Inside, Prof. Todd was standing at a lectern at the front of the huge auditorium, waiting for all of us to take our seats. His grin was more crooked than I had ever seen it. The Super Chief and the Head Witch Doctor were seated behind him, facing the audience. He beckoned to me to sit with them. As I obeyed, the bustle ceased.
Every eye was on him.
"Brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews," he said, "The day has come! We have labored long and hard for this moment. Every one of you, including the children, knows English, and most of you know another language besides, as well as the history, customs and economics of the country you have been a.s.signed to. We must move swiftly to bring order out of the chaos the world is in. Can we do it?"
"Yes!" the crowd roared."Good, good," he said. "Now let"s line up according to continent."
"What about us?" I asked my husband.
"We"re the Supreme Arbiters," he said. "Didn"t the Professor tell you how we"ve been organizing ourselves?"
"Not a word," I answered. "We"ve been busy experimenting on all kinds of vegetations "With what results?"
"None," I said. "Not a thing."
"That"s wonderful!" cried my, father. "Absolutely wonderful!"
"What"s wonderful?" I asked in complete confusion. "Why won"t anyone tell me what this is all about?"
Prof. Todd had turned toward us, listening and grinning. "Please join me in leading the parade to the airfield," he said, "and I"ll explain on the way."
We fell into step with him. Suddenly I remembered running, after him, when my stride was five to his one. Now I compared him with my two men and realized what I had not noticed, the change had been so gradual. Prof. Todd was mere inches taller than them, instead of almost two feet, and our strides were just about equal!"
"You guessed it, Princess," he said cheerfully. "Every living thing on Earth except vegetation is on its way toward becoming a tenth of its former size!"
"The moss?" I asked. He nodded. "But I destroyed it all!"
"Token amounts," he said. "Just enough to keep you from unwittingly spoiling Plan C.".
"You haven"t explained Plan A and Plan B," I said, angry at being made a mere puppet.
"Dr. Perry and Prof. Kropotkin did what I wanted them to do," he said. "They turned over the moss and the tiny people and dogs to their military, who immediately saw its strategic value. Their nations grew the moss as fast as it would grow which is phenomenally when exposed to light hydroponic tanks and shared it with their allies. When they had enough of it they spirited it into the streams, rivers, lakes and reservoirs of their enemies. There isn"t one single piece of land, from all the continents to the tiniest island, that isn"t clogged with it."
"But how did they do it?" I asked.
"Tourists," he said.
"And what is Plan C?""To take over the world." He laughed teasingly. "But first, let"s get your people distributed."
There were many bush planes on the airfield, which were loaded according to ultimate destination, and flown to Mlarki by Pigmy Pilots, where supersonic jets stood waiting, also manned by Pigmies. Each jet had its destinations clearly marked and filled up with people who knew exactly where they were going, why, and what they were to do there.
Except me.
I found my hand being shaken while my husband and father took turns hugging me and saying goodbye. "Wait!" I wailed. "I don"t know what"s expected of me! And when will I see my two men again?"
"The Pigmies a.s.signed to each nation are responsible to you, the Head Witch Doctor and the Super Chief," said Todd, finally letting go of my hand. "You"ll see them both two weeks a year, on your vacations."
"With pay!" added my father.
"And what will you do?" I asked Prof. Todd.
"Go back to the specimens we gathered, an experiment rudely interrupted," he said.
"But I"ll need a lab scaled down to the size I"ll soon be."
"Don"t grieve," my husband said comfortingly. "It"s the n.o.blest job a people can have, bringing peace and justice to the world. Anyhow, we"ll be talking by telephone as often as the budget will allow."
"And will I always be your Number One Wife?" I asked fearfully.
"Always," he said.
"Promise?"
"Promise!"
We all took separate planes and I was whooshed to New York and my deluxe suit at the Waldorf-Astoria, where, looking out the fourth-floor window, I can see the people scurrying like the warrior ants of my native Africa.
There. I think the story is complete. Prof. Todd asked me to write it for posterity, and he has been waiting patiently for me to finish it. He wants to add a few words.
Prof. Todd: Thank you, Princess Wamba.
I find the forgoing extremely accurate, but a little unclear about Plan C. I wasn"t trying to tease Her Highness or create suspense; there were just too many details andgetting people into their proper planes to allow me to explain Plan C.
To put it as briefly as possible, it consists of the Pigmies acting as Governors General, each aiding his a.s.signed country to make the transformation to an environment ten times too large for it, with the Princess, Super Chief and Head Witch Doctor acting as Supreme Arbiters in disputes between countries, which have been predictably few. We tiny people were overwhelmed by the immensity of our environments our tenfold abundance of food and housing and clothing, metals and minerals and fuels, and our suddenly adequate means of transportation everything!
Only the Pigmies, of all the world, were not stupefied by the change.
Princess Wamba has asked me, What about the danger of war? To which I can openly reply, With what? Weapons we tiny people can"t operate? Warplanes we can"t fly? Besides, who needs somebody else"s territory and resources when suddenly there is ten times as much of everything?
But what about later, you ask, after the transition is complete?
By that time, Pigmy rule will be solidly entrenched. And what Pigmy would let his country go to war against a brother Pigmy"s?
Moreover, it"s remarkable even now how possessive each country feels about its Pigmy Governor General. Why shouldn"t they? After all Pigmies, being the only creatures on Earth who were immune to the moss, are the biggest people on Earth.
Now doesn"t everything work out wonderfully?
PUBLICATION DATA.
Inside Man copyright 1965 Galaxy Publishing Co. for the October 1965 issue of Galaxy.
Personnel Problem copyright 1958 Galaxy Publishing Co. for the September 1958 issue of Galaxy.
The Riches of Embarra.s.sment copyright 1968 Galaxy Publishing Co for the April 1968 issue of Galaxy.
Someone to Watch Over Me copyright 1959 Galaxy Publishing Co. for the October 1959 issue of Galaxy.
Grifter"s Asteroid copyright 1943 Love Romances Publishing Co. for the April 1943 issue of Planet Stories.
What Price Wings? copyright 1962 Mercury Press Inc. for the August 1962 issue of Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction.
The Transmogrification of Wamba"s Revenge copyright 1967 Galaxy Publishing Co. for the October 1967 issue of Galaxy.SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY & HORROR IN PAGETURNER EDITIONS.
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