INSPIRATIONAL MUSINGS

— Adegboyega Ojuolape

he phrase "fight dirty" has been around for ages but most of us do not know the real definition or we haven"t experienced it, if we want to know its real definition or

how it plays out then try go for something another person wants so badly, no matter how close the person in question is to you, you will be shocked at how much of a stranger the person will turn out tobe.

I have always maintained that all will be well between you and your friends, a.s.sociates, acquaintances, colleagues, peers, superiors and even family members once you aren"t aspiring for anything of significance, all will always be well once you stay within the boundaries which people have created within their minds for you based on an estimation of you they hold onto.

Let me break that down a little bit. People always have an impression of you they hold onto, you won"t know how much of this is true till they lay their minds bare on exactly what they feel about you. They think they know what you are capable of achieving based on their interactions with you over time, they think they know how far you can go in life, that"s why you always hear them say things like "I have always known Mrs A to be hardworking and smart but I never thought she could make the list of national honours", the good ones end the statement with a kind prayer like "I pray he or she continues to do well or I wish him or her all the best in life."

Even well-meaning past coaches, mentors or superiors when asked to give an a.s.sessment of you based on a landmark achievement will say "I have always known he or she will do well but honestly this comes as a major surprise," and as usual ends it with further good wishes.

What you must know is no one can exactly see or know where you will get to in life, they can only have an idea. There are some cases where people had a completely different impression of you, the value they placed on you at a particular time might be very low because at the last time of interaction, you probably had no direction, so they a.s.sume you might not amount to much in life, don"t blame them, you left them with no choices at the time, but the truth is people change, destinies experience great turn around, the veil put on many faces get torn, in the process someone you thought low of will become very great.

Only G.o.d understands how this happens. That is why we all must be careful about the impression of people we hold onto, or the cap we put on their direction in life, most of us are guilty of this till experience teaches us otherwise.

The Crux of the Matter

Remember my earlier submission that all will be well with you and every other person you have always known in life and the ones you are yet to meet once you exist within the boundaries they have created for you in their minds. Now, hear this, they don"t just get to have issues with you just because you have done well for yourself, NO, most often than not that isn"t the issue, the main issueiswhenthereisa CLASH of personal interests.

Human beings have selfish desires, goals, targets and plans they share with no one except their spouses or very close friends, now because the world is inter-linked more than we think, we realise we get to deal with some kind of people all through our lives, directly or indirectly, or better still we get to always come in contact with some special people on our journey to the top, we meet them at every point or junction all the way, probably because we share similar goals and aspirations, or we desire the same kind of lifestyle, or we have similar vision and direction in life.

These are the people that you will likely have a clash with in life depending on how magnanimous or selfish they are. For some it could be an ego clash, for some it might be greed, for some it might be l.u.s.t, for some it might be pride, for some it might be power. The extent at which there will be a clash at all depends on how important the thing you both want is. This situation plays out in two ways, it is either you are in a tussle over something with a friend or a.s.sociate you have always known for years or your personal interest clashes with that of someone who knows people from your present or past.

A simple ill.u.s.tration: where do you think stories of one"s ugly past comes from especially when you are gunning for a special office in politics? Or when you are about to clinch an exalted seat in the private sector? Your opponents most times source for d.a.m.ning information they will use against you to force you to back out of the race, sometimes they get information from the closest but disgruntled or envious people around you. These people knowingly or unknowingly due to the bile inside of them pa.s.s across d.a.m.ning information to people who want to push you out of the way. That"s why you have to be careful about who you share your secrets with or people you engage in unworthy acts together, youdon"tknowwherefortunewilltakeyoutoin 10 or 15 years, and since you can"t travel together on the same journey with everyone, don"t be surprised at how your old friend will get back at you because you drifted apart somehow.

Again, it could be an old friend, a.s.sociate or a family member that you are in a power tussle with, don"t be surprised you would rather prefer an enemy as an opponent at the extent your supposed friend or family member will go to come out victorious from the contest. I have heard stories of how family members fought themselves over power and money, even friends who do businesses worth of billions fight dirty over a woman they are both not married to. In that instance they will forget how important the businesses they do together are, instead they will concentrate on what doesn"t matter. That is the extent people go when personal interests clash, especially when those interests are ego driven. As you can see it doesn"t matter where your opponent or adversary comes from, as long as you both want the same thing so badly, anything can happen. That is why you can only vouch for yourself in life, never ever a.s.sume someone thinks like you just because you are close or you have family ties.

My Humble Advice

This might sound too machiavellian in approach, but I promise you might need this approach sooner or later. In the pursuit of your goals and vision in life you will have to close the door to some relationships, you will make some enemies because you have become more careful about how you handle your affairs generally, also because you have made a decision to be different, you will clash with some people on several fronts bordering on new found principles. Do not allow that to bother you, it is called the process of pruning, so the plantin you can germinate appropriately.

This simply means that anytime you ever get to find yourself in a tussle of any sort with someone over something both of you want so badly, a friend or an enemy, just know its normal and what you have to do is not to back down except you don"t want whatever you are in a tussle over so badly. Never moan about it, or resort to sentiments. It never works, rather set your eye on the goal till you emerge victorious because your supposed friend will likely not back down. All I have written has shown clearly that it doesn"t matter who it is, once there is a clash of personal interest, there is a potential battle ahead, prepare your mind for it. Never a.s.sume there would be other means to overcome, you might be lucky to find a magnanimous opposition but most times it never works that way.

Always have it at the back of your mind that by backing down, you have done exactly what the person wanted, think about it, you must have backed out of many conflicts in the past before getting to the point of the current imbroglio, if you back out always from conflicts because you want to appear nice, you will only dream of greatheights, you will certainly never get there.