INSPIRATIONAL MUSINGS

— Adegboyega Ojuolape

There"s no one the world loves to take for a ride like a good person. Once certain individuals identify you as someone whom the milk of kindness flows within, it"s an invitation for them to trample upon you over and over and over again. Notwithstanding, a good individual continues to be a good individual in most cases, some learnt their lessons and became a firm believer of the secret I wish to share with you today.

Many people have almost lost faith in humanity because of the hurt and pain they have suffered in their interactions with people in different ways, as bad as it may, never allow people to control the way you relate with others based on your past experiences.

Several people have isolated themselves completely because deep down within they know they are good, but because they haven"t been lucky with the relationships they have gotten themselves involved with over time they decided to shut in and stay out of other people"s lives.

Most times they tell themselves I am good, but every other person seems bad, so let me just live in my world alone, some slip into depression and self-hate in the process. My little advice for an individual like this is to begin to master the principle which appears to be the most kept secret in human relations that I will share with you shortly.

You have to understand the human mind to know that rather than open yourself to hurt and pain all the time, all you need do is have a set of principles that you abide by strictly in your interactions with others, since you can"t exist in isolation. Human beings will continue to take from where they can get till that particular source runs dry and very swiftly move on to the next source, it is only a few set of people who know that it is important to refill the source so it doesn"t run dry in no time, for some, as long as it gives, they will continue to take, that is the sad reality of life that you have to accept going forward.

I know a lot of people have been through a lot of pain and anguish in past relationships just because of their firm belief in loyalty and kindness, and because most times a good person can"t just become bad all of a sudden these people are now worried as to how to protect themselves so they don"t suffer the same fate again. It is not so difficult to protect yourself from hurt and pain in your relationships. All you need to do is know how to manage expectations. Most times we expect too much from people and that"s why we get disappointed when they do not turn out to be what we expected of them. It"s inevitable in life that most often than not people will let you down, but it takes years of managing people and relationships to understand these things, that"s why wise people have an impregnable inner circle, they have seen all

sorts over the years and in the process formed relationships that aren"t perfect but effective, suitable enough to continue to satisfy the inner yearnings for inter-dependency because a hundred percent loyalty to friendship or a relationship exists only in mafia movies, even in those movies loyalty is enforced by the barrel of a gun, so they know this and it has since built a foundation on which their relationships are formed.

That is why it is very difficult to earn the trust of someone that has interacted with a lot of people from different backgrounds overtime.

What Does It Mean to Leave the Door Ajarin Relationships?

There"s always an access point to every place in life including one"s thoughts and emotions, most often than not what it requires to protect an access point is a door, this particular topic has to do with emotions primarily, so I am talking about the door to your emotions now.

From the start of this subject, I have since established the fact that there"s no way you can stop people from trying to cause you pain, you can only deny them that luxury by being wise in your interactions, and I have also made it clear that it"s more reasonable to be proactive when interacting with people than being reactive.

Pain and hurt are some form of reaction to someone"s action, so in order to avoid this negative feeling you have to be proactive by managing your expectation of anyone so you are a step ahead when interacting with them, but sometimes even when we manage expectations effectively we still get carried away with the "loyalty" and "commitment" of some people so much that they still strike us where it pains most. For this reason, we have to look into the access point again.

Since we all now know the first step in preventing hurt in our relationships, that is, managing expectations, we now have to go into the most effective way to relate with people without any form of bitterness or resentment, it is the ability to forgive oneself, knowing that the only reason you still get hurt is because you allow it not because everyone around you are bad.
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At this point you will realize that you have to guard the access door to your emotions but yet continue to relate effectively with all so you don"t get crippled by bitterness, when you get to this point, then the principle of leaving the door to your emotions ajar will now be a part of you, then you will learn not to throw the door to romantic relationships, business interactions, friendships, social affiliations etc. wide open so you don"t get hurt, at the same time you don"t shut it completely to new relationships and even to people who hurt you in the past, you never can tell, a bad person at times becomes good, some just never got over the guilt of what they did to you and always planned to rest.i.tute, some won"t be apologetic but you might need them despite what they have done to you, so you will just have to swallow your pride and get what you want done because you never shut the door to them completely in the first place.

What you do by leaving the door to your relationships and interactions ajar is to be in charge of your emotions, by this singular act you will always think with your head and not your heart. Politicians have mastered this over the years and that"s why the popular saying that "in politics there are no permanent friends or enemies but permanent interests"continues to be relevant.

If there"s any principle that will protect your emotions and at the same time preserve your relationships so you don"t become bitter or resentful of people, it is what I just shared with you. Continue to remain blessed.