LXXII.
MY GOOD GRACIOUS, MISS BARB
"Good-by," said Fair, with an ardent last look.
"Good-by," softly echoed Barbara, with eyelids down, and pa.s.sed in.
According to a habit contracted since coming to college she took a brief glimpse of the hat-rack to see if it held any other than girls" hats.
Not that she expected any visitor of the sort that can"t wear that kind, but--you know how it is--the unexpected does sometimes call. Besides, Mr. Fair had told her whom he was to meet in Springfield next day. But the hat-rack said no. Nevertheless she glanced also into the tiny parlor. The widow sat there alone, reading the _Congregationalist_. She looked up with sweet surprise, and Barbara, not giving her time to speak, said:
"The woods are so per-fect-ly fas-ci-nat-ing I"m neg-lect-ing my cor-re-spond-ence."
She dangled her hat at her knee and slowly mounted to her room, humming a dance, but longing, as some sick wild thing, for a seclusion she had no hope to find.
The two college mates who had driven with her in the morning were lolling on her bed. They recognized the earliness of her return by a mischievous sparkle of eyes which only gathered emphasis from the absence of any open comment.
"Barbara," said one, as she doubled a pillow under her neck and took on the Southern drawl, "par-don my in-quis-i-tive-ness, but if it isn"t an im-per-ti-nent ques-tion--or even if it is--how man-y but-ter-cups did you pro-cure, and alas! where are they now?"
"Heaow?" softly asked Barbara. But the other school-fellow cried:
"Barbara, dear, don"t you notice that girl, she"s bad. I"ll give you a nice, easy question. I ask merely for information. Of course you"re not bound to answer unless you choose----"
"I want to know!" murmured Miss Garnet.
"Of course you do; you don"t want to criminate yourself when you haven"t got to.
"And now, Miss Garnet--if that is still your name----"
"Don"t call me Miss Garnet," said Barbara, with her chin in her hands, "call me honey."
"Honey," came the response, "where"s our "Herrick"?"
Barbara sprang to her feet with a gasp and vacancy of eye that filled the room with the laughter of her companions, and the next moment was speeding down the stairs and across the doorstep, crowding her hat on with one hand and stabbing it with the other as she went. Down from the streets into the wood she hastened, gained the path, ran up it, walked by three or four pretty loiterers, ran again, and on the stone by the water-side found the volume as she had left it.
Then she lingered. As she leaned against the rock and gazed into the shaded depths of the mill-stream her problem came again, and the beautiful solitude whispered a welcome to her to revolve and weigh and solve it here. But when she essayed to do so it would no more be revolved or weighed by her alone than this huge bowlder at her side. Her baffled mind drifted into fantasy, and the h.o.a.ry question, Whether it is wiser for a maiden to love first, hoping to be chosen accordingly, or to be chosen first and hope to love accordingly, became itself an age-worn relic from woman"s earlier and harder lot, left by its glaciers as they had melted in the warmth of more modern suns.
She murmured a word of impatience at such dreaming and looked around to see if she was overheard; but the only near presence was two girls sitting behind and high above her, one writing, the other reading, under the pines. They seemed not to have heard, but she sauntered beyond their sight up the path, wondering if they were the kind in whom to love was the necessity it was in her, and, if so, what they would do in her case.
What they would advise _her_ to do depended mainly, she fancied, on whether they were in their teens or their twenties. As for married women, she shrank from the very thought of their counsel, whichever way it might tend, and mused on Fannie Ravenel, who, with eyes wide open, had chosen rather to be made unhappy by the one her love had lighted on than to take any other chance for happiness. She stopped her listless walk and found her wrists crossed and her hands knit, remembering one whom Fannie could have chosen and would not.
Burning with resentment against herself for the thought, she turned aside and sat down on the river"s brink in a shade of hemlocks. "Come,"
her actions seemed to say, "I will think of Henry Fair; gentle, n.o.ble Henry Fair, and what he is and will and might be; of how I love his mother and all his kindred; of how tenderly I admire him; and of his trembling words, "I love you consumingly!""
Her heart quickened gratefully, as though he spoke again; but as she gazed down at the bubbles that floated by from a dipping bough she presently fell to musing anew on Fannie, without that inward shudder which the recollection of Fannie"s course and fate commonly brought. "At least," she thought to herself, "it"s heroic!" Yet before she could find a moment"s comfort in the reflection it was gone, and she started up and moved on again, knowing that, whatever it may be for man, for true womanhood the better heroism is not to give a pa.s.sionate love its unwise way at heroic cost, but dispa.s.sionately to master love in all its greatness and help it grow to pa.s.sion in wise ways.
"If I take this step," she began to say to herself audibly as she followed the old road out into a neglected meadow, "I satisfy my father; I delight my friends; I rid myself at once and forever of this dreadful dependence on him." She bit her lip and shut her eyes against these politic considerations. "He tells me to weigh the matter well. How shall I, when there"s nothing to weigh against it? Fannie could choose between the one who loved her and the one she loved. I have no choice; this is the most--most likely it is all--that will ever be offered me. There"s just the one simple sane question before me--Shill I or shall I?" She smiled. "We make too much of it all!" she thought on. "A man"s life depends upon the man he is, not on the girl he gets; why shouldn"t it be so with us?" She smiled still more, and, glancing round the open view, murmured, "Silly little country girls! We begin life as a poem, we can"t find our rhyme, we tell our mothers--if we have any--they say yes, it was the same with our aunts; so we decide with them that good prose will do very well; they kiss us--that means they won"t tell--and--O Heaven!
is that our best?" She dropped upon a bank and wept till she shook.
But that would never do! She dried her tears and lay toying with her book and sadly putting into thought a thing she had never more than felt before: that whatever she might wisely or unwisely do with it, she held in her nature a sacred gift of pa.s.sion; that life, her life, could never bloom in full joy and glory shut out from wifehood and motherhood, and that the idlest self-deceit she could attempt would be to say she need not marry. Suddenly she started and then lay stiller than before. She had found the long-sought explanation of her mother"s tardy marriage--neither a controlling nor a controlled pa.s.sion, but the reasoning despair of famishing affections. Barbara let her face sink into the gra.s.s and wept again for the dear lost one with a new reverence and compa.s.sion. She was pressing her brow hard against the earth when there came from the far end of the meadow two clear, glad notes of nature"s voice, that entered her soul like a call from the pastures of Rosemont; a missing rhyme sent to make good the failing poetry of love"s declining day. She sprang to the top of the rise with her open hand to her hat-brim, the dew still in her lashes, her lips parted fondly, and her ear waiting to hear again the whistle of the quail. Many a day in those sunny springtimes when she still ran wild with Johanna had she held taunting parley with those two crystal love-notes, and now she straightened to her best height, pursed her lips, whistled back the brave octave, and listened again. A distant cowbell tinkled from some willows in another meadow across the river, a breeze moved audibly by, and then the answer came. "Bob--Bob White?" it inquired from the top of a pine-covered bluff, round which the stream swept down in boulder-strewn rapids to its smoother course between the two meadows. It may be the name was not just that, but it was certainly two monosyllables! The listener stepped quickly to the nearest bush, answered again, and began to move warily from cover to cover in the direction of the call. Once she delayed her response. A man and wife with three or four children, loitering down the river bank, pa.s.sed so close to her as to be startled when at last they saw her, although she was merely sitting at the roots of a great tree deeply absorbed in a book. A few steps farther put a slight ridge and a clump of bushes between the couple and the student; and the man, glancing back, had just noticed it, when--
"Hear that quail!" he exclaimed, and stopped his wife with a touch.
"What of it?" asked the helpmate, who was stoop-shouldered.
"Why, we must have pa.s.sed in a few feet of it! It"s right there where we saw that girl!"
The woman"s voice took on an added dreariness as she replied: "We might "a" seen it if you hadn"t been so taken up with the girl. James, come back! you know "tain"t that bird you"re peekin" after. O land o" love!
men _air_ sich fools!"
The man found neither girl nor quail; the gra.s.sy seat beneath the tree was empty. But just as he was rejoining his partner--"Hark!" he said; "there he is again, farther up the river. Now if we listen like"s not we"ll hear another fellow answer him. Many"s the time I"ve lain in the gra.s.s and called one of them right up. There! that was the answering challenge, away off yonder between here and that hill with the pines on it. There"s going to be a beautiful little fight when those two birds meet, and that college girl"s going to see it. I wish I--There"s the other one again; they get closer each time! Didn"t you hear it?"
The wife replied, mainly to herself, that she did not; that if he had her backache he wouldn"t hear a bra.s.s band, and that her next walk would be by herself.
The partner did not venture to look back after that, but as they sauntered on, rarely speaking except when the mother rebuked the children, he listened eagerly, and after a silence of unaccountable length, finally heard the two calls once more, up near the rapids and very close to each other. He dared not p.r.i.c.k his ears, but while he agreed with his wife that if they were ever going home at all it was time they were about it, he could not but think the outcome of a man"s life depends largely on the sort of girl he gets.
At the upper end of the meadow, meantime, Barbara Garnet, with "Herrick"
in one hand and her hat pressed against the back of her skirts in the other, was bending and peering round the trunk of an elm draped to the ground in flounces of its own green. The last response to her whistle had seemed to come from a spot so close in front of her that she feared to risk another step, and yet, peep and pry as she might, she could neither spy out nor nearer decoy the cunning challenger. In a sense of delinquency she noted the sky showing yellow and red through the hill-top pines, and seeing she must make short end of her play, prepared to rush out upon the rogue and have an old-time laugh at his pretty panic. So!--one for the money, two for the show, three to make ready, and four for to--"Ha, ha, ha!"--
"Good gracious alive!" exclaimed the quail, leaping from his back to his feet, and standing a fathom tall before the gasping, half-sinking girl.
"Good gra"--why--why, my good gracious, Miss Barb! why--why, my good gracious!" insisted John March.
LXXIII.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER CHAPEL
There was a great deal of pleasure in the house of the three sisters that evening. The widow asked March to stay to tea, and when he opened his mouth to decline, the wrong word fell out and he accepted. He confided to Barbara his fear that in so doing he had blundered, but she softly scouted the idea, and with a delicious reproachfulness in her murmur, "wondered if he supposed they"--etc.
At table he sat next to her, in the seat the sisters had intended for Henry Fair. Neither Miss Garnet nor Mr. March gave the other"s proximity more than its due recognition; they talked with almost everyone about almost everything, and as far as they knew said and did nothing to betray the fact that they were as happy as Psyche in a swing with Cupid to push and run under.
n.o.body went to evening service. They sang hymns at the piano, selecting oftenest those which made best display of Miss Garnet"s and Mr. March"s voices. Hers was only mezzo-soprano and not brilliant, but Mr. March and a very short college girl, conversing for a moment aside, agreed that it was "singularly winsome." Another college girl, very tall, whispered to Barbara that his was a "superb barrytone!" The young man entered deeper and deeper every moment into the esteem of the household, and they into his. The very best of the evening came last, when, at the widow"s request, the two Southerners sang, without the instrument, a hymn or two of the Dixie mountaineers: "To play on the golden harp" and "Where there"s no more stormy clouds arising." Being further urged for a negro hymn, John began "Bow low a little bit longer," which Barbara, with a thrill of recollection and an involuntary gesture of pain, said she couldn"t sing, and they gave another instead, one of the best, and presently had the whole company joining in the clarion refrain of "O Canaan! bright Canaan!" Barbara heard her college mates still singing it in their rooms on either side of her after she had said her prayers with her cheek on John March"s photograph.
To her painful surprise when she awoke next day she found herself in a downcast mood. She could not even account for the blissful frame in which she had gone to bed. She had not forgotten one word or tone of all John March had said to her while carried away from his fine resolution by the wave of ecstasy which followed their unexpected meeting, but the sunset light, their thrilling significances, were totally gone from them. Across each utterance some qualifying word or clause, quite overlooked till now, cast its morning shadow. Not so much as one fond e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n of his impulsive lips last evening but she could explain away this morning, and she felt a dull, half-guilty distress in the fear that her blissful silences had embarra.s.sed him into letting several things imply more than he intended. Before she was quite dressed one of her fellow-students came in with an anguished face to show what a fatal error she had made in the purchase of some ribbons.
Barbara held them first in one light and then in another, and at length shook her head over them in piteous despair and asked:
"How _could_ you so utterly mistake both color and quality?"
"Why, my dear, I bought them by lamplight! and, besides, it was an auction and I was excited."
"Yes," said Barbara, and took a long breath. "I know how that is."
Down in town two commercial travelers, one of whom we have met before, took an after-breakfast saunter.