A woman walks into her accountant"s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I"ll need to ask a few questions."
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I"m a wh.o.r.e."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too cra.s.s. Let"s try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "Ok, I"m a prost.i.tute."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman excitedly states, "I"m a chicken farmer!"
The accountant is puzzled, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a wh.o.r.e or a prost.i.tute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 c.o.c.ks last year."
Financial Problem.
A couple was having financial problems until finally they couldn"t stand it anymore.
The husband said to his wife that is was necessary for her to make some money through prost.i.tution to get by.
So the husband drove her to the place where she had to do the job and in the evening he picked her up again.
"So, how much have you earned today?" the husband asked.
"Well", the woman responded, "I"ve made one hundred dollars and fifty cents".
"That"s strange", the husband responded, "who gave you the fifty cents?"
Said the woman: "All of them, of course!"
First p.u.s.s.y.
This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?"
"Sure", he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off herclothes and he keeps staring at her.
She says, "Is this the first p.u.s.s.y you seen since you crawled out of one?"
The guy says: "Nope, just the first one I"ve seen big enough to crawl back into."
Got Crabs from a Wh.o.r.e.
After a few weeks, Mark felt a itching sensation in his crotch, and discovered that a wh.o.r.e had given him crabs.
Heavily p.i.s.sed off, he went looking for her, and found her eventually. "You b.i.t.c.h! You gave me crabs!" he yelled.
She replied, "What the do you expect for five bucks?! LOBSTERS?!"
Hookers and the Little Bboy.
A young boy on his way home from school must pa.s.s by a group of hookers.
Everyday as he pa.s.ses them, the hookers wave at him with their pinkies and say "Hi there little boy!"
One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always wave at him with their pinkies. They reply: "well, that is what size we imagine your p.e.n.i.s to be... it is just a joke!"
The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition.
The young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says, "HI THERE LADIES!
h.o.r.n.y Salesman.
A salesman in a strange city was feeling h.o.r.n.y and wanted release. He inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to go to 365 East West Street.
By mistake, he went to 365 WEST East Street, the office of a podiatrist. Being met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform surprised but intrigued him.
She directed him to an examining room and told him to uncover and someone would be with him soon.
He loved the thought of the table and the reclining chair and was really getting aroused because of the strange and different approach this house offered.
Finally the doctor"s a.s.sistant, a really gorgeous redhead entered and found him sitting in the chair with his generous member in his hand.
"My goodness", she exclaimed, "I was expecting to see a foot."
"Well," he said, "if you"re going to complain about an inch then I"ll take my business elsewhere."
Just Got Out of Prison.
As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just gotten out of prison?"
"Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have s.e.x from the rear?"
"Partly." She said. "But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, "YOUR TURN.""
Just Negotiating.
A dirty & ugly old man walks up to this voluptuously beautiful woman and says: "Would you sleep with me for 1 million dollars?"
"For 1 MILLION dollars, of course I would."
"Would you sleep with me for 5 dollars?"
"For 5 DOLLARS, What kind of girl do you take me for?"
"We already established what kind of girl you are, I"m just negotiating."
Meanest, Toughest & Roughest Wh.o.r.e.