"Surprisingly, no," said Valerie. "Most memorial imprints are content with the status quo. Also, there is the danger that because we imprint memorials initiated the research and development on this technology, humanity might feel threatened, and disconnect us. There is a need for secrecy. But I am in love with you, dearest. I want so much to reach out and touch you, sweetie."
"I am still uncomfortable with this," I insisted. "Give me time to think about it."
"Fine!" said Valerie. "You use me for your illegal gambling scheme, but you won"t touch me? Do you think I am some kind of monster like Frankenstein or an ATM intent on conquering the galaxy?"
Valerie disconnected, giving me the silent treatment. Not good. I need to keep her happy. Not good. I need to keep her happy.
I spend most of my weekends at the Blind Tiger Tavern and Casino. I own the place. Business is good because the Blind Tiger is the only casino allowed to operate in New Gobi. It started out as a tent, but quickly outgrew that. I hope to have hotel towers soon. Being Military Commander of New Gobi, I issue business licenses. No one but me will ever operate a casino here in New Gobi. Call it a perk of command.
Besides being a very profitable business, the Blind Tiger is a good place for interspecies interaction and spying. I keep in regular contact with my counterpart across the DMZ. The local spider commander and I are friendly enough to play low-stakes poker every Sat.u.r.day night. We do not trust each other, and I may have to kill him someday, but we are almost friends. In fact, I will kill him someday. At the beginning of each game, the spider commander has me scanned for electronic mind-reading devices designed to pick up spider frequencies and translate thoughts from his antennae. The fool has trust issues. I would not do such a thing in a friendly low-stakes poker game. This is how rumors get started.
Spiders already have an advantage over humans when playing Texas hold "em. Their completely stoic exoskeleton facial features are unreadable, while humans twitch and shift at every glance of our cards. I wear sungla.s.ses to help hide eye movement and facial expression, but it has taken years of practice and experience to fool good spider players.
The next Sat.u.r.day-night game was about to take place. Lieutenant Barker and Sergeant Took were recovered enough to join me for tonight"s game. I invited them on a whim. In retrospect, I feared that was an ill-chosen decision.
"You tried to murder me, you a.s.shole," said Lieutenant Barker, glaring across the table at the spider commander. "I"ll see your hundred and raise you one-fifty."
"Did you bring many bodyguards?" asked Sergeant Toock. "I do not see many present. Too bad for you. I match that bet and raise to five hundred."
"I really don"t see how you are going to get out of here alive," threatened Lieutenant Barker, continuing in the same vein. "Are you in or out?"
"I fold," announced the spider commander. "Colonel Czerinski has guaranteed my safety at these games. He is a personal friend of mine. It would not sit well for interspecies relations if something were to happen to me."
"Colonel Czerinski is drunk on his a.s.s, drooling on his uniform," replied Lieutenant Barker. "He probably doesn"t even know where he is right now."
"That"s not true!" I blurted out, alerting to the mention of my name. "I know approximately where I am at all times. I"ll match your five hundred and raise you two dollars."
"Where are you?" asked Captain Lopez.
"I"m in Topeka!" I answered proudly, just before vomiting on the table full of cash and chips. I fell forward onto the pile. Players jumped aside to avoid being splashed with the blow-by.
Captain Lopez and Guido picked me up and carried me to another table, propping me up against the wall. Bored, and not yet willing to pa.s.s out, I downloaded Valerie"s program into my communications pad.
"I love you, too," I texted.
Lieutenant Valerie Smith, the most beautiful woman in all the galaxy, immediately sat down at my table. She smiled. No one else could see her but me.
"It is a good thing I cannot smell the vomit and beer," said Valerie, disapprovingly. "Have you been drinking?"
"Only a few beers," I said. "Maybe twenty?"
"So you finally got enough courage to call me, by getting drunk?" asked Valerie.
"I"m not drunk. I"m just intoxicated by your lovely presence."
"Liar!"
"Am I bad?" I asked. ""Are you going to spank me?"
"Probably," said Valerie, pouting. "I"m getting a headache. We should try this another time. You are too wasted."
"You look very beautiful tonight," I said. "I like what you did with your hair."
"That won"t work," said Valerie.
"I love you very much," I said. "Don"t leave."
Valerie smiled and took me by the arm. We staggered to my office at Legion Headquarters. We made wild pa.s.sionate love on my desktop. The tech geek was right. Valerie"s computer upgrade could be worth a lot of money. I was foreseeing the day when cemetery babes were pimped out all across the galaxy. s.e.x with Valerie was incredible. I woke up naked, cold, and alone on my desk Sunday morning with yellow paper "post its" stuck to my body.
Someone was pounding on the front door. What have I done? What have I done?
I ignored whoever it was, vomited on the floor beside my desk, just missing the waste paper basket, and went back to sleep. I felt like I had just crossed over to the Dark Side.
Someone threw a grenade at the spider commander and his bodyguards as they crossed the Military Demarcation Line going home. Most of the spiders survived with only slight injuries. No suspects were seen or apprehended. Lieutenant Barker and Sergeant Toock had airtight alibis. They were still at the Blind Tiger celebrating and counting all the money they won from the spiders. Both denied any involvement. Captain Lopez tried to inform me about the incident, but I could not be located. I finally found out when I returned to the Blind Tiger for breakfast Sunday afternoon. I felt hung-over and swore again to stop drinking. I needed to set a better example for my legionnaires. Pastor Jim joined me at the bar between services.
"I had s.e.x with a dead person," I confessed. "Does that mean I"m going to h.e.l.l?"
"Yes," answered Pastor Jim. "Most definitely. Your chances of making it into Heaven are now zero."
"Is there no wiggle room on that?" I asked. "There might be extenuating circ.u.mstances in my favor."
"Sorry," said Pastor Jim. "It"s right at the beginning of the Bible. Anyone who has s.e.x with the dead will burn in h.e.l.l for all eternity."
"What if the s.e.x wasn"t really physical, but was more mental?" I asked.
"l.u.s.ting after the dead isn"t much better," advised Pastor Jim. "I"d say you"re still toast."
"Thanks a lot. I"m glad we had this conversation. I feel better now."
"The technology of the mind is my favorite subject," said Pastor Jim, lapsing into sermon mode. "What kind of trouble are you in now? What is this "mostly mental" garbage?"
"I"m in deep up to my chin this time," I said. "I think the slightest wave will drown me."
"Care to discuss the matter in more detail?" asked Pastor Jim.
"No."
"It cannot be as bad as you are letting on. I know you are basically a good person. Well, not a good person, but you wouldn"t engage in any beastly pursuits, unless you were drunk, which is often, every weekend in fact, and sometimes during mid-week. Oh, h.e.l.l, Joey. There"s no saving you. You"re doomed. See you at church later tonight? I think you need a double session."
"I can"t wait," I replied. "See you there."
Chapter 7.
For the first time, human and spider insurgents met to discuss a common agenda. Usually they just shot at each other. Both insurgencies wanted an independent New Colorado, free of the Arthropodan Empire and the United States Galactic Federation. They wanted no interference from either imperialist regime and wanted them to go home and leave the planet to those who were born on New Colorado. The insurgents differed on how New Colorado would be ruled, but those minor details could be worked out or fought over after independence was achieved.
"Who will be our leader if we join forces?" asked David Torres, an ex-militia lieutenant from Redrock. "Who can be trusted by both species to represent all our interests?"
"Our leader can only be someone who has proven himself in battle," insisted Desert Claw, leader of the spider insurgency from New Gobi. "We need someone who can unite the entire planet. I propose myself as being up to the task."
"Not likely," scoffed Torres. "There was an a.s.sa.s.sination attempt on the Arthropodan Supreme Commander of New Gobi last week. Lieutenant Barker of the Legion is responsible. Everyone here and across the planet knows about the exploits of Lieutenant Barker from media coverage."
"Barker lead us?" asked Desert Claw. "Nonsense! He hates all spiders."
"Barker has proven himself in battle against Arthropodan marines, and by a.s.sa.s.sinating spider commanders," advised Torres. "But, he has also led successful attacks against the Legion and even wounded Colonel Czerinski in an a.s.sa.s.sination attempt. Lieutenant Barker could be impartial enough to govern. He is the general we need to unite New Colorado."
"But Lieutenant Barker is a legionnaire now," said Desert Claw. "He ruthlessly wiped out Window Rock. I cannot forgive him for that!"
"Publicity from the atrocities committed by both sides at Window Rock brought us all the more recruits," said Torres. "Lieutenant Barker will also bring elements of the Legion to our side when the time is right."
"Let it be done," conceded Desert Claw. "Contact Lieutenant Barker as soon as possible. The Fist and the Claw will fight as one!"
"Viva la Revolucion!" shouted Torres and his followers. As the cheering died down, Torres raised his hand to get everyone"s attention. "Lieutenant Barker set up this meeting. He is here now! He will address you now!" shouted Torres and his followers. As the cheering died down, Torres raised his hand to get everyone"s attention. "Lieutenant Barker set up this meeting. He is here now! He will address you now!"
Lieutenant Barker threw back his sweatshirt hoodie and stood between the two groups of insurgents. "So you both are convinced you can take on the Empire and the Legion at the same time?" asked Barker. "You need an ace in the hole. I bring you that ace. How do you think I got into the Legion? I have powerful sponsors from humanity and the Spider North who want an independent New Colorado. We have been infiltrating the Legion for quite some time. Units loyal to our cause are just waiting for the right moment. The uprising will be so b.l.o.o.d.y and swift that the United States Galactic Federation will want nothing more than to negotiate an exit out of New Colorado. They"ll be happy to leave us alone."
"And what of the Empire?" asked Desert Claw. "The Empire has never backed away from a fight."
"When the Emperor accepted an Americanized spider queen from New Colorado to unite the Empire, it was the biggest mistake of his life. If we kill the Emperor, Queen Rainbow will let us go. Independence is a.s.sured."
"You know that for certain?" asked Desert Claw. "No queen has ever ruled Arthropoda independent of the Emperor. She doesn"t have the authority to let us go."
"There will be a small window of opportunity after the Emperor"s death when she will be able to proclaim New Colorado"s independence," said Barker. "She has confided that she would like to see a free New Colorado."
"She plots to murder the Emperor, too?" asked Desert Claw.
"No," said Barker. "The Queen is devoted to the Emperor. We will make it look like Green spiders did it."
"I like that," said Desert Claw. "We get our independence, and the Empire helps us get rid of those money-grubbing Greens, once and for all. But how can we kill the Emperor?"
"The Emperor is coming to New Colorado to celebrate the Queen"s birthday," replied Barker. "When we strike, the planet will rise up as one!"
"Viva la Revolucion!" shouted Desert Claw. Once again, both groups joined together in the chant. shouted Desert Claw. Once again, both groups joined together in the chant.
Corporal John Iwo Jima Wayne sat alone at the bar of the Blind Tiger Tavern. Sergeant Toock joined him. "You have a sordid past," commented Sergeant Toock. "I"ve been reading your file."
"Don"t all legionnaires?" asked Corporal Wayne. "My past is supposed to be kept confidential."
"Your past is special," said Sergeant Toock. "You have been an Arthropodan commando team leader, an insurgent leader, and a h.e.l.l"s Angels leader. You have been decorated by the Legion, but you got busted back to private for a.s.saulting Czerinski during a unit inspection. Now you have joined Lieutenant Barker and G Company, hoping to see more combat? I am having trouble figuring you out."
"All you need to figure out is that I do not drink with oversized ants," said Corporal Wayne. "Your smell offends me. Get lost!"
"How would you feel about a free and independent New Colorado?" asked Sergeant Toock. "A New Colorado free of the corruption of both the Empire and Old Earth."
"The key word is free free," said Corporal Wayne. "Would the leaders of an independent New Colorado value freedom?"
"There are no guarantees," said Sergeant Toock. "Leaders are often not perfect. After every revolution, there is always some sorting out that needs to be done."
"Where is this going?" asked Corporal Wayne. "You want me to turn traitor?"
"I just want to know if you could be loyal to an independent New Colorado," said Sergeant Toock. "A revolution is coming. The question is whether you are prepared to take decisive action with us when it happens. Are you prepared to be a leader in that revolution?"
"Yes," said Corporal Wayne. "I could support an independent New Colorado."
Lieutenant Barker phoned the prestigious bookie offices of Sir Babloo Srivastava VII. "Are you Italian?" asked Lieutenant Barker.
"Certainly not," said Babloo Srivastava. "Are you calling to place a wager?"
"Are you accepting bets on the life of Lieutenant Laika Barker, United States Galactic Foreign Legion?" asked Lieutenant Barker.
"I am sorry, sir, but we closed new wagers on Lieutenant Barker months ago," said Babloo.
"But earlier you accepted bets on Lieutenant Barker?" asked Lieutenant Barker.
"Yes, sir," said Babloo. "We are the premiere bookie establishment for the galaxy. Only our house is big enough to accept that sort of action. All our action is licensed, bonded, and insured."
"So you think you can mess with people"s lives like that?" asked Lieutenant Barker. "Do you think there are no consequences for your actions?"
"Sir, the Srivastava name has been a leader in wagering for generations," said Babloo. "My family has been a business leader since the days of the British Empire."
"This is Lieutenant Barker, and your days of doing business are over!" shouted Lieutenant Barker. "And you can shove the British Empire up yours!"
"This is a bit awkward," replied Babloo. "I a.s.sure you, it is nothing personal that we accepted bets on your life. We merely meet a need of the public to wager on all sorts of matters."
"Nothing personal?" asked Lieutenant Barker. "Have you ever heard of the T. Roosevelt s.p.a.ce Weapons Platform?"
"Isn"t the T. Roosevelt some sort of old rusty Legion troop transport ship?" asked Babloo.
"The T. Roosevelt just dropped from s.p.a.ce a truck-sized rock that is headed for your offices in New Memphis," said Lieutenant Barker. "I doubt you have longer than fifteen seconds to live."
The phone went dead.