Then he watched me eat my sandwich through my mouth hole.
And he drove me to school.
I skipped into Room Nine very joyful.
I sat down at my table next to Lucille.
"h.e.l.lo," I said. "It"s me. It"s Junie B. Jones. See me, Lucille? See me? I am wearing an attractive hat a.s.sortment."
Just then, a meanie boy named Jim pointed and shouted.
"HEY, EVERYBODY! LOOK AT LOONEY B. JONES! WHAT A GOONIE BIRD!" he shouted.
Then all of a sudden, he speeded across the room! And he grabbed my devil horn hat right off my head!
All of Room Nine laughed and laughed.
"Cause they saw my shower cap, of course!
Only lucky for me, because just then my teacher hurried up into the room. And she took control of people.
Her name is Mrs.
She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that"s all.
Mrs. grabbed my hat from that meanie Jim. And she gave it back to me.
Then she yelled at all the children. And she took me into the hall.
Mrs. bended down next to me.
"Okay, kiddo. What"s the story here?" she asked.
I rocked back and forth on my feet.
"Cause I didn"t want to tell her the story here, that"s why.
"Yeah, only I don"t actually know what you are referring to," I said real soft.
"The hats hats, Junie B. What"s the story with the hats?"
Finally, I did a big breath. And I told her the story.
The Story with the Hats by Junie B. Jones "Once upon a time there was a little girl named Pinkie Gladys Gutzman. And she was practicing to be a beauty shop guy. Only too bad for her. "Cause her stupid dumb bangs kept on getting tiltier and tiltier. And that"s how come she had to cut them off. And now she wishes she was never even Pinkie. And that is all the details I would like to share with you at this time."
I did a big breath.
"The end."
Mrs. put her hands on my shoulders.
"Junie B.? Honey? Are you telling me that you cut your bangs off? Is that what this is about?"
I did not answer her.
Then all of a sudden, Mrs. took off my ski cap. And I didn"t even know she was going to do that!
"No," I hollered. "Don"t!"
Only it was too late.
Mrs. saw my hair.
She hugged me real tight.
"Oh, Junie B.," she said. "What happened?"
I started to cry all over again.
"Sprigs," I said. "Sprigs happened."
After that, Mrs. gave me some tissues.
And me and her sat down on the floor.
And we figured out what to do.
9/Learning a Lesson
Finally, Mrs. put my devil horn hat back on my head.
"Here," she said. "This will be the only hat you"ll need to wear today. I promise."
After that, we went back into Room Nine. And Mrs. told a teensy beansy fib.
"Boys and girls...may I have your attention, please? Junie B. is starting to get the sniffles. And so I"m going to let her wear her hat in cla.s.s."
She looked at that meanie Jim.
"All day, Jim. She"s going to wear it all day. And no one is to touch it," she said. "Not anyone." anyone."
I jumped out of my seat.
"Yeah, Jim. You can"t even touch it with your baby little pinkie finger. Right, Mrs.? Right? Right?"
"Right," said Mrs.
"Not even at recess. Right, Mrs.? Right?"
Mrs. sucked in her cheeks. "Yes, Junie B. Right."
"And not when I"m getting a drink at the water fountain. And not when I"m bending down to tie my shoe. And not when I"m walking to the pencil sharpener. And not when I"m just plain sitting in my chair. And not when I"m working in my workbook. And not when I"m practicing my alphabet. And not when-"
"Okay, okay. We get the picture!" said Mrs.
I smoothed my dress.
"All rightie then," I said real nice.
After that, I sat in my chair.
And I worked in my workbook.
And I played at recess.
And I went to the water fountain.
And no one touched my hat.
After school, Daddy came to Room Nine to get me.
I was surprised to see that guy.
"Daddy! Daddy! I didn"t even know you were coming to get me today! And so this day turned out better than I thought!"
Daddy stared at my hat.
All of a sudden, my stomach did not feel good about this situation.
He reached out and took it off my head. Then he quick closed his eyes.
"Lovely," he said.
After that, he picked me up. And he carried me to the car.
I tapped on him.
"Did you really mean it is lovely? Or was that a little joke?" I asked kind of nervous.
Daddy didn"t answer my question.
Instead, he buckled me in my seat belt. And we started to drive.
We drove and drove for a real long time.
Finally, we pulled into a parking lot.
I looked out the window.
"Daddy! Hey, Daddy! It"s the beauty shop! The beauty shop with Maxine!" I said.
Daddy took me right inside.
And guess what?
Maxine was waiting for me!
She did a smile.
"Hmm. Looks like someone gave herself a little trim," she said.
I felt shy of her.
"I didn"t turn out even-steven," I said kind of soft.
Maxine ruffled my hair.
Then she put me in her giant spinny chair. And she sprayed my hair with water.
After that, she snipped and snipped and snipped.
Finally, she put gel on my hair. And she blowed me dry.
I looked at myself in the big mirror.
"Hey! What do you know! No more sprigs!" I said real delighted. "How did you do that, Maxine? How did you do that?"
Maxine winked at Daddy.
"Years of practice," she said.
Daddy leaned close to my face.
"Years and years and years, years," he said.
After that, he lifted me down from the chair.
And he gave Maxine lots more dollars.
And me and him drove home again.
After we got to my house, Daddy came into my room with me.
He took my extra scissors off my desk. And he put them in his pocket.