"Pon my word and honor, couldn"t come at it before!... Last week I spoke straight along, every day until Sat.u.r.day; was dreadfully tired. This week haven"t spoken at all. Oh, I forgot, lecture on "Race Problems in Europe," before my own Club. Have sent the Armenians the money for a lecture given at Nahant last week, $10. Oh! the difficult dollars!...
"_December 28...._ Mrs. Barrows dined _tete-a-tete_ with me, and we had much talk about Armenia. I said: "If we two should go to England, would it do any good?" I spoke only half in earnest. She said: "If you would only go, I would go with you as your henchman." This set me thinking of a voyage to England and a crusade such as I made for Peace in 1872. I am, however, held forcibly here by engagements, and at my age, my bodily presence might be, as St. Paul says, "contemptible." I must try to work in some other way."
_To Laura_
241 BEACON STREET, December 29, 1895.
... The mince pie was in the grand style, and has been faithfully devoured, a profound sense of duty forbidding me to neglect it.... I went to a fine musical party at Mrs. Montie Sears"s on Thursday evening, 26th. Paderewski played, at first with strings a Septet or Septuor of Brahms", and then many things by himself. Somehow, I could not enjoy him much; he played miraculously, but did not seem to be _in it_.
I am more than ever stirred up about the Armenians. The horrible ma.s.sacres go on, just the same, and Christendom stands still. Oh! a curse on human selfishness!... We are to have a dramatic entertainment for the Red Cross on Jan. 7th at Boston Theatre....
"_December 29...._ I determined to-day to try to work more systematically for the Armenians. Think I will write to Clara Barton and Senator h.o.a.r, also to Lady Henry Somerset, an arraignment of Christendom for its supineness towards the Turks, an allusion to Cur de Lion and the ancient Crusaders...."
"_December 30...._ Clara Barton held a meeting for the Red Cross.... I was the last speaker and I think that, as sometimes happens, my few words brought things to a crisis, for the moment only, indeed, but even that may help."
"_December 31._ Rising early and with a mind somewhat confused and clouded, I went to my window. As I looked out, the gray clouds parted, giving me a moment"s sight of a star high up in the heavens. This little glimpse gave me hope for the day and great comfort. It was like an answering glance to my many troubled questions...."
"We have stood for that which was known to be right in theory, and for that which has proved to be right in practice. (From my suffrage address at State House in 1894)."
In December, 1895, appeared her first volume since "Margaret Fuller," a collection of essays, published under the t.i.tle of the opening one, "Is Polite Society Polite?" In the preface she says:--
"I remember, that quite late in the fifties, I mentioned to Theodore Parker the desire which I began to feel to give living expression to my thoughts, and to lend to my written words the interpretation of my voice.
"Parker, who had taken a friendly interest in the publication of my first volumes, "Pa.s.sion Flowers" and "Words for the Hour," gave his approval also to this new project. "The great desire of the age," he said, "is for vocal expression. People are scarcely satisfied with the printed page alone: they crave for their instruction the living voice and the living presence."..."
Of the t.i.tle essay she says:--
"I remember that I was once invited to read this essay to a village audience in one of the New England States. My theme was probably one quite remote from the general thought of my hearers. As I went on, their indifference began to affect me, and my thought was that I might as well have appealed to a set of wooden tenpins as to those who were present on that occasion.
"In this, I afterwards learned that I was mistaken. After the conclusion of the evening"s exercise, a young man, well known in the community, was heard to inquire urgently where he could find the lecturer. Friends asked, what did he want of her? He replied: "Well, I did put my brother in the poorhouse, and now that I have heard Mrs. Howe, I suppose that I must take him out.""
Another personal reminiscence goes back to her childhood days:--
"I had a nursery governess when I was a small child. She came from some country town, and probably regarded her position in my father"s family as a promotion. One evening, while we little folks gathered about her in our nursery, she wept bitterly. "What is the matter?" we asked; and she took me up in her lap, and said: "My poor old father came here to see me to-day, and I would not see him. I bade them tell him that he had mistaken the house, and he went away, and as he went I saw him looking up at the windows so wistfully!" Poor woman! We wept with her, feeling that this was indeed a tragical event, and not knowing what she could do to make it better.
"But could I see that woman now, I would say to her: "If you were serving the king at his table, and held his wine-cup in your hand, and your father stood without, asking for you, you should set down the cup, and go out from the royal presence to honor your father, so much the more if he is poor, so much the more if he is old." And all that is really polite in polite society would say so too."
On the same page is a memory of later years:--
"I once heard a lady, herself quite new in society, say of a Parisian dame who had shown her some attention: "Ah! the trouble with Madame ---- is that she is too good-natured. She entertains everybody." "Indeed,"
thought I, "if she had been less good-natured, is it certain that she would have entertained you?""
CHAPTER IX
IN THE HOUSE OF LABOR
1896-1897; _aet._ 77-78
THE HOUSE OF REST
I will build a house of rest, Square the corners every one: At each angle on his breast Shall a cherub take the sun; Rising, risen, sinking, down, Weaving day"s unequal crown.
With a free, unmeasured tread Shall we pace the cloisters through: Rest, enfranchised, like the Dead; Rest till Love be born anew.
Weary Thought shall take his time, Free of task-work, loosed from rhyme.
Measured bread shall build us up At the hospitable board; In Contentment"s golden cup Is the guileless liquor poured.
May the beggar pledge the king In that spirit gathering.
Oh! My house is far away; Yet it sometimes shuts me in.
Imperfection mars each day While the perfect works begin.
In the house of labor best Can I build the house of rest.
J. W. H.
On the fly-leaf of the Journal for 1896 is written:--
"That it may please Thee, to have mercy upon all men, we beseech Thee to hear us, Good Lord."
"_January 1._ I ask for this year, or for so much of it as G.o.d may grant me, that I may do some service in the war of civilization against barbarism, in my own country and elsewhere."
"_January 18._... Re-wrote and finished my Easter poem, for which _gratias Deo_! I have had so much small business that I almost despaired of accomplishing this poem, of which the conception is good, but the execution very faulty. I took it all to pieces to-day, kept the thoughts and altered the arrangement."
"_January 23._ Dinner of Sorosis at the Waldorf, at 7 o"clock.
"Reached New York at 3 P.M. Elizabeth [Mrs. John Jay Chapman] had sent maid and carriage for me, which was most kind. Had a good rest and a short walk and went to Sorosis dinner, which was very brilliant and fine. I was asked to speak and took for my topic, "The Day of Small Things"; the beginning of Sorosis and the New England Woman"s Club, considered so trifling a matter, yet very important because it had behind it a very important principle; the fact that the time had come in which women were bound to study, a.s.sist, and stand by each other. I quoted Christ"s saying about the mustard seed. Miss Barton"s mission to Armenia I called a mustard seed, and one which would have very important results."
"_January 27...._ Wrote a few lines to Mrs. Charles A. Babc.o.c.k, Oil City, Pennsylvania, for a woman"s issue of a paper called the "Derrick."
She wishes me to say what I thought would be the result of the "women"s edition" fad. I said that one result would be to drive to desperation those who receive letters, asking contributions to these issues."
"_February 9._ Another inspired sermon from C. G. Ames. Miss Page asked, "Why is he so earnest? What does it mean?" I replied, "He is in one of those waves of inspiration which come sometimes. The angel has certainly troubled the pool and we can go to it for healing." Returning home, I wrote some lines about my sister Annie"s picture. I had in church a momentary glimpse of the meaning of Christ"s saying, "I am the vine and ye are the branches." I felt how the source of our spiritual love is in the heavenly fatherhood, and how departing from our sense of this we become empty and barren. It was a moment of great comfort...."
"_February 10...._ Gulesian last evening said that the Armenians want me to go to England, as a leader in advocacy of their cause. The thought brought me a new feeling of energy and enthusiasm. I think I must first help the cause in Washington, D.C."
"_February 26._ Hearing at State House on Suffrage. Worked at it [her address] somewhat in the early morning. Was tolerably successful in making my points. Was rather disappointed because no one applauded me.
Considered that this was a lesson that we must learn, to do without praise. It comforted me to take it in this way. Soon the interest of what the others said put my own matters quite out of my mind. The hearing was a good one, all except a dreadful woman, calling herself a Socialist, full of insufferable conceit and affectation of knowledge. An English labor man spoke well."