"In two ways," he says; "in business--and in another way. I"ve been an a.s.s, Jeff--a blind, witless a.s.s. This life here was so different from any I"d ever known--so different and so fascinating--that it just swept me off my feet. I"ve been drifting along with my eyes shut, having my fling, letting today take care of itself and with no thought of tomorrow. As I look back on it, it strikes me I always have been more or less of a drifter. Down yonder, among our own people, there always was somebody who"d step in once in awhile and check me up. But up here in this big selfish greedy town, among strangers, I"ve had n.o.body to advise me or to show me where I was making a fool of myself. And, believe me, I have made a fool of myself. I guess what I need is a guardian--only I doubt whether I"d find the money eventually to pay for his services.... Jeff, if I was free of these--these--well, these entanglements--I tell you right now I"d be willing to quit New York tomorrow and take the next train back home where I belong."
He studies a minute and then he continues to resume:
"Yes," he says, "I"d head for home in the morning--if I could. It has taken a hard jolt to open my eyes but, believe me, they"re opened now.
The chief trouble is, though, that even with them opened I can"t see any way out of the tangle I"m in. Jeff, the big mistake I made at the start was that I tied up with the wrong outfit. I thought I was joining in with a group of typical successful live New Yorkers; I know now how wrong I was. There must be plenty of real people here--people who take life in moderation; people who are fair and kindly and reasonable; people who can find pleasure in simple things and who don"t pretend to know all there is to know, or to be what they"re not. But I haven"t met them; I"ve been too busy running with the other kind."
Down in my soul I says to myself there"s a chance for him to pull out yet if he"s beginning to see the bra.s.s-work shining through the gold plating which has so dazzled him up heretofores. Yes sir, if he"s found out all by himself that New York City ain"t exclusively and utterly composed of the Mr. H. C. Raynorses and the Mr. Hilary Bellowses and such, there certainly is hope for him still. All along, up to now, I"ve been saying to myself that it looks like the only future Mr. Dallas has to look forward to, is his past; but now I rejoices that he"s done woke up from his happy trance. But of course I don"t let on to him that such is my feelings. I merely says to him, I says:
"I ain"t the one to "spute wid you on "at p"int, suh. Naw suh, not me!
But whut"s the reason you can"t pull out frum yere, ef you"s a-mind to?"
At that he lights in and the language just pours out from him like a flood. There"s a lot of rigmarole about business, and some parts of this I cannot seem to rightly get the straight of it into my head, but I"m pretty sure I gets the hang of all the main points clear enough. To begin with, I learns now for the first time that him and Mr. Raynor ain"t actually been selling oil down-town; they"ve been selling oil-stocks, which as near as I can figure it out, an oil-stock is the same kin to oil that a milk-ticket is to milk, only it"s like as if the man which sells you the milk-tickets ain"t really got no cows rounded up yet but trusts in due time he"ll be able to do so. Still, if there is folks scattered about who"s willing to take the risk that the milkman will ama.s.s some cows somewhere and that the cows won"t go dry or die on him or be grabbed by the sheriff and thereby leave the customers with a lot of nice new onusable milk-tickets on their hands why, the way I looks at it, there ain"t no reason why their craving for to invest should not be gratified.
It seems, furthermore, that Mr. Raynor ain"t actually been selling as many oil stocks in the general market as he has let on. Leastwise, that is what Mr. Dallas suspicions, even if he can"t prove it. When first they went into partners together last August, Mr. Dallas tells me he put up a large jag of money for his half-interest. He was content to let Mr.
Raynor manage the business and keep the run of the books and all that, seeing as how Mr. Raynor had the experience in such matters and he didn"t. Anyhow, he felt most amply satisfied with the gratifying amounts which Mr. Raynor kept handing over to him, saying it all was from the profits. But this very day there"s been a show-down at the office growing out of Mr. Raynor having called on him to put up another big chunk of cash for running expenses, and whilst all the figures and all the details ain"t been made manifest to Mr. Dallas yet, he"s got mighty strong reasons to believe there really wasn"t no profits to speak of and that the money he"s been drawing out all along was just his own money, which Mr. Raynor let him have it in order to keep him happy and contented whilst he was being sucked in deeper and deeper.
And so now, Mr. Dallas says, that"s how it stands. If he goes on and on along the way he seems to be headed it"s only a question of time till all his money will be plumb drained from him. He tells me that he"d be willing to pull out now and take his losses and charge "em up to the expenses of getting a Wall Street education only, he says, he can"t. I asks him then what"s the reason he can"t? He says because when the papers was drawed up--by Mr. Raynor--he obligated himself in such a twistified way that it seems he"s bound hard and fast to stick to the bitter end. Of course, he says, he might start a lawsuit and throw the whole thing into the courthouse, but, even so, he"s afraid he wouldn"t have a leg left to stand on by reason of his having tied himself up so tight in writing; and anyway, he says, before he got through with a lawsuit most doubtless the lawyers would have all the leavings.
To myself I says there is still another reason. I knows how much it would hurt Mr. Dallas" pride to have all the folks down home finding out that he"s made another disasterful move in business. By roundabout ways it has come to my ears that he"s been writing letters back telling about how well he"s doing up here in New York and now, if it should come out in the papers that he"s made one more bad bustup on top of all them finance mistakes he committed before he come North, and he should have to go South again, broke and shamed at being broke, I reckons it would just about kill him. Besides which I knows full well from hearing Judge Priest talking in the past, that even in medium-sized towns lawyers is plenty costive persons to hire for an important lawsuit, and in the biggest town of all, where the lawyers naturally run bigger, they"d cost a mighty heap more.
When he gets through specifying the situation I gets another notion:
"I wonder," I says, sort of casual-like, "I wonder, Mr. Dallas, w"y it wuz "at Mr. H. C. Raynor should a-picked this pertic"lar moment fur callin" on you fur a big bunch of cash, "specially w"en ef he"d a-kept silence you"d a-prob"ly gone on wid him, never "spicionin" anything wuz wrong?"
"Oh, I"m not so stupid but what I can figure that out," he says. "He"s afraid so much of my money will be spent soon in another direction that he"ll be deprived of the lion"s share of what is left. He wants to strip me down close while the stripping is good."
"In "nother direction?" I says, kind of musing. "I wonder whut "at other direction kin be?"
"Can"t you guess?" he says.
"Yas suh," I says, "I kin; but I didn" think "twould be seemly fur me to start guessin" along "at line widout you opened up the way fust."
"Jeff," he says, "I feel like a low-down dog to be dragging in a woman"s name, even indirectly; and so I guess the best thing I can do in that direction is to keep my mouth shut and take my medicine. It appears that here lately I"ve acquired the habit of committing myself to serious obligations at times when I"m not exactly aware of what I"m doing. At the moment, I don"t seem to remember how it all comes about; then I wake up and I find I"m signed, sealed and delivered. I may be the d.a.m.ndest fool alive, but at least I"m an honorable fool. I was raised that way.
Where my sense of personal honor is concerned I"m going to stick, no matter what the costs may be. I"ve been fed fat on flattery; now it"s time for me to sup on sorrow awhile. Do you get my drift?"
"Yas suh, I think I does," I says. "Mr. Dallas," I says, ""scuse me fur persumin" to keep on "long "is yere track, but is you right downright sh.o.r.e "at you solemnly engaged yo"se"f in the holy bonds of wedlock to the lady in question?"
"I suppose I did," he says. "I must have. She a.s.sumes to think so--everybody else a.s.sumes to think so. And yet, as Heaven is my judge, I never intended to lead anybody to believe that I wanted to make a marriage up here. It--it just happened, Jeff--that"s all. I can see now how a lot of things have been happening and why. But what can I do to clear myself from either one of these two tangles? I"ve asked myself the question a hundred times since noon today and there"s no answer. I can"t lick Raynor at his own game; he"s too wise; he"s covered his prints too well. When I hinted at a lawsuit this afternoon he laughed in my face and told me to go ahead and sue. And, as for the other thing--well, unless I go through with it, against my will and my better judgment, it means a breach of promise suit, or I miss my guess. Besides, I still have some shreds of self-respect left. I can"t deliberately try to break an engagement which, I suppose, I must have made in good faith."
"S"posen" the lady herse"f wuz to up an" brek it on her own "sponsibility?" I says. He laughed kind of scornful.
"No chance," he says; "no such luck for me! I"ve walked blindfolded into every trap that was set for me and now it"s up to me to play the string out till the last penny is gone. At the present rate that shouldn"t take long. But see here, Jeff, I wonder why I sit here unburdening my woes on you? I know you would help me if you could, but what can you do?
What can anybody do?"
"Mr. Dallas," I says, "you can"t never tell. Sometimes the humblest he"ps out the greates". Seems lak I heared tell "at once"t "pon a time "twuz the gabblin"s of a flock of geese w"ich saved one of these yere up-state towns--Utica, or maybe "twas Rome. I don"t rightly remember now whut "twas ailed "at town; mebbe "twuz fixin" to go fur William Jinnin"s Bryant?--somethin" lak "at! Anyway, the geese gits the credit in the records fur the savin" of it. An" ain"t you never read whur a mouse comes moseyin" "long one time an" gnawed a lion loose frum the bindin"
snares w"ich helt him? So, ez I says, you can"t never tell. But I wonder would you do me a small favor? I wonder would you read a piece out of a su"ttin book ef I wuz to bring it to you out of the liberary, an" w"en you"d done "at ef you would go on to baid an" try to compose yore min"
an" git some needful sleep?"
"What"s the idea?" he says.
"Nummine," I says. "Wait "twell I fetches you the book."
So I goes and gets it down from the shelf where it belongs. It"s the furtherest one of a long row of big shiny black books, which all of them has got different names. But the name of this one is: _Vet to Zym_.
He takes a look at it when I lays it before him, and he says:
"Why, this is a volume of the Encyclopedia! What bearing can this possibly have on what we"ve just been talking about?"
"Mr. Dallas," I says, "you"s no doubt of"en seen ole Pappy Exall, w"ich he is the pastor of Zion Chapel, struttin" round the streets at home in times gone by? Well, the Rev"n. Exall may look lak one-half of a baby-elephant runnin" loose, but lemme tell you, suh, he ain"t n.o.body"s bawn fool. One time yere some yeahs back he got hisse"f into a kind of a jam wid his flock "count of some of "em bein" mos" onhighly dissatisfied wid the way he wuz handlin" the funds fur to buy a new organ fur the church. Nigh ez they could figger it out, he"d done confisticated the organ money to his own pussonal an" private pu"pposes. Try ez they mout, they couldn"t n.o.body in the congregation git no satisfaction out of him reguardin" of it. So one evenin", unbeknownst to him, a investigatin"
committee formed itse"f, an" whilst he was settin" at the supper-table they come bustin" in on him an" demanded then an" thar how "bout it? Wid one voice they called on him to perduce an" perduce fast, else they gwine start yellin" fur the police. Wid that he jest rise up frum his cheer an" he look "em right in the eye an" he say to "em, very ca"mlak: "My pore bernighted brethren, in response to yore questions I directs yore prayerful considerations to Acts twenty-eighth an" seventeenth, also Timothy fust an" fifth, lakwise Kings sixth an" fust. Return to yore homes in peace an" read the messages w"ich is set fo"th in the "foresaid Scriptures an" return to me yere on the morrow fur fu"ther guidance." Well, they all dashes off fur to dig up they Bibles an" see whut the answer is. Bright an" early next mawnin" they comes back to say "at w"ile them is mighty fine-soundin" verses w"ich he bade "em to read, still they ain"t nary one of "em w"ich seems to relate in any way whutsomever to a missin" organ fund. Then he smiles sort of pitiful-lak an" he reaches his fat hand down in his britches pocket an" he hauls out the money to the las" cent. The trick w"ich he had done played on "em had give him a chanc"t to slip out an" borrow "nuff frum a couple of w"ite gen"elmen frien"s of his"n fur to mek up the shortage. Whut he needed wuz time an" time wuz whut he got.
"Now, Mr. Dallas, I aims to borrow a lesson frum the example of ole Pappy Exall. I asts you to set yere an" read a chapter out of "is yere book. It don"t mek no diff"ence to me w"ich chapter "tis you reads, jes"
so it"s a good long one. I done looked th"ough "at book the other day an" most of the chapters in it is long an" all of "em is tiresome. You jes" read "twell you gits good an" sleepy an" "en you go on to baid an"
refresh yo"se"f in slumber. An" in the meanwhile I aims to steddy right hard over these yere pressin" matters of your"n an" see ef I can"t see the daylight breakin" th"ough somewhars."
I can tell by his looks that he ain"t got no hope of success on my part, but he"s so plumb wore out from worrying that he ain"t got the spirit for to resist me. He says to me he won"t promise to read the book, but he will promise to try to lay aside his botherments and go to bed early, which that is sufficient for me.
I leaves him there and I goes back to my room, after telephoning to "Lisses Petty that something important has come up at our place which will detain me away from him for the time being. And then, when I gets to my room, I sets down and takes off my shoes. It seems like I always could think better when my feet was freed from them binding shoes.
When a n.i.g.g.e.r boy is fixing to run his fastest he"s got to s.n.a.t.c.h his hat off and sail bareheaded; and I"m much the same way about my feet when I craves to think. So, my shoes being off, I just rears back and sets in for to give the problems before me the fullest considerations.
CHAPTER XV
_Vet to Zym_
The way it looks to me, here is Mr. Dallas Pulliam, one of the most free-hearted, good-willingest young white gentlemen that ever lived, about to be throwed to the raveling wolves. He"s elected to be the live meat, with a two-sided race on to see which one of the contesters can pick and clean him the quickest. And so, if he"s going to be saved for future references, something is got to be done and done mighty speedy, too, else there won"t be nothing left but the polished bones.
I therefore splits up my thinking into two parts; first I studies a spell about the one proposition and then I studies a spell about the other. To tell the truth, though, I don"t need to have so very many concernings over the case of Mr. H. C. Raynor. I did not let on to Mr.
Dallas what was pa.s.sing through my mind, but at the very same instant when he turned to me for help after telling about the row down-town at the oil offices with Mr. Raynor, I hit spang on what might turn out to be proper medicine for what ails the gentleman. It ain"t so very long, setting there in my room by myself, before the scheme begins to sort of routine itself out and look like something.
With regards to him I"m going mainly on the facts that he"s like a lot of these here Northerners which ain"t never been down South to speak of, and is therefore got curious ideas about the South in general. Long time before this I has took note that he thinks a colored person naturally enjoys being called "a dam black rabbit" or "a worthless black scoundrel" whilst he"s waiting on white folks. Also, he can"t seem to get over my failing to say "Yas, Ma.s.sa" and "No, Ma.s.sa" when Mr. Dallas asks me a question; and I can tell he"s kind of put out because I don"t go round speaking of myself as "dis n.i.g.g.a" this and "dis n.i.g.g.a" that and "dis n.i.g.g.a" the other thing. In other words, I ain"t living up to the character of the imaginary kind of a Southern-raised black man, which he"s been led to expect I"d be from reading some of these here foolish writings which they gets out up here from time to time.
I knows full well what his sensations is in these matters, not only from the look on his face, but from one or two things which I has overheard him saying in times past. So now I just puts two and two together, and I says to myself that if he"s entertaining them misled ideas about my race, he doubtless is also got the notion in his head that every quality white gentleman from down South, and more especially them which hails from Kentucky, totes a pistol on the flank and is forever looking for a chance to ma.s.sacrete somebody against which he"s took a disfancy. I remembers now that he asked me once how many feuds there was going on in our part of the state at the present time. Rather than disappoint him, I tells him several small ones and one large one. And another time he wants to know from me whether they ever tried anybody in earnest for shooting somebody down our way. Secretively, at the time, I pities his ignorance, but I ain"t undertaking to wean him from his delusions, because if that"s his way of thinking it ain"t beholden on me to try to educate him different. Looking back on it now, I"m mighty glad I didn"t try neither, because in the arose situation I figures that his prevailing beliefs is going to fall right in with my plans.
Inside of half an hour I is through with him and ready to tackle the other matter, which is a harder one, any way you look at it. I takes my head in both my hands and I says to myself: What kind of a lady is this here one we got to deal with? With her raisings, what does she probably like the best in the world? What does she probably hate the most in the world? What would scare her off and what would make her mad, and what is it would probably only just egg her on? What would she shy from, and what would she jump at? Where would she be reckless, and where would she be careful? And so on and so forth.
All of a sudden--_bam_!--a notion busts right in my face. Casting round this way and that for a starter to go by, I recalls to mind what I heard Judge Priest norrating years ago touching on a funny will which a rich man in an adjoining county to ours drawed up on his death-bed, and how the row over it was fit out in the courts, and with that I says to myself, I says:
"Hallelujah to my soul, ole problem, I sh.o.r.e does believe I"s got you whar the wool is short--dog-gone me ef I don"t!"
It"s getting on towards eleven o"clock when I puts my shoes back on and slips in to see what Mr. Dallas is doing. He"s still setting right where I left him, with the book in front of him. But his eyes, seems to me, is beginning to droop a little. Well, there ain"t n.o.body living could linger two hours over that there old _Vet to Zym_ without getting all drowsied up.
"Mr. Dallas," I says, "I thinks the daylight is startin" to sift in th"ough the cloakin" clouds. I seems to see a bright streak, in fact a couple of streaks. But, even so, I is got to be lef" free to wu"k things out my own way. Is you agreeable, suh?"
"Jeff," he says, "I"m in your hands. There"s no one else into whose hands I can put myself. What do you want me to do?"