"Mr. Dallas," I says, "ast me no questions, please suh, an" I"ll tell you no lies. Lyin" don"t come natchel to me, ez you knows--I has to strain fur it."
"Very well," he says, "have it your own way; I won"t press you. The proof is in my hand that you accomplished what you set out to do; and seeing that I had no part or parcel in it I figure it"s up to me to show less curiosity and more grat.i.tude."
"Nummine the grat.i.tudes part yit aw"ile," I says. "Us is got a heap more to "complish "fore the sun goes down tonight. It"s only jest a part of the load w"ich is been lifted--bear "at in mind, suh. The case of Mr. H.
C. Raynor is yit remainin" to be "tended to."
"You"ve already shown me what you can do, even though I"m left in the dark, as to the exact methods you use in these big emergencies," he says. "I"m still following your lead. What comes next?"
All through this he"s been walking up and down the floor like he was drilling for the militia. So I induces him for to set down and be still, and I proceeds to specify further.
I says to him, I says:
"Mr. Dallas," I says, "these here chronic Noo Yawkers is funny people--some of "em. "Cause they knows they own game they thinks they ain"t no other games wu"th knowin". "Cause they thinks the Noo Yawk way of doin" things must be the only suitable way, they don"t concern theyselves "bout the way an outsider mout tackle the same proposition.
To be so bright ez they is in some reguards, they is the most ign"ent in others ever I seen. Now, "cordin" to my notions, w"en you gits "em on strange ground, w"en you flings a novelty slam-bang in they faces, they ain"t got no ways an" means figgered out fur meetin" it an" they"s liable to git all mommuxed up an" swep" right off they feet."
"Jeff," he says, "you have gifts which I never fully appreciated before.
You are not only a philosopher but a psychologist as well."
"Boss," I says, "you does me too much honor. So fur ez I knows, I ain"t nary one of them two things w"ich you jest called me. I only merely strives fur to use the few grains of common-sense w"ich the Good Lawd give me, tha"s all "tis. Tubby sh.o.r.e, I got one "vantage on my side: I kin look at w"ite folkses" affairs frum a cullid stan"p"int whar"as they kin only look at "em frum they own. Ef the shoe wuz on t"other foot you doubtless could he"p me; but in the present case it"s possible I kin he"p you. I"s on the outside lookin" in, whilst you is on the inside lookin" out, ez you mout say; so mebbe I kin "scover things w"ich you"d utterly overlook. The fly be-holes whut "scapes the elephant"s eye an"
the minner gives counsel to the whale. Mebbe I ain"t gittin" the words routined right fur to "spress my meanin"s, but, even so, I reckin you gits my drift, don"t you, suh?"
"I follow you perfectly, with an ever-increasing admiration," he says.
"Go ahead. This look like our lucky day anyhow--let"s press the luck!"
"Yas suh," I says. "Now, f"rinstances," I says, "you tek the "foresaid Mr. H. C. Raynor. Wen you spoke to him of lawsuits yistiddy he mouty nigh laffed in yore face, didn"t he? Well, "at shows he ain"t got no dread of lawsuits. Prob"ly he"s been mixed up in "em befo"; most doubtless he knows the science of lawsuitin" frum the startin"-tape to the home-stretch. An" lakwise he"d have the bulge on you w"en it come to makin" figgers wu"k out lak he wanted "em to, so he"d "pear to be inside his rights an" you"d "pear to be on the wrong side of the docket. I persume he"s had a "bundance of "sperience in sech matters, w"ich you ain"t. He knows his own system an" he knows you don"t know it, w"ich fortifies him yit fu"ther. All right, suh, so much fur that. But s"posen, now, on the other hand, we wuz to layway him an" jump out of ambushmint at him wid a brand-new notion? I jedges he ain"t got no rippertation to speak of, so losin" whut lil" sc.r.a.ps of it he mout have left wouldn"t keep him "wake nights worryin", "specially effen he"d already salted away the cash w"ich he craved. But he do own somethin"
w"ich he prizes most highly or elsewise I misses my guess--he"s got a skin w"ich he"s managed some way, by hook, or crook, to keep it whole up to now. An" ef right out of a clear sky he suddenly wuz faced wid prospect of havin" it all punctured up in mebbe fo", five, or six places, I figgers he mout start singin" a diff"unt song frum the one w"ich at the present "pears to be his fav"rit" selection.
"There"s just one thing more," I says, "Prob"ly it"s "scaped yore "tention, Mr. Dallas, but I"s been steddyin" Mr. H. C. Raynor off an" on an" I has took note "at he"s got some very curiousome idees in his haid "bout the kind of folkses you an" me is. Didn"t it never occur to you, suh, "at he thinks practically all Southern w"ite gen"elmen is a heap more hot-haided an" fiery-blooded "en whut the run of "em really is?
Didn"t it never occur to you frum his talk, "at he figgers "at most ev"ry thorough-bred Kintuckian is p.r.o.ne to settle his argumints wid fo"ty-fo" calliber ca"tridges? Well, I"s read his thoughts "long them lines, even ef you ain"t, an" I"m sh.o.r.e I got him placed right. Tha"s whut I"m countin" on now, suh," I says; "tha"s whar"in lays our maindest dependince. Does you see whut I"m aimin" at, suh? Or does you don"t?"
He ain"t needing to answer. His face is beginning to light up and his eyeb.a.l.l.s is starting to dance in his head. So I knows the time is come for me to cease from preambling and get right down to cases. Which I accordingly does so.
I tells him the greatest part of what I aims to do. I tells him what-all he"s to do. I tells him what "ll be the signal for him to bust into the picture. I tells him how he should deport hisself after he"s done so. I can tell him what should be done up to a certain point, but, past that, as I says to him, he"ll just have to let Nature take its coa.r.s.eness.
I labors over him until I can tell he"s getting his mad up--his hands begins to twitch a little and his jaw sort of locks and there"s a kind of a reckless s.p.u.n.ky look stealing onto his expression. That suits me. I wants him to be even more nervous than what he is now when the performance starts--the nervouser he is the better for our purposes.
When his dander is worked up to suit and getting more worked-up and more danderish every minute, I leaves him there and I goes out into the hall and I rings up the oil office. One of the help answers to my call and I tells him to please get Mr. Raynor on the line right speedy. In about a minute his voice comes to me over the wire.
"h.e.l.lo!" he says, very sharp-like, "h.e.l.lo!--who is it?"
"Mr Raynor," I says, "this yere is Jeff Poindexter, speakin" fur Mr.
Dallas. He desires "at you will please run on up yere to our place soon ez you kin git yere. He ain"t seemin" to be hisse"f today an" so he ain"t aimin" to come down-town. In fac", right now he"s layin" down, but he p"intedly insists on seein" you "mediately. He says it"s most highly important. "At"s the message he tells me fur to convey, suh."
"Well," he says, sort of grumbling, "it"s getting on toward my lunch-time; but I suppose I could come. Tell him I"ll be there in half-an-hour from now."
"Yas suh," I says, "thanky suh.... Hole on, Mr. Raynor; they"s jest one thing else." And now I lets my voice slink down, sort of cautious-like.
"Mr. Raynor," I says, "I done deliver Mr. Dallases" word to you--now I wishes fur to say a lil somethin" on my own "count. W"en you gits yere, please suh, come straight on up to the "partmint widout bein" "nounced frum downstairs an" walk right on in widout knockin" or ringin" the bell--the do" "ll be onlatched. I"ll be waitin" fur you in the privit hall to "scort you into the front room. I craves to speak wid you a minute, jest by ourselves."
"What"s the big idea?" he says.
"I can"t "splain over the "phone by reason "at I mout be over-heared," I says; "but I allus has lakked you, suh, frum the fust--an" mebbe I mout give you a few p"inters "at you sh"d oughter know befo"hand."
"Oh, I see," he said. "There"s been some loose talking going on up there and you"ve heard something you think might interest me, eh? Fine and dandy! Well, Jeff, you"re wise to line up with me--it shows you"ve got sense. You won"t lose by it, either. I"m always willing to pay the top market-price for valuable inside information."
"Yas, suh," I says, "thanky, suh--"at"s partially whut I wuz figgerin"
on. I"ll be hoverin" "bout on the look-out fur you, suh, "cause it sh.o.r.ely is mouty essential----"
Right here I breaks off sudden, like as if I"d suddenly got scared that I might be eavesdropped on or interrupted or something.
Well, the fruitful seed has done been planted. Almost before I has time to hang up and get up from that there telephone it seems like to me I can feel "em organizing to sprout under my feet.
CHAPTER XIX
_Pistol Plays_
I has fully half an hour to wait and I puts it in going over the program, as it has already done been mapped out, just to make absolute sure nothing ain"t been left out. There"s one switch in the plans, which I decides to make it right at the last minute, mighty near it. This here decision is that I"ll shove things along powerful brisk once we gets going good and under way; which naturally this means I"ve got to change my Riverside Drive system. But circ.u.mstances alters cases and what"s side-meat for one is cold poison for another. The way I looks at it, it all depends on the anigosity[4] of the occasion.
Now, with the lady, the best scheme, seemed like to me, was not to crowd the mourners, as the saying is, but just to lazy along in a weaving way, letting the specifications sink into her one by one and thereby thus giving her time to brood over each separate point as it come forth. But with him I figures the best plan is the quick-rushing plan. I figures I"ve got to take him short from the go-off and keep on shocking him so fast and so hard with promises of devastations that he won"t have time to catch up with his thinking, and then at the proper time dash the mainest jolt of all right _bang_ in his face.
But before that proper minute comes he"s got to be rightly prepared in his mind for it. He"s got to be hearing mournful music and m.u.f.fled drums beating in his ears. He"s got to feel an icy cold breath blowing on his overhet temples. He"s got to have a raging fever in his forehead, but a heavy frost congealing his feet. And most of all he"s got to have a sad picture dancing before his eyes of from six to twelve of his most intimate friends getting measured for white gloves. Just let them things come to pa.s.s, sort of simultaneous, and it"s sure going to be a case of Sukey, bar the door, with our gentleman friend!
Leastwise, that is the way I organizes it in my head whilst I"m setting in that there little hall of ours waiting watchfully. Before a great while I hears one of the elevators stopping at our floor and I hears slinky kitty-cat steps coming along towards our door. So I knows that must be him and I gets back and sort of squats in the side pa.s.sage leading off into the service wing, so I can come slipping out like as if I was in a hurry to meet him as he come in, but had been detained.
The door opens right easy and in slides Mr. Raynor, same as a mouse into a trap. I can almost see his nose wrinkling up like he"s smelling of the cheese and craving to start nibbling at it. He looks round him and sees me and he gives me a meaning wink. I makes motions to him to be quiet, which that ain"t necessary but it helps the play along for me to be plenty warnful in my manners; and then I tiptoes on up the hall towards the setting-room, leading the way for him; and he takes the hint and tiptoes along behind me. But at the setting-room door I slows up and steps to one side to let him pa.s.s on in first and that gives me a chance to spring the catch-bolt on the door behind us, unbeknownst to him. I takes his hat and coat, all the time rolling my eyes round on every side like I"m apprehentious somebody else might be breaking in on us from the back part of the apartment, and then I says to him in a kind of a significating whisper, I says:
"Oh, Mr. Raynor, I been truly oneasy in my mind "bout you--I"m mouty sorry "at you come!"
"Sorry?" he says, sort of startled. "Why, you telephoned me yourself."
"Yas, suh, I knows I did," I says; "but I wuz only obeyin" awders--an"
anyways "at wuz befo" things begun to tek the more serious turn w"ich they has took. I"d a-halted you at the front do" yonder an" turned you back ef I could"ve, but I wuz delayed back in the boss" baid-room tryin"
to argue him out of his notion an" tha"s how come I didn"t git thar to give you the warnin" word. Or," I says, "ef they"d a-been time an" I"d a-got the chance--both of w"ich I had neither--I"d a-ketched you on the telephone an" stopped you befo" ever you started up-town frum the office. So this move--tollin" you in yere an" fortifyin" you up, suh,--is the onliest other one I could think of," I says; "an" so, no matter how it may turn out," I says, "I want you to carry wid you the "membrunces "at I done the level best I could fur you."
"Say," he says, "what"s all this palaver about?" He"s speaking quite bluffy, but even so I can tell that the uneasiness is beginning to seep into his ankles. "Why shouldn"t I come here? I was sent for, wasn"t I?
For that matter, why shouldn"t I come without being sent for? I"m not worried about my position in this row--I"m safe."
"_Sh-h-h!_" I says, "please, suh, _sh-h-h!_ Keep yore voice down," I says, "whutever else you may do. This ain"t no time to be talkin" loud,"
I says.
"I"ll swear I don"t get you," he says. But he"s took heed and now his notes is low and more worried-like. "I"m asked to come up here on a matter of business, as I suppose. I gather from your hints over the telephone you think you"ve found out something which I might be willing to give money for, as an exclusive advance tip. So far, so good; I"m always open to reason. Then I get here and you behave as mysteriously as a ghost and go _sh-h-hing_ about as though somebody was dead on the premises. What"s the----"
"Oh, Mr. Raynor," I says, "don"t speak of n.o.body bein" daid on these premises. It sounds too much lak a dreadin" perdiction. Mr. Raynor," I says, "fur the sakes of all, please lis"sen an" lemme say my say whilst they"s yit time!"
"All right," he says; "go ahead. I won"t interrupt again, although I still don"t see why you should take the matter so seriously." But in spite of the fact that when he says this he"s grinning at me I judges that by now the uneasiness has started crawling up his legs. It"s one of them sickly, pestered grins.