Julius Caesar

***

I immediately grinned despite the fire that erupted in my oesophagus . "Amanda" rolled her eyes and left, leaving the door open . My grin fell immediately as I looked at Samantha who was still carefully arranging the frames on the shelf .

She then pulled her hair into a ponytail, revealing a thin, silver necklace that settled beautifully on her collarbones . "Come on, Caesar . You must be starving," she said smiling and walking to the door .

"Wait!" I blurted and she turned to me, raising her eyebrows . "I"ll come with you . "

I then quickly shuffled next to her and we were soon out of her room, down the stairs and sitting on chairs in the dining room with Amanda and Samantha in front of me .

My plate had a piece of steak and some cooked vegetables, but all I did was clench the fork in a hand and the knife in the other as I studied Amanda . Or whoever this woman was .

I watched her and didn"t put anything in my mouth . Occasionally, she would turn smiling at Samantha and talk to her . Traitor . Hypocrite . b.i.t.c.h .

"Julius? You are bleeding-" Amanda stated suddenly, eyeing my left hand which had the knife . I immediately dropped the knife and frowned .

"What? Where?" Samantha lifted her head and furrowed her eyebrows .

"I"m okay . Don"t mind me, please," I muttered dully, wrapping a napkin around the small wound in frustration . I didn"t fail to notice the curious look on Amanda"s face .

No wonder why she didn"t want Samantha to have friends . She was scared they"d unravel the b.l.o.o.d.y truth . I felt my nose flare, but I controlled myself from flinging the gun in my jeans" back in her face and forcing the whole truth out of her .

I looked down .

"You ate nothing, Julius . Just like last time-" Amanda"s sweet voice came and I looked up with a pleasant smile . "Don"t you like my food?"

"It"s not that," I widened my smile . You could"ve poisoned it, that"s what . "It"s just that, I"m full . Drank lots of water . "

She then turned to Samantha . "Mantha, please let your friend eat . He hasn"t eaten anything since he came here . Maybe he"s shy," she said, her gaze throwing daggers in my direction .

"No, but I really am full . I"m sorry," I insisted politely .

"But you should have something to eat, Caesar," Samantha then interjected gracefully, setting her fork and knife aside .

"Thank you, Samantha, but I really am full," I persisted and Amanda smiled tightly .

I didn"t know who she was pretending for . The girl was blind . Or maybe she believed her role . Amanda .

"I was saying, Amanda," I said suddenly, an idea forming in my head . "If I can come around on Thursday and take Samantha for a walk . "

I noticed Amanda stop chewing, nod slightly before continuing to chew as if choosing her words .

"She isn"t a dog for you to take her for a walk-" She stated sweetly and I noticed Samantha recoil in her seat with an evident frown .

I raised my eyebrows and glared at her . "This isn"t what I meant, y-"

"But that was what you said-" She retorted quickly, smiling . "I apologize, boy . I"m not too good at understanding what"s between the lines . "

I glanced at Samantha who looked down and stopped eating . Amanda then turned to Samantha . "What do you want Mantha? Do you want him to . . . "walk" you?"

b.i.t.c.h .

I pursed my lips in anger as I watched her pat Samantha"s arm . I felt my blood boil as I clenched my fists and tapped my feet . She was really testing my patience .

b.i.t.c.h .

"I want to take her out!" I finally exploded . "For a date," I said the last part quietly, surprising myself .

Both of them looked up at me in shock . Samantha looked away while Amanda"s mouth stayed open as she raised an eyebrow .

I tried to see Samantha"s face, but she raced out of the dining room, leaving Amanda and I glare at each other . I grimaced at her, then got up immediately, leaving the room and going up the stairs to Samantha"s room .

I knocked, but there was no reply . I sighed and knocked again .

"Come in," Samantha"s voice came and relief washed over me .

I immediately came in . I found her standing by the window, crossing her arms .

"What a coincidence, Julius-" She started and I stopped in my place . She then turned to me, face void of emotion .

Uh-oh .

"Did you know that my surgery is on that day? Thursday?"

I looked at her confused . "I did . "

"Then why did you say that?" She asked, almost a whisper . "Is it because you thought I might die, or something? Or maybe after I regain my sight, you"d disappear and I"d never know you?"

I looked at her shocked, my heart beating loudly in my ears . She just turned the whole thing into something else . "Of co-"

She raised a hand to stop me . With shaky hands, she removed her gla.s.ses and looked at me, white eyes wide open . "Doesn"t mean I don"t have this," she said pointing at her eyes and chucking her gla.s.ses on the bed . "That I don"t have this-" she gently placed her palm on her chest and I shook my head approaching her .

"I know that Samantha, I do," I frowned, holding her arms in my hands . "I didn"t know you"d take it that w"

A part of me believed that she was totally overreacting, but I couldn"t judge . I"d never been in her shoes .

"Maybe-" she whispered and broke free from my hold . "-but, careful Julius of what you say . You might not mean it . But it hurts . "

I looked at her, eyes wide open . "I said this-"

"So that Amanda will let me out for the surgery . I know . I"m not stupid . " She said her milky-blue eyes, digging holes through me somehow .

I raised my eyebrows surprised . "I"m sorry if that hurt you . I mean . I was blathering . I didn"t know what else to say . It came out this way," I said awkwardly .

"It"s okay . You could"ve made a better excuse . " She said shyly and I stared at her, surprised . Then there was silence .

"Are you mad at me?" I asked out of nowhere and she scoffed .

"Why would I be? Because of the excuse for example? Of course not-" She shrugged and blinked .

She was definitely mad . I smirked .

"You mean asking you out for a date?" I said smiling .

"The excuse . "

"The date . "

"The excuse, basically-"

"Which is the date-"

"Which is an awful excuse . " She finished and I stared at her, stifling a grin .

"Are you hurt by the idea of a date?" I pressed .

"Not by the excuse, no . " She said and I grinned at her stubbornness .

"Then by what?" I wanted to understand her . I wanted to understand why that particular thing seemed to unnerve her and actually sadden her .

"By the impossibility of it, duh?" She finally confessed, wringing her hands . I could tell she was growing uncomfortable with this conversation, but I was keenly enjoying it .

"The impossibility of a date?" I teased .

"The excuse, yes-" She said seriously, rubbing her left arm .

"Why is it impossible?" I asked . "I"m your friend, you can tell me . I can keep your secrets," I whispered the last part playfully .

She shrugged . "I don"t know . But I don"t need that excuse in my lif-"

She shrugged . "I don"t know . But I don"t need that excuse in my lif-"

"You mean you don"t need to date? Just keeping things clear here-" I asked, tilting my head toward her .

"I don"t-"

"Aight, then, let"s say, for example, someone asked you to go out with him . . . or her-"

"Him," she said solidly .

"What would you say?" I continued with a smile .

"I would reject him . " She said as matter-of-factly and I stifled a grin .

"Why?"

"Because I don"t need that . "

"Dating that is?"

"No . I mean the whole idea . The whole thing of a . . . relationship . And all that . " She said uncomfortably, hands moving everywhere to emphasize her point .

"What if he told you that he was smitten by you and your personality? That he believed in magic when he was with you?" I stated with a gentle sigh .

"I would tell him that he is blind," she said .

"Really?" I said stifling a laugh .

"Yes, really . Because he"s wasting his time on me . "

"But you"re going to have a surgery," I pointed out .

"Well, if he doesn"t like me like this-" She pointed at her eyes . "Then he doesn"t deserve me in my glory," she continued proudly .

"Right, but what if he liked you like "this"?" I asked, watching her fumble with her fingers .

She looked away and shrugged . "I have no way of knowing . "

"What if he"s willing to show you?" I asked and she furrowed her eyebrows slightly .

"I"ll tell him to show me because I know there isn"t any way," She said confidently .

I studied her . Her frail figure . Dark hair, popping collarbones and beautiful, pale skin . I bit my lower lip . "But there is Samanth"

"I don"t know of any . So . Too bad for him . "

I stepped closer to her and she rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably . I got even closer despite having a difficulty in swallowing . My heart beat fast as I noticed her bite her lips nervously .

"Are you sure?" I murmured softly as my body heated up by her proximity . The s.p.a.ce between us was torturing me both physically and mentally . It was pulling every and each atom of my being toward her and it was impossible to resist . And my urge to diminish this s.p.a.ce doubled when I felt Samantha"s toe tips brush my shoes .

We were dangerously close .

"Naw, Samantha," I said finding her hands and pulling her gently toward me, allowing our chests to touch . "-you got that so wrong," I then, pushed back a few hair strands, gently cupped her face in my hand, glanced at her parted, luscious lips, then immediately leaned in and brushed my lips with hers . I then kissed her slowly, trying to hide the hunger simmering under my skin . I felt her relax in my hold as I pulled her closer to me and felt her hands squeeze my shirt . She just couldn"t be close enough .

I inhaled her in . Her almond smelling shampoo and her -oh G.o.d- so soft, delicate skin that my fingers had the pleasure to touch and touch and graze and touch .

I pulled away for some air, but the way her eyelashes fluttered and her lips glistened made me groan . I leaned back in and gently pecked her lips . I was so in the moment, I didn"t realize that she didn"t kiss me back .

But she wasn"t rejecting me either .

So I deepened the kiss . My heart was somewhere else and so was my blood . I then bit her lower lip gently before releasing it and finally pulling back . I rested my forehead on hers and smiled satisfied .

I realized I wanted to do this for an overbearingly long time as I panted for oxygen and she stood frozen between my arms . Feeling her body"s heat ignite my body, I immediately regretted the kiss as it took all my will to not take off her shirt and explore her body . I looked away and closed my eyes before stepping away from her in a haze .

"I don"t know how to kiss," she said and I turned to her with raised eyebrows . Her face was red and her lips the deepest shade of pink . "I never kissed a boy . "

I looked at her and chuckled, removing all the desires from my head . "So, if you knew how to kiss, would you have kissed me back?" I asked, feeling my heart leap in my chest .

I looked at her and chuckled, removing all the desires from my head . "So, if you knew how to kiss, would you have kissed me back?" I asked, feeling my heart leap in my chest .

She bit her lip and looked down shyly . "I think so . "

"So is that a "yes"?" I asked, pushing back a hair strand that escaped her ponytail .

"Yes, what?" She asked, looking away and smiling .

""Yes, I am going out with you, Caesar, whenever after the surgery", or "Nah, that"s all you"re getting from me, b.i.t.c.h"?" I said and she broke into a grin she tried so hard to conceal .

"I would never call you a "b.i.t.c.h", by the way-" She said blushing furiously .

"I know, but kindly, get to the point . Thank you," I said and she smiled .

"Can I do something first?" She said . "I"ve always been shy to do it . "

"What? Undress me-"

"Ew, no!" She exclaimed shocked and I chuckled studying at her . She looked absolutely lovely with shyness as a cloak hugging her being . I just loved it .

"Okay, do it," I said, looking down at her expectantly and taking a deep breath . "G.o.d, I"m actually excit-" But I was shushed by her right hand . I looked at her surprised as she tip-toed while her hand travelled in my face . She rubbed my cheeks, went up until my nose bridge, down to my lips, which she brushed with her thumb, making my heart skip a beat . She then traced my chin and went up to my eyebrows and forehead . She ran her hand in my hair and down to my earlobe, then back to my eyes . She grinned and then retracted her hand .

I looked at her astonished .

"Done touching? Now it"s my turn-" I said quickly, but she jumped away from me giggling softly . "What was that for though? It totally unnerved me-" I said . And turned me on .

"I was trying to imagine your face-" She said innocently with a soft smile .

"By touching me-?" I teased, looking in her face- a part of me really wanted her to see me and the effect she had on me .

"By touching your face, Caesar, and now you"re making me regret it . " She smiled, shaking her head .

"Wanna imagine my body-?"

"Caesar!" She almost shrieked and I chuckled as I approached her .

"It"s okay, I get it . I guess that"s how blind people kiss . Don"t worry, it"s still totally hot-"

"Julius Caesar, oh my G.o.d-" She then burst into laughter, closing her eyes as her nose wrinkled . I watched her as if completely bewitched by her . By her laughter and soul .

Wow .

She then stopped laughing and looked straight at me . "I think you have to go," she said and I fake gasped .

"You"re kicking me out in a nice way . I like it . Smart . I get it . All you wanted was to touch my face, then kick me out . You used me, I see . I bet that"s why you asked me to stay in the beginning-"

"Precisely, Julius-" She said sarcastically and I grinned .

"I don"t mind it, you know? You can use me like that, whenever," I pointed out and she shook her head laughing .

"I didn"t use you," she said .

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Samantha," I said . "So," I drawled, eyeing her slender fingers . "Should I go right now, right now?" I asked, remembering the truth I just unravelled .

I didn"t even know if I should leave at all .

"Yes, right now, right now . " She mimicked my words and headed to her bed where she sat .

I sighed and looked at her . "But I shouldn"t," I said and she raised her eyebrows .

"Why?"

"Because it"s . . . dark? It"ll be midnight in three hours? That"s late, by-" I said and she laughed cutting me off .

"You can manage . "

"Why do you want me to leave so bad? Are you going to sleep?" I asked, and she smirked .
"You can manage . "

"Why do you want me to leave so bad? Are you going to sleep?" I asked, and she smirked .

"Yeah, maybe-" She replied with a small smile .

"Oh, okay," I said, worried at what could happen if I left . But I mean, she had been living fine with this "Amanda" for so long . Why would she come and harm her today? The day I found out?

I shifted uncomfortably, suddenly feeling my breath constrict at the thought of something bad happening to her .

I immediately glanced up at Samantha, my heart beating fast . "I mean, yeah sure, I"ll leave . Sorry, love-" I forced out the words, but she interrupted me .

"Don"t call me that . " She blushed, running her hands over her bed-sheet .

"Oh, yeah, sure," I said distractedly . "Hey, Samantha?"

She groaned playfully . "What?"

"I- Keep your phone on, yeah?" I said, fumbling with my ring .

"It always is, I think . I"ll let Amanda, charge it for m-"

"No!" I blurted immediately and she snapped her head in my direction . I cleared my throat . "I mean, it"s okay . You know what?" I sighed defeatedly . "Never mind . "

I turned to leave .

"Caesar?" I heard her call me, and I turned to her .

"You wanna talk about something? Is something bothering you?" She asked, facing her piano .

"No-"

"There is-" She almost teased, smiling gently .

"What makes you think so?"

"I don"t know . But you aren"t acting naturally . You joked a lot . You laughed a lot and you talked a lot . " I stared at her before she quickly added . "Not to say that you"re naturally dull or anything, but I can tell that you"re not feeling alright . "

That was true . I always surprised myself with my chattiness when I was around her . Today was even much more .

I sighed . "You"re right, but I don"t-"

"But you"re not ready to tell me, or whatever . And that"s okay, but from what I"ve learned, this is a give and take . I shared with you a lot of my secrets . Surely, whenever you feel like it, know that I"ll be there for you . I hope you know that-" She said, talking to the ground . Maybe she felt too shy to face me and say this .

"I do . "

"I hope you trust me too," she continued and I looked at her .

"I do, Samantha . "

"I trust you too . " She said out of the blue and a bubble of uneasiness grew inside me without my permission as a thought hunted the sweetness of her confession away .

I killed her father . She would never forgive me .

"Yeah, sure, bye, Samantha . Call me . . . whenever . I"ll see you on Thursday for the surgery, yeah?"

She nodded and I sighed heavily .

"Right . Stay safe until, then," I said, looking one last time at her before rushing out of her room, and soon out of the house without failing to notice Amanda"s plastic grin and sparkling eyes .

Oh G.o.d, keep her safe for me . Amen .

***

A/N: And they kiss . But- but- b.u.t.t, do you think their ship will continue to sail? Thoughts?

Thanks for reading again!

RVC whevever possible!! <3 ***="" i="" immediately="" grinned="" despite="" the="" fire="" that="" erupted="" in="" my="" oesophagus="" .="" amanda="" rolled="" her="" eyes="" and="" left,="" leaving="" the="" door="" open="" .="" my="" grin="" fell="" immediately="" as="" i="" looked="" at="" samantha="" who="" was="" still="" carefully="" arranging="" the="" frames="" on="" the="" shelf="" .="" she="" then="" pulled="" her="" hair="" into="" a="" ponytail,="" revealing="" a="" thin,="" silver="" necklace="" that="" settled="" beautifully="" on="" her="" collarbones="" .="" come="" on,="" caesar="" .="" you="" must="" be="" starving,="" she="" said="" smiling="" and="" walking="" to="" the="" door="" .="" wait!="" i="" blurted="" and="" she="" turned="" to="" me,="" raising="" her="" eyebrows="" .="" ill="" come="" with="" you="" .="" i="" then="" quickly="" shuffled="" next="" to="" her="" and="" we="" were="" soon="" out="" of="" her="" room,="" down="" the="" stairs="" and="" sitting="" on="" chairs="" in="" the="" dining="" room="" with="" amanda="" and="" samantha="" in="" front="" of="" me="" .="" my="" plate="" had="" a="" piece="" of="" steak="" and="" some="" cooked="" vegetables,="" but="" all="" i="" did="" was="" clench="" the="" fork="" in="" a="" hand="" and="" the="" knife="" in="" the="" other="" as="" i="" studied="" amanda="" .="" or="" whoever="" this="" woman="" was="" .="" i="" watched="" her="" and="" didnt="" put="" anything="" in="" my="" mouth="" .="" occasionally,="" she="" would="" turn="" smiling="" at="" samantha="" and="" talk="" to="" her="" .="" traitor="" .="" hypocrite="" .="" b.i.t.c.h="" .="" julius?="" you="" are="" bleeding-="" amanda="" stated="" suddenly,="" eyeing="" my="" left="" hand="" which="" had="" the="" knife="" .="" i="" immediately="" dropped="" the="" knife="" and="" frowned="" .="" what?="" where?="" samantha="" lifted="" her="" head="" and="" furrowed="" her="" eyebrows="" .="" im="" okay="" .="" dont="" mind="" me,="" please,="" i="" muttered="" dully,="" wrapping="" a="" napkin="" around="" the="" small="" wound="" in="" frustration="" .="" i="" didnt="" fail="" to="" notice="" the="" curious="" look="" on="" amandas="" face="" .="" no="" wonder="" why="" she="" didnt="" want="" samantha="" to="" have="" friends="" .="" she="" was="" scared="" theyd="" unravel="" the="" b.l.o.o.d.y="" truth="" .="" i="" felt="" my="" nose="" flare,="" but="" i="" controlled="" myself="" from="" flinging="" the="" gun="" in="" my="" jeans="" back="" in="" her="" face="" and="" forcing="" the="" whole="" truth="" out="" of="" her="" .="" i="" looked="" down="" .="" you="" ate="" nothing,="" julius="" .="" just="" like="" last="" time-="" amandas="" sweet="" voice="" came="" and="" i="" looked="" up="" with="" a="" pleasant="" smile="" .="" dont="" you="" like="" my="" food?="" its="" not="" that,="" i="" widened="" my="" smile="" .="" you="" couldve="" poisoned="" it,="" thats="" what="" .="" its="" just="" that,="" im="" full="" .="" drank="" lots="" of="" water="" .="" she="" then="" turned="" to="" samantha="" .="" mantha,="" please="" let="" your="" friend="" eat="" .="" he="" hasnt="" eaten="" anything="" since="" he="" came="" here="" .="" maybe="" hes="" shy,="" she="" said,="" her="" gaze="" throwing="" daggers="" in="" my="" direction="" .="" no,="" but="" i="" really="" am="" full="" .="" im="" sorry,="" i="" insisted="" politely="" .="" but="" you="" should="" have="" something="" to="" eat,="" caesar,="" samantha="" then="" interjected="" gracefully,="" setting="" her="" fork="" and="" knife="" aside="" .="" thank="" you,="" samantha,="" but="" i="" really="" am="" full,="" i="" persisted="" and="" amanda="" smiled="" tightly="" .="" i="" didnt="" know="" who="" she="" was="" pretending="" for="" .="" the="" girl="" was="" blind="" .="" or="" maybe="" she="" believed="" her="" role="" .="" amanda="" .="" i="" was="" saying,="" amanda,="" i="" said="" suddenly,="" an="" idea="" forming="" in="" my="" head="" .="" if="" i="" can="" come="" around="" on="" thursday="" and="" take="" samantha="" for="" a="" walk="" .="" i="" noticed="" amanda="" stop="" chewing,="" nod="" slightly="" before="" continuing="" to="" chew="" as="" if="" choosing="" her="" words="" .="" she="" isnt="" a="" dog="" for="" you="" to="" take="" her="" for="" a="" walk-="" she="" stated="" sweetly="" and="" i="" noticed="" samantha="" recoil="" in="" her="" seat="" with="" an="" evident="" frown="" .="" i="" raised="" my="" eyebrows="" and="" glared="" at="" her="" .="" this="" isnt="" what="" i="" meant,="" y-="" but="" that="" was="" what="" you="" said-="" she="" retorted="" quickly,="" smiling="" .="" i="" apologize,="" boy="" .="" im="" not="" too="" good="" at="" understanding="" whats="" between="" the="" lines="" .="" i="" glanced="" at="" samantha="" who="" looked="" down="" and="" stopped="" eating="" .="" amanda="" then="" turned="" to="" samantha="" .="" what="" do="" you="" want="" mantha?="" do="" you="" want="" him="" to="" .="" walk="" you?="" b.i.t.c.h="" .="" i="" pursed="" my="" lips="" in="" anger="" as="" i="" watched="" her="" pat="" samanthas="" arm="" .="" i="" felt="" my="" blood="" boil="" as="" i="" clenched="" my="" fists="" and="" tapped="" my="" feet="" .="" she="" was="" really="" testing="" my="" patience="" .="" b.i.t.c.h="" .="" i="" want="" to="" take="" her="" out!="" i="" finally="" exploded="" .="" for="" a="" date,="" i="" said="" the="" last="" part="" quietly,="" surprising="" myself="" .="" both="" of="" them="" looked="" up="" at="" me="" in="" shock="" .="" samantha="" looked="" away="" while="" amandas="" mouth="" stayed="" open="" as="" she="" raised="" an="" eyebrow="" .="" i="" tried="" to="" see="" samanthas="" face,="" but="" she="" raced="" out="" of="" the="" dining="" room,="" leaving="" amanda="" and="" i="" glare="" at="" each="" other="" .="" i="" grimaced="" at="" her,="" then="" got="" up="" immediately,="" leaving="" the="" room="" and="" going="" up="" the="" stairs="" to="" samanthas="" room="" .="" i="" knocked,="" but="" there="" was="" no="" reply="" .="" i="" sighed="" and="" knocked="" again="" .="" come="" in,="" samanthas="" voice="" came="" and="" relief="" washed="" over="" me="" .="" i="" immediately="" came="" in="" .="" i="" found="" her="" standing="" by="" the="" window,="" crossing="" her="" arms="" .="" what="" a="" coincidence,="" julius-="" she="" started="" and="" i="" stopped="" in="" my="" place="" .="" she="" then="" turned="" to="" me,="" face="" void="" of="" emotion="" .="" uh-oh="" .="" did="" you="" know="" that="" my="" surgery="" is="" on="" that="" day?="" thursday?="" i="" looked="" at="" her="" confused="" .="" i="" did="" .="" then="" why="" did="" you="" say="" that?="" she="" asked,="" almost="" a="" whisper="" .="" is="" it="" because="" you="" thought="" i="" might="" die,="" or="" something?="" or="" maybe="" after="" i="" regain="" my="" sight,="" youd="" disappear="" and="" id="" never="" know="" you?="" i="" looked="" at="" her="" shocked,="" my="" heart="" beating="" loudly="" in="" my="" ears="" .="" she="" just="" turned="" the="" whole="" thing="" into="" something="" else="" .="" of="" co-="" she="" raised="" a="" hand="" to="" stop="" me="" .="" with="" shaky="" hands,="" she="" removed="" her="" gla.s.ses="" and="" looked="" at="" me,="" white="" eyes="" wide="" open="" .="" doesnt="" mean="" i="" dont="" have="" this,="" she="" said="" pointing="" at="" her="" eyes="" and="" chucking="" her="" gla.s.ses="" on="" the="" bed="" .="" that="" i="" dont="" have="" this-="" she="" gently="" placed="" her="" palm="" on="" her="" chest="" and="" i="" shook="" my="" head="" approaching="" her="" .="" i="" know="" that="" samantha,="" i="" do,="" i="" frowned,="" holding="" her="" arms="" in="" my="" hands="" .="" i="" didnt="" know="" youd="" take="" it="" that="" w="" a="" part="" of="" me="" believed="" that="" she="" was="" totally="" overreacting,="" but="" i="" couldnt="" judge="" .="" id="" never="" been="" in="" her="" shoes="" .="" maybe-="" she="" whispered="" and="" broke="" free="" from="" my="" hold="" .="" -but,="" careful="" julius="" of="" what="" you="" say="" .="" you="" might="" not="" mean="" it="" .="" but="" it="" hurts="" .="" i="" looked="" at="" her,="" eyes="" wide="" open="" .="" i="" said="" this-="" so="" that="" amanda="" will="" let="" me="" out="" for="" the="" surgery="" .="" i="" know="" .="" im="" not="" stupid="" .="" she="" said="" her="" milky-blue="" eyes,="" digging="" holes="" through="" me="" somehow="" .="" i="" raised="" my="" eyebrows="" surprised="" .="" im="" sorry="" if="" that="" hurt="" you="" .="" i="" mean="" .="" i="" was="" blathering="" .="" i="" didnt="" know="" what="" else="" to="" say="" .="" it="" came="" out="" this="" way,="" i="" said="" awkwardly="" .="" its="" okay="" .="" you="" couldve="" made="" a="" better="" excuse="" .="" she="" said="" shyly="" and="" i="" stared="" at="" her,="" surprised="" .="" then="" there="" was="" silence="" .="" are="" you="" mad="" at="" me?="" i="" asked="" out="" of="" nowhere="" and="" she="" scoffed="" .="" why="" would="" i="" be?="" because="" of="" the="" excuse="" for="" example?="" of="" course="" not-="" she="" shrugged="" and="" blinked="" .="" she="" was="" definitely="" mad="" .="" i="" smirked="" .="" you="" mean="" asking="" you="" out="" for="" a="" date?="" i="" said="" smiling="" .="" the="" excuse="" .="" the="" date="" .="" the="" excuse,="" basically-="" which="" is="" the="" date-="" which="" is="" an="" awful="" excuse="" .="" she="" finished="" and="" i="" stared="" at="" her,="" stifling="" a="" grin="" .="" are="" you="" hurt="" by="" the="" idea="" of="" a="" date?="" i="" pressed="" .="" not="" by="" the="" excuse,="" no="" .="" she="" said="" and="" i="" grinned="" at="" her="" stubbornness="" .="" then="" by="" what?="" i="" wanted="" to="" understand="" her="" .="" i="" wanted="" to="" understand="" why="" that="" particular="" thing="" seemed="" to="" unnerve="" her="" and="" actually="" sadden="" her="" .="" by="" the="" impossibility="" of="" it,="" duh?="" she="" finally="" confessed,="" wringing="" her="" hands="" .="" i="" could="" tell="" she="" was="" growing="" uncomfortable="" with="" this="" conversation,="" but="" i="" was="" keenly="" enjoying="" it="" .="" the="" impossibility="" of="" a="" date?="" i="" teased="" .="" the="" excuse,="" yes-="" she="" said="" seriously,="" rubbing="" her="" left="" arm="" .="" why="" is="" it="" impossible?="" i="" asked="" .="" im="" your="" friend,="" you="" can="" tell="" me="" .="" i="" can="" keep="" your="" secrets,="" i="" whispered="" the="" last="" part="" playfully="" .="" she="" shrugged="" .="" i="" dont="" know="" .="" but="" i="" dont="" need="" that="" excuse="" in="" my="" lif-="" you="" mean="" you="" dont="" need="" to="" date?="" just="" keeping="" things="" clear="" here-="" i="" asked,="" tilting="" my="" head="" toward="" her="" .="" i="" dont-="" aight,="" then,="" lets="" say,="" for="" example,="" someone="" asked="" you="" to="" go="" out="" with="" him="" .="" or="" her-="" him,="" she="" said="" solidly="" .="" what="" would="" you="" say?="" i="" continued="" with="" a="" smile="" .="" i="" would="" reject="" him="" .="" she="" said="" as="" matter-of-factly="" and="" i="" stifled="" a="" grin="" .="" why?="" because="" i="" dont="" need="" that="" .="" dating="" that="" is?="" no="" .="" i="" mean="" the="" whole="" idea="" .="" the="" whole="" thing="" of="" a="" .="" relationship="" .="" and="" all="" that="" .="" she="" said="" uncomfortably,="" hands="" moving="" everywhere="" to="" emphasize="" her="" point="" .="" what="" if="" he="" told="" you="" that="" he="" was="" smitten="" by="" you="" and="" your="" personality?="" that="" he="" believed="" in="" magic="" when="" he="" was="" with="" you?="" i="" stated="" with="" a="" gentle="" sigh="" .="" i="" would="" tell="" him="" that="" he="" is="" blind,="" she="" said="" .="" really?="" i="" said="" stifling="" a="" laugh="" .="" yes,="" really="" .="" because="" hes="" wasting="" his="" time="" on="" me="" .="" but="" youre="" going="" to="" have="" a="" surgery,="" i="" pointed="" out="" .="" well,="" if="" he="" doesnt="" like="" me="" like="" this-="" she="" pointed="" at="" her="" eyes="" .="" then="" he="" doesnt="" deserve="" me="" in="" my="" glory,="" she="" continued="" proudly="" .="" right,="" but="" what="" if="" he="" liked="" you="" like="" this?="" i="" asked,="" watching="" her="" fumble="" with="" her="" fingers="" .="" she="" looked="" away="" and="" shrugged="" .="" i="" have="" no="" way="" of="" knowing="" .="" what="" if="" hes="" willing="" to="" show="" you?="" i="" asked="" and="" she="" furrowed="" her="" eyebrows="" slightly="" .="" ill="" tell="" him="" to="" show="" me="" because="" i="" know="" there="" isnt="" any="" way,="" she="" said="" confidently="" .="" i="" studied="" her="" .="" her="" frail="" figure="" .="" dark="" hair,="" popping="" collarbones="" and="" beautiful,="" pale="" skin="" .="" i="" bit="" my="" lower="" lip="" .="" but="" there="" is="" samanth="" i="" dont="" know="" of="" any="" .="" so="" .="" too="" bad="" for="" him="" .="" i="" stepped="" closer="" to="" her="" and="" she="" rubbed="" the="" back="" of="" her="" neck="" uncomfortably="" .="" i="" got="" even="" closer="" despite="" having="" a="" difficulty="" in="" swallowing="" .="" my="" heart="" beat="" fast="" as="" i="" noticed="" her="" bite="" her="" lips="" nervously="" .="" are="" you="" sure?="" i="" murmured="" softly="" as="" my="" body="" heated="" up="" by="" her="" proximity="" .="" the="" s.p.a.ce="" between="" us="" was="" torturing="" me="" both="" physically="" and="" mentally="" .="" it="" was="" pulling="" every="" and="" each="" atom="" of="" my="" being="" toward="" her="" and="" it="" was="" impossible="" to="" resist="" .="" and="" my="" urge="" to="" diminish="" this="" s.p.a.ce="" doubled="" when="" i="" felt="" samanthas="" toe="" tips="" brush="" my="" shoes="" .="" we="" were="" dangerously="" close="" .="" naw,="" samantha,="" i="" said="" finding="" her="" hands="" and="" pulling="" her="" gently="" toward="" me,="" allowing="" our="" chests="" to="" touch="" .="" -you="" got="" that="" so="" wrong,="" i="" then,="" pushed="" back="" a="" few="" hair="" strands,="" gently="" cupped="" her="" face="" in="" my="" hand,="" glanced="" at="" her="" parted,="" luscious="" lips,="" then="" immediately="" leaned="" in="" and="" brushed="" my="" lips="" with="" hers="" .="" i="" then="" kissed="" her="" slowly,="" trying="" to="" hide="" the="" hunger="" simmering="" under="" my="" skin="" .="" i="" felt="" her="" relax="" in="" my="" hold="" as="" i="" pulled="" her="" closer="" to="" me="" and="" felt="" her="" hands="" squeeze="" my="" shirt="" .="" she="" just="" couldnt="" be="" close="" enough="" .="" i="" inhaled="" her="" in="" .="" her="" almond="" smelling="" shampoo="" and="" her="" -oh="" G.o.d-="" so="" soft,="" delicate="" skin="" that="" my="" fingers="" had="" the="" pleasure="" to="" touch="" and="" touch="" and="" graze="" and="" touch="" .="" i="" pulled="" away="" for="" some="" air,="" but="" the="" way="" her="" eyelashes="" fluttered="" and="" her="" lips="" glistened="" made="" me="" groan="" .="" i="" leaned="" back="" in="" and="" gently="" pecked="" her="" lips="" .="" i="" was="" so="" in="" the="" moment,="" i="" didnt="" realize="" that="" she="" didnt="" kiss="" me="" back="" .="" but="" she="" wasnt="" rejecting="" me="" either="" .="" so="" i="" deepened="" the="" kiss="" .="" my="" heart="" was="" somewhere="" else="" and="" so="" was="" my="" blood="" .="" i="" then="" bit="" her="" lower="" lip="" gently="" before="" releasing="" it="" and="" finally="" pulling="" back="" .="" i="" rested="" my="" forehead="" on="" hers="" and="" smiled="" satisfied="" .="" i="" realized="" i="" wanted="" to="" do="" this="" for="" an="" overbearingly="" long="" time="" as="" i="" panted="" for="" oxygen="" and="" she="" stood="" frozen="" between="" my="" arms="" .="" feeling="" her="" bodys="" heat="" ignite="" my="" body,="" i="" immediately="" regretted="" the="" kiss="" as="" it="" took="" all="" my="" will="" to="" not="" take="" off="" her="" shirt="" and="" explore="" her="" body="" .="" i="" looked="" away="" and="" closed="" my="" eyes="" before="" stepping="" away="" from="" her="" in="" a="" haze="" .="" i="" dont="" know="" how="" to="" kiss,="" she="" said="" and="" i="" turned="" to="" her="" with="" raised="" eyebrows="" .="" her="" face="" was="" red="" and="" her="" lips="" the="" deepest="" shade="" of="" pink="" .="" i="" never="" kissed="" a="" boy="" .="" i="" looked="" at="" her="" and="" chuckled,="" removing="" all="" the="" desires="" from="" my="" head="" .="" so,="" if="" you="" knew="" how="" to="" kiss,="" would="" you="" have="" kissed="" me="" back?="" i="" asked,="" feeling="" my="" heart="" leap="" in="" my="" chest="" .="" she="" bit="" her="" lip="" and="" looked="" down="" shyly="" .="" i="" think="" so="" .="" so="" is="" that="" a="" yes?="" i="" asked,="" pushing="" back="" a="" hair="" strand="" that="" escaped="" her="" ponytail="" .="" yes,="" what?="" she="" asked,="" looking="" away="" and="" smiling="" .="" yes,="" i="" am="" going="" out="" with="" you,="" caesar,="" whenever="" after="" the="" surgery,="" or="" nah,="" thats="" all="" youre="" getting="" from="" me,="" b.i.t.c.h?="" i="" said="" and="" she="" broke="" into="" a="" grin="" she="" tried="" so="" hard="" to="" conceal="" .="" i="" would="" never="" call="" you="" a="" b.i.t.c.h,="" by="" the="" way-="" she="" said="" blushing="" furiously="" .="" i="" know,="" but="" kindly,="" get="" to="" the="" point="" .="" thank="" you,="" i="" said="" and="" she="" smiled="" .="" can="" i="" do="" something="" first?="" she="" said="" .="" ive="" always="" been="" shy="" to="" do="" it="" .="" what?="" undress="" me-="" ew,="" no!="" she="" exclaimed="" shocked="" and="" i="" chuckled="" studying="" at="" her="" .="" she="" looked="" absolutely="" lovely="" with="" shyness="" as="" a="" cloak="" hugging="" her="" being="" .="" i="" just="" loved="" it="" .="" okay,="" do="" it,="" i="" said,="" looking="" down="" at="" her="" expectantly="" and="" taking="" a="" deep="" breath="" .="" G.o.d,="" im="" actually="" excit-="" but="" i="" was="" shushed="" by="" her="" right="" hand="" .="" i="" looked="" at="" her="" surprised="" as="" she="" tip-toed="" while="" her="" hand="" travelled="" in="" my="" face="" .="" she="" rubbed="" my="" cheeks,="" went="" up="" until="" my="" nose="" bridge,="" down="" to="" my="" lips,="" which="" she="" brushed="" with="" her="" thumb,="" making="" my="" heart="" skip="" a="" beat="" .="" she="" then="" traced="" my="" chin="" and="" went="" up="" to="" my="" eyebrows="" and="" forehead="" .="" she="" ran="" her="" hand="" in="" my="" hair="" and="" down="" to="" my="" earlobe,="" then="" back="" to="" my="" eyes="" .="" she="" grinned="" and="" then="" retracted="" her="" hand="" .="" i="" looked="" at="" her="" astonished="" .="" done="" touching?="" now="" its="" my="" turn-="" i="" said="" quickly,="" but="" she="" jumped="" away="" from="" me="" giggling="" softly="" .="" what="" was="" that="" for="" though?="" it="" totally="" unnerved="" me-="" i="" said="" .="" and="" turned="" me="" on="" .="" i="" was="" trying="" to="" imagine="" your="" face-="" she="" said="" innocently="" with="" a="" soft="" smile="" .="" by="" touching="" me-?="" i="" teased,="" looking="" in="" her="" face-="" a="" part="" of="" me="" really="" wanted="" her="" to="" see="" me="" and="" the="" effect="" she="" had="" on="" me="" .="" by="" touching="" your="" face,="" caesar,="" and="" now="" youre="" making="" me="" regret="" it="" .="" she="" smiled,="" shaking="" her="" head="" .="" wanna="" imagine="" my="" body-?="" caesar!="" she="" almost="" shrieked="" and="" i="" chuckled="" as="" i="" approached="" her="" .="" its="" okay,="" i="" get="" it="" .="" i="" guess="" thats="" how="" blind="" people="" kiss="" .="" dont="" worry,="" its="" still="" totally="" hot-="" julius="" caesar,="" oh="" my="" G.o.d-="" she="" then="" burst="" into="" laughter,="" closing="" her="" eyes="" as="" her="" nose="" wrinkled="" .="" i="" watched="" her="" as="" if="" completely="" bewitched="" by="" her="" .="" by="" her="" laughter="" and="" soul="" .="" wow="" .="" she="" then="" stopped="" laughing="" and="" looked="" straight="" at="" me="" .="" i="" think="" you="" have="" to="" go,="" she="" said="" and="" i="" fake="" gasped="" .="" youre="" kicking="" me="" out="" in="" a="" nice="" way="" .="" i="" like="" it="" .="" smart="" .="" i="" get="" it="" .="" all="" you="" wanted="" was="" to="" touch="" my="" face,="" then="" kick="" me="" out="" .="" you="" used="" me,="" i="" see="" .="" i="" bet="" thats="" why="" you="" asked="" me="" to="" stay="" in="" the="" beginning-="" precisely,="" julius-="" she="" said="" sarcastically="" and="" i="" grinned="" .="" i="" dont="" mind="" it,="" you="" know?="" you="" can="" use="" me="" like="" that,="" whenever,="" i="" pointed="" out="" and="" she="" shook="" her="" head="" laughing="" .="" i="" didnt="" use="" you,="" she="" said="" .="" whatever="" helps="" you="" sleep="" at="" night,="" samantha,="" i="" said="" .="" so,="" i="" drawled,="" eyeing="" her="" slender="" fingers="" .="" should="" i="" go="" right="" now,="" right="" now?="" i="" asked,="" remembering="" the="" truth="" i="" just="" unravelled="" .="" i="" didnt="" even="" know="" if="" i="" should="" leave="" at="" all="" .="" yes,="" right="" now,="" right="" now="" .="" she="" mimicked="" my="" words="" and="" headed="" to="" her="" bed="" where="" she="" sat="" .="" i="" sighed="" and="" looked="" at="" her="" .="" but="" i="" shouldnt,="" i="" said="" and="" she="" raised="" her="" eyebrows="" .="" why?="" because="" its="" .="" dark?="" itll="" be="" midnight="" in="" three="" hours?="" thats="" late,="" by-="" i="" said="" and="" she="" laughed="" cutting="" me="" off="" .="" you="" can="" manage="" .="" why="" do="" you="" want="" me="" to="" leave="" so="" bad?="" are="" you="" going="" to="" sleep?="" i="" asked,="" and="" she="" smirked="" .="" yeah,="" maybe-="" she="" replied="" with="" a="" small="" smile="" .="" oh,="" okay,="" i="" said,="" worried="" at="" what="" could="" happen="" if="" i="" left="" .="" but="" i="" mean,="" she="" had="" been="" living="" fine="" with="" this="" amanda="" for="" so="" long="" .="" why="" would="" she="" come="" and="" harm="" her="" today?="" the="" day="" i="" found="" out?="" i="" shifted="" uncomfortably,="" suddenly="" feeling="" my="" breath="" constrict="" at="" the="" thought="" of="" something="" bad="" happening="" to="" her="" .="" i="" immediately="" glanced="" up="" at="" samantha,="" my="" heart="" beating="" fast="" .="" i="" mean,="" yeah="" sure,="" ill="" leave="" .="" sorry,="" love-="" i="" forced="" out="" the="" words,="" but="" she="" interrupted="" me="" .="" dont="" call="" me="" that="" .="" she="" blushed,="" running="" her="" hands="" over="" her="" bed-sheet="" .="" oh,="" yeah,="" sure,="" i="" said="" distractedly="" .="" hey,="" samantha?="" she="" groaned="" playfully="" .="" what?="" i-="" keep="" your="" phone="" on,="" yeah?="" i="" said,="" fumbling="" with="" my="" ring="" .="" it="" always="" is,="" i="" think="" .="" ill="" let="" amanda,="" charge="" it="" for="" m-="" no!="" i="" blurted="" immediately="" and="" she="" snapped="" her="" head="" in="" my="" direction="" .="" i="" cleared="" my="" throat="" .="" i="" mean,="" its="" okay="" .="" you="" know="" what?="" i="" sighed="" defeatedly="" .="" never="" mind="" .="" i="" turned="" to="" leave="" .="" caesar?="" i="" heard="" her="" call="" me,="" and="" i="" turned="" to="" her="" .="" you="" wanna="" talk="" about="" something?="" is="" something="" bothering="" you?="" she="" asked,="" facing="" her="" piano="" .="" no-="" there="" is-="" she="" almost="" teased,="" smiling="" gently="" .="" what="" makes="" you="" think="" so?="" i="" dont="" know="" .="" but="" you="" arent="" acting="" naturally="" .="" you="" joked="" a="" lot="" .="" you="" laughed="" a="" lot="" and="" you="" talked="" a="" lot="" .="" i="" stared="" at="" her="" before="" she="" quickly="" added="" .="" not="" to="" say="" that="" youre="" naturally="" dull="" or="" anything,="" but="" i="" can="" tell="" that="" youre="" not="" feeling="" alright="" .="" that="" was="" true="" .="" i="" always="" surprised="" myself="" with="" my="" chattiness="" when="" i="" was="" around="" her="" .="" today="" was="" even="" much="" more="" .="" i="" sighed="" .="" youre="" right,="" but="" i="" dont-="" but="" youre="" not="" ready="" to="" tell="" me,="" or="" whatever="" .="" and="" thats="" okay,="" but="" from="" what="" ive="" learned,="" this="" is="" a="" give="" and="" take="" .="" i="" shared="" with="" you="" a="" lot="" of="" my="" secrets="" .="" surely,="" whenever="" you="" feel="" like="" it,="" know="" that="" ill="" be="" there="" for="" you="" .="" i="" hope="" you="" know="" that-="" she="" said,="" talking="" to="" the="" ground="" .="" maybe="" she="" felt="" too="" shy="" to="" face="" me="" and="" say="" this="" .="" i="" do="" .="" i="" hope="" you="" trust="" me="" too,="" she="" continued="" and="" i="" looked="" at="" her="" .="" i="" do,="" samantha="" .="" i="" trust="" you="" too="" .="" she="" said="" out="" of="" the="" blue="" and="" a="" bubble="" of="" uneasiness="" grew="" inside="" me="" without="" my="" permission="" as="" a="" thought="" hunted="" the="" sweetness="" of="" her="" confession="" away="" .="" i="" killed="" her="" father="" .="" she="" would="" never="" forgive="" me="" .="" yeah,="" sure,="" bye,="" samantha="" .="" call="" me="" .="" whenever="" .="" ill="" see="" you="" on="" thursday="" for="" the="" surgery,="" yeah?="" she="" nodded="" and="" i="" sighed="" heavily="" .="" right="" .="" stay="" safe="" until,="" then,="" i="" said,="" looking="" one="" last="" time="" at="" her="" before="" rushing="" out="" of="" her="" room,="" and="" soon="" out="" of="" the="" house="" without="" failing="" to="" notice="" amandas="" plastic="" grin="" and="" sparkling="" eyes="" .="" oh="" G.o.d,="" keep="" her="" safe="" for="" me="" .="" amen="" .="" ***="" a/n:="" and="" they="" kiss="" .="" but-="" but-="" b.u.t.t,="" do="" you="" think="" their="" ship="" will="" continue="" to="" sail?="" thoughts?="" thanks="" for="" reading="" again!="" rvc="" whevever="" possible!!=""><3>