TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
Johnny:"HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
Johnny:Yesterday you said it"s H to O!
TEACHER: Johnny go to the map and find North America.
Johnny: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, cla.s.s, who discovered America?
CLa.s.s: Johnny!
TEACHER: Johnny, name one important thing we have today that we didn"t have ten years ago.
Johnny: Me!
TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
Johnny: Well, I"m a lot closer to the ground then you are.
Johnny: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Johnny:Your name on this card(report card).
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
Johnny: You can"t fool me, Teacher... snakes don"t have feet.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Johnny: Don"t bite any.
TEACHER:Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Johnny: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johnny. Always say, "I am."
Johnny:All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
Johnny: You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Johnny: Big hands!
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."
Johnny: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Johnny:Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Johnny:Yes it"s really strange. I"ve got another pair of the same at home.
Ed: What time is it when Dracula goes to the dentist?
Johnny: I don"t know.
Ed: Tooth hurty(2:30)
Ed: My uncle and I went on a safari to Africa last year.
Johnny:Oh, yeah? How did it go?
Ed: We spotted a leopard.
John: Don"t be silly. They"re born that way!
Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Johnny:Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother"s. Did u copy his?
Johnny: No, teacher, it"s the same dog!
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Johnny:That"s why I say she"s no good!
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Johnny:A cow and a bull are grazing in the field Teacher : How ?
Student : Ladies first.
A Husband and Wife go to the hospital to deliver their child. The doctor meets them and tells them that he has a new system that will allow the father to take part or all of the mothers labor pains. They both agree and the delivery begins.
The doctor turns the dial to 10%, so that the father will take 10% of the mothers pain.
The husband says he feels fine, so the doctor puts it up a notch.
The husband still feels fine, so the doctor puts it up to 30%.
The husband still feels fine, so it goes up to 50%.
The husband tells the doctor to go ahead and put it up to 100%.
The husband still feels fine and the child is delivered and the wife felt virtually no pain at all.
They both go back home with their child, where they find the mailman dead on their steps!!!
1.Mother of six A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it"s time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back... "Anytime you"re ready, Father of Four!" Did You Hear...?
2. Memo from Director General to Manager: Today at 11 o"clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information.
Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head: Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager: The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.
Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor: Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn"t happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.
Memo from Supervisor to staff: Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director general disappear. It is a pity this doesn"t happen every day.
3.A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I"m taking my wife to Australia." His friend says, "That"s going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth Anniversary?"
The first guy says, "I"m going to go back and get her."