"HEY! THERE"S MY BESTEST FRIEND NAMED LUCILLE!" I yelled.
I hurried up out of the car.
"LUCILLE! HEY! LUCILLE! LOOK! IT"S ME! IT"S JUNIE B. JONES! I"M AT CARNIVAL NIGHT!"
Me and Lucille runned at each other.
She had red hearts painted on her face.
"Look at me, Junie B.! Look how beauteous I am!" she said. "I just got my face painted by Mrs. Hall, the art teacher!"
She puckered her lips at me.
"And see my lips? My nanna put red lipstick on them so they would match my hearts!"
Lucille"s lips were shiny and slickish. I tried to touch the bottom one. But Lucille said, "Don"t smudge me."
Just then, Mother and Daddy caught up with me.
Daddy had bought tickets for all the carnival games.
"Ready to get started?" he said.
"Yes!" I said. ""Cause I"ve been waiting for this exciting evening my whole entire career!"
I runned and runned till I found my most favorite game. Its name was Putting the Golf Ball.
There was a long green carpet there. The carpet had a little hole with a flagpole in it. And also there was a man holding golf clubs.
I ran up to him.
"Guess what? I"m going to win a prize at this thing," I said. ""Cause I"ve been practicing my putting very hard."
"Good for you," said the man.
Then he gave me a golf club. And he put a teeny white ball in front of me.
It was the teeniest ball I ever saw.
I looked at it for a real long time.
Then I tapped on him.
"I mostly just putt grapefruit," I explained.
The man did a frown. "Hurry up, okay? There are other children waiting," he said.
"Yeah, only I can also use a dinner roll," I told him.
"Please!" he grouched. "Just hit the ball."
And so that"s how come I felt pressure inside me. And I swinged the golf club way far back. And I hit the teeny ball very hard.
It zoomed right off the green carpet.
Then it flied in the air.
And it bounced and bounced.
And people shouted the word of ouch ouch.
I quick gave the man back his golf club. Then me and Mother and Daddy rushed out of there very fast.
Mother looked upset.
"Why don"t we try a game where she can"t actually kill someone," she said.
"HEY! I KNOW A GAME WHERE I CAN"T ACTUALLY KILL SOMEONE!" I shouted. "AND ITS NAME IS CLOTHESPINS IN A BOTTLE!"
I runned and runned till I found it.
"Clothespins, please!" I said to the lady.
She gave me five of them. Then she told me all the "structions.
"Just hold the clothespins at waist level and drop them-one at a time-into this milk bottle," she said.
She put an empty milk bottle down at my feet. It had a little hole at the top where the milk pours out.
"Drop two clothespins in the bottle and you win a prize," she said.
I stared and stared at the little hole.
"How come that hole is so little do you think?" I asked the lady.
"I don"t know," she said. "Just go ahead and start."
I scratched my head.
"Yeah, only I don"t even know how cows can squirt their milk into such a teeny thing," I said.
The lady tapped her foot. "There are other children waiting," she told me.
I looked up at her.
"Have you ever thought about using a bucket?" I asked.
"Just go!" she grouched.
And so then I felt pressure inside me again. And I hurried to drop my clothespins into the teeny hole. Only every single one of them fell right on the floor.
My eyes got tears in them.
"See?" I said. "I told told you that dumb hole was too little." you that dumb hole was too little."
Just then a clown saw me being sad. And he grinned a giant smile at me.
I hided behind Mother"s skirt. "Don"t let him get near of me," I told her.
Only the clown runned right over. And he peeked his white face close to me.
His teeth were big and yellowish.
"BACK OFF, CLOWN!" I shouted.
Then Daddy closed his eyes. And Mother said the word oh my oh my.
After that, me and Mother had a little talk. It was called-no screaming back off, clown. Only I never even heard of that rule before.
My nose got sniffly.
"Carnival Night isn"t being fun," I said very sad.
And so that"s how come Daddy bought me an ice cream cone. And Mother bought me a red balloon.
Only too bad for me. "Cause when she handed me the string, my ice cream dropped on the ground. And my balloon string slipped right out of my fingers.
I bended my head back and watched my balloon float up to the sky.
Then my eyes got more tears in them.
And I said the word of p.o.o.p p.o.o.p.
6/Bull"s-Eye
Carnival Night was being the worstest night of my life.
That"s because I kept on losing at every single game.
I lost at Penny Toss.
And I lost at Ring Toss.
And also I lost at the stupid Fishing Booth. Except all you have to do is hang a fishing pole over the table. And somebody puts a toy on your pole. Only I just got a stupid dumb comb on my pole and that"s all.
"Hey! What kind of stupid dumb prize is this?" I said. "A stupid dumb comb isn"t even a toy! "Cause I can"t even play with this stupid dumb thing!"
Daddy sat me down on a bench.
Me and him had another talk. It was called-stop saying the words stupid stupid and and dumb dumb. And also I have to appreciate my comb.
Just then, I heard a voice holler at me.
"JUNIE B. JONES! HEY! JUNIE B. JONES! I"VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER THE PLACE FOR YOU!"
I turned around.
It was my other bestest friend, that Grace. She was holding lots of stuff in her hands.
"Look, Junie B.! Look at all my prizes! I won a shiny plastic car, and some pretty barrettes, and a delicious red lollipop, and two rubber bugs, and an eraser that looks like a hot dog! See them? See all my good stuff?"
"Yeah? So?" I said.
That Grace did a frown at me. "How come you said yeah so? yeah so? How come you"re grouchy at me, Junie B.? And why are you just sitting here on this bench?" How come you"re grouchy at me, Junie B.? And why are you just sitting here on this bench?"
I did a mad breath. "I"m appreciating my comb, that"s why. Don"t you know anything, Grace?"
Just then, Daddy walked me away from that Grace. And he said I better shape up, little missy, or else we"re going home right now.
Mother told Daddy to calm down his blood pressure.
"We have three tickets left," she said. "Let"s all take some deep breaths and start all over again. What do you think, Junie B.? Do you want to try the Sponge Throw? That sounds like fun, doesn"t it?"
Then Mother held my hand. And me and her went to find the Sponge Throw. And Daddy kept on doing deep breaths.
The Sponge Throw was right in the middle of the playground.
Princ.i.p.al was there.
He was standing behind a board with a big clown suit painted on the front of it. Only instead of a face, there was a round hole cut in the board. And Princ.i.p.al"s head was sticking out of it.
His face and hair were very drippity. That"s because kids kept on hitting him with sponges.
It looked like the funnest game I ever saw!
I hurried up and got in line.
Except for just then something very terrible happened. And its name is, that Jim I hate got in line right behind me.
"Boo!" he said.
"You did not scare me, Jim," I said.
"Yes, I did too."