The kiss went on and on, their breaths mingling, until they were both panting between kisses as they sucked air into their starved lungs. She moaned from the exquisite sensations bombarding her. If she"d in any way imagined her attraction to Swanny, it was now confirmed. Her body leapt to life, every nerve ending painfully aware of the overwhelming desire singing through her veins.
Never had a man made her feel the way Swanny did. Never had she had the desire to go all the way. Something had always held her back. Now she knew why. Because she"d been waiting for Swanny. For a man to make her feel that she was safe, that he would take care of her completely.
Finally Swanny dragged his mouth away from hers. His eyes were half-lidded and heavy with desire.
"Now you tell me if it feels to you like I don"t want you. Or that you"re somehow forcing my attraction, because honey, it doesn"t work that way. I can"t fake my reaction to you. I can"t even look at you without wanting you. The only thing I"m struggling with is my belief that a woman in your cla.s.s could possibly want me."
She smiled, warmed by the sincerity she saw shining in his beautiful eyes. She lifted her hand to caress his scarred cheek, running her fingers lightly along the ridges. He didn"t flinch or try to turn away, a huge victory because it meant he was becoming more comfortable with her.
She touched him often, wanting to tell him without words that she wasn"t bothered by his appearance. She knew it would take time, but she wanted him to know without question that she wasn"t put off by his scars. Not in the least.
"To turn your words back on you, I can"t fake a reaction this strong. If you want an explanation I simply don"t have one. Some things just are, and for me that"s you. I struggle over the fact that we"ve known each other such a short time. I mean, it never seemed possible to me to have an instant connection with another person like I do with you. But it"s there. It was there from the start. There was something about you that just . . . drew me in. You"ll find this hard to believe based on the way I"ve come on to you, but this isn"t normal for me. I"m actually pretty reserved. I"m having my own share of bewilderment over my boldness because it"s not who I am, or rather who I was," she said ruefully.
He nuzzled into her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm. "I like your honesty. It"s refreshing. There"s no guessing with you. I like that a lot. You don"t play games. I don"t find your forthrightness to be bold or brazen at all. I like knowing where I stand. And let"s face it. If you"d waited for me to make a move, you"d probably have waited forever because I would have never imagined for a single moment that you"d want someone like me. It would have felt to me like reaching for the stars or wishing for the moon. I guess I needed a kick in the a.s.s and you provided that nicely."
She laughed, relaxing into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder. There was nothing overtly s.e.xual about their position, but she felt comfortable and intimacy surrounded them, pulling them into their own little cloud. The rest of the world seemed miles away. There was only the two of them with no intrusions or interruptions.
Knowing she was being bold-again-she turned her head up just so she could see his face. "Will you sleep with me tonight?"
His eyes instantly flared and she hurried to correct the likely a.s.sumption that she was asking him to make love to her.
"I don"t mean to have s.e.x," she hastily amended. "I know we"re still feeling our way around each other and I don"t want to rush things. I"m liking where we are right now. But I"d love to sleep in your arms tonight. To just . . . be with you."
He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I"d like that a h.e.l.l of a lot. And Eden, stop being self-conscious about saying what it is you want. I don"t think you"re some brazen hussy. I hope you"ll never hesitate to ask me for anything you want or need. Because I"ll do pretty d.a.m.n much anything to provide it for you."
She smiled ruefully. "I told you this isn"t the normal me. It"s actually really hard to lay it out like I have. I like you a lot and I don"t want to ever put you off by being too demanding or pressuring you for something you aren"t ready for."
"There"s no pressure, honey. I think we"ve already established I want you pretty d.a.m.n bad. You"ll never come across as demanding or forceful by telling me what it is you want from me."
"I want you to do the same," she said softly. "I don"t want you to worry about coming across too forcefully. I"d like us both to meet each other halfway. So if you make me promise to tell you what it is I want, then I want that same promise from you."
"Deal," he said gruffly.
He looked regretfully at his watch and then back to her.
"You said you have an early morning, and if we"re going to get up and work out before your shoot, you should probably think about getting to bed now."
She nodded. Before she would have been reluctant to go to bed-alone-because she enjoyed his company and she would have lingered, giving up rest to spend time with him. But now that he was sleeping with her, she suffered no qualms about going to bed now.
He pushed her up with a gentle pat to her behind. "You go and get ready for bed. I"m going to grab a shower and then I"ll meet you in your bedroom."
She leaned down and kissed his scarred cheek. "Don"t be too long."
He grinned crookedly at her. "I"ll likely set a speed record for this shower now that I know I"m sleeping with you tonight. I usually just wear boxers to bed. Will that bother you?"
She nearly laughed. Him in just his underwear and her getting to drink in the sight of his muscled physique? Her being able to sleep curled into that strong body and feel his skin against hers? Bother her? Ha!
"If you"re okay with me wearing lingerie, then I"m certainly okay with you wearing just your boxers."
His expression was priceless. He looked as though he"d just swallowed his tongue. Then he groaned.
"You"re torturing me. I hope you know that."
She gave him an innocent look. "I"ll be more covered than you"ll be."
He snorted. "I have a d.a.m.n good imagination and believe me I"ll be imagining what"s underneath that s.e.xy lingerie all night."
"Good," she murmured, a smile curving the corners of her mouth. "I like the idea that you"ll be thinking about me."
On that note, she trotted off toward her bedroom, leaving Swanny sitting in his chair. She grinned and did a silly twirl as she gathered her nightclothes and headed for the bathroom.
Was this what falling in love felt like? She was certainly in l.u.s.t with him. It was all so confusing. People didn"t just fall in love at first sight. Love was something you had to work at. Something that was earned over time. But she could so easily see herself falling and falling hard for Swanny. Maybe she was already well on her way.
She let out a sigh. There was little sense in overa.n.a.lyzing it all. She"d just have to wait and let the cards fall where they may. Already she was getting way ahead of herself. Though Swanny might be attracted to her, she was still a job to him. And they both had careers that took them to the opposite ends of the earth.
Maybe all she needed was an affair. Get him out of her system and when it was done and over with they"d go their separate ways and she"d have the memory of the time they"d spent together. But even as she thought it, she knew she was lying to herself. Because she highly doubted that having a hot fling with him would ever get him out of her system. If anything, becoming s.e.xually and emotionally involved with him, even for a short time, would confirm what she already knew.
Swanny wasn"t the type of man a woman ever forgot or ever willingly let go. The bigger question would be whether he wanted more than a temporary fling or if he would be the one to walk away when it was all over with.
CHAPTER 15.
SWANNY found himself standing outside Eden"s door, which was cracked a few inches. Though he"d said he wore only boxers to sleep, he hadn"t considered the fact that there were more scars crisscrossing his torso, ones that weren"t visible underneath his clothing, and he was seized by discomfort and self-consciousness at the idea of Eden seeing more of the imperfections of his body.
So he"d pulled on a T-shirt, noting that it made him a coward, but he couldn"t face her yet. Maybe he"d turn the lights off when he entered if she was already in bed and then he could strip out of his shirt before getting into bed, although that didn"t solve the problem of when they woke up because she"s most a.s.suredly get an eyeful then.
But she"d asked him to trust her. It was a lot to ask even though he knew she was utterly sincere. But still, it made him uncomfortable to bare himself when he hadn"t ever let anyone else see the extent of the damage to his body from months of torture and degradation.
The psychological scars were every bit as bright in his mind as the daily reminder of his physical scars. In some ways the scars on his soul were more painful than the ones on his body, the ones that were visible. Those would take longer to heal. And maybe he"d never truly heal in heart and mind. But Eden gave him hope. Hope that he was afraid to allow himself to feel. She could so easily slip into his heart, and it would devastate him to see her expression change to one of pity or disgust, though he knew he was doing her a huge disservice by thinking she"d react that way. She"d shown him nothing but acceptance, had gone out of her way to convince him that his scars didn"t matter to her. And still, he found himself holding back, not wanting to give her any reason to back away.
He finally pushed hesitantly into her bedroom to see her propped in bed, covers to her belly. She presented such a beautiful sight that it took his breath away and he found himself momentarily unable to draw air into his lungs.
"Care if I get the lights?" he asked gruffly, trying hard not to allow his self-consciousness to be too evident.
She stared thoughtfully at him a moment. "Why are you wearing a shirt, Swanny? What are you afraid of me seeing?"
The way she seemed to be able to read his thoughts, had instantly picked up on his mood, rendered him unable to form a response. What could he say to that anyway?
She pushed away the covers and slid from the bed wearing the s.e.xy but modest sleepwear. She had a pair of silky shorts that rode high, displaying the long expanse of those gorgeous legs. And the top covered her but had little strings over her shoulders that would be so easy to slip down, baring her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. His need was a physical ache. Not want her? That she"d even questioned his wanting her? He"d have to be dead not to react to the s.e.xy image directly in front of him and getting closer with every second as she walked toward him.
She placed her hands on his chest and looked up at him, such sweetness and understanding in her eyes that his throat swelled with emotion. She saw to the heart of him. What no one else ever saw. She saw past the front he displayed to others and he didn"t know if that contented him or scared the holy h.e.l.l out of him. Maybe some f.u.c.ked-up combination of both.
Then she slid her hands underneath his shirt, pressing her palms to his bare skin. His breath quickened as did his pulse. His d.i.c.k surged painfully and there was nothing to disguise it in the thin boxers he wore.
She pulled higher, gently removing his shirt, and he let her, standing there allowing her to do as she wanted.
With the shirt removed, she studied his torso, and then to his surprise, she pressed a kiss to one scar and then moved on to another and another until she"d covered every inch of his scarred flesh.
Now that he was down to his boxers, she took his hand, tugging him toward the bed, and he followed like a devoted puppy, eager to please his master.
She settled him into bed and then climbed in next to him, instantly curling her body into his, but she left enough s.p.a.ce between them just so her hand would fit over his chest and the scars that dotted his torso.
"You don"t have to hide anything from me, Swanny," she said softly. "Not from me. Never from me."
She caressed the lines of every scar, exploring them with her fingers and then as she"d done before, she kissed a line up each one, so sweet and gentle that it made his heart ache.
"You"re beautiful," she whispered. "So very beautiful. I"ve never met a man as beautiful as you."
His heart d.a.m.n near exploded and it took every ounce of his willpower not to turn her over and thrust into her as hard and as deep as he could go, making himself a part of her. Sealing the growing bond between them.
But she deserved more than that. And she wanted time. She didn"t want to rush into anything and neither did he, but he knew that their making love was inevitable. It also wouldn"t be long. Every other aspect of their relationship had moved at lightning speed and he knew that neither of them would hold out much longer.
Antic.i.p.ation would make it all the sweeter when they did finally come together. He"d savor every single minute of their lovemaking, spend hours lavishing attention on her, learning everything that pleased her. He"d bring her to o.r.g.a.s.m multiple times before he ever took his own pleasure. Her needs came first.
She placed one palm flat against his chest and then nestled her head on his shoulder so her hair tickled his nose. Then she slid her leg between his thighs as if seeking his warmth and touch. He was more than happy to accommodate her. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her even closer as he wrapped his leg around hers, trapping hers between his.
She let out a contented sigh, the soft exhalation blowing over his skin.
Never had anything felt so . . . right. Contentment settled into his bones, relaxing him as pleasure seeped into every part of his body. She lay in his arms, a perfect fit, like she was made for him. Like she belonged there.
He might have initially fought his attraction to Eden and he might have doubted that she could possibly be attracted to him, but here and now he knew that what was between them was real. Their attraction was a living, breathing thing. Tangible. It danced in the air between them and when they were close, her in his arms, it smoldered like a slow-burning fire just waiting to ignite into an inferno.
He thought she"d drifted into sleep when she shifted and turned toward him, her eyes seeking.
"Do you like working for KGI?"
"Yeah," he said without hesitation. "They gave me purpose when I thought I no longer had one. I was at loose ends after coming back from that last tour. I suppose I was going through a self-pity stage and railing at the injustice of it all. It wasn"t a pretty sight. But there were things that happened during our escape and rescue. Things I needed answers to, and so I went to see Nate. He wasn"t faring much better than I was."
"What kind of things?" she asked curiously.
He hesitated, unsure of how much he should share. One, she"d think he was crazy, and two, he didn"t want to betray Shea or Grace. Not when they were the reason he was alive today.
But he also knew that if he and Eden became involved, she"d find out eventually. And he"d rather she heard it from him. So she"d know he trusted her and hadn"t held out on her.
"You"ll think I"m crazy," he said.
She pushed upward so she could look down at him, her hair spilling like a silken curtain over her shoulders and brushing over his chest. He could bury his hands and face in her hair and stay there for hours.
"I won"t think you"re crazy," she said solemnly. "You can trust me, Swanny. I won"t judge you. I"ll listen. And I"d never betray your confidence."
He knew that absolutely. Maybe it was crazy to trust this woman when he"d only known her such a short time. But he did trust her. She didn"t have a mean or vengeful bone in her body.
He sighed. "When we were being held captive, Shea, Nathan"s wife, though they didn"t even know each other at the time, spoke to him, in his head from miles away. Telepathy."
Eden"s eyes widened. "Really? That"s so cool. I didn"t think things like that truly existed."
"Yeah, she helped hold him together. She even took his torture for him. It sounds complicated, but she could draw away his pain and make it her own. She suffered for him so he could stay strong."
"That"s pretty selfless," Eden murmured. "Especially for a man she didn"t know."
Swanny nodded his agreement. "When Nathan and I escaped, I was busted up pretty bad. I knew I was f.u.c.ked up internally and I knew I was dying. I was slowing Nathan down and I begged him to leave me so he could at least save himself. This is where it gets even more unbelievable. Shea"s sister Grace has the ability to heal and as a conduit through Shea and Nathan, she was able to heal me or at least patch me up enough that I could continue on."
"It would seem I owe both those women my thanks when I meet them."
Swanny couldn"t help the surge of pleasure at the matter-of-fact way she a.s.sumed she"d be meeting his extended family. Like she saw a future with him in it.
"We made it out. Nathan"s brothers-KGI-got to us in time and they got us home. We were both busted up pretty bad, and afterward I went home and Nathan went back to his family. But I had no one. Just an empty house that used to belong to my parents. And it was driving me crazy. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. And I still had all those burning questions about what had happened back there. So I looked up Nathan and while I was there, Shea contacted him, the first he"d heard from her since our escape. He went off the hinges and hauled a.s.s to get to her. Two of his brothers and I went after him to help. I just sort of fell in with them and then they offered me a position on the new team they were forming."
"You"re happy now, then."
He nodded. "Yeah. I feel like I have purpose again. Something to get up for in the mornings. I like making a difference. We help people and we take out those who prey on others."
She frowned. "It sounds dangerous."
"It is." He wouldn"t sugarcoat his job. She needed to know what his job entailed. "There"s always a chance of one of us not coming back from a mission. But we"re good and we"re careful. We"ve had a few close calls, but we haven"t lost a man since one of Rio"s men was killed before I ever came on board. He was taken out when the Kellys" mother was kidnapped from the hospital after her husband suffered a heart attack."
"Wow. It sounds like there"s never a dull moment around you guys. I can see why this job would be a cakewalk for you and, honestly, far below your capabilities. I feel guilty for tying up an entire team. It seems like your talents are wasted on what amounts to a babysitting gig."
He pulled her back down into his arms, squeezing her against him. "We take your protection very seriously, Eden. You are our top priority. No job takes higher priority than another. Every mission we take gets our full attention. Besides, if we hadn"t been hired to protect you, then you and I wouldn"t be right here right now, and I"m liking exactly where we are."
He felt her smile against his chest. "You have a point there. I wouldn"t have missed meeting you for the world."
"Me either," he said. "Now how about you get some rest. I have the alarm set for early so we can get in that workout. Don"t expect me to go easy on you because I think you"re cute. I"ll work your a.s.s off and then you"re going to show me your self-defense moves so I"ll know what else you need to be taught."
She chuckled but settled bonelessly into his arms, letting out a long breath that signaled her fatigue.
"Good night, Swanny. I"m glad you"re here with me."
He squeezed her one last time. "I"m glad too."
CHAPTER 16.
THOUGH Swanny had set the alarm on his watch, he had an internal clock that never failed him. If he knew what time he had to be up, he woke up five minutes before without fail.