A lot of crying This chapter is a bit serious, or perhaps “gloomy” would be more accurate.
It was a sudden accident caused by my inattention. A heavy wooden box fell towards the floor amidst a huge racket that filled the room, as I reached up with a single hand and caught that box. The box that was large enough to hide me inside. Easily, and with one hand.
"O-ojousama…"
Unable to process what happened, my thoughts are at a standstill as I hold the box until Tytte"s voice makes me come to my senses.
"Ah, you see, this is-"
In my confusion I flung the wooden box I had been holding aside and without a beat turned to look at Tytte, and then, I was rendered speechless.
The moment I turned, she took a step backwards. Fear filled her expression…
Fear. The rejection of another.
In my previous world, there were numerous times when the people around me had expressions of sympathy, pity, or sadness. But never did the people who met with me reject me. People who would have probably had no reason to come to my hospital room in the first place. In my current world it had been the same, until now the people I"ve been in contact with have all been family members or employees who cherished me.
And that"s why this stiff expression I"ve never witnessed before that Tytte is showing me makes my chest tighten, nearly crushing my heart.
"Um, well…"
(I have to say something, make some excuse. But, it never even crossed my mind that I would be able to lift something that heavy.)
My thoughts turn into a mush and I can"t think straight.
Bustling towards the noise they heard, the servants enter the shed and, after realizing the situation, check that I"m uninjured and decide to take me back to my room.
I"m surrounded by adults and make no move to resist, and very soon I"ve been taken back to my room. I"ve abandoned all thought.
⁂
A few hours afterwards, late at night when everyone"s fallen asleep. I"m inside my room by myself, sitting and staring at nothing. I"ve stayed in my room, not taking a single step outside since then.
I don"t want to see anyone right now. Especially Tytte…
The dread of seeing that expression on her again has filled me with cowardice.
(She must think I"m a monster, and she hates me for sure… I never thought being rejected was this scary.)
I stare at the ceiling with a self-loathing smile on my face. Then, at that moment, I hear a knock on the door.
(Excuse me… Ojousama…)
I hear Tytte"s voice from behind the door, and the feeling in my heart becomes crushingly painful.
"D-don"t come in! Leave me alone, please!"
I rush off the bed and lock the door.
The childish me understands what I"m doing but cannot stop or think about anything else.
"…Ojousama…I can understand…your anger…"
(Huh? Anger?)
Tytte"s unexpected words make me push my ear against the door.
"At that time, when ojousama was in danger, I was supposed to protect you but couldn"t… I was, so scared, I couldn"t move a step."
(What"s she talking about? If Tytte had protected me, wouldn"t she have ended up seriously injured?)
At that time, I had still not grown out of my ways of thinking as an ordinary person, and did not recognize the absolute difference between me, a n.o.ble, and her, a commoner and an employee at that.
"I w-!"
Tytte suddenly raises her voice.
"…I was… When ojousama was born and master told me that my duty would be to take care of the child, I felt, for the first time in my life, that I could see a meaning in my existence. Since then, for three years, I"ve been studying all kinds of things in order to be of use to ojousama…"
Her voice gradually grows quieter.
"Despite that…When push came to shove, my legs froze…No, I was too afraid to take even a single step…"
For a moment, there is but silence between us.
"Ojousama…It may be presumptuous of me to say this, but please, somehow, give me one more chance. Please…Let me be by your side, ojousama… I beg you…"
By the end of her speech she"s mumbling, maybe even holding back tears.
(I"m an idiot. I could only think about myself. Even in my former world, I only tried to stay alive with all my might, never thinking about anyone else.)
She too had been anxious.
It must"ve been from the regret of having been unable to do anything, and the fear that I"d be disillusioned and would take away her duty from her.
"Ojousama…Please…by your side…"
Maybe because of the jumbled fear and emotions tearing her apart, Tytte"s voice chokes with tears.
Three years. For three whole years, she"s been training herself just for my sake.
(Thinking about it now, was she really scared of me? If so, why did she come here to my room then? So she didn"t reject me after all! I"m scared of rejection, but she didn"t reject me.)
Realizing that, regret from my actions until now start to flood in. What an unkindly heart I"ve got. Unwittingly, tears begin to well up in my eyes.
"I"m sorry, Tytte…I"m sorry…I"m sorry for scaring you…"
Before I knew it, I had opened the door and was apologizing in tears in front of the girl behind it. The girl who had been looking down desperately trying to hold it in sees my hopelessly miserable state and becomes bewildered.
That night, my repeated apologies and my wailing crying in front of my room echoed through the mansion and troubled the adults.
⁂
This is a bit of a digression, but on the topic of me s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g up and catching that box…
"Oh, you mean that. I heard an anecdote about how master lifted a rock larger than himself when he was five years old, so I was indeed a little surprised that his daughter"s indeed the same, what about it?"
Tytte said while smiling. That"s incredible, daddy.
(Hm, so could it be hereditary? I do wonder but. …I mean, I haven"t done any training at all, you know?)
It seems that confirming just what this strength of mine is will be a thing for later.
—Next chapter