"Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all of the time clearly doesn"t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions."— Stephanie Lahart
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One of the things you must learn how to do before you can be qualified for any role in leadership is learning to say NO. You might not understand how important it is to
know how to do this till you are fortunate enough to be in control of critical resources or to be in a position where people would need a lot of favours from you.
It is good to give or to be of help to people. The feeling is good, the outcome is wonderful especially when you bring smiles upon people"s faces or you provide hope for the hopeless. Personally I can"t think of a greater feeling or deed. The only problem with being good is when you don"t know when to say NO. There"s no one that can save the world, no matter how you try, you can only do your best and leave the rest for others to continue where you stopped.
Best Way to Make Enemies
There are many ways to make enemies without an inch of doubt, b.u.t.thesaddestwayofmakingenemiesiswhenyoumakeenemies in the process of doing good. Many people are experts at making enemies and they revel at it. They have every bad att.i.tudes and they don"t care, they rile people daily with their att.i.tude and they don"t want to stop, you either live with their annoying ways or you avoid them. I am sure we all know one or two people like that, but they somehow get away with that way of life for a long time, at least for awhile.
If that was your style, well you sure had it coming i.e. your endless list of enemies but if you are the type that goes an extra mile to not just make people happy with your resources, but you are also very sensitive to how people feel when you don"t treat them well, then I can imagine how you will feel when people hate you for something you should ordinarily have control over but which you never dealt with because you refused to build your inner strength enough to handle it. That thing is not being able to say NO when you have no means to help out.
Let me paint a simple scenario, a friend approaches you for help, the story touched your heart and you genuinely wanted to help but unfortunately at that time you had so many financial obligations to fulfil, but because of the compa.s.sion you had for the fellow who approached you for help, you were hoping to somehow look for means to help, you tried but it never worked out. You had promised your friend that you would help out regardless, he puts all hope on you to solve the problem, sometimes in situations like this when you have tried endlessly to look for solution without one, you will either summon some courage to say sorry I tried but I just couldn"t help at the end of the day or you avoid the person altogether by not taking calls or replying text messages from the fellow in question, this is even more annoying.
Now, this is where the ill feeling towards you comes from, when this fellow approached you, he or she had all hope on you because of the a.s.surances you gave, now you can imagine if you were the fellow"s last resort. That will appear like a stab in the heart. Unknowingly to this fellow you did everything within your means and beyond to help but you just couldn"t. What a way to make enemies, it will take some sort of compensation from you in the nearest future to fully pacify the fellow.
Whereas if you had told the person you had no means to help in the first instance, you would have made the individual feel bad just for a moment and just like we humans are wired, to always look for solution till we find one, the person would have looked for solutions elsewhere. Now saying NO isn"t limited to turning down financial requests alone. It could be people asking you to borrow them your car for the day or asking you sign a guarantor form for them or staying in your house for a while or asking you to endorse an initiative of theirs. Never base your decision on what they will feel if you say no rather let it be based on principles, make sure your inability
to say no won"t come back to haunt you.
I have since found out that what is most important in your interaction with people is your conscience. Once your conscience is clear and you are good to all, then you shouldn"t bother yourself about what people think, because despite your clear conscience, if you still bother about what people say behind you or the impression of you they hold onto, then you are going to allow people who do not truly care about you run your life for you. Never fall for the trap.
One of the traps you can ever fall for is to a.s.sume you are the one that can solve all the problems of people. No you can"t, no one ever did, and no one will ever do it. People have told me severally how a supposed benefactor had not been of any help, someone who changed their lives undoubtedly, but they will be the ones to deny what every other person can evidently see. That"s the height people take acts of ingrat.i.tude to. Apart from the wrong a.s.sumption that you can solve all the problems people drop on your table, it is also wrong to think you should help because you are the only who can offer help to the one who asked for it at the time.
See, anyone who comes to you seeking for one favour or the other will certainly make you feel you are his or her last hope so you can offer help, at times it can be the truth, but never a.s.sume that if you turn the person down, that you have committed murder, don"t be surprised they will find help before the next 24 hours, that"s how human beings are wired I repeat, to always seek for solution regardless of the obstacle in the way. Now that you know you can"t solve the world"s problem, and also that you can"t be the only one to offer help at any time then it should be easier to say NO.
Remember I had touched on the aspect of clear conscience, meaning you didn"t just say no even when you had means to help, that"s not my definition of saying no. My definition of saying no is turning down a request when you have no means to help rather than breaking your back or neck to try helping out and failing in the process or getting into debts when there was absolutely no need, when you could easily have said NO and move on.
It is very important you accept this great counsel, you are going to need it many times on your journey to the top, when you are pursuing greatness, you will have to say NO plenty times for several reasons, even to people you hold very dear, at times it will be very painful, but let the end result always be what you base your decisions on at al ltimes.