IRL Console

He then pa.s.sed the hours until the meeting with the geezer duo by attempting to play on Su Ya"s zither. He had re-tuned it. That ought to annoy her a bit. Sometimes he liked to poke the bear...

Whilst he had high comprehension and nine sub minds worth of processing power at his disposal, he was still unable to make his zither version of "Stairway to Heaven" sound the way he wanted it to. Maybe it was a piece better suited to an ensemble?

Ma Sa chuckled as he imagined forming a band and introducing the Qian continent to metal music. Maybe someday... Once he becomes strong enough, anything he does will be popular!

Finally, the time of the meeting arrived. It was time to show off!

"Boy! We"re here. What did you want to discuss with us?"

"You mean he didn"t tell you yet Little Sixth? Your boy here wants to head out into the Jianghu!"

"Absolutely not! Ma Sa I"ve told you that you can go once you reach Martial Warrior since you"ll at least be able to escape most trouble. Why are you so impatient?? What"s your ru- Shhhit!?"

Ma Sa didn"t want to waste words so he had just deactivated his concealment art. The result was as amusing as he had expected.

Old Guan"s face drooped as if he was having a stroke while Grandpa Su, seemingly calmly, removed his personal chopsticks from his pocket and started jabbing them into his thigh. Well, fair enough... It was rather unheard of for a seven or eight year old to have the cultivation of three hundred and sixty one grade nine Martial Warriors crammed into his small body. To the geezer duo, Ma Sa"s Qi fluctuations felt like a small army!

Considering that the majority of the petty crooks and bandits who would stoop to attacking children were mainly below Martial Warrior level, Ma Sa could probably roam unhindered through the Jianghu. It was the crooks that would need to escape from him!

"Y- Bo- Hm- Nn- Haaahhhh..." Old Guan worked hard to voice his disbelief but failed. After a minute or so he tried again.

"Boy, is that really your cultivation now??"

"Mmmhmm."

"It"s not an illusion technique or something, right?"

"Mmmhmm it"s all me."

"Then- Just... Just how is that even possible?!"

"Training."

"BULLSH-"

"A Lot."

"Like h.e.l.l!... Really?"

"Really."

"What the f- Hrmm hrmm... What sort of training?"

"Well, I can tell you that it"ll be hard. You may even feel like you"ll die... Are you sure you want to know??"

""YES!!""

Grandpa Su also awoke from his daze and chimed in this time. Ma Sa was enjoying this far too much! Especially the beard-twitching scholarly look of Old Guan.

"Then I"ll tell you... The training is-"

Ma Sa switched to English for the next part.

"One hundred push-ups. One hundred sit-ups. One hundred squats. Ten kilometers running EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!"

The joke went over the heads of the geezer duo as the training sounded like gibberish to them. Still, they thought it must be some profound mnemonic that they simply were unable to comprehend. The kid couldn"t possibly be lying with such a serious face! Ma Sa had to bite the tip of his tongue when they both closed their eyes and repeated it like a mantra.

Sorry guys! Ma Sa silently apologized in his heart.

"So... Can I take a trip to the Jianghu?"

Su Won decided to speak up this time.

"Hmm, brat! You may have good cultivation now but do you even know how to fight. Sure, some people will be scared off by you but what if you meet someone strong? I say you should pa.s.s a test first! What do you think Little Sixth?"

"Hmmph! Obviously a test is necessary! Go ahead then Big Brother."

Old Guan was just along for the ride at this point. Su won took the lead.

"Alright well we need to see you display your fighting prowess so how about going up against Little Sixth in a spar? He"ll suppress his cultivation to a grade one Martial Champion and spar with you. If you escape from him within ten moves then we"ll let you go out. Deal?"

"Deal!"

Old Guan looked at his Big Brother like he"d just been thrown under the bus before quickly restoring his dignified look. Are you kidding me?? This kid was a freak! Three Hundred and Sixty One Martial Warriors could eviscerate a Martial Champion of grade one in seconds.

"Hmmph! If it"s the kid then I won"t be happy unless he can escape from a Martial Sage. So I"ll only suppress myself so far." Old Guan performed his best enactment of a shameless scholar whilst Su won looked at him with empathetic embara.s.sment.

f.u.c.k! Don"t give me that look! You do it then! Old Guan couldn"t help but rue the day he swore brotherhood with this d.i.c.k!

"Ahem! Alright. Yes, Martial Sage seems fair since he"s my successor after all!"

"What?! No way! I"m only a grade nine Martial Warrior! You want me to battle a Martial Sage?!"

"Hahaha! No, darling disciple you only have to escape for ten moves. If you can we"ll be satisfied that you can survive in the Jianghu. So, Do you accept?"

"... Fine. I accept."

"Alright then. Little Sixth. Please suppress your cultivation and then we"ll begin!"

*****************

"Muhu-!"

The last two years had been really rough on Bu Du Teng. One moment, he thought he was on the top of the world, and then the next he had his hopes dashed once more. He hadn"t spoken to that snail molester of an uncle since! Who would have thought that his perfect plan would be foiled by that fool of an uncle and his inept fox?!

Here he was, still slaving away over hot iron in the workshop while the interloper enjoyed all of the benefits that were rightfully his. Had he given up on his meteoric rise? No! Did he have a plan? No! Was he trying to remedy that? No! Not really... He had actually just spent the last two years rolling in his frustrations like a pig in mud... Derp! That had to change! After all, the amount of evil intent he had accrued over the last while was enough to fuel a fantastically murderous plan!

It was time for the self-proclaimed number one schemer of Tianzhu (Junior Division) to once again rise!

"Muhu-!"

The most hateful thing about the last two years was when, shortly after the "failure", Ma Sa was introduced to the higher tier workers. This obviously included the peerlessly talented Bu Du Teng. He could still remember the exact moment when Ma Sa gave a self introduction and asked his name.

"Muhu-!"

His verbal tick had appeared at the worst moment possible and now that little s.h.i.t called him Mu Hu every time he cheerfully greeted him around the compound. The worst part was how he had to make nice with him since getting on the wrong side of the successor would be career suicide! As such, grudgingly bearing the name "Mu Hu", even from his schadenfreude ridden comrades in the workshop, Bu Du Teng took festering hatred to new heights. That little p.r.i.c.k would pay!

It was time to come up with Evil Plan Mk. 2 and wipe the little b.a.s.t.a.r.d off the face of Qian. There was obviously no one better suited for the task than he, Bu Du Teng!

"Muhu-! Dammit!"

********************

"Kurama" was skinny. It looked like its bones were trying to escape from their corporeal prison. Since the "failure" two years ago its master had given up on feeding it semi-spoiled meat and went to the fully spoiled stuff. It was only barely enough to keep the fox alive. It hated its master pa.s.sionately but could do nothing against him as long as the slave mark remained. It hated that man cub too. What gave it the right to avoid dying to its attack?? The fox turned and licked the stumps of his formerly majestic tails. Only one remained now. Every time they grew back out the master lopped them off again and used them as toilet paper. The fox wished he could bite that s.h.i.tty humans grapes off every time it saw him pop a squat and squeeze out filth to defile its beautiful, yet painfully detached, tails.

What sin had it committed? It only wanted to play with a weird snail and then, the next moment, it had awoken branded and enslaved. Now, it only felt rage. Rage at the s.h.i.tty world for making it share an existence with the master and his arrogant b.i.t.c.h of a snail. It knew, since the master reminded it daily, that it wouldn"t be in this position if it had managed to kill the man cub. This could all change and go back to the not quite as torturous times before if it could just kill the man cub. It would kill the d.a.m.n man cub alright! Then, it would somehow kill the snail. That"ll teach the master to f.u.c.k with this fox!

**********************

Ma Sa readied himself in a defensive false-leg stance. Opposite him stood his teacher, looking implacable and kind of cool with his hands hidden inside his sleeves.

"Begin!"

At Su Won"s shout Old Guan"s figure blurred. Where was he?! Ma Sa hurriedly sensed his Qi fluctuations. There! His cultivation base roared as he absorbed the kinetic and Soul energies from Old Guan"s strike. Turning to his left, he then threw out a feint.

What the h.e.l.l?

Why would Old Guan fall for that??

Old Guan swayed to his right to avoid what he sensed as the Grim Reaper"s breath. Was this kid trying to kill him?! He countered by flaring his Soul cultivation to ignite the air between himself and Ma Sa.

A small hand pierced through the wall of flame as if it was nothing and headed towards his throat. Guan Yuang Fei hastily brought up his wrist to parry it. Just before contact, the hand changed its course and neatly enshrouded his wrist. Who the f.u.c.k just grabs a Martial Sage"s wrist?! Striking was one thing but Martial Sages could kill a lesser cultivator with simple Qi injection through prolonged contact! Old Guan immediately prepared an object lesson on the subject for Ma Sa. However... Instead of the howls of pain he expected, he instead heard the discomforting sound of a pervert being whipped.

"Ahn!"

The cringe was real... What sort of degenerate psycho had he been teaching for the last two years?!

The hand gripped his wrist more forcefully and soon twisted medially with inexorable force. Guan Yuang Fei felt his elbow fold before his shoulder popped as it received a light downward blow. He felt a quick blow to his lower abdomen as he was folded forward at the waist. His right knee was buckled by a light kick to his popliteal fossa before his left leg was somehow shifted to behind him. He was now facing the ground and a firm pressure was applied by his own left arm to his t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es. His left hand drew a circle in the air vertically and Guan Yuang Fei suddenly found himself staring at the sky. Then, only an icy sensation whispered across his neck from left to right before blackness overcame his senses.

"WHaDuf?-"

When Guan Yuang Fei rejoined the instance he was laying on his back under the gazebo. He must have just drifted off for an evening nap. The warm air of a late Tianzhu spring would do that to a fellow. He smiled and once again closed his eyes to enjoy the breeze.

"DON"T LEAVE ME, LITTLE SIXTH!!"