Irium

"Didn"t know they had visual affects added to the whole process." I say that plainly as I have nothing else to say. (Yes, it"s important for the protagonist to keep babbling even if it"s pointless.)

"Irium! How could you kick my face like that?" Danny comes in boiling with anger as he sees me and blows off steam from his nostrils.

KICK!

"AH!" he screams after getting hit by the same type of kick yet again.

"That"s how I could kick your face like that." I answer in a humble tone while waiting for the summoning process to complete; it sure is taking its sweet time, isn"t it?

"YOU b.a.s.t.a.r.d!" Unlike what you may have expected, this voice came from the summoning symbol, and the voice was that of a woman. That pretty much makes it clear as to whose voice it was.

"Irium! You ungrateful-" Danny comes and grabs me by the collar and raises his hand to give a solid punch to my face, but gets a punch much more solid than he could ever muster at his own face, not from me, but from the Angel that has been summoned here.

"Hah? Wait! Why did I end up hitting that monkey?" Roswaisa, who had made a rather dashing (and unnecessary) entrance by hitting the comic-relief-character-kun so hard the guy flew over half the room, now looks confused as to what happened. And then, as the idiots always do, Roswaisa turns her head in all directions trying to look for the answer to her own question. That is when, she sees me, standing a distance of about 2 meters.

She stares at me. I stare at her.

She looks into my eyes. I look into her eyes.

She is unable to move her gaze away from me. I am unable to move my gaze away from her.

And then, as our hearts and minds intertwine on one single decision, we say at the same time.

"I want a divorce."

*****

"So, what problem do you have with our Irium?" Sonohara rip-off asks the now seated Angel Roswaisa who is on his right. We are sitting at a dining table with me and Roswaisa on the opposite ends looking at each other in contempt while Danny is on my right and her left, in the middle, trying to find a solution to the problem.

"What problem, you ask!?" she says exaggeratedly like a drammovie-actress, "It"s like this guy is made-up of problems."

"Oh … and how so?" I ask with sarcasm as well as contempt clear in my voice.

"Well, first of all, you"re a mere human, one among the billions, and I"m an Angel, one among a very few. We are leagues away from each other." She states and before I can retort,

"Can"t deny that." Danny agrees with her.

"Then, there"s the fact that you"re a pesky commoner who doesn"t take anything seriously while I am an Angel who needs to help people worldwide with no matter what problem they may have. You"re a bad influence on me." she states her second problem with me and again, before I could retort,

"That is quite true as well." Danny agrees with her yet again. And he was calling himself my friend. b.l.o.o.d.y a.s.shole! (Wait! That"s kinda disturbing.)

"Last but not the least, he has a tongue that Hades will be jealous of." She says that like it"s a matter of fact. Oh come on! But again,

"I can"t deny that either."

You are useless, Sonohara rip-off. Why the h.e.l.l are you playing referee anyway?

"Well now, those are some real good points. But before coming to any decision, I think we should hear the input of both parties." He says as he turns to me with a smile (the b.a.s.t.a.r.d"s certainly enjoying this) and says, "What problems do you have with Angel Roswaisa?"

"What problem do I not have with her?" I say with my arms folded and trying to act cool.

"Oh? Please do elaborate!" She says in an exaggerated voice to which, I gladly oblige,

"Well, first of all, you"re a mere Angel, one among a few, and I"m the protagonist, the only one. We are leagues away from each other." I state and before she can retort,

"Okay, okay, that"s not bad. What else?" Danny urges me to go on and so I do.

"Then, there"s the fact that you"re an Angel who needs to help unimportant people worldwide with no matter what problem they may have while I"m the protagonist who has to move the plot forward and decide with my actions who becomes an important person. You"re a bad influence on me." I state my second problem with her and again, before she can retort,

"Yes, that"s not bad either. Go on." Danny urges me yet again to continue.

"Last but not the least, she has a …" before I can finish,

"Yes, what? Say it! Comes on! What about my tongue is wrong in any sense of the way?" she taunts me with a smirk on her face as if to say I made a mistake by trying to copy her lines. Hah! Who the h.e.l.l do you think I am, woman?

"As I was saying, last but not the least, she has a tongue that every succubus would be jealous of."

"Hah!?"

"Hah!?"

Two surprised voices come followed by one of the person in front of me growing red and the other trying to hide his buddy down there that might have sprang up (for whatever reason I have no idea about, none at all).

"I don"t want someone who tastes this good as my wife or I won"t be able to concentrate on anything else, and that will turn this story into an erotica." I explain my reasoning to the foolish commoners sitting in front of me and as they hear it, one of them (the ugly one) says,

"I see. Then you two should be fine with each other as your spouses."

It feels like Sonohara somehow became dumber, if that"s even possible. Looking at Roswaisa"s face can tell you that she is thinking the same thing.

"Think about it, guys. You are both so negative that you are bound to make a positive when you combine."

"Die!" "Die!"

The two of us say almost next to each other the same word with the same sentiment in our voices.

"Hah!" He sighs and continues, "If you are that opposed to each other, then what"s the problem with a divorce?"

As she hears that, Roswaisa stand up and looks at us as she says, "The problem is – divorce is impossible."

*****