"You must have pity on him," I insisted, "for the unspeakable torment of those months of barrenness, of abortive attempts at creation."
She was silent for a moment. Having reached the front gates we turned and began to walk up the drive. Then she said:
"Yes, I do pity him. It"s enough to tear one"s brain out,--his when he was alive--and mine now. The thought of it will freeze my soul for all eternity. I can"t tell you what I feel." She cast out her hands imploringly to the autumn fields. "I pity him as I would pity some one remote from me--a criminal whom I might have seen done to death by awful tortures. It"s a matter of the brain, not of the heart. No. I have all the understanding. But I can"t find the pardon."
"That will come," said I.
"In the next world, perhaps, not in this."
Her tone of finality forbade argument. Besides what was there to argue about? She had said: "There never was an Adrian." From her point of view, she was mercilessly right.
"It"s horrible to think," she went on after a pause, "that all this time I"ve been living, first on stolen property and now on charity--Jaffery"s charity--and he hasn"t even had a word of thanks. Quite the contrary."
Again she laughed the shrill, dead laugh. "You see, I must go home--to my father"s--I"m strong enough now--and start my life, such as it is, all over again. I can"t touch another penny of the Wittekind money.
Castleton"s people and Jaffery must be paid."
"Tom Castleton," I said, "was alone in the world, and Jaffery"s not the man to take back a free gift beautifully given. If you don"t like to keep the money--I appreciate your feelings--you can devote it to philanthropic purposes."
"Yes, I might do that," she agreed. "But is this fraud--this false reputation--to go on forever?"
"I"m afraid it must," said I. "n.o.body would be benefited by throwing such a bombsh.e.l.l of scandal into society. If anybody living were suffering from wrong it might be different. But there"s no reason to blacken unnecessarily the name you bear."
"Then you really think I should be justified in keeping the secret?" she asked anxiously.
"I think it would be outrageous of you to do anything else," said I.
"That eases my mind. If it were essential for me to make things public, I would do it. I"m not a coward. But I should die of the disgrace."
"To poor Adrian," said I.
She flashed a quick, defiant glance.
"To me."
"To Adrian," I insisted, smitten with a queer inspiration. "He sinned--the unpardonable sin, if you like. But he expiated it. He"s expiating it now. And you love him. And it"s for his sake, not yours, that you shrink from public disgrace. You were so irrevocably wrapped up in him"--I pursued my advantage--"that you feel yourself a partner in his guilt. Which means that you love him still."
She raised a stark, terror-stricken face. I touched her shoulder. Then, all of a sudden, she collapsed, and broke into an agony of sobs and tears. I drew her to a desolate rustic bench and put my arm round her and let her sob herself out.
After that we did not speak of Adrian.
CHAPTER XXIV
At last news came from Havre of the end of the preposterous voyage.
"Crossing to-night. Coming straight to you. Send car to meet us Reading. Local trains beastly. Both fit as elephants. Love to all.
"JAFFERY."
Such was the telegram. I wired to Southampton acquiescence in his proposal. It was far more sensible to come direct to Reading than to make a detour through London. Rooms were got ready. In the one destined for Liosha, we had already stowed the cargo of trunks which the Great Swiftness had delivered in the nick of time. The next day I took the car to Reading and waited for the train.
From the far end of it I saw two familiar figures descend, and a moment afterwards the station resounded with a familiar roar.
"Hullo! hullo! hullo!"
Jaffery, red-bearded, grinning, perhaps a bit mightier, hairier, redder than ever, his great hands uplifted, rushed at me and shook me in his lunatic way, so that train, pa.s.sengers, porters and Liosha all rocked and reeled before my eyes. He let me go, and, before I could recover, Liosha threw her arms round my neck and kissed me. A porter who picked up my hat restored me to mental equipoise. Then I looked at them, and anything more splendid in humanity than that simple, happy pair of gigantic children I have never seen in my life. I, too, felt the laughter of happiness swell in my heart, for their gladness at the sight of me was so true, so unaffected, and I wrung their hands and laughed aloud foolishly. It is good to be loved, especially when you"ve done nothing particular to deserve it. And in their primitive way these two loved me.
"Isn"t she fit?" roared Jaffery.
"Magnificent," said I.
She was. The thick tan of exposure to wind and sun gave her a gipsy swarthiness beneath which glowed the rich colour of health. When I had parted from her at Havre there had been just a thread of soft increase in her generous figure; but now all superfluous flesh had hardened down into muscle, and the superb lines proclaimed her splendour. And there seemed to be more authority in her radiant face and a new masterfulness and a quicker intelligence in her brown eyes. I noticed that it was she who first broke away from the clamour of greeting and gave directions as to the transport of their "dunnage." Jaffery followed her with the tail of his eye; then turned to me with a ba.s.s chuckle.
"We"re a sort of Jaff Chayne and Co., according to her, and she thinks she"s managing director. Ho! ho! ho!" He put his arm round my shoulder and suddenly grew serious. "How"s everybody?"
"Flourishing," said I.
"And Doria?"
"At Northlands."
"She knows I"m coming?"
"Yes," said I.
Liosha joined us, accompanied by a porter, carrying their exiguous baggage. We walked to the exit, without saying much, and settled ourselves in the limousine, my guests in the back seat, I on one of the little chairs facing them. We started.
"My dear old chap," said I, leaning forward. "I"ve got something to tell you. I didn"t like to write about it. But it has got to be told, and I may as well get it over now."
It was a subdued and half-scared Jaffery who greeted Barbara and Susan at our front door. The jollity had gone out of him. He was nothing but a vast hulk filled with self-reproach. It was his fault, his very grievous and careless fault for having postponed the destruction of the papers, and for having left them loose and unsecured in his rooms. He all but beat his breast. If Doria had died of the shock his would be the blame.
He saluted Barbara with the air of one entering a house of mourning.
"You mustn"t look so woe-begone," she said. "Something like this was bound to happen. I have dreaded it all along--and now it has happened and the earth hasn"t come to an end."
We stood in the hall, while Franklin divested the visitors of their outer wraps and trappings.
"And, Liosha," Barbara continued, throwing her arms round as much of Liosha as they could grasp--she had already kissed her a warm welcome--"it"s a shame, dear, to depress you the moment you come into the place. You"ll wish you were at sea again."
"I guess not," said Liosha. "I know now I"m among folks who love me.
Isn"t that true, Susan?"
"Daddy loves you and mummy loves you and I adore you," cried Susan.
Whereupon there was much hugging of a spoiled monkey.