_To the same_[24]
[24] Louisa Ward married Thomas Crawford in 1844, and lived thereafter in Rome.
SOUTH BOSTON, November, 1845.
MY DARLING WEVIE,--
The children have been so very obliging as to go to sleep, and having worried over them all day, and part of the evening, I will endeavor to give you what is left of it. When you become the mother of two children you will understand the value of time as you never understood it before.
My days and nights are pretty much divided between Julia and Florence. I sleep with the baby, nurse her all night, get up, hurry through my breakfast, take care of her while Emily gets hers, then wash and dress her, put her to sleep, drag her out in the wagon, amuse Dudie, kiss, love and scold her, etc., etc.... Oh, my dear Wevie, for one good squeeze in your loving arms, for one kiss, and one smile from you, what would I not give? Anything, even my box of Paris finery, which I have just opened, with great edification. Oh, what headdresses! what silks!
what a bonnet, what a mantelet! I clapped my hands and cried glory for the s.p.a.ce of half an hour, then danced a few Polkas around the study table, then sat down and felt happy, then remembered that I had now nothing to do save to grow old and ugly, and so turned a misanthropic look upon the Marie Stuart garland, etc., etc. You have certainly chosen my things with your own perfect taste. The flowers and dresses are alike exquisite, and so are all the things, not forgetting Dudie"s little darling bonnet. But I fear that even this beautiful toilette will hardly tempt me from my nursery fireside where my presence is, in these days, indispensable. I have not been ten minutes this whole day, without holding one or other of the children. I have to sit with Fo-fo on one knee and Dudie on the other, trotting them alternately, and singing, "Jim along Josie," till I can"t Jim along any further possibly. Well, life is peculiar anyhow. Dudie doesn"t go alone yet--heaven only knows when she will. _Sunday evening._ I wore the new bonnet and mantelet to church, to-day:--frightened the s.e.xton, made the minister squint, and the congregation stare. It looked rather like a green clam sh.e.l.l, some folks thought. I did not. I c.o.c.ked it as high as ever I could, but somehow it did plague me a little. I shall soon get used to it. Sumner has been dining with us, and he and Chev have been pitying unmarried women. Oh, my dear friends, thought I, if you could only have one baby, you would change your tune.... Heaven grant that your dear little child may arrive safely, and gladden your heart with its sweet face. What a new world will its birth open to you, an ocean of love unfathomed even by your loving heart. I cannot tell you the comfort I have in my little ones, troublesome as they sometimes are. However weary I may be at night, it is sweet to feel that I have devoted the day to them. I am become quite an adept in washing and dressing, and curl my little Fo-fo"s hair beautifully. Tell Donald that I can even wash out the little crease in her back, without rubbing the skin off....
_To her sister Annie_[25]
[25] Before the marriage of the latter to Adolphe Mailliard.
1846.
My poor dear little Ante-nuptial, I will write to you, and I will come to you, though I can do you no good--sentiment and sympathy I have none, but such insipidity as I have give I unto thee.... Dear Annie, your marriage is to me a grave and solemn matter. I hardly allow myself to think about it. G.o.d give you all happiness, dearest child. Some sufferings and trials I fear you must have, for after all, the entering into single combat, hand to hand, with the realities of life, will be strange and painful to one who has. .h.i.therto lived, enjoyed, and suffered, _en l"air_, as you have done.... To be happily married seems to me the best thing for a woman. Oh! my sweet Annie, may you be happy--your maidenhood has been pure, sinless, loving, beautiful--you have no remorses, no anxious thought about the past. You have lived to make the earth more beautiful and bright--may your married life be as holy and harmless--may it be more complete, and more acceptable to G.o.d than your single life could possibly have been. Marriage, like death, is a debt we owe to nature, and though it costs us something to pay it, yet are we more content and better _established_ in peace, when we have paid it. A young girl is a loose flower or flower seed, blown about by the wind, it may be cruelly battered, may be utterly blighted and lost to this world, but the matron is the same flower or seed planted, springing up and bearing fruit unto eternal life. What a comfort would Wevie now be to you--she is so much more _loving_ than I, but thee knows I try. I have been better lately, the quiet nights seem to speak to me again, and to quicken my dead soul. What I feel is a premature _old age_, caused by the strong pa.s.sions and conflicts of my early life. It is the languor and indifference of old age, without its wisdom, or its well-earned right to repose. Sweetie, wasn"t the bonnet letter hideous? I sent it that you might see how _naughty I could be_....
The Doctor"s health had been affected by the hardships and exposures of his service in the Greek Revolution, and his arduous labors now gave him little time for rest or recuperation. He was subject to agonizing headaches, each of which was a brief but distressing illness. In the summer of 1846 he resolved to try the water cure, then considered by many a sovereign remedy for all human ailments, and he and our mother spent some delightful weeks at Brattleboro, Vermont.
_To her sister Louisa_
August 4, 1846.
DEAREST WEVIE,--
... We left dear old Brattleboro on Sunday afternoon, at five o"clock, serenely packed in our little carriage; the good old boarding-house woman kissed me, and presented me with a bundle, containing cake, biscuits, and whortleberries.... Two calico bags, one big and one little, contained our baggage for the journey. Chev and I felt well and happy, the children were good, the horses went like birds, and showed themselves horses of good mettle, by carrying us over a distance of one hundred miles in something less than two days, for we arrived here at three o"clock to-day, so that the second 24 hours was not completed.
Very pleasant was our little journey. We started very early each morning, and went ten or twelve miles to beca.s.sim;[26] the country inns were clean, quiet and funny. We had custards, pickles, and pies for breakfast, and tea at dinner. Oh, it was a good time! At Athol, I found a piano, and sat down to sing negro songs for the children. A charming audience, comprising cook, ostler, and waiter, collected around the parlour door, and encouraged me with a broom and a pitchfork. Well, it was pleasant to arrive at our dear Green Peace, or Villa Julia, as they call it. We found everything in beautiful order, the green corn grown as high as our heads, and ripe enough to eat, the turkey sitting on eleven eggs, the peahen on four, six young turkeys already growing up, and two broods of young chickens.
[26] Breakfast.
Peas, tomatoes, beans, squashes and potatoes, all flourishing. Our garden entirely supplies us with vegetables, and we shall have many apples and pears. Immediately upon my arrival, I found the box and little parcel from you. You may imagine the pleasure it gave me to receive, at this distance, things which your tasteful little fingers had worked.... I am rather ashamed to see how beautiful your work is, when mine is as coa.r.s.e as possible. In truth, I am a clumsy seamstress, but I make good puddings, and the little things I make do well enough here in the country.... _August 15th._ I have pa.s.sed eleven quiet and peaceful days since I got so far with my letter. My chicks have been good, and my husband well. My household affairs go on very pleasantly and easily nowadays. My good stout German girl takes care of the chicks and helps a little with the chamber work. My little Lizzie does the cooking, all but the puddings which I always make myself, so I keep but two house servants. The man takes care of the horses, drives and keeps the garden in excellent order. I make my bed and put my room in order as well as I can. I generally wipe the dishes when Lizzie has washed them, so you see that I am quite an industrious flea. I have made very nice raspberry jam and currant jelly with my own hands.... Felton came to tea last evening.
He was pleasant and bright. He will be married some time in November.
Hillard, too, has been to see me. Yesterday was made famous by the purchase of a very beautiful piano of Chickering"s manufacture. The value of it was $450, but the kind Chick sold it to us at wholesale price. It arrived at Green Peace to-day, and has already gladdened the children"s hearts by some gay tunes, the rags of my antiquated musical repertory. You will be glad, I am sure, to know that I have one at last, for I have been many months without any instrument, so that I have almost forgotten how to touch one.... My mourning [for a sister-in-law]
has been quite an inconvenience to me, this summer. I had just spent all the money I could afford for my summer clothes, and was forced to spend $30 more for black dresses.... The black clothes, however, seem to me very idle things, and I shall leave word in my will that no one shall wear them for me....
_To the same_
BORDENTOWN, August, 1846.
... Sumner and Chev came hither with us, and pa.s.sed two days and nights here. Chev is well and good. Sumner is as usual, funny but very good and kind. Philanthropy goes ahead, and slavery will be abolished, and so shall we. New York is full of engagements in which I feel no interest.
John Astor and Augusta Gibbs are engaged, and are, I think, fairly well matched. One can only say that each is good enough for the other.
These were the days when Julia sang in her nursery:
"Rero, rero, riddlety rad, This morning my baby caught sight of her Dad, Quoth she, "Oh, Daddy, where have you been?"
"With Mann and Sumner a-putting down sin!""
_To her sister Annie_
August 17, 1846.
MY DEAR DARLING ANNIE,--
... After seeing the frugal manner in which country people live, and after deriving great benefit from hydropathic diet, Chev and I thought we could get along with one servant less, and so we have no cook.
Lizzie[27] cooks, I make the pudding, we have no tea, and live princ.i.p.ally upon vegetables from our own garden, hasty pudding, etc. I make the beds and do the rooms, as well as I can. We get along quite comfortably, and I like it very much--the fewer servants one has, the more comfort, I think.... I have plenty of occupation for my fingers. My heart will be much taken up with my babies; as for my soul, that part of me which thinks and believes and imagines, I shall leave it alone till the next world, for I see it has little to do in this....
Good-bye. Your own, own
DUDIE.
[27] The nurserymaid.
_To her sister Louisa_
BOSTON, December 1, 1846.
Dearest old absurdity that you are, am I to write to you again? Is not my life full enough of business, of flannel petticoats, ap.r.o.ns, and the wiping of dirty little noses? Must I sew and trot babies and sing songs, and tell Mother Goose stories, and still be expected to know how to write? My fingers are becoming less and less familiar with the pen, my thoughts grow daily more insignificant and commonplace. What earthly good can my letters do to anyone? What interesting information can I impart to anyone? Not that I am not happy, very happy, but then I have quite lost the power of contributing to the amus.e.m.e.nt of others....
_To her sister Annie_
1845 or 1846.
... I visited my Mother Otis[28] on Thursday evening, and had a pleasant time. I went alone, Chev being philanthropically engaged--party being over, I called for him at Mr. Mann"s, but they were so happy over their report that they concluded to make a night of it, and I came home alone.
Chev returned at one, quite intoxicated with benevolence....
[28] Mrs. Harrison Gray Otis.
Finding that the isolation of South Boston was telling seriously upon her health and spirits, the Doctor decided on a change, and the winter of 1846 was spent at the Winthrop House in Boston.
_To the same_
Monday morning, 1846.
MY DEAREST, SWEETEST ANNIE,--
... I have neglected you sadly this winter, and my heart reproaches me for it.... It has been strange to me, to return to life and to feel that I have any sympathy with living beings.... I have been singing and writing poetry, so you may know that I have been happy. Alas! am I not a selfish creature to prize these enjoyments as I do, above _almost_ everything else in the world? G.o.d forgive me if I do wrong in following with ardor the strongest instincts of my nature, but I have been doing wrong all my life, in some way or other. I have been giving a succession of little musical parties on Sat.u.r.day evenings, and I a.s.sure you they have been quite successful. I have to be sure only my little parlour in the Winthrop House, but even that is larger than the grand saloon at S.
Niccolo da Tolentino which managed to hold so much fun on Friday evenings. I have found some musical friends to sing with me--Lizzie Cary, Mrs. Felton, Mr. Pelosos and William Story, of whom more anon....