JUST BREATHE.
A Just Breathe Novel.
Kendall Grey.
Acknowledgments.
The JUST BREATHE Trilogy has been a wild ride, but all good things must come to an end. I couldn"t have muddled my way through this adventure without lots of help. This is the part where I drop to my knees and worship all the people who had a hand in getting this trilogy off the ground.
Several hands-on folks deserve major kudos and thanks for the hard work they put into making JUST BREATHE the best it could be: my fantastic editor, Heather Howland (I love her more than vodka, and after working on this book, she deserves a freaking Medal of Honor); my crit partner/sprint partner/writing buddy/cheerleader Lynn Rush (I love her more than chocolate); cover designer Claudia McKinney at Phatpuppy Art and her talented photographer partner in crime, Teresa Yeh (I love them more than gorgeous book covers); graphic artist Renee Coffey (I love her more than quilting and sc.r.a.pbooking combined!), who designed the awesome Elemental symbols and animals in this trilogy; and Mirely Rodriguez (I just plain love her for more reasons than I can count), the rockin" hot babe who volunteered to organize my ma.s.sive JUST BREATHE blog tour. You ladies make me believe in miracles.
Then there are countless readers, reviewers, and general supporters who give me a reason to roll out of bed every morning. These are the people who toss out a kind word when I least expect it (and most need it), who pimp my buy links, who tell their friends about my books, and who write reviews that make me look better than I am. I wish I could single out every one of you, but the only way I could keep track was from a few chicken-scratch notes and from looking through s.h.i.tloads of reviews. So, here are over two hundred AWESOME people who had nice things to say about INHALE and/or EXHALE in 2012. If I left your name off, please forgive my oversight. With so many people in so many places, it was really hard for me to organize this list. Please know that even if your name isn"t listed, I truly appreciate every single person who took the time to read the books and to share them with others.
HUGE thanks to: A. Hoffenberg (Smash Attack Reads), A. Silva, ACWild, Amanda "Hootie" Clark (Globug and Hootie Need a Book), Amber Callinan, Amelia, Amy Fournier (Book Loving Mom), Amy Renggli, Amy Stewart (A Simple Love of Reading), Amy Stogner (Amy"s Book World), Ana, Anakalia Klemm, Andrea Thompson (The Bookish Babe), Angela, Angie, Anne M. Wurzbacher, Annie Slasher (Booked & Loaded), Ashley Fierro, Ashley Williams, Atrox, Autumn (The Autumn Review), Ayla"12, Bamafever, Barbara Jean Byrem, Bebe2011, Book Chatter Cath, Book Hookup, Buddha, BusyMom, C. Peters, Calimele, Candice Bundy, Cate, Cate Mulder, Celine McElvery, Ch.e.l.le Reads, Christina (A Reader of Fictions), Christina Spicer, Christopher Starr, Christy, Christy Baldwin, ChristyB23, Cody Calahan, Colette (A Buckeye Girl Reads), Cristy Cundiff, Crystal Levenseller-Small, Cydney, DaisyGrl, Dame Margo, Dani Flax, Danielle Young, Dawn Hickman, Deborah R. Murphy, Deedee, Deidre, Delphina (Delphina Reads Too Much), Dennis Sharpe, Destiny, Destiny K. Abshire, Donie Deaton, Doug Dandridge, Dragonfly, Elf2060, Elgato "Troy," Elisa, Elisa Landgraf, Elizabeth, Ellie, Emmy, Erin Conroy, Erin Danzer, Erin Zarro, Eva Aldridge, Fathima, Fishhead867, Gabrielle Perskie, Ghost, Ginny Lurc.o.c.k, Giselle, Gloria (Globug and Hootie Need a Book), Grace DZ, Gracie Lou, Hazel J. G.o.dwin, Hbeebti, Heather Reser, Heather Savage, Heidi, Holly (Geek Glitter), Holly Smith, Idalyzme, Idsa1388, Isalys (Book Soulmates), Jen Carter, Jenn Watts, Jenna Barton, Jennifer R. Wells-Marani, Jess (The Romanceaholic), Jessi Lee, Jessica (Taking It One Book at a Time), Jezebel, Joanne Brothwell, Julia Mills, Kara Malinczak (Great Imaginations), Karen, Karen Henning, Kari Kacebo, Karina Halle, Katherine Rochholz, Kathryn S. Steves, Kendell Piller, KKettler6, Kristen, Kristin, Kristin (Blood, Sweat and Books), Kylee (Babbling of a Bookaholic), L.B. Diamond, Lana Zabaneh-Delion, Landra Graf, Laura (Little Read Riding Hood), Laura Howard, Lauren Reidy (A Little Bit of R & R Reviews), Leanna, Leslie Fear, Leslie Rapp, Lisa Roth, Lise, Liz, Liz (Fictional Candy), LizLemon07, Lori (Contagious Reads), Lovable81, LuvMy3Pups, Lynn Rush, M Holmes, M. Douglas, Marcella Bilvado, Mary O"Maley, Measie, Megan (The Book Asylum), Melanie Kemp, Melissa, Melissa Phoenix, Melody Aboaf, Michaelle, Mich.e.l.le, Millie Blow, Mirely Rodriguez, Mirsonarciam, Miss Mod, MKW, Monica, Nidia, Noelle Pierce, Obscured Vixen, Pam Asberry, Pam M, Paperback Dolls, Paranormal Reads, Paula, Peepers, Penumbra, Peruvian Chickie, PF, Poison Rose, Rachel Akers, Rachel Firasek, Raven, Rebecca, Ren Warom, Rie Warren, Rinne Katja Kristina, RomCon, Rowan Moon, Roxanne, S. Condous (Obsession with Books), S. Smith, S. Williamson, S.J. Vincent, S.S., Sandy Swearingen, Sarah, Sarah Smith, Shana, Shanna Stauss, Shari (The Delighted Reader), Shawna LeAnn (Dreaming in the Pages), Sh.e.l.ly, Sil G., SnowFireAngel, Stacey Knutson-Hall, Stephanie, Stephanie Jackson, Stephanie Jones, Stephanie Locke, Suz, SwimDanceGirl, T. Paradis "Reader T," T.S. Davies, Tami Brothers, Tammy Lane, Terri, Tiger Gray, TL Jeffcoat, Tn.o.bsessiveReader, Toby Neal, Urban Fantasy Reviews, Vicki Tremper, Wanda Wilson, WolfFaerie17, Wolfy, Yury Sanchez.
I want to squish and fondle the bloggers who signed up to partic.i.p.ate in the JUST BREATHE blog tour. I owe you guys BIG TIME! Thanks to: Amelia at Trashy"s Treasures, Amy at Book Loving Mom, Andrea at The Bookish Babe, Annie at Booked and Loaded, Ashley at Book Nerd, Autumn at The Autumn Review, Bex at Bex "n" Books, Chandra at Unabridged Bookshelf, Danielle at Consuming Worlds, Delphina at Delphina Reads Too Much, Dottie at Tink"s Place, ELF at The Reading Addict, Ginny at Pure Textuality, Gloria and Amanda at Globug and Hootie Need a Book, Grace and Elena at S, E, & R"s Awesomness, Heather at Into the Night Reviews, Isa at Book Soulmates, Jodie Pierce"s Ink Slinger"s Blog, Jody at Writer & Cat, Kari at THESUBCLUBBooks, Katy at Book Dream Land, Keri Lake, Kristin at Blood, Sweat and Books, Laura at Finding Bliss, Laura at Laura Diamond, Lucid Dreamer, Laura at Little Read Riding Hood, Laura Braley, Len at Reflections from a Writer, Liz at Fictional Candy, Lori at Contagious Reads, Mandy at I Read Indie, Marissa at For the Love of Film and Novels, Megan at The Book Asylum, Mickey at I"m a Book Shark, Mirely at Rumor Has It, Monica at The Obscured Vixen, Nereyda at Mostly YA Book Obsessed, Nick at Nick"s Book Blog, Reeka at Bound by Words, Ren at A Little Bit of R & R, Seirra at Dear, Restless Reader, Smash at Smash Attack Reads, Sonia at A Journey Through Words, Theresa at Fade into Fantasy, Victoria at Musings on Science and Writing.
To Gavin, Zoe, and the rest of the JUST BREATHE crew, I love every one of you. I"m honored you chose to tell me your stories and let me share them with the world. I will never forget you!
And last but certainly not least, eternal thanks to the family and friends who lift me up, who tolerate my manic-depressive highs and lows, who wrangle and reel me in when I melt down, and who give me shoulders to cry on, necks to hug, and ears that listen without pa.s.sing judgment. I love you all so much. Couldn"t do a d.a.m.n thing without you!
Dedication.
JUST BREATHE is dedicated to my father, Bob, who taught me how to fight. I miss you and love you so much, Dad.
Notes.
Though this book is a work of fiction, I made every effort to depict the science within the fantasy as realistically as possible. Descriptions of whales, behaviors, and research techniques are based on personal observations, discussions with scientists and naturalists, and in-depth research. The digital tags used by characters are actual devices employed by cetacean researchers in the field. For the sake of the story, I took some liberties with the DTAG retrieval methods described.
A glossary of whale and world-building terms is located at the end of this book.
All profits from sales of the JUST BREATHE Trilogy will be donated to programs that educate people about whales and the challenges they face.
-K.G.
When flames grow hot, a leviathan falls.
And Dreams fade to shadow.
Borne on a black back forged from duty and love, The Wyldling frees the key from Aqua"s womb, Cutting a wide swath for the b.a.s.t.a.r.d"s return.
The Sentinel clutches gifts in his heart, Destroying destroyers with guile, not fists.
The b.a.s.t.a.r.d rises from All Elements and None, Revered by the ancient ones, But held fast by a Dream traitor who must be turned.
The Mother is reborn unto another, Returning the third Element to its n.o.ble station.
When all this comes to pa.s.s, Then shall Balance in the Fortieth Great Age be restored.
Chapter One.
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.
September 1.
Randy h.e.l.ler leaned over the side of the bobbing Zodiac and pa.s.sed Zoe Morgan two large syringes. "Are you sure you can handle this?"
"Yeah." Zoe squinted into the blazing sun, focused on the currents caressing her as she treaded water, and nodded with grim acceptance. This was the worst task she"d ever been faced with, but she didn"t have much of a choice. Any time one of the veterinarians-or anyone else, for that matter-got close to the emaciated baby humpback whale just outside of Sydney Harbour, the calf bucked like a wild bull. Zoe was the only one he"d let near him.
The blessing and curse of being able to speak to whales.
"Be careful with those."
Randy didn"t have to remind her the syringes carried enough poison to end an entire family line, plus a few neighbors for good measure. Though after what she"d been through this week, dying again might not be such a bad thing. Her thoughts wandered to Gavin, but she shrugged them off into the cool ocean cradling her. She had to be strong and focused, and he complicated everything.
Too bad Scarlet wasn"t here so Zoe could introduce her to the Pentobarbital and T-61 in her hands. But that would have been letting the Fyre Elemental off easy. No, Scarlet deserved a much more violent end for slaughtering this poor baby"s mother and leaving him to die of starvation.
And there was that whole business of Scarlet shape-shifting into Zoe"s form, sleeping with Gavin, and tricking him into accidentally killing the real Zoe.
She closed her eyes for two long breaths.
Dwelling on the incident would only bring more Fire, something she didn"t need while an innocent life waited to be ended by her hand. Nope, she"d stick with the sadness, the emotional pain that came with Water. For the time being, it was all she had.
Kicking her fins to stay afloat, Zoe absorbed the motion of the gentle currents darting across her wet suit. She carefully rubber-banded the capped and loaded syringes around her upper arm where they"d be out of the way until she needed them.
Randy stared down at her, lips tight, his gray locks dancing in the humid breeze. "Zoe, that calf may be small and dying, but he could take you out with a flick of his flukes. Administer the injections and come straight back here. Understand?"
"Yep." She turned away before he could coddle her any more and paddled toward the whale. Huffing another deep breath, she fought down a sudden wave of nausea.
Come on, she told herself. There"s no other solution. It sucks, but it"s the only humane option. The baby"s too far-gone.
Still, the ache in her chest grew. She fought to protect whales. It wasn"t supposed to be like this.
None of it.
She shuttered her eyes for a couple seconds to rein in the tears and reached out to the little whale with her mind. h.e.l.lo again. It"s Zoe.
The baby barely moved. His breaths were shallow and frequent. Did you find another mother for me? I"m so hungry, Zoe. And cold.
Zoe bit back the panic winding its way up her throat. This wasn"t a time to be selfish or to wallow in sorrow. This was about the whale. She could grieve for him later. Right now, she had to fulfill her role as death dealer.
She swam to him, and the calf"s thin, four meter-long body listed. He struggled to right himself. Hand raised with her palm open, she spoke aloud, "May I touch you, little one?"
He closed his eye. Yes.
After a pause, she dropped her hand to his black skin and rubbed him gently. We can"t find any milk. The doctors think it may be too late to save you. I understand you"re hungry and hurting. I"m so sorry.
More than he could ever know.
His head lifted a bit, almost like a nod. What will happen to me?
I brought some medicine that will ease your pain. It will send you out of this world and into the Dreaming where no one can hurt you. Your mother will be waiting for you.
How do you know that"s where I"ll go?
Bitter saliva flooded her mouth. A vision of Gavin blasting her with an Elemental Water cannon into the fireplace disrupted the ripples of her swooning mind.
Her own breath choked her.
It was an accident. He didn"t mean to do it.
She shook her head. I died and left this place. I woke up in the Dreaming, where I saw whales like you.
The baby"s eye widened. Did you see my mum?
I may have. I didn"t stay very long. But I"m sure your mum is there. Waiting for you.
Her heart stuttered in her rib cage. A tear bled down her cheek. She"d done a lot of unpleasant things in her life, but nothing came close to this. And so soon after the very real nightmare with Gavin and Scarlet...
I don"t want you to suffer anymore, but I... I can"t do this without your permission. A sob wrangled free of her throat, and she turned away. The baby couldn"t see her fall apart. He"d endured enough stress, and she wanted him to go peacefully. He deserved that.
She pulled in a deep breath and yanked in her freak-out by the reins. Air.
Inhale... Exhale... Just breathe...
I"m scared, Zoe.
I am, too.
Will it hurt?
Just a little, but the medicine should work fast, and then you"ll feel no more pain. You"ll be with your mum again. She quickly wiped away a new spring of tears.
The whale studied her for a long moment. What about the bad lady who hurt my mum? What will happen to her?
Cold vengeance crept into Zoe"s body and chilled the sadness raging in her blood. Determination welled and crashed over the slow boiling panic, snuffing it out in a great wave. She sniffled, skidded an arm across her nose, and raised her chin.
"I"m going to make her pay for what she did to you. When you find your mother, I want you to tell her that the Fyre Elemental who killed you both is called Scarlet. Share her name with everyone you meet in the Dreaming. Show them what she did. When the time comes, I"ll need Water to put her and the other Fyres down. Save that Water for me. It"s our most dangerous weapon."
The whale brushed Zoe"s arm with his flipper and blew weakly. I"ll hold the Water tight and never let it go.
Dear G.o.d. In the face of death, this frightened, tiny baby defied his fear. She had to do the same. She threw her arms around the whale. You"re a strong boy. Thank you.
I"m ready now, Zoe. Send me back to my mum.
Channeling her anger, agony, and hatred for Scarlet, Zoe cooled the pain with a filling gulp of Air and removed the first syringe. She met the whale"s eye. The bravery behind that grapefruit-sized orb gave her the courage to do the unthinkable.
She pressed her lips together, uncapped the needle, and released the Pentobarbital into his blowhole. Unable to wait, she removed the lethal dose and readied it in her trembling hands.
The calf"s eye closed. Zoe swam to his back end and plunged the T-61 syringe into his tail fluke. He barely even flinched. Her tears flowed with the venom she injected into his frail body.
She stroked the baby"s rubbery black skin and remained by his side, despite Randy"s distant shouts to return to the Zodiac. "Go to your mum now, and find happiness in the Dreaming, little whale."
Thank you, Zoe.
Aching from head to toe, she laid her ear against his side and listened to the racing of the great pumping muscle within. Her heart matched its speed.
The pattering slowed.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump...
The baby"s pulse stopped.
For one beat, hers did, too.
She lifted her head and blinked away one last tear threatening escape.
The deed was done. No taking it back now.
Zoe Morgan was a whale killer.
Chapter Two.