These operations helped save me from madness. As I manipulated the stones that destroyed the science of mathematics, more than once I thought of those Greek stones that were the first ciphers and that had been pa.s.sed down to so many languages as the word "calculus." Mathematics, I told my- self, had its origin, and now has its end, in stones. If Pythagoras had worked with these...
After about a month I realized that there was no way out of the chaos. There lay the unruly disks, there lay the constant temptation to touch them, to feel that tickling sensation once more, to scatter them, to watch them in- crease or decrease, and to note whether they came out odd or even. I came to fear that they would contaminate other things-particularly the fingers that insisted upon handling them.
For several days I imposed upon myself the private obligation to think continually about the stones, because I knew that forgetting them was possible only for a moment, and that rediscovering my torment would be unbearable.
I did not sleep the night of February 10. After a walk that led me far into the dawn, I pa.s.sed through the gates of the mosque of Wazil Khan. It was the hour at which light has not yet revealed the colors of things. There was not a soul in the courtyard. Not knowing why, I plunged my hands into the water of the fountain of ablutions. Inside the mosque, it occurred to me that G.o.d and Allah are two names for a single, inconceivable Being, and I prayed aloud that I be freed from my burden. Unmoving, I awaited some reply.
I heard no steps, but a voice, quite close, spoke to me: "I am here."A beggar was standing beside me. In the soft light I could make out his turban, his sightless eyes, his sallow skin, his gray beard. He was not very tall.
He put out a hand to me, and said, still softly: "Alms, oh Protector of the Poor ..."
I put my hands in my pocket.
"I have not a single coin," I replied.
"You have many," was the beggar"s answer.
The stones were in my right pocket. I took out one and dropped it into his cupped palm. There was not the slightest sound.
"You must give me all of them," he said. "He who gives not all has given nothing."
I understood, and I said: "I want you to know that my alms may be a curse."
"Perhaps that gift is the only gift I am permitted to receive. I have sinned."
I dropped all the stones into the concave hand. They fell as though into the bottom of the sea, without the slightest whisper.
Then the man spoke again: "I do not yet know what your gift to me is, but mine to you is an awe- some one. You may keep your days and nights, and keep wisdom, habits, the world."
I did not hear the blind beggar"s steps, or see him disappear into the dawn.
The Rose of Paracelsus
De Quincey:Writings,XIII, 345*
Down in his laboratory, to which the two rooms of the cellar had been given over, Paracelsus prayed to his G.o.d, his indeterminate G.o.d-any G.o.d-to send him a disciple.
Night was coming on. The guttering fire in the hearth threw irregular shadows into the room. Getting up to light the iron lamp was too much trouble. Paracelsus, weary from the day, grew absent, and the prayer was forgotten. Night had expunged the dusty retorts and the furnace when there came a knock at his door. Sleepily he got up, climbed the short spiral stair- case, and opened one side of the double door.
A stranger stepped inside. He too was very tired. Paracelsus gestured toward a bench; the other man sat down and waited. For a while, neither spoke.
The master was the first to speak.
"I recall faces from the West and faces from the East," he said, not with- out a certain formality, "yet yours I do not recall. Who are you, and what do you wish of me?"
"My name is of small concern," the other man replied. "I have jour- neyed three days and three nights to come into your house. I wish to be- come your disciple. I bring you all my possessions."
He brought forth a pouch and emptied its contents on the table. The coins were many, and they were of gold. He did this with his right hand. Paracelsus turned his back to light the lamp; when he turned around again, he saw that the man"s left hand held a rose. The rose troubled him.
He leaned back, put the tips of his fingers together, and said: "You think that I am capable of extracting the stone that turns all ele- ments to gold, and yet you bring me gold. But it is not gold I seek, and if it is gold that interests you, you shall never be my disciple."
"Gold is of no interest to me," the other man replied. "These coins merely symbolize my desire to join you in your work. I want you to teach me the Art. I want to walk beside you on that path that leads to the Stone."
"The pathis the Stone. The point of departure is the Stone. If these words are unclear to you, you have not yet begun to understand. Every step you take is the goal you seek." Paracelsus spoke the words slowly.
The other man looked at him with misgiving.
"But," he said, his voice changed, "is there, then, no goal?"Paracelsus laughed.
"My detractors, who are no less numerous than imbecilic, say that there is not, and they call me an impostor. I believe they are mistaken, though it is possible that I am deluded. I know that thereis a Path."
There was silence, and then the other man spoke.
"I am ready to walk that Path with you, even if we must walk for many years. Allow me to cross the desert. Allow me to glimpse, even from afar, the promised land, though the stars prevent me from setting foot upon it. All I ask is a proof before we begin the journey."
"When?" said Paracelsus uneasily.
"Now," said the disciple with brusque decisiveness.
They had begun their discourse in Latin; they now were speaking German.
The young man raised the rose into the air.
"You are famed," he said, "for being able to burn a rose to ashes and make it emerge again, by the magic of your art. Let me witness that prodigy. I ask that of you, and in return I will offer up my entire life."
"You are credulous," the master said. "I have no need of credulity; I de- mand belief."
The other man persisted.
"It is precisely because I amnot credulous that I wish to see with my own eyes the annihilation and resurrection of the rose."
"You are credulous," he repeated. "You say that I can destroy it?"
"Any man has the power to destroy it," said the disciple.
"You are wrong," the master responded. "Do you truly believe that something may be turned to nothing?
Do you believe that the first Adam in paradise was able to destroy a single flower, a single blade of gra.s.s?"
"We are not in paradise," the young man stubbornly replied. "Here, in the sublunary world, all things are mortal."
Paracelsus had risen to his feet.
"Where are we, then, if not in paradise?" he asked. "Do you believe that the deity is able to create a place that is not paradise? Do you believe that the Fall is something other than not realizing that we are in paradise?"
"A rose can be burned" the disciple said defiantly.
"There is still some fire there," said Paracelsus, pointing toward the hearth. "If you cast this rose into the embers, you would believe that it has been consumed, and that its ashes are real. I tell you that the rose is eternal, and that only its appearances may change. At a word from me, you would see it again."
"A word?" the disciple asked, puzzled. "The furnace is cold, and the re- torts are covered with dust. What is it you would do to bring it back again?"
Paracelsus looked at him with sadness in his eyes.
"The furnace is cold," he nodded, "and the retorts are covered with dust. On this leg of my long journey I use other instruments."
"I dare not ask what they are," said the other man humbly, or astutely.
"I am speaking of that instrument used by the deity to create the heav- ens and the earth and the invisible paradise in which we exist, but which original sin hides from us. I am speaking of the Word, which is taught to us by the science of the Kabbalah."
"I ask you," the disciple coldly said, "if you might be so kind as to show me the disappearance and appearance of the rose. It matters not the slight- est to me whether you work with alembics or with the Word."
Paracelsus studied for a moment; then he spoke: "If I did what you ask, you would say that it was an appearance cast by magic upon your eyes. The miracle would not bring you the belief you seek. Put aside, then, the rose."
The young man looked at him, still suspicious. Then Paracelsus raised his voice.
"And besides, who are you to come into the house of a master and de- mand a miracle of him? What have you done to deserve such a gift?"
The other man, trembling, replied:"I know I have done nothing. It is for the sake of the many years I will study in your shadow that I ask it of you-allow me to see the ashes and then the rose. I will ask nothing more. I will believe the witness of my eyes."
He s.n.a.t.c.hed up the incarnate and incarnadine rose that Paracelsus had left lying on the table, and he threw it into the flames. Its color vanished, and all that remained was a pinch of ash. For one infinite moment, he awaited the words, and the miracle.
Paracelsus sat unmoving. He said with strange simplicity: "All the physicians and all the pharmacists in Basel say I am a fraud.Perhaps they are right. There are the ashes that were the rose, and that shall be the rose no more."
The young man was ashamed. Paracelsus was a charlatan, or a mere vi- sionary, and he, an intruder, had come through his door and forced him now to confess that his famed magic arts were false.
He knelt before the master and said: "What I have done is unpardonable. I have lacked belief, which the Lord demands of all the faithful. Let me, then, continue to see ashes. I will come back again when I am stronger, and I will be your disciple, and at the end of the Path I will see the rose."
He spoke with genuine pa.s.sion, but that pa.s.sion was the pity he felt for the aged master-so venerated, so inveighed against, so renowned, and therefore so hollow. Who was he, Johannes Grisebach, to discover with sac- rilegious hand that behind the mask was no one?
Leaving the gold coins would be an act of almsgiving to the poor. He picked them up again as he went out. Paracelsus accompanied him to the foot of the staircase and told him he would always be welcome in that house. Both men knew they would never see each other again.
Paracelsus was then alone. Before putting out the lamp and returning to his weary chair, he poured the delicate fistful of ashes from one hand into the concave other, and he whispered a single word. The rose appeared again.
Shakespeare"s Memory
There are devotees of Goethe, of theEddas,of the late song of theNibelun- gen;my fate has been Shakespeare. As it still is, though in a way that no one could have foreseen-no one save one man.
Daniel Thorpe, who has just recently died in Pretoria. There is another man, too, whose face I have never seen.
My name is HermannSorgel.The curious reader may have chanced to leaf through myShakespeare Chronology, which I once considered essential to a proper understanding of the text: it was translated into several lan- guages, including Spanish. Nor is it beyond the realm of possibility that the reader will recall a protracted diatribe against an emendation inserted by Theobald into his critical edition of 1734- an emendation which became from that moment on an unquestioned part of the canon. Today I am taken a bit aback by the uncivil tone of those pages, which I might almost say were written by another man. In 19141 drafted, but did not publish, an article on the compound words that the h.e.l.lenist and dramatist George Chapman coined for his versions of Homer; in forging these terms, Chapman did not realize that he had carried English back to its Anglo-Saxon origins, theUr- sprungof the language. It never occurred to me that Chapman"s voice, which I have now forgotten, might one day be so familiar to me....
A scat- tering of critical and philological "notes," as they are called, signed with my initials, complete, I believe, my literary biography. Although perhaps I might also be permitted to include an unpublished translation ofMacbeth, which I began in order to distract my mind from the thought of the death of my brother, Otto Julius, who fell on the western front in 1917.1 never fin- ished translating the play; I came to realize that English has (to its credit)two registers-the Germanic and the Latinate-while our own German, in spite of its greater musicality, must content itself with one.
I mentioned Daniel Thorpe. I was introduced to Thorpe by Major Bar- clay at a Shakespeare conference.
I will not say where or when; I know all too well that such specifics are in fact vaguenesses.
More important than Daniel Thorpe"s face, which my partial blindness helps me to forget, was hisnotorious lucklessness. When a man reaches a certain age, there are many things he can feign; happiness is not one of them. Daniel Thorpe gave off an almost physical air of melancholy.
After a long session, night found us in a pub-an undistinguished place that might have been any pub in London. To make ourselves feel that we were in England (which of course we were), we drained many a ritual pewter mug of dark warm beer.
"In Punjab," said the major in the course of our conversation, "a fellow once pointed out a beggar to me.
Islamic legend apparently has it, you know, that King Solomon owned a ring that allowed him to understand the language of the birds. And this beggar, so everyone believed, had somehow come into possession of that ring. The value of the thing was so beyond all reckoning that the poor b.u.g.g.e.r could never sell it, and he died in one of the courtyards of the mosque of Wazil Khan, in Lah.o.r.e."
It occurred to me that Chaucer must have been familiar with the tale of that miraculous ring, but mentioning it would have spoiled Barclay"s anecdote.
"And what became of the ring?" I asked.
"Lost now, of course, as that sort of magical thingamajig always is. Probably in some secret hiding place in the mosque, or on the finger of some chap who"s off living somewhere where there"re no birds."
"Or where there are so many," I noted, "that one can"t make out what they"re saying for the racket. Your story has something of the parable about it, Barclay."
It was at that point that Daniel Thorpe spoke up. He spoke, somehow, impersonally, without looking at us. His English had a peculiar accent, which I attributed to a long stay in the East.
"It is not a parable," he said. "Or if it is, it is nonetheless a true story. There are things that have a price so high they can never be sold."
The words I am attempting to reconstruct impressed me less than the conviction with which Daniel Thorpe spoke them. We thought he was going to say something further, but suddenly he fell mute, as though heregretted having spoken at all. Barclay said good night. Thorpe and I re- turned together to the hotel. It was quite late by now, but Thorpe suggested we continue our conversation in his room. After a short exchange of trivi- alities, he said to me: "Would you like to own King Solomon"s ring? I offer it to you. That"s a metaphor, of course, but the thing the metaphor stands for is every bit as wondrous as that ring. Shakespeare"s memory, from his youngest boyhood days to early April, 1616-I offer it to you."
I could not get a single word out. It was as though I had been offered the ocean.
Thorpe went on: "I am not an impostor. I am not insane. I beg you to suspend judgment until you hear me out. Major Barclay no doubt told you that I am, or was, a military physician. The story can be told very briefly. It begins in the East, in a field hospital, at dawn. The exact date is not important. An enlisted man named Adam Clay, who had been shot twice, offered me the precious memory almost literally with his last breath. Pain and fever, as you know, make us creative; I accepted his offer without crediting it-and besides, af- ter a battle, nothing seems so very strange. He barely had time to explain the singular conditions of the gift: The one who possesses it must offer it aloud, and the one who is to receive it must accept it the same way. The man who gives it loses it forever."
The name of the soldier and the pathetic scene of the bestowal struck me as "literary" in the worst sense of the word. It all made me a bit leery.
"And you, now, possess Shakespeare"s memory?"
"What I possess," Thorpe answered, "are stilltwo memories-my own personal memory and the memory of that Shakespeare that I partially am. Or rather, two memories possessme. There is a place where they merge, somehow. There is a woman"s face ... I am not sure what century it be- longs to."
"And the one that was Shakespeare"s-" I asked. "What have you done with it?"
There was silence.
"I have written a fictionalized biography," he then said at last, "which garnered the contempt of critics but won some small commercial success in the United States and the colonies. I believe that"s all.... I have warned you that my gift is not a sinecure. I am still waiting for your answer."