Chapter 346: Discussion Topic: Lies (3)
The time they had spent together was 5 years.
For him, who could no longer calculate his years after living over hundreds of years, it was but a pa.s.sing moment, but it was 30% of her entire life for Kaeul. It seemed that she had learned, felt and considered many things in that span of time.
“Is that what you think?”
“Uun? Yes…”
“Since when did you think like that?”
“…”
Looking away from his eyes, Kaeul twirled the ends of her golden hair with her fingers and tried to specify the exact period of time from her unforgetting memories. But soon, Kaeul opened her mouth with an awkward smile.
“I don’t know. It just came naturally some time in my life, I guess? Why?”
“Just a little surprised that you were able to say things like that.”
“Hehe.”
He looked at her bowl.
The bowl that was empty for knowing nothing about the world was no longer there. Over the period of 5 years that they had lived together, Kaeul had been diligently filling up her bowl with things. She was no longer the immature and innocent child.
However, all the things inside her bowl were good-natured, with not a sliver of greed, selfless and considerate. It was like water and the bowl was therefore clear despite being full.
Kaeul was no longer naive,
But even then, she was still pure.
That was why there was a lot heavier weight behind her words. She wasn’t thoughtlessly throwing out good words. The thoughts she had throughout her life were filling her bowl, and her conclusion was one that was drawn after basing it on her values and judgement that had been perfected through experience.
– It might hurt more for the one who lied right…
And the conclusion she came to was that it might hurt more for Yu Jitae.
Until now, he had always been telling himself that he was a sinner. I am deceiving you guys, so am I not a sinner? That was the question he asked Kaeul and he hoped she would swear at sinners.
However, Kaeul gave a different response. Despite somewhat understanding the world, this innocent child was still trying to console him. Even though he might be jumping to conclusions, that was at least the feeling he had received.
But absurdly enough, getting consoled multiplied his sense of guilt instead.
This was how innocent the child could have been. The child could have grown as nicely as this, and could have harboured such pure thoughts in her mind.
The countless ‘Kaeuls’ of the past years flashed past his head.
Yu Jitae placed his hand on his forehead, and slowly wiped his face a few times.
He had to calm down.
And forget about it.
These emotions would serve to be the biggest problem for the most complete conclusion of his dreams.
Hadn’t he been doing fine till now?
Wasn’t it obvious that those happenings of the past would come back in the future as his sin?
What has pa.s.sed cannot be changed.
Focusing solely on what can be changed was hard in itself already. Looking back at what cannot be changed and regretting it was a foolish thing to do.
The Regressor had a dream,
And he had to fulfil it.
Therefore, he desperately tried to control his jumpy emotions.
It wasn’t easy and suddenly, by the time he realised it, his mind felt distant.
It felt as if something was going further away from him, similar to how he was suddenly falling from the world when Yeorum sobbed from the pain.
He suddenly remembered the golden girl lying down on the reddened bathtub, wiping the flowing tears with her wrists.
‘But you’re no good either’
Once again,
‘If you wanted to persuade a problem child like me…’
His heart,
‘…You should have brought something sweet.’
Began to fall…
Clink–
It was then. A small rustle woke him up from his daze. It was the sound made from Kaeul eating the strawberry cake.
He blankly looked at the child. The sense of distance that had been going further away felt closer again, as the sound that had been echoing as if he was in a deep cave returned to being clear. Slowly, the mumbling pink lips and the white cream next to it entered his sight.
“Uhuhuhh… So tasty.”
Kaeul was nomming down the cake with cream all over her lips, and when their eyes met, she went, “Uun?” as she scooped up the cake with her fork and gave it to him.
“Here you gooo.”
“I wasn’t asking for it.”
“I know. But hereee. Hurry up.”
“It’s fine. You have it.”
“Ahjussi. As expected, when you’re feeling down,”
Sweet stuff is the best.
He was about to say that but stopped, and checked his expression. There was an indifferent look on his face – it seemed that he was just thinking things.
When he tried to take the fork from her hands, she pulled her hands back.
“Uuunn, you’re being so cold!”
“Give it to me.”
Kaeul dodged his hand and made him grab nothing but thin air. He tried to take the fork again but she kept pulling her hands back.
“…”
“Hehe. Here!”
“I don’t feel like eating now.”
“Ahh~ Why why!”
“You eat it.”
“Ahhnnng~~ I’m sorry. Eat it, eat it. Okay? Nn?”
He s.n.a.t.c.hed the fork away as Kaeul grumbled, “Seriously, being so cold!” in response. He put the cake into his mouth but it did not make him feel anything special. The story about sweet food making you feel better was something he still couldn’t understand.
“How do you feel, how do you feel? It like, makes you feel much better right?”
With flickering eyes, Kaeul pressed him for a reply.
Does it make me feel better?
No idea.
But the expectation overflowing out of her eyes was too much for him to reply with something like that, so he said what he would have usually said in response.
“⬛⬛⬛⬛.”
***
There was something Gyeoul was recently curious about.
Yu Jitae was strange.
Very very slightly strange.
He was so similar to how he had always been so she didn’t know what exactly was off about him, but that was the feeling she got.
When he returned to the dormitory with Kaeul, Gyeoul scratched her head a bit before walking up to Yu Jitae. She then tried waving her hand left and right. “…h.e.l.lo?” she said and he waved back after resting his eyes on her.
“h.e.l.lo.”
Meanwhile, Gyeoul carefully observed everything including his face, voice and gesture.
He’s the same as always!
Then why is it that I’m feeling like this?
Looking at him, she reached her arms out as he naturally bent his knees and his back while outreaching his left arm. Gyeoul sat with her b.u.m on his arm as he raised her up in a flash. She tried placing her nose on the business shirt he always wore. He smelled like him – the smell of urban alleyways after the rain.
This too was the same.
Going to the sofa, he placed her down next to Bom and returned to his room. Gyeoul turned towards the only one with her on the sofa, Bom, who was reading a book.
She threw a glance at Yu Jitae’s room before carefully opening her mouth.
“…Unni.”
“Nn.”
“…Ahjussi.”
“Nn.”
“…Isn’t he …slighly strange?”
Bom turned her eyes and faced Gyeoul.
“Why do you think so?”
“…I don’t know.”
Gyeoul explained her recent thoughts to Bom.
Yu Jitae was slightly strange, but upon a close inspection, he wasn’t that different from how he usually was. It’s not like he appeared as if he was being chased by something like before either… or like, unstable or anything like that?
Ahh I don know, but anyway, he was strange!
Bom blinked her eyes after listening to her words. She then carefully opened her mouth with a cautious voice and word choice.
“I’m not too sure.”
“…Really?”
“Nn. He must be quite busy. There are a lot of things happening at the a.s.sociation recently.”
“…”
Is that so?
After that, Bom chose words that would put Gyeoul at ease and the child felt a little more comfortable after being half-convinced by her words.
“Don’t worry too much about it.”
“…Nn nn.”
*
But still, let’s just ask.
With that in mind, Gyeoul knocked on Kaeul’s door. “Uung~” Her voice echoed from inside so Gyeoul walked in and found her swirling a magic hula hoop.
“…What are you doing?”
“Exercise! What’s wrong? Is there something to say?”
Gyeoul shared the same concern with her. Ahjussi is somewhat strange, but is actually not strange and that was just the feeling she got – after hearing that, Kaeul placed her finger on her lips and appeared to be deep in thought.
“Is it like when our ahjussi suddenly turned super strange before?”
“…A little, different, to that.”
“Really?”
Kaeul contemplated while twirling her golden hair. She was wearing a frown and a pout on her lips as if she couldn’t think of something concrete.
“I don’t know.”
“…Was there, something strange, recently?”
“Just…”
That was when something flashed past her mind – the conversation she had with Yu Jitae just then at the cafe and his questions that were slightly unusual.
What was different? Kaeul contemplated and found the answer.
Yu Jitae’s usual conversation had no objective. It was rare for him to interrogate about or probe into something in his everyday conversations but this time, he seemed to have had a clear ‘objective’ as he asked various questions.
Why was ahjussi curious about my thoughts on lies?
…Why?
There definitely were certain aspects that weighed on her mind the deeper she thought about it. There was also that oddly gloomy look on his face.
“Uum. No clue…”
But Kaeul decided to not talk about it. If he had something he was concerned about and wasn’t telling Gyeoul about it, it wouldn’t be right for her to chat about it with Gyeoul.
That was what she learned from seeing and hearing his actions and words during their time together.
Kaeul understood the world by seeing Yu Jitae.
“Don’t worry too much about it…!”
“…Nn.”
Thus, she kept his secret to herself.
Like how he would sometimes keep her secrets to himself.
*
As she had expected, she got nothing but consolation. Bom and Kaeul said it was fine and that there was nothing to worry about.
It put her mind at a slight ease. But on the other hand, there was still doubt remaining in her mind and the desire for knowledge that had stemmed from that doubt had yet to be fulfilled so Gyeoul knocked on Yeorum’s door.
Aht, she wasn’t back from training yet.
So Gyeoul had to send her a message.
[Me: Unni]
She got a reply after waiting for a long time.
[Yu Yeorum: Yo]
Gyeoul suddenly didn’t feel like asking her but held it in and asked if she found anything strange about ahjussi recently.
Meanwhile,
At a certain VVIP personal training room at Haytling, Yeorum who was washing her face after her training session went thinking for a while.
Was Yu Jitae strange…
…
Looking back, there indeed was something strange about him.
An example was during the reflex anger management training a few days ago when he was pouring out false hatred at her.
His eyes looked as if there was something he hoped from her as she got more and more angry.
Was that the eyes of a teacher looking at the growth of their disciple? You know, like how readers want to cheer for the protagonist of a manga…?
She glossed over it back then since that was what she thought.
But when she actually did control the aggressiveness, he appeared slightly fl.u.s.tered. Even though it was only for a split second, it was a gaze she couldn’t understand and had remained in her memories as a rather bugging situation.
1. Yu Jitae wanted something from her.
2. She thought it was the growth through her control over emotions that he wanted but that didn’t seem to be the case.
3. Thus, he looked quite disappointed / fl.u.s.tered.
4. Then what? What should I have done for Yu Jitae?
Yeorum scratched her head after a deep thought.
Oh well whatever…
Like he said, she succeeded at the training, and could now use the onion core with 10 lifted seals freely and he was happy for her success.
In such a thick period of everyday life, Yu Jitae, a man whom she thought she had gotten super close to who was yet still difficult to understand, showing an odd response for a split moment was not that big of a deal.
What about it? He’s just that type of person.
Yeorum fully trusted him now.
[Me: Idk]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: -.-]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: I’m serious]
[Me: I’m telling you I have no idea]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: Really? There’s nothing?]
[Me: Ye]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: So I don’t have to worry about anything?]
[Me: No]
[Me: You can worry about everything by yourself lol]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: -.-]
[Me: But like, what’s with this s.h.i.t]
[Me: Get rid of those emotes alright? Stop pretending to be cute]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: o.o?]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: What’s wrong o.o]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: What’s wrong with this O.O …]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: O.O Lol]
[Me: Goodbye]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: Soz soz…]
[Idiot with a Blue Future: O.O;;]
– You have blocked Idiot with a Blue Future –
***
There was one thing that was strange.
Yu Jitae pondered about what he last said to Kaeul before coming back to Unit 301.
Kaeul asked him whether eating a cake made him feel better or not. Since she had been looking for something sweet even at the brink of death, there was probably a sense of expectation inside her that wanted him to feel the same way as her.
He actually couldn’t empathise with her at all but since there were things he had learned throughout the daily lives, he gave a suitable response, at least from what he could remember.
It was like, ‘⬛⬛⬛⬛’…
He couldn’t remember it no matter how much he tried.
One thing that was strange was that it mysteriously settled his uncomfortable mood and made him feel comfortable.
What was happening here.
What did I say back then…
It was when he was pondering like that while looking at the mirror. Gyeoul walked out of her room before starting a conversation with him.
“…h.e.l.lo.”
“Why are you saying h.e.l.lo again. You did that already.”
“…Why not. h.e.l.lo?”
“Yeah. h.e.l.lo.”
Gyeoul walked in front of Yu Jitae’s legs and faced the mirror. She then played around with her own chubby cheeks with her two hands before gazing up at him through the mirror.
Then, she carefully threw him a question.
“…Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah.”
“…Did, something happen recently?”
“Why”
Gyeoul slightly turned her eyes away from his eyes before asking with a voice filled with concern.
“…It just, felt …like there was something.”
It might be that the quick-witted Gyeoul had sensed something strange just like Bom who could naturally see through things. But oddly enough, he was feeling okay now and he had to calm the child down.
After thinking of the correct response in a time like this, he let it out of his mouth.
“⬛’⬛ ⬛⬛⬛⬛. ⬛⬛⬛’⬛ ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛.”
“…Really?”
He hesitantly paused before reopening his mouth.
“⬛⬛⬛.”