Mrs. DeSussa"s, an" t"
Irishman bein" a strainger she wor a bit shy at fost. But yo"ve heeard Mulvaney talk, an" yo" may believe as he fairly bewitched t" awd la.s.s wal she let out "at she wanted to tek Rip away wi" her to Munsooree Pahar.
Then Mulvaney changes his tune an" axes her solemn-like if she"d thought o" t" consequences o" gettin" two poor but honest soldiers sent t"
And.a.m.ning Islands. Mrs. DeSussa began to cry, so Mulvaney turns round oppen t" other tack and smooths her down, allowin" "at Rip ud be a vast better off in t" Hills than down i" Bengal, and "twas a pity he shouldn"t go wheer he was so well beliked. And soa he went on, backin" an" fillin"
an" workin" up t"awd la.s.s wal she fell as if her life warn"t worth nowt if she didn"t hev t" dog.
Then all of a suddint he says:--"But ye _shall_ have him, marm, for I"ve a feelin" heart, not like this could-blooded Yorkshireman; but "twill cost ye not a penny less than three hundher rupees."
"Don"t yo" believe him, mum," says I; "t" Colonel"s Laady wouldn"t tek five hundred for him."
"Who said she would?" says Mulvaney; "it"s not buyin" him I mane, but for the sake o" this kind, good laady, I"ll do what I never dreamt to do in my life. I"ll stale him!"
"Don"t say steal," says Mrs. DeSussa; "he shall have the happiest home.
Dogs often get lost, you know, and then they stray, an" he likes me and I like him as I niver liked a dog yet, an" I _must_ hev him. If I got him at t" last minute I could carry him off to Munsooree Pahar and n.o.body would niver knaw."
Now an" again Mulvaney looked acrost at me, an" though I could mak nowt o"
what he was after, I concluded to take his leead.
"Well, mum," I says, "I never thowt to coom down to dog-steealin", but if my comrade sees how it could be done to oblige a laady like yo"-sen, I"m nut t" man to hod back, tho" it"s a bad business I"m thinkin", an" three hundred rupees is a poor set-off again t" chance of them d.a.m.ning Islands as Mulvaney talks on."
"I"ll mek it three fifty," says Mrs. DeSussa; "only let me hev t" dog!"
So we let her persuade us, an" she teks Rip"s measure theer an" then, an"
sent to Hamilton"s to order a silver collar again t" time when he was to be her awn, which was to be t" day she set off for Munsooree Pahar.
"Sitha, Mulvaney," says I, when we was outside, "you"re niver goin" to let her hev Rip!"
"An" would ye disappoint a poor old woman?" says he; "she shall have _a_ Rip."
"An" wheer"s he to come through?" says I.
"Learoyd, my man," he sings out, "you"re a pretty man av your inches an" a good comrade, but your head is made av duff. Isn"t our friend Orth"ris a Taxidermist, an" a rale artist wid his nimble white fingers? An" what"s a Taxidermist but a man who can thrate shkins? Do ye mind the white dog that belongs to the Canteen Sargint, bad cess to him---he that"s lost half his time an" snarlin" the rest? He shall be lost for _good_ now; an" do ye mind that he"s the very spit in shape an" size av the Colonel"s, barrin"
that his tail is an inch too long, an" he has none av the color that divarsifies the rale Rip, an" his timper is that av his masther an" worse.
But fwhat is an inch on a dog"s tail? An" fwhat to a professional like Orth"ris is a few ringstraked shpots av black, brown, an" white? Nothin"
at all, at all."
Then we meets Orth"ris, an" that little man, bein" sharp as a needle, seed his way through t" business in a minute. An" he went to work a-practicin"
"air-dyes the very next day, beginnin" on some white rabbits he had, an"
then he drored all Rip"s markin"s on t" back of a white Commissariat bullock, so as to get his "and in an" be sure of his colors; shadin" off brown into black as nateral as life. If Rip _hed_ a fault it was too mich markin", but it was straingely reg"lar an" Orth"ris settled himself to make a fost-rate job on it when he got haud o" t" Canteen Sargint"s dog.
Theer niver was sich a dog as thot for bad temper, an" it did nut get no better when his tail hed to be fettled an inch an" a half shorter. But they may talk o" theer Royal Academies as they like. _I_ niver seed a bit o" animal paintin" to beat t" copy as Orth"ris made of Rip"s marks, wal t"
picter itself was snarlin" all t" time an" tryin" to get at Rip standin"
theer to be copied as good as goold.
Orth"ris allus hed as mich conceit on himsen as would lift a balloon, an"
he wor so pleeased wi" his sham Rip he wor for tekking him to Mrs. DeSussa before she went away. But Mulvaney an" me stopped thot, knowin" Orth"ris"s work, though niver so cliver, was n.o.bbut skin-deep.
An" at last Mrs. DeSussa fixed t" day for startin" to Munsooree Pahar. We was to tek Rip to t" stayshun i" a basket an" hand him ovver just when they was ready to start, an" then she"d give us t" bra.s.s--as was agreed upon.
An" my wod! It were high time she were off, for them "air-dyes upon t"
cur"s back took a vast of paintin" to keep t" reet culler, tho" Orth"ris spent a matter o" seven rupees six annas i" t" best drooggist shops i"
Calcutta.
An" t" Canteen Sargint was lookin" for "is dog everywheer; an", wi" bein"
tied up, t" beast"s timper got waur nor ever.
It wor i" t" evenin" when t" train started thro" Howrah, an" we "elped Mrs. DeSussa wi" about sixty boxes, an" then we gave her t" basket.
Orth"ris, for pride av his work, axed us to let him coom along wi" us, an"
he couldn"t help liftin" t" lid an" showin" t" cur as he lay coiled oop.
"Oh!" says t" awd la.s.s; "the beautee! How sweet he looks!" An" just then t" beauty snarled an" showed his teeth, so Mulvaney shuts down t" lid and says: "Ye"ll be careful, marm, whin ye tek him out. He"s disaccustomed to traveling by t" railway, an" he"ll be sure to want his rale mistress an"
his friend Learoyd, so ye"ll make allowance for his feelings at fost."
She would do all thot an" more for the dear, good Rip, an" she would nut oppen t" basket till they were miles away, for fear anybody should recognize him, an" we were real good and kind soldier-men, we were, an"
she honds me a bundle o" notes, an" then cooms up a few of her relations an" friends to say good-bye--not more than seventy-five there wasn"t--an"
we cuts away.
What coom to t" three hundred and fifty rupees? Thot"s what I can scarcelins tell yo", but we melted it--we melted it. It was share an"
share alike, for Mulvaney said: "If Learoyd got hold of Mrs. DeSussa first, sure, "twas I that remimbered the Sargint"s dog just in the nick av time, an" Orth"ris was the artist av janius that made a work av art out av that ugly piece av ill-nature. Yet, by way av a thank-offerin" that I was not led into felony by that wicked ould woman, I"ll send a thrifle to Father Victor for the poor people he"s always beggin" for."
But me an" Orth"ris, he bein" c.o.c.kney, an" I bein" pretty far north, did nut see it i" t" saame way. We"d getten t" bra.s.s, an" we meaned to keep it. An" soa we did--for a short time.
Noa, noa, we niver heeard a wod more o" t" awd la.s.s. Our rig"mint went to Pindi, an" t" Canteen Sargint he got himself another tyke insteead o" t"
one "at got lost so reg"lar, an" was lost for good at last.
WRESSLEY OF THE FOREIGN OFFICE
I closed and drew for my Love"s sake, That now is false to me, And I slew the Riever of Tarrant Moss, And set Dumeny free.
And ever they give me praise and gold, And ever I moan my loss; For I struck the blow for my false Love"s sake, And not for the men of the Moss!
_--Tarrant Moss._
One of the many curses of our life in India is the want of atmosphere in the painter"s sense. There are no half-tints worth noticing. Men stand out all crude and raw, with nothing to tone them down, and nothing to scale them against. They do their work, and grow to think that there is nothing but their work, and nothing like their work, and that they are the real pivots on which the Administration turns. Here is an instance of this feeling. A half-caste clerk was ruling forms in a Pay Office. He said to me, "Do you know what would happen if I added or took away one single line on this sheet?" Then, with the air of a conspirator, "It would disorganize the whole of the Treasury payments throughout the whole of the Presidency Circle! Think of that!"
If men had not this delusion as to the ultra-importance of their own particular employments, I suppose that they would sit down and kill themselves. But their weakness is wearisome, particularly when the listener knows that he himself commits exactly the same sin.
Even the Secretariat believes that it does good when it asks an over-driven Executive Officer to take a census of wheat-weevils through a district of five thousand square miles.
There was a man once in the Foreign Office--a man who had grown middle-aged in the Department, and was commonly said, by irreverent juniors, to be able to repeat Aitchison"s _Treaties and Sunnuds_ backward in his sleep. What he did with his stored knowledge only the Secretary knew; and he, naturally, would not publish the news abroad. This man"s name was Wressley, and it was the Shibboleth, in those days, to say--"Wressley knows more about the Central Indian States than any living man." If you did not say this, you were considered one of mean understanding.
Nowadays, the man who says that he knows the ravel of the inter-tribal complications across the Border is more of use; but, in Wressley"s time, much attention was paid to the Central Indian States. They were called "foci" and "factors," and all manner of imposing names.
And here the curse of Anglo-Indian life fell heavily. When Wressley lifted up his voice, and spoke about such-and-such a succession to such-and-such a throne, the Foreign Office were silent, and Heads of Departments repeated the last two or three words of Wressley"s sentences, and tacked "yes, yes," on to them, and knew that they were a.s.sisting the Empire to grapple with serious political contingencies. In most big undertakings, one or two men do the work while the rest sit near and talk till the ripe decorations begin to fall.