She shook her head. "Not always. Like tomorrow I"ll have a lunch break, but sometimes, especially if we have to do a lot of retakes, we"ll work through lunch and sometimes even dinner. As it gets closer to finish we usually work long hours to meet our deadline."
"Speaking of your lunch break tomorrow, Skylar and I plan to take you to buy whatever dress you want for the soiree planned in three nights, and the rest of the team is going to get outfitted as well so we blend in as much as possible. But I"ll take you and Sky to get what y"all need and then I"ll swing by the men"s department to be fitted for a tux. I figured it wouldn"t matter if we wore the same things to both events."
Eden smiled, her eyes sparkling. "That sounds like fun. I"ll enjoy watching you be fitted for a tux. I bet you look absolutely irresistible all dressed up."
He grunted his reply. He still wasn"t on board with all this, but he wouldn"t ruin either night for Eden. For her, he"d do d.a.m.n near anything.
She cut delicately into the roasted chicken and placed a tiny piece on her plate, leaving the rest for him. Then she selected some of the steamed vegetables, but as she"d promised, she left the baked potato and other sides for him.
He felt selfish, even knowing that she was extremely careful with her diet, but he hated eating so much in front of her, and her seeing it knowing she couldn"t have it.
He wolfed down his portion, partly because he didn"t want to be sitting there savoring a meal in front of her, but he was also impatient to get to the rest of the evening. He just hoped to h.e.l.l he"d read the signals she was sending correctly and that he wasn"t way off base by a.s.suming tonight would be the night they took their relationship a step further. A huge step. Because for him, s.e.x just wasn"t casual unless he determined that going in and just wanted or needed a night to blow off some steam and have a one-night stand.
With Eden, it was a whole different ball game. She was a game changer of everything he"d experienced with women up to now. He wanted her desperately, but he wasn"t willing to let his desire and impatience ruin something as beautiful as what was growing between them.
For all he knew she might only want a one-night stand and then she"d back off or move on. He was making a lot of a.s.sumptions, a.s.sumptions he had no right making. He was setting himself up for one h.e.l.l of a fall if he allowed his emotions to overtake reason and read more into the situation than what it was in reality.
"Swanny?"
Eden"s soft calling of his name jerked him from his thoughts, something that occurred with frequency when he was in her presence. In his job, absolute concentration was a must. Distractions could get him or one of his teammates killed, and so he was used to having absolute focus. But with Eden? He found himself drifting into internal conversations with himself. Pondering, wondering, self-conscious and a host of other things that crowded his mind when he was with her.
He glanced up to see that she"d set her fork aside and finished the small portion of food she"d allowed herself.
"Are you ready for bed or did you want to stay up a bit longer?" she asked.
Though the words were said steadily enough, he was now familiar enough with Eden to see behind the face she presented and the fact that her words were casual, measured even.
She was nervous and hesitant, almost as if she were worried that he wasn"t on board for taking that huge step in their budding relationship.
"I vote bed," he said, his voice husky.
She smiled, but her lips quivered slightly. And then she rose from the table, once again giving him an eyeful of the s.e.xy outfit she wore. He nearly cursed because his d.i.c.k hardened even more and he"d already sported an uncomfortable-as-h.e.l.l erection through the entire dinner. Seeing her right there in front of him, her nightwear leaving little to the imagination, turned his d.i.c.k to stone, pressed uncomfortably against the confines of his jeans.
He got up and held out his hand to her, gauging her mood. She slipped her much smaller hand into his and he gave it a light squeeze as they headed toward the bedroom. It brought an instant smile to her face and lessened some of the tension he could feel radiating from her.
"I"ll climb into bed if you want to get undressed," she said, heading toward the king-size bed in the center of the room.
It was telling that she hadn"t told him to get changed but rather undressed. The two had very different meanings. And suddenly he was nervous because he would be undressing in front of her, his faults and scars in plain sight once again.
He hesitated, uncertainty gripping him. Eden gave him a look of such caring and tenderness that he immediately felt shame for doubting her reaction even for a moment.
"I want to see you," she said. "All of you. There"s nothing about you that will remotely turn me off, Swanny. I know words mean little, but I want to show you. I need to show you that I"m sincere."
Her words gave him the courage to undress, pulling his jeans over his straining erection, wincing at the discomfort. He gave an audible sigh of relief when his d.i.c.k burst free from its restraints. But then he caught the look on Eden"s face as she stared unabashedly at his c.o.c.k.
Her cheeks had paled and she looked decidedly uncertain and . . . afraid.
She pulled aside the covers on his side of the bed, inviting him to crawl into bed with her.
"There"s something I need to tell you," she said in a low voice. "I"ve argued with myself over whether to even tell you, and aside from that I didn"t want it to change how you felt about me or your desire to make love to me. But you need to know. You deserve to know so that you can back out if I"m no longer someone you want. And I"ll understand. I promise. I"m not going to throw some tantrum and make an a.s.s of myself. I"d die before guilting you into something you didn"t want."
Unease gripped him around his b.a.l.l.s, squeezing to the point of pain. She made it sound as though she were a wanted criminal or had done something unforgivable, and Swanny couldn"t imagine either scenario in the least.
He slid into bed next to her and automatically reached for her to try to soothe the unease he could see in her eyes. She didn"t nestle into his side as he"d intended and instead moved closer but kept her head up so she could look him in the eyes.
"Eden, you can tell me anything," he said gently. "I can guarantee whatever it is you"re stressing about isn"t going to change a d.a.m.n thing about the way I feel about you, and it d.a.m.n sure won"t stop me from wanting you. I"m so hard right now that if you so much as touched me I think I"d come."
She smiled, some of the tension escaping her features.
"The other concern was whether you"d even believe me," she said in a quiet tone. "Because with the way I"ve been with you, so forward and bold, I can"t imagine you would even believe what I"m about to tell you."
Now he was truly curious. Not worried because he couldn"t imagine anything she could tell him that would put him off. Her past lovers didn"t matter. What mattered was here and now and that she was going to be his.
"Just tell me, honey," he encouraged. "You"re making yourself crazy over nothing I"m sure."
She sucked in a deep breath, seemingly gathering her courage, and then exhaled in a long sigh.
"I"ve never been with a man," she admitted in a faltering tone. "You"d be the first. I want you to be the first."
He stared at her, stunned, in complete disbelief. Of anything he thought she would tell him, this was the very last thing he would have considered. There were so many what-the-f.u.c.k thoughts barreling through his mind that he was utterly speechless.
Eden was a virgin? It boggled his mind. The world"s most beautiful woman had never been with a man, and furthermore she wanted him to be her first? It humbled him and scared the s.h.i.t out of him all at the same time.
What was he supposed to say to something like that? He didn"t feel worthy. Her first time should be special, with a man who didn"t look like he did. Someone more on her level. He suddenly felt clumsy and inept. He in no way underestimated the magnitude of the gift she was offering. But d.a.m.n it, her first time should be perfect and he was suddenly seized by fear that he"d royally botch the entire thing up.
"Swanny?"
Her voice sounded fearful and she"d pulled the covers farther up until they were tucked under her chin. She sounded as uncertain as he felt, and he cursed the fact that he was making a royal muck of everything.
"I don"t know what to say," he finally managed to get out. "I had no idea, Eden. And the thought that you want me to be your first . . . I can"t even fathom the magnitude of such a precious gift. Why me? You have to have had better opportunities-options. What could I possibly have to offer you? I feel like we"re caught up in a modern Beauty and the Beast situation. I"m not handsome. Most would consider me ugly. I"m scarred not just on my face but on my entire body. How could you want someone like me?"
Her expression softened and her eyes gentled, and the look she gave him was so achingly sweet that it made his entire chest tighten with emotion.
She leaned down, brushing her lips over his, and then as she"d done once before, she slid her mouth over the length of his scar, pressing tender tiny kisses along every pucker and ridge.
"You"re beautiful to me," she whispered. "I don"t care what others think. They"re idiots for not seeing beyond your scars to the heart of you. The person I know you are. As to how I could want someone like you, I can"t give you a cut-and-dried explanation. It"s just there. Something about you stirs me in a way no other man has ever been able to move me. I"ve waited because it never felt right before, and my virginity is something I considered precious, not to be given to just anyone. But it feels right with you. Perfect. I know without any doubts that I want you to be my first lover. But if it doesn"t feel right to you, then I don"t want it to happen. I don"t want to pressure you into something you don"t want."
"I want you more than I ever imagined wanting another woman," he admitted. "I"m blown away by the way you see me, that you still want me even seeing what I look like. I won"t lie. I"m petrified because I want your first time to be something beautiful and precious, and I worry that I won"t be able to give you what you deserve."
She smiled again, her hair falling like a curtain over her shoulder and brushing over his chest. "And here I am worried that with my inexperience, I won"t be able to satisfy you or that I"ll fail miserably. I vote we do this together and to h.e.l.l with expectations or fears. Let"s just let it happen and we"ll figure it out as we go."
He leaned up, cupping her cheek, and then pressed his lips to hers, sliding his tongue inside her mouth, tasting and savoring the sensation, the intimacy between them before they"d even taken that final step in their budding relationship.
"I think that"s a perfect idea," he said gruffly.
CHAPTER 19.
EDEN relaxed, letting go of her earlier bout of nerves. She had argued endlessly with herself whether to tell Swanny she was a virgin, but in the end he deserved to know. And, well, she wanted the experience to be wonderful, what she"d been dreaming of, and now that he knew, she knew he would take extra care with her and make it as special as she wanted it to be.
When she"d first told him and he"d looked astonished and baffled and speechless, for a while she thought she"d made a mistake and that he would back out. But then she realized that he was simply overwhelmed and humbled by the fact that she wanted him to be her first.
Her heart had simply melted at his reaction. He didn"t feel as if he were good enough for her, and he was genuinely baffled by the idea that she wanted him when, in his words, she could have any man she wanted.
But therein was the issue. She hadn"t wanted a man or felt right making love with another man. Not until Swanny. And as she"d tried to explain, she couldn"t say why it was him. Just that for her, he was the one. Now, looking back, she was so glad she had waited. That she"d been discerning and holding out for just the right man, because she knew to her bones that Swanny was the right man to take this enormous leap with. He might have doubts as to why she wanted him, but she had none whatsoever, and if it was the last thing she did, she was going to make him see himself the way she saw him. Strong. Caring. Loyal. Tender. So very loving and humble. Her heart turned over just thinking of him being her first.
"Shall I undress or do you want to do it?" she asked him shyly.
He put his hand on her arm. "I"m going to undress you. I want to make this perfect for you, so I"m going to take this nice and slow and if there"s ever a point where you want me to stop, just say the word and it stops then. I want you to relax and let me love you. We have all night and I plan to make the most of it."
She relaxed and then lay back on the pillow as he gently pulled the covers down to their feet, out of the way. She stared at his body, fascinated by the lean muscled contours of his body. Scars crisscrossed his chest and abdomen and even his thighs and upper arms. It broke her heart that this man had been subjected to unspeakable torture, but she also knew he was a survivor and that whatever h.e.l.l he"d gone through hadn"t broken him. Not many men could survive what he had and retain their sanity, and yet he continued to put himself on the line, where something just like what had happened before could happen again. Her admiration for him grew with every pa.s.sing second.
He lifted his body over hers, his erection brushing against her belly where her top had risen to bare her abdomen. It was an electric shock and she looked down, wanting to see him intimately. Her eyes widened as they had the first time she"d seen his erection because it seemed enormous. She wondered if he"d even fit, especially since she was a virgin.
But she forced those fears out of her mind as he lowered his body carefully to hers until they were flush against each other. He kissed her lingeringly, so sweet and gentle her heart swelled and for some insane reason, tears burned her eyelids. The moment was just perfect. It seemed she"d been waiting for this-for Swanny-her entire life. And now it was here. She wanted him so very much that emotion overwhelmed her, consumed her until she was nearly bursting with it.
Breathing hard, he lifted his head and propped his weight on one forearm and reached to caress her face with his free hand.
"I"m going to be very gentle with you, Eden. I don"t want you to be afraid. The very last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. I"ll go as slow as you want. I want to know what pleases you, what feels good to you and what doesn"t so I make sure I don"t do it again. Your pleasure is my one and only priority."
"With every word you make me want you even more, and I do want you, Swanny. So very much. I ache," she whispered.
He groaned. "G.o.d, I want you too, Eden. So d.a.m.n much I hurt with it."
"Then make us both feel good. I trust you."
He stopped, holding his head just above her, his eyes burning into hers with blazing intensity. She could see emotion glimmering in the fire, almost as if he couldn"t quite get the words out he wanted to say.
When he finally did speak, his tone was husky and laced with awe.
"That you trust me with this-you-honey, I don"t have words. You can"t possibly understand what this means. That you waited. For me. And that it"s me you want to make love to you. You undo me, Eden. There"s never been anyone for me like you. No one who ever bothered to look beyond the scars and see the heart of me."
She stroked her palm over the scar-lined cheek, caressing and petting lightly. "They"re part of you. Of who you are and where you"ve been. You"re a hero. Willing to put your life on the line when so many others wouldn"t. I"m so sorry you paid the ultimate price and for the pain the memories must still cause you. But I"m not sorry I met you. I"m not sorry you"re here right now and that we"re making love together."
He claimed her mouth again, moving his big body over hers. The silk nightwear was hardly a barrier to the hardness of his body. She could feel his muscles, the strength in this big man. Knew he could so easily hurt her but also that he never would and that she"d never be safer than she would with him. He"d never allow anyone to hurt her physically or emotionally.
The kiss deepened. She tasted him. Savored the intimacy of their kiss, her body coming to life underneath his. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s swelled, her nipples hardening into tight points, and between her legs a pulse beat, making her restless and edgy.
Slowly and reverently, he slid the straps of her top down her arms, pausing just before her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were bared, almost as if he were savoring and antic.i.p.ating the first glimpse of her unclothed.
She shifted restlessly, eager to be skin to skin with him, to feel his warmth and strength with no barriers between them. He kissed the hollow of her neck and then trailed his tongue downward to where he met with the barrier of her top and then slowly slid it downward, baring her b.r.e.a.s.t.s to his touch and gaze.
When his mouth tenderly closed around her nipple, she let out a low moan as pleasure cascaded through her body. Her muscles clenched and her c.l.i.t tingled with antic.i.p.ation. The pressure between her legs was making her edgy and needy.
She wanted to touch him and so she ran her hands over his shoulders and then thrust her fingers into his hair, telling him without words the pleasure he was giving her.
He pushed the top farther down and then lifted her hips so he could pull it the rest of the way down. He moved down her body, tossing aside the top, and then he hooked his fingers into her lacy shorts and slowly slid them down her legs until she was completely naked.
For a long moment he simply knelt there and stared, his heated gaze sweeping from head to toe, his obvious desire and appreciation for her body gleaming in his eyes.
"You"re so beautiful," he whispered. "I never dreamed of having a woman like you, that you would want me. I"m overcome, Eden. I don"t even know what to say. Can"t possibly tell you in words what I feel right now."
"Then show me," she whispered back. "Love me, Swanny. Show me how beautiful it will be between us."
He began at her feet, kissing and tonguing every inch of flesh on his way up her body. He lavished attention over every part until she was mindless with desire. He gently parted her thighs, baring her v.a.g.i.n.a to his sight and touch.
He ran his fingers lightly through the wispy tuft of hair over her mound and then went lower, carefully parting her l.a.b.i.a. He touched her c.l.i.t, just a soft caress, but it was like a surge of lightning that electrified her entire body. She gasped and arched upward, seeking more, wanting more.
He pressed his thumb over her c.l.i.t and stroked lightly until she was breathless and on edge. His fingers circled her opening, tenderly exploring the small piece of skin that signaled her virginity.
Then he lowered his head and nuzzled into her folds, replacing his fingers with his mouth and tongue. He licked and sucked lightly at her c.l.i.t, seemingly knowing just the right amount of pressure to exert, expertly navigating the line between pleasure and pain.
He placed his open mouth over her opening and gently slid his tongue inside her, tasting her from the inside out.
"So sweet," he murmured. "So very sweet. Like honey dipped in sunshine."
His words and tongue were playing equal havoc with her emotions. She was so on edge that she knew she wouldn"t last long and she didn"t want to come without him inside her. She wanted this first time to be with him, inside her, together. Them coming together and experiencing it together.
She saw him reach for the box on the nightstand and for a moment didn"t realize what it was until he tore it open and a condom fell out. She put a hand to his arm to stop him and he looked up, his gaze responding to her unspoken question.
"Do we have to use one?" she asked. "I mean, is it safe not to? Obviously I"ve never been with anyone, but I don"t want my first time to be with a condom. I want to feel you. Not latex. Are you safe, and do you mind not using one?"
Swanny groaned. "G.o.d no, I don"t want one. I was protecting you, Eden. I"ll always protect you. But to answer your question, yes, I"m safe. It"s been a while for me and I"ve never not used a condom. And we have regular physicals and checkups on the job, so I know I"m clean. But what about pregnancy, honey? I"d never do anything to compromise your career."
Her cheeks heated. "I"m on birth control. I get a shot every three months. Which sounds silly given that I"ve never even had s.e.x, but they regulate my periods and make them more bearable. After one shoot when I was on my period and was just miserable the whole time, my agent urged me to go to the doctor to see if there was something they could do so that my periods wouldn"t interfere with my job. They suggested birth control and they gave me pain medicine for when it gets really bad. But the birth control has really helped on its own."
"If you"re sure, then," Swanny said huskily. "There"s nothing more I want than to have you skin to skin, to feel you surrounding me all soft and silky."
She smiled. "That"s settled, then. Put them away and let"s get back to the good part."
He laughed and tossed the box to the side and then lowered his head once more to her most intimate flesh and began working her up again, sucking, licking, kissing until she was writhing beneath him.
He slid up her body, fitting his to hers, but he made no effort to enter her yet. He caressed and sucked at her nipples, alternating between them until they were rigid peaks, straining upward. Then he kissed a path to her neck and nibbled just beneath her ear at the soft column of her neck.
When he reached her mouth he kissed her long and breathless, and then she felt him reach between them, positioning himself at the mouth of her opening. Her eyes widened at the feel of just the head stretching her opening.
"Relax, honey," Swanny said gently. "I"m going to take it nice and easy. If you need me to stop at any time, just tell me. I can"t promise not to hurt you. I"m a big guy and this is your first time, but I"m d.a.m.n sure going to try to make it as easy on you as possible."
Her heart softened and her body relaxed, going pliant beneath his. "I know you will, Swanny. I trust you. I want this to be perfect for both of us. Not just me."
"There is no way my being with you can be anything but perfect," Swanny said in a fervent tone.