Before she joined Earley little Fay had been to the village with Meg to buy tape, and she had a great deal to say about this expedition. Meg saw that something was troubling Jan, and wondered if Mr. Ledgard had given her fresh news of Hugo. But Meg never asked questions or worried people.
She chattered to the children, and immediately after tea carried them off for the usual washing of hands.
Jan went out into the hall; the door was open and the sunny spring evening called to her. When she was miserable she always wanted to walk, and she walked now; swiftly down the drive she went and out along the road till she came to the church, which stood at the end of the village nearest to Wren"s End.
She turned into the churchyard, and up the broad pathway between the graves to the west door.
Near the door was a square headstone marking the grave of Charles Considine Smith; and she paused beside it to read once more the somewhat strange inscription.
Under his name and age, cut deep in the moss-grown stone, were the words: "_Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear._"
Often before Jan had wondered what could have caused Tranquil, his wife, to choose so strenuous an epitaph. Tranquil, who had never stirred twenty miles from the place where she was born; whose very name, so far as they could gather, exemplified her life.
What secret menace had threatened this "staid person," this prosperous shipper of sherry who, apparently, had spent the evening of his life in observing the habits of wrens.
Why should his gentle wife have thus commemorated his fighting spirit?
Be the reason what it might, Jan felt vaguely comforted. There was triumph as well as trust in the words. Whatever it was that had threatened him, he had stood up to it. His wife knew this and was proud.
Jan tried the heavy oak door and it yielded, and from the soft mildness of the spring evening, so full of happy sounds of innocent life, she pa.s.sed into the grey and sacred silence of the church.
It was cold in the beautiful old fourteenth-century church, with that pervading smell of badly-burning wood that is so often found in country churches till all attempt at heating ceases for the summer. But nothing could mar the n.o.bility of its austerely lovely architecture; the indefinable, exquisite grace that soothes and penetrates.
She went and knelt in the Wren"s End pew where Charles Considine Smith"s vast prayer-book still stood on the book-board. And even as in the Bombay Cathedral she had prayed that strength might be given to her to walk in the Way, so now she prayed for courage and a quiet, steadfast mind.
Her head was bowed and buried in her hands: "_My heart shall not fear_," she whispered; but she knew that it did fear, and fear grievously.
The tense silence was broken by an odd, fitful, pattering sound; but Jan, absorbed in her pet.i.tion for the courage she could not feel, heard nothing.
Something clumsy, warm, and panting pushed against her, and she uncovered her face and looked down upon William trying to thrust his head under her arm and join in her devotions.
And William became a misty blur, for her eyes filled with tears; he looked so anxious and foolish and kind with his tongue hanging out and his absurd, puzzled expression.
He was puzzled. Part of the usual ritual had been omitted.
She ought, by all known precedents, to have put her arm round his neck and have admonished him to "pray for his Master." But she did nothing of the kind, only patted him, with no sort of invitation to join in her orisons.
William was sure something was wrong somewhere.
Then Jan saw Tony sitting at the far end of the seat, hatless, coatless, in his indoor strap shoes; and he was regarding her with grave, understanding eyes.
In a moment she was back in the present and vividly alive to the fact that here was chilly, delicate Tony out after tea, without a coat and sitting in an ice-cold church.
She rose from her knees, much to William"s satisfaction, who did not care for religious services in which he might not take an active part.
He trotted out of the pew and Jan followed him, stooping to kiss Tony as she pa.s.sed.
"It"s too cold for you here, dear," she whispered; "let us come out."
She held out her hand and Tony took it, and together they pa.s.sed down the aisle and into the warmer air outside.
"How did you know I was here?" she asked, as they hurried into the road.
"I saw you going down the drive from the bathroom window, and so I runned after you, and William came too."
"But what made you come after me?"
"Because I thought you looked frightened, and I didn"t like it; you looked like Mummy did sometimes."
No one who has seen fear stamped upon a woman"s face ever forgets it.
Tony had watched his aunt all tea-time, and this quite new expression troubled him. Mummy had always seemed to want him when she looked like that; perhaps Auntie Jan would want him too. The moment his hands were dried he had rushed past Meg and down the stairs with William in his wake. Meg had not tried to stop him, for she, too, realised that something worried Jan, and she knew that already there had arisen an almost unconscious _entente_ between these two. But she had no idea that he had gone out of doors. She dressed little Fay and took her out to the garden, thinking that Tony and Jan were probably in the nursery, and she was careful not to disturb them.
"Are you cold, Tony?" Jan asked anxiously, walking so fast that Tony had almost to run to keep up with her.
"No, not very; it"s a nice coldness rather, don"t you think?"
"Tony, will you tell me--when Daddie was angry with you, were you never frightened?"
Tony pulled at her hand to make her go more slowly. "Yes," he said, "I used to feel frightened inside, but I wouldn"t let him know it, and then--it was funny--but quite sunn"ly I wasn"t frightened any more. You try it."
"You mean," Jan asked earnestly, "that if you don"t let anyone else know you are frightened, you cease to be frightened?"
"Something like that," Tony said; "it just happens."
CHAPTER XVIII
MEG AND CAPTAIN MIDDLETON
Meg had worked hard and faithfully ever since Ayah left. Very soon after she took over the children entirely she discovered that, however naughty and tiresome they were in many respects, they were quick-witted and easily interested. And she decided there and then that to keep them good she must keep them well amused, and it acted like a charm.
She had the somewhat rare power of surrounding quite ordinary everyday proceedings with a halo of romance, so that the children"s day developed into a series of entrancing adventures.
With Meg, enthusiastic make-believe had never wholly given place to common sense. Throughout the long, hard days of her childhood and early apprenticeship to a rather unkindly world she had pretended joyously, and invented for herself all sorts of imaginary pleasures to take the place of those tangible ones denied to her. She had kept the width and wistfulness of the child"s horizon with a good deal of the child"s finality and love of detail; so that she was as responsive to the drama of common things as the children themselves.
Thus it came about that the daily donning of the uniform was in very truth symbolic and inspiring; and once the muslin cap was adjusted, she felt herself magically surrounded by the atmosphere most conducive to the production of the Perfect Nurse.
For Tony and little Fay getting up and going to bed resolved themselves into feats of delicious dexterity that custom could not stale. The underneaths of tables were caves and dungeons, chairs became chariots at will, and every night little Fay waved a diminutive pocket-handkerchief to Tony from the deck of an ocean-going P. and O.
The daily walks, especially since they came to Wren"s End, were filled with hopeful possibilities. And to hunt for eggs with Mrs. Earley, or gather vegetables with her son, partook of the nature of a high and solemn quest. It was here Meg showed real genius. She drew all the household into her net of interest. The children poked their busy fingers into everybody"s pies, and even stern Hannah was compelled, quite unconsciously, to contribute her share in the opulent happiness of their little world.
But it took it out of Meg.
For weeks she had been on the alert to prevent storms and tempests. Now that the children"s barometer seemed at "set fair" she suddenly felt very tired.
Jan had been watching her, and on that particular Sunday, had she been able to catch Meg before she got up, Jan would have dressed the children and kept her in bed. But Meg was too nimble for her, washed and dressed her charges, and appeared at breakfast looking a "wispy wraith."
She had slept badly; a habit formed in her under-nourished youth which she found hard to break; and she had, in consequence, been sitting up in bed at five in the morning to make b.u.t.tonholes in garden smocks for Tony.