Chapter 6: My Dream for the Future…What Was It Again?
Part 2
Natsuki, Shuu, and I all went to Karima High School together. I was in the going-home club, while Natsuki was in volleyball and Shuu was in baseball. Such active people, I thought to myself.
Meanwhile, the ringing in my ears was getting worse, so much so that I was pretty much unable to concentrate on anything. Although I went to see the ENT specialist again, my memory was so bad that I found myself unable to recall when the ringing had started.
It wasn’t usually so bad that I couldn’t remember yesterday’s lunch. On the other hand, there were times when I couldn’t even remember last night’s dinner. What I could remember was stuff like how the food had all been stuff I really liked, those sort of vague descriptions.
During my first semester in high school, I was called in by the police for questioning quite a few times.
Taishi’s professor at college―an a.s.sistant professor named Kakitagawa―had already told the police about this temperature-sensitive virus, about how its infectious capacity would change just by being exposed to air and as such was hard to work with. They concluded with that information that the fire extinguishers, being airtight, would be excellent storage containers for the virus.
When they did investigate the fire extinguishers in question, they found that there was, indeed, a virus inside with a low infectious capacity but high fatality rate. They removed all of the fire extinguishers that could be recovered at the concourse, and found that although some had been used, miraculously enough, no one had fallen ill. It was determined that this was because the temperature within the concourse hadn’t been high enough. The police also found an identical fire extinguisher located in Taishi’s car, which he’d left in the parking garage. They began to suspect that I was somehow involved in this whole situation. My memory was so spa.r.s.e that I had no way to confirm it, one way or the other.
My brother’s whereabouts remained unknown. In the hopes of preventing a similar event from happening, the police ordered a top-secret operation to track him down. As for the a.s.sistant professor named Kakitagawa―he became a whistleblower on Danan Pharmaceutical’s corruption scandal, and for a brief period of time, was a big deal in the news.
My high school life slowly whittled away at my time.
On one of the days with no club activities, Natsuki asked me to help with cleaning up. I agreed easily, thinking that it would be unfair to make Natsuki do all the work, but it turned out that all of the girls in the cla.s.s were there, too. I had to do more heavy lifting than I’d antic.i.p.ated, and in the very end, had to help them take out the garbage, too.
Natsuki and I lifted the bin and headed towards the incinerators down on the sports grounds. It was then that we heard a heated conversation from inside the storage shed.
“Fujiyoshi-kun…do you have a girlfriend?”
“Nope.”
“Then please go out with me!”
“…Sorry.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not interested.”
“You…you think that badly of me?”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m just not interested in being in a relationship right now.”
“That’s so…”
Natsuki dragged me away from the conversation, muttering, “That Shuu doesn’t know the first thing about girls.”
“Well, Natsuki, you don’t know the first thing about boys, then,” I retorted. She pouted a bit, and for a brief moment, sadness flickered over her face. No wonder, I thought, girls were so hard to understand, what with their changing their moods at the drop of a hat.
The next night, Shuu asked me to meet up with him so we could talk. That was unusual.
“I’ve entered a relationship with Natsuki.”
I expected nothing less of Shuu. Straight to the point, like a real man.
“Good for you. I’m glad it’s Natsuki.”
“You’re not bothered by it?”
“Why would I be? The three of us can still be friends, can’t we?”
“That’s not what I’m saying…It’s just that, you like her too, don’t you?”
“Not realllyyyy…?”
What was going on? I couldn’t remember…couldn’t…
Of course, Natsuki was someone special to me. I knew that. But I couldn’t for the life of me figure out just what kind of special she was. I had the impression that a voice in the back of my mind―from the hippocampus, I felt―rebuked me, saying, well, it doesn’t matter anyway, does it?
“It doesn’t matter anyway, right, since it’s you.”
I meant it.
But still, I dunno, I felt a little something.
I reached out with my right hand, and punched Shuu gently in the chest.
“So you do mind.”
“I don’t. But still, I dunno.”
For some reason, I feel so frustrated, I thought.
As the midterms drew closer, the three of us studied together again.
However, the only ones who were studying diligently were Shuu and Natsuki. Instead, I would go up to the library desk and check out books that had absolutely nothing to do with our studies.
Books were nice. It felt good to replace the fading memories in my head with new knowledge. Out with the old, and in with the new, like running a cycle through my brain.
Having finished the book I’d borrowed, I got up and went over to the counter.
“h.e.l.lo.”
“This may be weird, but uh, have we met somewhere?”
“You’ve already forgotten me, Yuuto?”
“Uhh…”
The short-haired librarian peered at me as she spoke.
“Do you have astrong wish?”
“Who, me?”
“Yes, you. A strong wish. Your wish.”
“A wish…”
The librarian’s tone made the conversation feel both vexing and familiar. She had the air of an angel―no, more like the air of a G.o.d, perhaps.
Speaking of wishes, though, at that moment, I didn’t have any strong desires in particular. In fact, once I thought about it, I realized that I had everything I wanted.
Objectively speaking, I was extremely content with my life.
I, Hashidate Yuuto, was living a quiet and peaceful life, devoid of any needs of desires.
“Do you have any wishes yourself?” I asked the librarian.
“I like to listen to others’ wishes, I think.”
“I think it’s best to go about not wishing for anything. If you don’t ask for anything you can happily live a peaceful existence. After all, wishing for something and never having that wish fulfilled seems awful.”
“But if no one wished for anything, the G.o.ds would be out of a job, no?”
“Oh, that’s true.”
“So maybe from now on you should try letting yourself wish for things just like everyone else, okay?”
“Okay.”
The librarian with the air of a G.o.d took the book from my hand and placed it back on the shelf.
What was there for me to wish for?
If I had to decide on something, it would be for me to live this same sort of quiet life in my next life, I guess.
I mean, ignoring the fact that I don’t even believe in reincarnation.
When I returned to the private study room, Shuu and Natsuki were kissing.
Well, it was my fault for walking right in without knocking first.
The two startled like deer and separated with an awkward glance. I tried to maintain my composure.
“I don’t mind.”
I think I blurted it out a bit too quickly to sound sincere, but really, I didn’t mind, and I wanted them to know that.
“It’s fine, really. I’m happy just knowing that you two are happy.”
Natsuki seemed embarra.s.sed, and Shuu hit me on the back for no apparent reason.
The warm atmosphere in that study room was so wonderful to me that I could hardly bear it.
Now this was happiness.
What was there to even wish for, if I had happiness like this?
Time seemed to crawl by even more slowly.
Trying to think with this dulled brain of mine made me feel like I was part of this world, yet at the same time, like I was peering at a faraway world.
It might have been me slowly becoming unable to clearly draw the line what was real and what was not. But it wasn’t like I thought there was such thing as unreality, anyway. The feeling was more like, even if I saw reality right in front of me, it was hard for me to accept that it was real, I think.
I sat on the stairs that led up to the bank entrance, watching the glow of the streetlamps.
I didn’t have anything in mind, doing that. It’s just that by the time I had realized it, I had found myself sitting on the steps, with no idea where all the time had gone. I got the impression that I was hungry. I also got the impression that the feeling of “hunger” was sitting in my stomach. I got the impression that my autonomic nervous system was being stimulated with signals that told me that I was experiencing this feeling called “hunger”.
It didn’t make much sense to me.
Maybe “by the time I had realized it, I had no idea where all the time had gone” was not really what I meant.
I think, once upon a time, I was a person who sought to be perfect, who had decided that I could live a perfect and tidy life. How I really lived back then, and the feeling of wanting to live a perfect life―I don’t remember either of those.
Did the current me have any meaning in living?
The though occurred to me that, wow, this kind of life is terrible, but at the same time, I didn’t think it was all that bad to live like this.
I was happy, and satisfied.
I should just set all this stuff about Maki-chan and my life aside.
…Maki-chan? Who’s that?
Well, whatever.
Just stick with the rhythm.
I heard a voice from inside my head. Inside my hippocampus. Like a professor.
―This life is terrible, just terrible.
The voice in my hippocampus willed me to stand up, so I did.
The flow of the pedestrians began to shift. 5 in the morning. It was almost time for the first train to arrive.
Countless people said their goodbyes and see-you-laters to each other. They were laughing, but there was a hint of exhaustion on their faces. Well, it was five in the morning, after all, so it was understandable.
Staggering, I followed behind a shadowy figure who stood out in the sea of people.
Through the ticket gates and onto the platform I went.
The first train of the day was approaching.
A wind kicked up and pushed me from behind. I’ll just let the wind do as it wants, I thought.
My feet left the platform as if I were being swallowed up by the tunnel, and plunged in front of the train.
There was a strange sense of relief telling me that this time, I would be able to die.
I thought that this was the answer, but who knows?
Jiriririririririri!
My alarm clock wasn’t a digital one; rather, it had a metallic bell chime and a round clock face, with two silver bells on top.
I’ve heard it said that the sharp metallic noise is bad for the heart, but I, for one, welcomed this sort of auditory a.s.sault.
My alarm clock was awesome. The shock from the noise cleared my head. I only needed to sleep as many hours as my alarm clock would allow me.
I sat up on the bed and looked on the ceiling, then flopped down on my side.
Above the carpet of my room, next to my small mountain of reference books, was a small box. It rotated in midair, alternating between tilting and straightening itself.
I crawled out of my bed and grasped the box in my hand. There was a red b.u.t.ton perched on one of its six sides.
“A box, with a b.u.t.ton on it,” I muttered. “What could it be?”
The second the words left my lips, a voice resounded from inside my head.
―Will you wish?
Who was that?
Where was the voice coming from?
Will you not wish?
Wish? For what?
I got the impression that I had heard this voice before.
Somehow, I also thought that this box felt familiar, as if I had played with it when I was child or something...
The voice continued to murmur in my ear.
"It"s not Game Over yet, you know?"
Afterword
h.e.l.lo. I’m Kimoto Masahiko, the writer of “Life Reset b.u.t.ton”.
This work comes from one of the songs produced by KEMU VOXX.
As you know, KEMU VOXX’s songs do not mention specific characters. The protagonist is introduced as a “young man,” and the ident.i.ty of that young man is up to the audience. People have told me that when they heard the song “Life Reset b.u.t.ton”, it gave them the feeling that a great journey was about to begin in his life. In this book, I have merely attempting to put that feeling to prose.
As this song series is riddled with mysteries, one may be tempted to view this work as depicting the official setting and establishing the canon. However, that is not the case. In fact, the information that I have received from KEMU VOXX is scarcely any more than what has been divulged to the fans publicly. Every character in the book, aside from Maki-chan, is a character of my own devising. Therefore, please think of them as only one of many possible representations of KEMU VOXX’s works.
Of course, everything from the basic plot points to the final draft has been looked over by the KEMU VOXX team, so rest a.s.sured that my vision does not stray too far from what they have intended to portray. I hope that this may a.s.suage any fears you may have about the accuracy of this work.
Now, many of you will probably recall a day very similar to mine, one summer day last year (2012), where, thinking, “I wonder what sort of Vocaloid songs have been uploaded lately?” you checked Nico Nico Douga and found that a unit called KEMU VOXX had uploaded a video of some sort, right?
I, who tended not to listen to lyrics even in songs with human vocals, simply listened to the song as nothing more than sound. Yet, combined with the impact of the melody, the song spoke to me, in a way. That was how strongly it impacted me.
Shortly thereafter, I received an invitation to write a novelization of the series, and instantly agreed.
Yes, the works of KEMU VOXX were that fascinating to me.
In my opinion, the novelization of this series was quite different from similar endeavors with other Vocaloid series. For one, the Vocaloids themselves were not characters. There did not even exist established characters (with the exception of Maki-chan). There was clearly a storyline, but it was presented in hints.
This process of creating both characters and story from nearly nothing was, I believe, quite different from the usual process of novelization. It was like deciphering, excavating, and creating a new work from scratch, all at the same time. And because there were hints in the lyrics, I could not allow myself to deviate from those hints. It was a very mysterious yet exhilarating process.
And so, although it took much longer than I had antic.i.p.ated at first, my novelization of “Life Reset b.u.t.ton” has at last reached your hands, dear reader.
I hope you enjoy my depiction of what it would be like to have a reset b.u.t.ton.
My thanks to everyone at PHP Kenkyuusho, especially Miyakawa-sama, for giving me lots of advice. Also I would like to thank my wife, who had to deal with me coming home from work and subsequently working at home. Finally, I would like to thank my son, who has healed me many a time with his smile.
Kimoto Masahiko
Comments
(These come with ill.u.s.trations of Maki-chan and Natsuki respectively, which I have not included).
hatsuko: (next to Maki-chan) Kay, I’m gonna go reset a life, seeya! Peace! Thank you very much!
kemu: Congratulations on finishing! I’m amazed that my lyrics became a book.
Suzumu: I told you already, I dont wanna!! I’m going home, bye (death flag)
ke-sanβ: I want to mash the life reset b.u.t.ton like I’m playing a rhythm game, but one hasn’t appeared in front of me yet.
Takamura Fumi:
h.e.l.lo. I was in charge of the ill.u.s.tration for this book. I had a hard time deciding who to draw for the comments, but I realized that I had drawn a lot of Yuutos for the book, so here’s Natsuki!
Natsuki and Shuu went through a lot, so I like to think they were a happy couple in the end. I feel bad for Yuuto, though…
The story and character designs made the ill.u.s.trations very fun to draw! Thank you very much!
[end]