"You weren"t serious anyway. I doubt you would strip down and show me your you-know-what just like that."
"I wouldn"t be so sure. Sometimes I think you need something to shock you out of this rut you"ve put yourself in."
"I am not in a rut," she protested. "And how would you know anyway?"
"I have eyes and a camera. And by the way, the reason I agreed to shoot a day in the life of you is because I was curious to see what your day was all about."
"Well, it certainly isn"t usually about this," she said, waving her hand toward the beach. "I haven"t been near the ocean since that shoot in Tahiti last year."
"And you haven"t been near family since long before that."
She frowned at him. "Don"t start. I"ve already told you far too much about me."
"What? You have a limit on the amount of information you"re willing to share?"
"My personal life is private."
"Oh, so what?" he said with disgust. "You take such care to hide behind this wall of normalcy, but your cover has been blown, babe. I know you think you"re in love with a married man, pretty much hate your baby sister, and are terrified that your grandmother is going to die and leave you without anyone to call family."
Her jaw dropped open at his dead-on a.s.sessment of her life. "I never told you all that."
"Your eyes did. Am I wrong?" He paused, but when she didn"t say anything he moved on. "You"re stuck in a rut, Tessa, a deep hole that you buried yourself in nine years ago and haven"t been able to climb out of since. You can"t admit that you"ve changed. You can"t admit that Alli and Sam have changed. You see everything in this place the way it was, not the way it is. Don"t you ever allow yourself to consider the possibility that moving forward isn"t necessarily a bad thing?"
She opened the car door and stepped out, slamming it behind her, wanting him to shut up, wanting him to stop a.n.a.lyzing her, criticizing her, getting too close to her.
"You"re my photographer, you"re not my shrink," she said as he joined her on the edge of the bluff. "Stop trying to get into my head."
"Stop trying to shut me out. You need a friend, Tessa, and right now I"m pretty much your best shot at one."
"And that"s what you want-to be my friend?" Adrenaline raced through her body as she looked into his somewhat startled green eyes. "I don"t think so, Jimmy." She poked him in the chest. "I think you want to be more than a friend. I think your psychoa.n.a.lysis is all meant to steer me in one direction-to you. Well, I"m here. And so are you. What are you going to do about it?"
She flung the challenge down like the white glove in a duel. And he picked it up just as quickly.
"Kiss you," he muttered as his mouth came down on hers with a hardness, a hunger, a pa.s.sion that surprised her. Jimmy didn"t kiss her with the casualness that was his trademark. No, he kissed her with intensity, like a fire consuming everything within its reach. And it was the sense of overwhelming need that made her pull away.
She looked at him, still reeling, still struggling for breath, for words, for logic, for calm.
He stared back at her, his eyes dark and unreadable.
"Well," she said finally.
"Well, well," he said somewhat mockingly.
Instantly, she could sense the change in his mood, as if he, too, was afraid of the seriousness between them, as if he, too, didn"t know what to do with it. "The other girls were right. You"re a very good kisser. I guess you"ve had a lot of practice."
"Fishing, Tessa?"
"Your reputation precedes you."
"You don"t want me to judge you-don"t judge me."
"I apologize."
And they were back to wary again. Thankfully, their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Sam, Alli, and Megan. Tessa"s niece bounced out of the minivan with an exuberance that reminded Tessa of Alli at Megan"s age. She shook the thought out of her head as she turned her attention to Sam.
In his trademark jeans and T-shirt, he looked good. He was the same Sam, she told herself, refusing to allow Jimmy"s comments about being in a rut get to her. This was the man she"d loved her entire life. She saw him the way he was now. She knew she did. But still her heart questioned as Sam glanced toward Alli, as something in that one simple look seemed different from the day before.
"Hi, Aunt Tessa," Megan said, grabbing her hand. "Can I hike down with you?"
The child"s hand felt warm and somewhat sticky in hers. Tessa told herself it was adorable.
"Ready?" Alli asked the group in general. "We should go before we lose the tide." She held a pile of burlap sacks in her hand. "We"ll fill these up and hope for the best." Without waiting for a reply, Alli headed down the path that would lead them to the flatlands about a mile down the hill.
"Hey, wait up," Jimmy called.
Alli paused as Jimmy joined her. He said something to her, and she laughed. Tessa felt her body stiffen again. d.a.m.n Alli. She always wanted what Tessa had. Not that she wanted Jimmy, Tessa told herself quickly. In fact, this was perfect; she would have Sam and Megan to herself.
"Are you going to help us fly our kite on the Fourth of July?" Megan asked Tessa.
"Oh, I don"t think so," Tessa replied, wondering if she"d still be here on the Fourth of July. She supposed she could leave once Grams came home from the hospital, but she didn"t know when that would be. And maybe Grams would need help. But how could she stay in Tucker"s Landing when her life was far, far away? Yet, how could she leave and let Sam go once again?
"I"m going to Mommy," Megan said suddenly. "You"re both walking too slow."
"Should I be insulted?" Tessa asked Sam, feeling the s.p.a.ce between them vanish with Megan"s abrupt departure.
"Megan moves at the speed of light."
"You like being a dad, don"t you?"
"I love it. Megan is the best of me, the best of Alli. But most of all, she"s her own person with her own strengths, her own weaknesses. Every time I look at her I"m amazed."
"You had her when you were so young. It can"t have been easy suddenly becoming a father at age twenty."
"I doubt it"s ever easy, though it"s true that sometimes I think Alli and I are growing up right alongside Megan. I just hope she doesn"t beat us to adulthood," he said with a grin.
"I don"t think there is any danger of that. Alli always liked kids," Tessa said idly. "I have to admit I think Megan is cute as can be, but other people"s children just aren"t that appealing."
"You have more tolerance for your own child than others."
She drew her sweater more tightly about her as the wind came off the ocean. "It"s chilly today, but I"m glad the sun is out," she said, changing the subject.
"Were you all right during the storm?" he asked.
"Yes, fine," she lied.
He nodded. "It never bothered you as much as Alli."
She stared at him in surprise. Had he really not noticed all those years ago how much the storms bothered her?
Before she could ask him, her foot caught on a rock, and she felt herself stumble forward. Sam caught her by the arm and held her until she regained her footing. By the time she straightened, she realized that Alli, Jimmy, and Megan had disappeared beyond the next rise and she and Sam were alone.
"Thanks," she said shakily.
"No problem."
He was too close. She was too close. Somebody was too d.a.m.n close. She took a deep breath and began to walk again. "Are you and Alli really getting a divorce?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because-because I do."
"What difference could it make to you? As soon as Phoebe is better, you"ll go back to the life you"ve been living."
"Maybe not. Maybe I could live here some of the time." She couldn"t believe the words had come out of her mouth. Sam looked as shocked as she was.
"What are you saying, Tessa? What exactly are you saying?"
"You and me, Sam, a second chance. That"s what I"m saying."
Chapter 19.
*"Tessa-"
"Daddy, Daddy," Megan interrupted, running back up the path to them, her face flushed with excitement as she held out her hand. "Look, I caught it with my hand."
Sam cleared his throat, turning his attention to Megan. He slowly peeled her fingers apart to reveal a small gold b.u.t.terfly fluttering against her palm.
"It"s beautiful," he said. "You have to let it go now. It needs to fly."
"But I want to take it home and keep it in my room."
"I don"t think the b.u.t.terfly would be very happy in your room."
"I would play with it every day, Daddy."
Tessa smiled as Sam flung her a frustrated look. But she couldn"t help him out with this one, for the b.u.t.terfly trapped in Megan"s hand could have been herself.
"It would miss the other b.u.t.terflies, honey," Sam said gently. He stooped down to look into Megan"s eyes. "It would be lonely no matter how much you loved it."
"Okay," Megan said reluctantly, opening her fingers and freeing the b.u.t.terfly.
Tessa watched it soar into the sky with mixed feelings, because the moment of truth between her and Sam had just flown away with that b.u.t.terfly. Maybe it was better that way. Was she really ready to commit to staying in Tucker"s Landing? What would she do here? A vacation was one thing, but a life? It would be nice to be with Grams. But Alli would be nearby as well. And it was such a long drive just to get to an airport. She had to work. She couldn"t just do nothing. And her work took her all over the world.
If she stayed in Tucker"s Landing, though, she would have Sam. Or at least she thought she would. He seemed as wary as she was to actually say the words out loud, to admit that the love they shared was still there, still simmering just below the surface. Or did she just want it to be?
Tessa remembered Jimmy"s telling her she was in a rut, stuck in the past, unable to get beyond what had happened, comparing each relationship to the one she"d lost. Was that the truth? Or was the relationship she"d had with Sam better than any other?
"Don"t you think you would miss the other b.u.t.terflies?" Sam asked quietly.
"I don"t know," she whispered.
"Hurry up," Megan said, once again taking Tessa"s hand. "Mommy and Jimmy are ready to go into the water."
Sam met her gaze over Megan"s small head. "Later," he mouthed.
She nodded. Later was good. It would give her a chance to decide if she really could make a life for herself in Tucker"s Landing.
Alli laughed as Jimmy stuck his booted foot gingerly into about one inch of water, then quickly removed it. "I think I"ll be the official photographer," he said.
"Chicken."
"Hey, call me anything you want, just call me dry," he replied. He waved his hand at the view before them. "This is spectacular, I must say, the creeks and streams running into the bay, the ocean in the distance with the haystack rocks rising like monuments, the squawking sh.o.r.ebirds, the elegant pelicans," he mused.
Alli watched with him as a pelican soared down into the distant bay, its long neck dipping into the water in search of food. With another flap of its wings, it sailed off with a grace, a sense of freedom that she could only wish she had. Alli drew in a deep breath of fresh air and felt a rush of pleasure. She loved being at the beach, hearing the waves crashing, watching the water ripple, the birds at play. This was her world, and she didn"t think she"d ever get tired of looking at it.
"This is the best place on earth," she said to Jimmy.
He raised an eyebrow. "It"s pretty, but if you don"t mind my asking, have you been many other places?"
"No," she admitted with a laugh. "But it"s still the best place on earth."
"Where did you live before-with your parents?"
"San Francisco. We lived in this small, yellow house in the Sunset district. I remember, because I used to think that we"d painted the sun on our house, since most of the time it was foggy outside."
He sent her an indulgent grin. "What else did you think?"
"That the city was crowded, that we always had to be careful not to talk to strangers, not to run in the street. We didn"t know any different then, but once we got to Tucker"s Landing, it was like we"d been set free. Only problem was, the freedom came with such a huge price tag."
"It must have been rough losing your parents so young."
"It was awful. I missed them terribly. I wished over and over again that I"d wake up and it would all be a bad dream."
"Do you blame Tessa for the accident?"
She looked at him in surprise. "Why would I?"
"Tessa said your parents went shopping for a special doll she wanted for Christmas. Knowing your high regard for your sister, I figure maybe that"s where it all began."
"No. I didn"t blame Tessa at all. We were close back then. There weren"t a lot of kids in our neighborhood so we played with each other. And Tessa was my big sister. She was the one I cried with, the one who held my hand when we came to Grams"s house." Alli paused, not liking the warm memories washing over her. She hadn"t thought of that night, those days, in years, and she wished she hadn"t started now. It made her remember a time when she"d loved Tessa, and loving Tessa wasn"t an emotion she was comfortable with anymore. Looking restlessly up the path, she wondered what was taking them so long. "Where are they?" she asked grumpily.