Chapter 219: Power and Conviction (1)
“Kaeul these days?”
“Yeah.”
Bom thought for a bit before worriedly opening her mouth.
It was at night of the same day that Kaeul laid the blade on her palm. Yu Jitae called Bom to the terrace and asked several things because Bom had always given him the answer in regards to things related to the dragons.
“Hmm… she was a little bit weird.”
“Weird, as in how?”
“I can’t really describe it…”
She shook her head.
“Nothing you’ve heard from her?” He asked.
“Yes.”
“You were teaching her healing magic right.”
“Well, yes I was.”
“Did you teach her well?”
“Yes. I think so… Kaeul is just very good at copying in general, so she did it quite easily.”
“Hmm.”
“Why, did something happen? I did think it was strange because one day, Kaeul suddenly told me that she wanted to stop learning healing magic.”
“When was that?”
“Three days ago.”
Three days ago was when the chimera died to Kaeul’s magic. After the call with the professor, Yu Jitae requested an image of the incident. What came in response was a video taken by the security camera, and the death of the chimera caught by the camera was significantly horrendous.
Yu Jitae pondered for a bit before deciding to tell her the story. It was something she couldn’t tell either Yeorum or Gyeoul.
“Ah…”
Bom covered her mouth in surprise.
“…”
“That’s what the situation is like. But if I was to be honest, I can’t really guess the exact mood Kaeul would be in right now.”
She heaved a deep sigh.
“Kaeul wants to learn healing magic so that she could heal the target of her protection right.”
“Yeah.”
“Then what do you think she would have had in mind when healing that chimera?”
Yu Jitae inserted himself into her shoes. He was learning healing magic to be able to heal Kaeul – he practised it by healing another child but that child died.
…It was difficult.
Yu Jitae probably wouldn’t have felt much.
“Since Kaeul immerses herself very deeply, she might have felt as if she had killed Chirpy with her own hands.”
But after hearing the next words from Bom, the situation sounded more serious than he initially thought. Her voice quickened as she continued.
“Ahjussi.”
“Yeah.”
“I think this could be a really dangerous situation.”
“What?”
“Until now, there aren’t many things that Kaeul was able to properly get a hold of from the things she had wanted.”
“…”
“Throughout her Amus.e.m.e.nt, all she did was play and there wasn’t much opportunity for her to find her ident.i.ty. You can count them with your fingers right? Her desires are being suppressed.”
Thinking back on it, that was the case.
She wanted to be a celebrity, but he stopped her.
She wanted to stand in front of a crowd, but he stopped her.
There were countless opportunities but he had never once given the child any opportunity.
Since it would kill the child: because of that, the Regressor only allowed a small amount so that the child would not erupt, with extremely limited opportunities.
“…”
While he was deep in thought, Bom looked directly into his eyes before taking a step forward. She then opened her mouth with a very careful voice.
“There is a way.”
“Say it.”
“But…”
Bom hesitated and clenched her lips.
“This method,”
“Yeah.”
“I hope you won’t think badly of me after hearing it. I’m not saying this with an evil mind or anything…”
“Let me hear it first.”
Bom hesitated again, before opening her mouth with a sigh.
“It’s making Kaeul dependent.”
Her words made him doubt his ears.
“Whatever the case, ahjussi has to stop Kaeul from receiving the attention from other people.”
“…”
“So the solution is simple. Someone can flood her with that much attention and love, and when Kaeul becomes weary, she will lean on that person and crave for more.”
“But who would be that person.”
Bom stayed silent, and merely gazed back into his eyes.
“…”
Making Kaeul dependent on himself. No, it was more like making her crave desperately for his attention and love.
“Bom…”
She was considering the worst case scenario, and the solution she shared was an extreme method that would suit the worst case scenario. Although it wasn’t wrong, the method didn’t sound so pleasant to him who had memories of the 4th iteration.
“Do you even know what your words are implying right now?”
“I do.”
“Let’s say I do make her dependent as you said. But wouldn’t that simply hide and delay her fundamental desire?”
“Do you think Amus.e.m.e.nts will last forever?” Bom asked instead of answering his question.
“No. It will end one day for sure. But even then, this is not good. A person that can only stand up with support from another person forgets how to stand alone.”
“Aren’t you thinking of Kaeul as something like a bomb, ahjussi? The gold race–”
“Stop. For now, I get what you are trying to say. But, it won’t do.”
“Okay…”
“Sorry.”
“No. I should be sorry. But I also agree with you, ahjussi.”
“What do you mean.”
“I didn’t want to say such things either…”
What would it look like when Kaeul was dependent on Yu Jitae? Although he couldn’t think of any details on the spot, it by no means would be a good and pretty relationship. Besides, it would be a situation that Bom would want to avoid, considering how she wanted to monopolise him.
That might in turn prove how much Bom cared for Kaeul, but he couldn’t listen to her words for this occasion.
Dependence could never be a solution.
In order to hide her rotting insides, the Gold Dragon depended on drugs in the 4th iteration. What was the result of it? A bathtub of red liquid, was it not?
Depending on something and covering one’s wounds with it could not solve the fundamental problem. The inside would simply rot even more.
However, he couldn’t reproach Bom for her idea.
His emotions and thoughts that slightly deviated from daily lives rose up.
Without the experience of the 4th iteration, what would I have done? Wouldn’t I have done something even more extreme than what Bom suggested?
It wasn’t anything new. Even though he was somewhat used to daily lives, the broken cog somewhere inside his mind was still yet to be replaced.
All in all it was a meaningless hypothesis, so he shook his head away from those thoughts.
“Then what are you going to do?” Bom carefully asked him.
Yu Jitae rummaged through the small dimensional storage in his pocket. He could touch Bom’s pocket watch, Yeorum’s socks, Kaeul’s wish voucher and the music box of Gyeoul.
“There is one thing I found out this time. Looks like there’s one thing that Kaeul would be good at.”
“Nn?”
“What do you think, Bom. Do you think Kaeul is gifted?”
His words didn’t specify what she could be gifted in, but Bom quickly understood his words and nodded.
“Ah, yes yes. But would Kaeul want that?”
“Just your evaluation will do. How much is it? From the level of hatchlings.”
“Hmm… I actually didn’t really know until I started teaching Kaeul but,”
Usually there was no need for her to use mana and it had thus been concealed, but they got to know about it recently. The amount of mana Kaeul had and her outputting ability in the standards of hatchlings was…
Bom hesitated slightly before giving an awkward smile.
“…It’s insane.”
*
Kaeul skipped her lessons and stayed holed up in her room. Next evening, he knocked on her door and called the child who was vacantly holding the baby chicken in her arms.
“Do you want to go to a cafe?”
She powerlessly nodded. She was about to carry the baby chicken outside so he suggested that they go alone with just the two of them. Kaeul nodded and placed Chirpy on the ground.
Kaeul was in her pyjamas and her loose clothes were revealing her shoulder all the way down to her collarbone. It wasn’t the best outfit to go outside in. “How about you change you clothes before we go out,” he said and Kaeul returned a nod before closing the door. She then walked outside after changing her clothes.
Right now, she looked like a stringless puppet.
*
Choco choco double extra chocolate frappuccino.
This shocking menu was a drink made by blending chocolate milk with chocolate and ice, with chocolate flavoured whipped cream and a piece of chocolate on top. To top it off, it had chocolate syrup and chocolate cookies as garnish.
– But you have bad tastes don’t you. If you wanted to persuade a problem child like me…
– …You should have brought something sweet.
Even when she was ending her own life, she had been looking for something sweet. And her words back then weren’t just an expression.
Slurping the drink and biting the chocolate, her expression turned a level brighter. A small bit of energy was back on her previously dark face.
“How does it taste.”
“Do you want to know?”
“Yeah.”
“Sooo tasty I can’t chug…!”
Kaeul emotionally stated that with a bright smile.
For some reason, he suddenly remembered the conversation he had with Gyeoul.
“…Ladybug.”
It was extremely abrupt. Kaeul tilted her head.
“…Hmm. Can’t chug, ladybug,” said Yu Jitae.
“Nn? Ah… bug!”
“Plug.”
“Mhmm, mug…?”
“Jug.”
“Hmm, umm, uhh… uhg uhg?”
“What’s that.”
“I don’t know. The smell of Yeorum-unni’s gas…?”
She then giggled to herself. If there was something like that, it would indeed be quite horrendous so Yu Jitae returned a faint smile.
While drinking his long black, Yu Jitae stared at the child. She was savouring the last piece of chocolate cookie and was holding it with both of her hands like a chipmunk. When her eyes met with his, she stopped eating and cautiously stared at him.
“Why?”
“What.”
“You look like a bandit.”
“…”
“Hmm, umm. Are you giving me a sign? I didn’t know ahjussi would be like that.”
“What?”
“Can’t believe it. You could have simply asked for it…!”
Kaeul said that and gave him the remaining half of the cookie.
“Here.”
Her voice sounded as if she was very willing but her hands acted differently – her hands hesitated over and over again. Although he didn’t need something like a cookie, he felt playful and received the cookie.
Kaeul’s eyes glared daggers at the cookie. When it slowly headed towards his mouth, her mouth also dropped open.
How would Bom have teased her here? Maybe she would have licked the cookie before shaking it in front of her eyes.
However, he couldn’t go that far so he reached his hand out and inserted the cookie inside her open mouth.
“Uhp…!”
The surprise on her face was slowly replaced by a bright expression as she started chewing.
He guessed that it was about time and thus opened his mouth.
“Kaeul.”
“Yess.”
“Why did you learn healing magic?”
Her hands mixing the drink stopped and she avoided his eyes. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought the topic up, but it was already too late at this point.
“Uhm, because I wanted to be a guardian…”
“Chirpy won’t be with us for long now.”
“…Yes.”
“Are you learning healing magic for Chirpy?”
“No. I’m spending more time with Chirpy. The guardian thing… is because I want to be a guardian again…”
“Why.”
“I don’t know. It just feels like it will happen again in the future, and it seems like my destiny…”
Destiny. It was the destiny of the gold race who lived as guardian deities of countries. Yu Jitae opened his mouth and spoke about the things that he had constantly been thinking of ever since he realised the child’s magic output capacity.
“Isn’t there a better way compared to healing them after they are hurt?”
“Sorry?”
“How about protecting them so that they don’t get hurt.”
“Ah…”
“You have to protect them. You must protect them so that they don’t get hurt, if you are a guardian.”
Liveliness rapidly seeped out of her eyes in response to his words.
“Yes…”
The Regressor twitched his eyes.
This reaction again?
“What do you mean ‘yes’.” He inquired.
“You’re right ahjussi. Protecting would be better.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Yes. Bom-unni healing Chirpy was on my mind, and I must have thought about something useless…”
Yu Jitae inwardly clicked his tongue.
It was certain at this point. The repet.i.tive failures caused her confidence to drop to the ground. As Bom mentioned, since all her decisions had been stopped by him, the child gave up on making a decision for herself after getting used to the failures.
This was a new phenomenon revealed in the 7th iteration that hadn’t occurred in other iterations.
The Regressor did not know how to console a child with a lack of self-esteem. Therefore, he was pondering on the next conversation topic.
“Ahjussi…”
That was when Kaeul carefully opened her mouth. There was unexpectedly a common keyword between the two of them.
“Yeah. Why.”
“Ahjussi, you’re the guardian of me, unnis and Gyeoul, right.”
“Yeah.”
“Umm… then, what do you think a guardian must have?”
Kaeul wanted to be a guardian and Yu Jitae was her guardian. Right now, Kaeul was looking at Yu Jitae, asking him what it meant to be a guardian.
He didn’t know what a guardian was either since it was his first time becoming a guardian in the true meaning of the word. However, when he deeply pondered about the topic, he discovered an answer that seemingly proved that the time he spent in the 7th iteration nearing 2 years at this point was not in vain.
In his opinion, what a guardian must have:
Was none other than,
“That would be power and conviction.”
“Power, and conviction?”
“You need power to protect them so that they don’t get hurt. Power greater than any threat.”
“Okay.”
“To protect them well you need conviction. A guardian isn’t protecting belongings, are they? They need to ponder, contemplate and constantly think what the better way to grow and nurture the child would be.”
Kaeul blankly listened to his words before giggling.
“What. That doesn’t suit you at all. I thought ahjussi wasn’t thinking about anything.”
“Why?”
“Like, you’re like a hermit sometimes.”
“When?”
“When you don’t care about Yeorum-unni annoying you? Like, uhum, uhum, Yu Yeorum, you mischievous child~”
“…I also think. A lot.”
“Kyaa. Hehe.”
This time, her laughter was slightly louder.
“Then, since you’re super super strong, let’s put power aside but what about conviction? Do you also have a conviction, ahjussi?”
“I do.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a secret.”
“Ehnng? In that case, do you think for us, and like, contemplate what would be a good way to look after us even now?”
“Of course.”
Even right now, he was continuously thinking about the topic. The relationship between himself and Kaeul was that of a guardian and a ward, especially more so than that of the other children. Instead of simply keeping her safe physically, Yu Jitae’s role was to lead her life forward so that the child could become sincerely happy.
And he had finally come up with a solution.
“Uwah. Then what do you think about, when you’re thinking about me?”
Kyu♥ With a bright smile on her face, Kaeul lifted her index fingers up and poked her own cheeks.
“It’s nothing much. I just want our Kaeul.”
“Uun!”
“To learn combat magic.”
“Uunn…?”
Hearing words that she was least expecting, the smile disappeared from her face.
“That’s what I think about.”
“??,,,”
Doubt appeared in her eyes.
There were 4 main categories in magic.
1. Combat Magic
2. Healing Magic
3. Daily Magic
4. Research Magic
From these, ‘combat magic’ was literally one that existed only for combat. Under that category were spells for protecting oneself and defeating others.
“The story about a guardian’s conviction is too early for you. You’re probably not too sure yet about what it means to be a guardian let alone their conviction.”
“Ah, yes…”
“However, if you want to protect something in this world that’s full of those with their swords drawn out, you need a bigger sword. Otherwise, you won’t be able to protect anything.”
“…”
“But look. How lucky. While others are playing around with swords, you were born carrying a gun in your hand.”
Kaeul gave a nod after digesting his words. But this time, her eyes weren’t lacking in confidence – there was liveliness in her eyes.
“The problem with healing magic was all because your talent was exceedingly great. Your output is also tremendous for a hatchling. I didn’t think it was that great till now, but after personally experiencing your magic, I am certain.”
“Ah…”
“Kaeul. In preparation of the time when you will be protecting something again, let’s grow your power so that you can protect it from harm’s way. What do you think.”
When the child turned blank with surprise, the Regressor took out the final words he had been saving all along.
“Would you like to try learning combat magic?”