Merielle lived like a princess in a palace. What had ever made him think they would someday get married? He could never provide her with a grand home like the one she had grown up in. Pillars held up the second story of the house and black shutters framed sparkling windows. There must have been twenty rooms inside.
Merielle had never cared that her father had money and his father never would. Frank knew the town had him pegged as a man who would never get the dirt out from under his fingernails. And the chances of him getting into that great big house to see her the day after she had been brutally raped were slim to none. Nevertheless, he had to try. He had been in agony wondering how she was, whether she was still hurting, whether she would be willing to see him again.
When he knocked on the solid front door, it was answered by Mrs. Felber, whose husband owned the mercantile. She was a big-boned woman, with equally large features. She was wearing black. With her hair sc.r.a.ped back off her face, her nose became the focus of her face. Her mouth opened to reveal large, horsey teeth. Frank knew her son, Chester. He had started school with the other kids, but hadn"t progressed far, since he was slow-witted. From the time he was ten, Chester had stood head and shoulders over everybody else. He had never fit in. He had only gotten bigger as he got older. Fortunately, he was a gentle giant.
"Why, Frank, you shouldn"t be here," Mrs. Felber admonished.
He stood there, hat in hand, one booted foot digging at a knothole in the porch and muttered, "I came to see Merielle."
Mrs. Felber shook her head emphatically. "That"s impossible."
"Can you tell me how she is?"
Mrs. Felber took pity on him. "I"m sorry, Frank. The poor girl ... she ... she isn"t well."
Frank had figured that out for himself. He wanted more specific information. "Is she awake? Can she talk? Does she know who did it?"
"Oh, dear. I don"t think-"
"Can I come in? I need to see her. I-"
"Who"s at the door, Mrs. Felber?"
Frank recognized Jefferson Trahern"s booming voice. His first thought was to turn tail and run as far as he could as fast as he could. But he would only have to come right back. He had to know how she was!
Mrs. Felber stepped aside and Jefferson Trahern stood in the doorway. "What are you doing here?"
In the past month or so Frank had discovered that his Adam"s apple had a life of its own when he swallowed. He swallowed now and felt it slide jerkily up and down. "I came to see Merielle."
Trahern stepped out onto the porch and closed the front door behind him. Before Frank realized what the big man was going to do, he had grabbed a handful of Frank"s shirt and drawn him up on his toes. "Did you have anything to do with what happened to my girl?"
"I love Merielle, sir."
Trahern shook him like a rat. "Bah! You"re not fit to shine her shoes."
"I will be someday, sir."
Trahern"s eyes narrowed. "You talking back to me, boy?"
Trahern"s fist knotted tighter on his shirt. Frank was starting to choke. "May I see her, sir?"
He met Trahern"s penetrating stare, trying to look innocent, even though he knew a lot more than Trahern thought he did about the rape.
"I"ve heard the gossip about you and my daughter, boy. If I thought for one second that you"d laid a hand on her, I"d hang you myself!"
Frank might have been poor, but he had never begged. He was begging now. "Please, won"t you tell me how she is, sir?"
"That"s none of your d.a.m.n business!" Trahern used his hold on Frank to force him backward toward the edge of the porch. When he let go of Frank"s shirt, Frank staggered backward down the steps into the dust at the bottom. A horse nearby snorted nervously and shifted sideways.
"Get on your mule and get out of here! I don"t ever want to see your face around here again." Trahern turned his back and reached for the doork.n.o.b.
Frank scrambled to his feet and headed back up the stairs. He wasn"t leaving without finding out what he had come to learn. He grabbed Trahern"s arm and pulled him around. "Is she all right? Has she spoken? What did she say?"
Trahern"s mask of civility was more fragile than Frank had suspected. Pressed for answers, he exploded. "h.e.l.l, no, she"s not all right! My baby"s been brutalized by some fiend and she ... she"s lost her mind!"
Frank stood stunned. "What do you mean?"
"I mean she doesn"t remember a thing! She smiles and smiles like nothing happened, like everything"s fine. With one eye so swollen she can"t even see, and her mouth so tender it hurts when she talks. She wants to know what I got her for her birthday, and whether I think everyone will show up for her party. It"s like yesterday never happened!"
Merielle"s father was staring right at Frank, but he wasn"t seeing him. Frank knew that when Trahern came to his senses he would be sorry he had spoken. Frank backed away, then ran. He mounted the mule and kicked him hard into a trot. He knew now what he had come to find out.
A month or so after the rape, Merielle started showing up in town, always with her father. She seemed perfectly fine. She smiled and laughed and conversed normally. Frank found a way to cross her path one day and said h.e.l.lo, but it was clear she had no recollection of him or of what they had been to each other. It was all gone. Wiped clean.
Frank had been devastated. He hadn"t stopped loving Merielle, hadn"t stopped wanting to touch her. But when he looked into her eyes, no hint of the budding woman he had loved could be found. That horror was compounded when it became apparent that Merielle was trapped in time, caught as the young girl she had been when she was violated.
It was nearly a year later, when Frank turned sixteen, that he made up his mind to work for Jefferson Trahern. He worried what Ethan would think of him-working for a man who hated his friend and wanted him dead.
But Frank felt sure Ethan would understand why he had to do whatever was necessary to be close to Merielle. The way things stood, he rarely got to see her. At least if he worked on her father"s ranch, he would get a glimpse of her now and then. Only, Frank wasn"t at all sure that Trahern would hire him.
When he presented himself once again at the front door to Merielle"s home, his heart was pounding in his chest. He couldn"t have been more surprised when Merielle herself answered his knock.
"h.e.l.lo," she said. "Don"t I know you?"
For an instant he thought she remembered who he was. Her next words made it clear she didn"t. "We met in town, I think." Her brow furrowed. "I don"t remember your name."
"Frank Meade," he said.
"Yes, that"s right. Come in, Frank."
Frank looked around for someone to stop him. There wasn"t anybody, so he stepped inside. Trahern"s wealth was even more evident on the inside than the outside.
The house had the standard dogtrot entrance typical in most Texas homes, with a hall down the center and doors leading off to rooms on either side. But there all resemblance to the hovel in which Frank lived ceased.
The walls were paneled with walnut and a chandelier graced the entryway. He saw bits of china and pewter in the dining room on the right. Merielle led him to a parlor on the left where lush green velvet curtains framed the windows. A mahogany piano stood in one corner, with a piece of music on the stand. He wondered if Merielle still played. She had hated her lessons before- He forced himself to focus again on the room. Two settees faced each other separated by a plush Oriental carpet. One wall held shelves full of leather-bound books. A comfortable reading chair was close by. His jaw dropped when he caught sight of the elaborately carved marble fireplace. It was covered with half-dressed cherubs.
He self-consciously brushed off his trousers before he lowered himself gingerly onto the shiny brocade that covered one of the settees. To his amazement, Merielle sat down right beside him.
"Now, Frank," she began. "Tell me all about yourself."
It had been the strangest conversation of his life. He told her things he had never told her before. He didn"t know how long he had been sitting there when Trahern entered the room. When he spotted Frank, the man had murder in his eyes.
Frank stood instantly, looked for the way out, and saw that Trahern had it blocked. Since he couldn"t flee, he prepared himself to fight.
Only, Merielle took the fight right out of her father when she said, "Frank has come to ask you for a job, Father. You will give him one, won"t you? Frank could hitch up my buggy and drive me to town, and then you wouldn"t always have to stop what you"re doing to worry about me. And Frank knows all about cattle. Don"t you, Frank?"
The two men were helpless to deny her what she wanted. They both loved her more than their own lives. So Trahern agreed to hire Frank. Oh, he watched him like a hawk. But he hired him. In return, Frank had worked hard to make Trahern respect him. And he had spent every spare moment he could with Merielle. Loving her.
But he had never spoken of the past.
Only, now that Ethan had put the thought in his head, Frank couldn"t wait to get Merielle alone to talk to her about what had happened all those years ago. He was terrified, because he had found something he thought he had lost.
Hope.
Frank was working in the barn, forking hay into a stall when Merielle suddenly appeared.
"Father and I are going to town. Would you hitch up the buggy for us?"
Frank leaned the pitchfork against the side of the empty stall. "Sure." He pulled a bandanna from his pocket and swiped at his face.
"You missed a spot." Merielle took the bandanna from him and rose up on tiptoes to dab at a spot on his temple. "There. That"s better."
When she offered the bandanna back to him, Frank caught her hand in his. "Merielle, there"s something I"ve been wanting to ask you."
She looked guilelessly up at him. "What, Frank?"
Frank opened his mouth and closed it again. "Let"s go up into the loft and talk there." Maybe if they were back in the loft together, it would help spark some memory of the past.
Merielle looked uncertainly up the ladder.
"Don"t be afraid," Frank said. "I"ll make sure you don"t fall."
It was a sign of how much time they had spent together, and of how much she trusted him, that Merielle climbed right up the ladder. Once they were at the top, she headed immediately for the open loft door.
"Oh, you can see everything from here," she said as she gazed out over the rolling prairie.
Frank came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. It was the first time he had touched more than her hand in seventeen years. His hands were trembling, but she didn"t seem to notice.
Merielle looked over her shoulder at him and smiled.
Encouraged by her lack of fear, he said, "You and I were up in this loft together once before. Do you remember?"
Her brow furrowed. He felt her shoulders tense. She shook her head. "No."
He turned her around so she faced him. "It was the day before your thirteenth birthday." Frank"s heart was pounding so hard it felt like he had been running. It was hard to breathe. He felt panic building, but he fought it back.
"When we were here the last time, we kissed each other," he said.
"We did?"
"We promised to meet the next day, so we could kiss some more."
Her eyes were a dark chocolate brown. He had lost himself in them more than once, years ago. Now they looked wary.
"I don"t think I"ve ever been kissed," she said.
"Oh, but you have. I"ve kissed you myself. Would you like me to show you how it"s done?"
He was holding her hands, waiting for her to pull away. Instead, she lifted her face to his and said, "All right, Frank."
He kissed her. It was the barest touch of lips.
When he lifted his head, she was staring at him strangely. She pulled one hand free and touched her lips in wonder.
Remember! he willed her. Remember what we had together.
"I ..." She put her hand to her forehead as though she were dizzy, then looked up at him as though she had never seen him before. "Would you kiss me again?"
His heart thundered. He lowered his head and pressed his mouth to hers. She made a small sound in her throat, but when he would have ended the kiss, she put a hand on his shoulder to hold him there. He slid his arms around her and pulled her close.
This moment was all his dreams come true. She was in his arms kissing him again, and he was kissing her. He thought he would go crazy when her body arched instinctively toward his.
The instant she came in contact with the hard length of him, she wrenched herself free. He sought her eyes. Instead of the wonder and delight of the past, he found terror and confusion.
"Don"t kiss me anymore, Frank. It ... it scares me. I feel ... strange inside."
He reached out to her, and she shrank from him.
"It"s all right, Merielle," he said. "I just want to hold you."
"You won"t ... you won"t hurt me, will you, Frank?"
"Oh, G.o.d, no, Merielle," he said, horrified that she could even think such a thing.
She threw herself into his embrace. "You"re my best friend, Frank," she said, her cheek pressed against his chest. "Please don"t be mad at me."
He slid his hand down her silky hair again and again in a gesture of comfort that brought back the most painful of happy memories. "I"m not mad," he murmured against her temple.
"You won"t kiss me again, will you? I didn"t like it."
"I promise I won"t kiss you again."
Now he knew why he had never spoken with Merielle about that long-ago day. Because before there had always been hope. Hope that she would somehow cast off the childlike demeanor that had protected her from the awful truth and be ready for a life with him as the woman she had become. Now there was nothing to look forward to except endless unfulfilled longing.
"Hey, Frank! You got that buggy hitched up yet?" Trahern called from the front porch of the house.
"Not yet," Frank called back.
"Get a move on! I"m late for a meeting with the sheriff."
Frank grabbed Merielle"s hand and headed for the ladder down out of the loft. He went first and she followed quickly after him. He had reached the floor of the barn by the time Trahern barked, "Is Merielle out there?"
"She"s here," Frank called back.
"Send her on into the house. I want to talk to her before we leave."
Merielle started for the barn door, but Frank caught her hand to stop her. She kept her back to him and said, "Father wants me. I have to go."
Frank could hear the fear in her voice. He tried to turn her around so he could look at her, but she resisted him.