「Return: Chapter 9
“Right here, Sir?”
The apartment complex the tax driver stopped in front of was definitely the one in the doc.u.ments.
“Thank you.”
I paid with a credit card and got out of the car. Before me, stood what appeared to be a fully constructed, multistory apartment complex.
Was he really here?
I looked at the crumpled up doc.u.ments I had previously studied, checking the room number again, and began walking towards the entrance. I stood for some time in front of the intercom, unable to dial the room number.
How much time had pa.s.sed?
I knew nothing would be settled like this, but my fingers would not move. After much hesitation, I finally made up my mind and dialed the number of the room. Five seconds pa.s.sed. Ten seconds pa.s.sed.
The possibility that the person I was looking for was not at home completely hadn’t even crossed my mind. Today was Sat.u.r.day; he would not be home. I’ll have to come again, I sighed, but at that moment, I heard the clicking sound of the intercom.
My heart pounded. When it became clear to my ears that he had answered, I heard a voice speak on the other side of the intercom.
“Come in.”
Tears came to my eyes the moment I heard that familiar voice.
“Finally……” I can see you, I was about to say, but then heard the sound of the automatic door open.
“……….Ah……….”
The auto lock on the door had been lifted. It required me several seconds to realize this. I came to my senses when I saw that the door was closing again and rushed inside before the automatic door closed.
The door closed behind me. Now my destination was no other than his – ‘Suzuki’s’ – room. I knew I must go there, but my legs would not move forward. I was scared of our reunion. This is how I felt. But even more so, I was scared of finding out if Suzuki even remembered me.
“What did you come here for?”
I was scared he was going to say that.
“Who are you?”
I definitely would not be able to recover if he asked me that. Nevertheless, fear could not beat my desire to see him. I headed straight for the elevator and pressed the b.u.t.ton that went up to the floor where his room was located as it was stated in the doc.u.ments. As I rode up in the high-speed elevator, I began to feel dizzy, so I closed my eyes. In this virtual darkness, Suzuki’s face clearly appeared in my mind.
That beauty mark by the mouth. Those misty black eyes. Those red lips.
He certainly existed in this world.
His real name was completely unfamiliar to me, and he lived in a Kansai region completely unfamiliar to me……why?
Why was he in Kansai?
Was it a coincidence? Or was it a necessity for him to be here?
I didn’t know. I couldn’t even provide a guess for it.
The moment I let out a big sigh, the elevator bell sounded, and the door opened.
“……….”
I will get out and head towards the room, I tried to imagine myself doing this, but couldn’t actually do it. I shouldn’t turn back now, should I? Hesitating for the last time, I pressed the b.u.t.ton that read ‘open’ before the elevator door could close. But I had only hesitated for a moment. Surely, the more preferable choice was not to see him because then nothing would happen. But I could no longer suppress my desire to see him. I made up my mind, stepped out of the elevator, and began walking towards the room number that was written in the fax papers. Standing in front of the room, I looked up at the nameplate. Like on many of the other rooms, there wasn’t a name written on this nameplate.
Was ‘Suzuki’ really in this room?
“Come in.”
The voice on the other side of the intercom that had said this had certainly sounded like Suzuki’s. But because I hadn’t actually seen the person, I couldn’t be sure that it had been Suzuki. Whoever was on the other side had probably seen me through the camera on the intercom and had invited me in, so it was definitely Suzuki who was inside the room, because no one would invite a stranger inside their place just like that. Nevertheless, I couldn’t muster up the courage to ring the doorbell of this room and just stood in front of the door for a good minute.
Of course I couldn’t let this go on forever, so I finally reached out and pressed the doorbell. At that moment, the door opened outward, startling me, and I took several steps back.
“Hey.”
It seemed that he had been waiting in front of the door for the doorbell to ring. I was stunned. ‘He’ gave me a smile. Even though it had been a year since we had seen each other, he gave me a friendly smile as if we had only parted yesterday. I was in a daze.
‘He’ –Suzuki –, whom I had longed for and longed for and even saw in my dreams, spoke to me, smiling.
“I was waiting……no, I wasn’t expecting you to come……I guess.”
“……Eh?”
I didn’t understand what that meant. But more than not understand what that meant, I couldn’t tell if I was awake or not right now. I could be convinced with this being a dream, yet I still could definitely be convinced with this not being a dream, but a delusion, also.
Suzuki was right in front of me.
This miracle – this joyful event – felt like a dream but then I wondered if this was really a good thing that it felt as so. When I carefully thought it over, it couldn’t be that I was asleep. s.h.i.+rai had investigated him, and I had come to the address that was written in the investigation results, so there was absolutely nothing strange about him being right in front of me. This was definitely reality.
I bet he had given up in seeing me again. Nevertheless, it was such good luck to be reunited with him that for a moment it had been unbelievable to me, and I just stood there on the spot, gazing into his misty eyes.
“Well, come in.” He opened the door wider, ushering me inside.
“………..Pardon for intruding……” The usual words you say when you enter someone’s home escaped my lips automatically, and this made me come back to my senses a little.
First the right foot, then the left. I stepped towards the open door, making my way inside the room. I entered inside and took off my shoes as Suzuki carefully watched every action I made. I couldn’t look up, because I sensed his piercing gaze.
“I’m happy to see you. What did you drink? Perhaps, you’re kind of drunk?”
I knew from the tone of his voice that Suzuki was smiling as he asked. Now that he had said that, I realized for the first time that I was severely drunk. Come to think of it, I had drunk more than one bottle of wine.
Was that why my thoughts were so scattered?
Perhaps I should have turned back, I thought, but then I was also sure that I definitely wouldn’t have been able to come to his place if I were immensely drunk. With these two conflicting thoughts in my mind, I gathered up my courage and looked up straight into his – Suzuki’s – face.
“……….” What is it? Suzuki widened his large, dark eyes as if asking me this.
“……Ah……”
I felt like he could see deep into my heart. Inadvertently, I gazed into these charming eyes, but at that moment, a sentence from the investigation doc.u.ments about Suzuki, which I had read over carefully in the taxi, popped into my mind.
His specialty is putting on hypnosis.
Was he putting hypnosis on me again?
He gradually narrowed his black eyes as I stared fixedly at him and then suddenly averted his gaze.
“Anyway, how are you? I was prepared, but I didn’t know when, so now it’s a bit of a mess.”
“……Um……”
Not too long ago, he had sounded as if he had been expecting me to come. Had he predicted this? Or had he just said the first thing that had come to his head? I couldn’t tell, but for some reason, as I followed after him, I thought it wasn’t strange for him to predict things.
“Have a seat. I’ll bring wine.”
The place he led me to was a living/dining room. Out the window, I could see Kobe by night. The interior of the room was simple, resembling the villa at Karuizawa. But then I suddenly remembered that the villa had been beyond simple; it had only contained a bed. This made me laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Well, have a seat, he said again, offering me the sofa. He then disappeared into the kitchen, but immediately returned, carrying two wine gla.s.ses.
“Red? White? Ah…I know. This is our long awaited reunion, so let’s have some champagne.”
“Um…” I interrupted Suzuki’s question. What I wanted more than alcohol was proof that he really did exist before me right now.
“……I know. But I want you to spend just a little more time with me.”
Before I could even say anything, Suzuki interrupted me as if he had read my mind and then disappeared into the kitchen again, leaving behind a charming smile. He quickly returned, carrying a champagne bottle and two champagne gla.s.ses.
“Well, let’s drink.” He sat down beside me and uncorked the champagne. Other than the sound of the pop, it was quiet. Then, Suzuki calmly poured champagne into the two gla.s.ses. “Here,” he stretched out a gla.s.s towards me, and I inadvertently stared at his fingertips. Slender fingers. Those fingers had taught me a pleasure I hadn’t know before. “Lets drink. Then we’ll talk.”
I came to my senses when Suzuki talked to me. When I turned my gaze towards his face, he was smiling at me.
“……….”
I was almost drawn into his black eyes again, so I quickly looked away.
“Don’t worry. I won’t do anything.”
From the lopsided smile Suzuki had given me, I realized that Suzuki probably fit the description in the written report. What was written in the report about him was true; there was no doubt about it. I was a little scared, but even though I was scared, I wasn’t scared of Suzuki. Now that everything had become clear to me, the thing I was scared of was what would remain in my arms. I wanted to open my chest and show Suzuki everything that was storming around inside me. Since putting it into words is difficult, I thought as I continued to gaze at Suzuki, and then Suzuki smiled at me like he understood.
Here, he said, stretching out the gla.s.s.
I accepted it and lightly clinked my gla.s.s with his gla.s.s in the air.
Clink. A faint sound was heard inside the room, and I felt the gla.s.s in my hand vibrate. Even this slight sensation felt like an absolute reality to me.
“Cheers to our reunion,” Suzuki said in his beautiful, deep, baritone voice and narrowed his beautiful black eyes.
“……….I can…see you again……….”
These words quietly spilled out of my mouth, and at the same time, something hot was welling up inside my chest.
“Yeah. I wanted to see you too,” Suzuki also said quietly, put his gla.s.s to his lips and finished off his champagne in one gulp. “Drink,” Suzuki told me, and I also put my gla.s.s to my lips.
“……Uughu……!”
My throat was choked with tears, so I couldn’t swallow the champagne.
“Why are you crying?” Suzuki stretched out his hand and stroked my hair. This gentle touch made me cry more and more.
“Uughu……uughhuu……!”
“Don’t cry. Listen to me.” Drink first, Suzuki said, offering me the gla.s.s. It took some time for me to gulp down the champagne, little by little, as I choked back the sobs in my throat.
“That’s good.” Suzuki smiled and then made me put down my gla.s.s on the table and poured champagne in it again. After he filled his own gla.s.s as well, Suzuki slowly began to speak. “I expected that you would find out my real name when I realized that a detective was investigating me. The person who requested this information about me was your devoted boss, right? If I remember correctly, his name is s.h.i.+rai.”
“……….How do you……….”
Was I dreaming after all?
That’s all I could think. If this wasn’t a dream, Suzuki shouldn’t know anything. As I sat in a daze next to Suzuki, he suddenly laughed.
“Is it strange? You’ll be surprised when you hear my secret trick.”
“……Secret trick?” I repeated after Suzuki as he laughed. I didn’t understand what he meant at all, but what he said next surprised me so much that I lost my voice.
“I’ve always been watching you……I couldn’t give you up no matter what. I’ve always been beside you without you even noticing. That’s why I knew everything about you and what was happening around you. That’s all.”
“……!” I can’t believe it, were the first words that popped into my head.
“You can’t believe it? Well, that would be true. I made sure you wouldn’t notice, after all.”
“……Why……?”
Suzuki had a terribly cheerful expression on his face. He shouldn’t be smiling when telling me something like this.
He had always been beside me making sure I wouldn’t notice him?
Really?
How?
How had he done this stalker-like thing?
And why had he done it?
Even though many questions filled my head, I couldn’t come up with a single answer for any of them. What on earth is happening? I thought, dazed, and Suzuki began to explain to me with a gentle tone of voice as if he were talking to a child.
“I fell in love with you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you. That’s why when I got the chance to hold you in my arms, I couldn’t help but do what I did and took you away with me to my villa in Karuizawa.”
“……….Karuizawa……” I remembered it. You hypnotized me, right? I thought, and it seemed that Suzuki read my mind again.
“Thank you for remembering it. It was a blissful time for me. Probably the best in my life,” Suzuki said dreamily. He slowly stretched out his hand and touched my cheek. I jumped, but not because it felt disgusting. I was trembling with excitement at what was to come. After he stroked me with his fingertips, Suzuki will bring his beautiful face close to mine and our lips will touch.
Our tongues will intertwine in a deep kiss. Surely this will happen……
Before I knew it, I was looking forward to this so much that I had s.p.a.ced out, and only when Suzuki spoke again, did I come back to my senses.
“I would ruin your life this way. I realized that it was impossible to keep you in my arms for an eternity. But we were in the same boat then. If I were prepared to destroy our lives like that, I could choose it to be for ‘eternity’. But even though I would be satisfied with that, I wasn’t sure you would be. I have no right to rob you of your future. That’s why I thought I had no choice but to let you go. But I couldn’t forget about you, so from that day on, I continued to secretly get close to you.”
“……I……” Completely hadn’t noticed that, I said, shaking my head no as Suzuki peered into my eyes, smiling.
“So you see, that’s why I was so surprised. When you came for a checkup to Chigasaki Hospital.” I thought it was fate, Suzuki said, a wry smile playing on his lips and then resumed speaking. “I was already prepared to never see you again and then suddenly, I saw you at the hospital. I’m an atheist, but at that moment, I believed in G.o.d. I thought a miracle had truly happened! When I looked at the medical chart the nurse brought me, my body shook, and I couldn’t hold back my desire to want to touch you again.” Here, Suzuki stopped talking and let out a small sigh filled with emotion. He was smiling, looking like he was savoring his happiness, and it made my chest feel hot as I wondered if I had made him feel this happy.
I’m happy too.
I tried to let him know this, but it seemed that he already knew, because he gave me a nod, smiling and continued talking.
“So I hypnotized you again. Thanks to that, you told me the words I longed to hear – ‘I wanted to see you’. But I fell into a dilemma. I couldn’t tell if you had spoken from your heart or if the hypnosis I had put on you had made you say that. Nevertheless, the joy I felt from being able to touch you and hold you again made me feel like I had gone to heaven. I could spend the rest of my life in happiness from just that one night experience, that’s what I thought. Even if it was probably just the effect of the hypnosis I had put on you, you had told me that you desired to see me. And I was satisfied with that……or so I thought……but people become greedy, don’t they? They get one thing and then want another. I had gotten my lifetime of happiness. That’s why I had already made up my mind to give you up, but before I knew it, I followed you and moved here to Kansai.” Suzuki scorned himself and averted his eyes from me. He stretched out his hand and grabbed the bottle. Then he poured champagne into our gla.s.ses that had become empty without us even realizing it.
“……….It’s funny. Even though I wished to see you……I feel as if I’m in a dream right now. I’m so happy it’s frightening.” Concentrating on his gla.s.s, Suzuki said this dreamily as if talking to himself, and had a far away look in his eyes.
“This isn’t a dream. I’m right here.” I inadvertently blurted out, because it hurt that he wasn’t looking at me even though I was sitting right beside him.
“Mhmm. You are. But why? Why did you come here? I thought s.h.i.+rai, or if not him, then the police would come. I had kidnapped you and imprisoned you. I was prepared to be arrested for this crime I had done, but why are you the one to visit me? …Is this a dream after all?”
“I said this isn’t a dream. Why do you think this is a dream?” I was the one to peer into his eyes and firmly tell him this, because he had somewhat of a dazed look on his face when he had spoken.
“Because it’s unbelievable, isn’t it?” He was still in a daze. My face reflected in his black, beautiful eyes rimmed with long eyelashes.
“I wanted to see you. I even said this at Chigasaki Hospital, didn’t I? And it wasn’t because I was hypnotized. I had wished for this for a long time. That’s why I came here today. Because more than wanting to know your real name and address, I wanted to see you.”
“………………..”
I pleaded, and he widened his eyes. They were terribly misty. My face looked distorted as it reflected in his eyes. I didn’t realize that this wasn’t only because his eyes were misty but also because my own eyes were welling up with tears, and I continued to gaze at my own reflection in his eyes until he spoke.