"Thank you," she said, looking up at him again. This close to him, she realized with surprise that his eyes were a pale, crystalline gray, with dark charcoal rings around the outer rims of his irises. Given the darkness of his hair and brows, his olive complexion, she had thought his eyes would be dark, too. Or maybe she had been on the verge of fainting before she walked into his office, because how else could she not have noticed such a glittering color? Her stomach clenched again, and she took a deep breath to calm herself. "I"m ready to go to the morgue now."
Whatever his thoughts, she couldn"t read them on his face. "You don"t have to actually view the body," he explained. "The medical examiner"s office uses videotape for identification purposes. It"s easier on families."
Evidently, he thought the prospect of the morgue, of viewing her father"s body, had gotten to her as much as the heat and humidity. "I"m a nurse," she heard herself saying. "The sight of a body isn"t likely to make me go to pieces, but stilla"" Still, she was glad it would be on videotape.
He put his hand on her arm again, cupping her elbow in an old-fashioned gesture. "Then we might as well get it over with, hadn"t we?"
Chapter 7.
Dr. Pargannas, the a.s.sistant medical examiner, slid the ca.s.sette into the VCR. While Karen watched the small television screen, Marc watched her. It wasn"t a hardship; her profile was delicate and clear-cut, completely feminine. Viewed from the side, her mouth looked tender and tremulous. He settled back, his lids lowering over his eyes as he studied her, a.n.a.lyzing her as intently as if she were the prime suspect in a murder.
Dr. Pargannas spoke quietly to her. Marc knew the drill, so he didn"t bother listening. Sometimes shaken family members needed to be prepared, bolstered, for what they were about to see. Miss Whitlaw squared her shoulders and in her cool, calm voice said, "I"m ready." No squeamishness about her, no sir.
He gave a mental shrug. Of course, she wasn"t squeamish; she couldn"t be, and do her job. He"d bet she was a real treasure in an emergency, but he had doubts about her bedside manner afterward. He"d been a patient in a hospital twice, both times courtesy of the job, and he thought it must be a hospital rule that one nurse per shift, per floor, had to be a coldhearted b.i.t.c.h. Maybe Miss Whitlaw wasn"t a b.i.t.c.h, but he sure hadn"t seen any signs of warmth in her. He wouldn"t want her jabbing needles into his a.s.s.
No doubt about it, though, she turned him on, with those dark bedroom eyes and that deceptively tender mouth. He shouldn"t have touched her, but h.e.l.l, he couldn"t let her pa.s.s out at his feet. So he had held her against him, supported her, felt the softness of her body under his hands, smelled the sweet musk of her skina"and he wanted her. He didn"t know if there was any pa.s.sion in her at all, but he"d sure like to get her in bed and find out.
Get your mind out of her pants and back on business, Chastain, he chided himself. This wasn"t the time or the place for h.o.r.n.y thoughts, and besides, he was getting hard thinking about it.
Dr. Pargannas clicked on the tape, and the victim"s pallid, waxy face filled the screen.
If he hadn"t been watching Miss Whitlaw so closely, Marc would have missed her reaction. He saw the barely perceptible flinch, quickly controlled, and her graceful hands twisted together in her lap. "Yes, that"s my father," she said, still calm, but her knuckles were white.
Marc looked from those betraying hands to her calm face, and the shock was like a slap in the face. Abruptly all the little details clicked into place. G.o.d, how could he have missed it? He felt like a fool, because he should have seen it from the beginning. His gaze sharpened as he studied her.
No, she wasn"t as untouched by this as she wanted to be. He had noticed in his office that every time her composure cracked, she would quickly recover, her shoulders squaring, her chin going up. She didn"t like being out of control, and she definitely wouldn"t like breaking down in front of strangers, but suddenly he knew she was far from being unfeeling.
Maybe she felt too much. His gaze went again to her hands, locked together as she literally held herself in a tight grip. Maybe she had learned to protect herself by pretending she didn"t care, by holding people at a distance so she wouldn"t be hurt. In a flash of insight, he thought she must be lonely, aching with grief, but at some time in her life she had learned to hide behind a mask of unconcern, maybe when her father had walked out on his wife and daughter. Kids learned to act tough even when they were terrified inside.
If he read the signs right, she was just trying to hold herself together right now but would cry her eyes out when she was alone.
That wasn"t good. A woman needed a shoulder to cry on. In this case, a man"s shoulder. His, to be specific.
His reluctant s.e.xual attraction suddenly coalesced into something much sharper, more urgent, and this time he didn"t even try to talk himself out of it.
Without conceit, Marc knew he was a d.a.m.n good cop. He made his living taking snippets of information and piecing them together to form a picture. His instincts were usually on target, but in this case he"d let a few misconceptions get in the way, and she had picked up on his initial hostility. h.e.l.l, if he was right about her, she was so sensitive she had probably felt blasted by his att.i.tude. She had reacted, typically, by pulling even deeper inside herself. To get her to trust him now, and he fully intended to, he would have to overcome not just her normal wariness but her protective reaction to his wrong impression and his initial coolness.
But he wanted her, and the wanting increased every time he looked at her, every time she breathed. Getting her was something else; doing it would take all his skill. She was skittish and, given her father"s example, probably didn"t trust men very much. Still, there had never been a woman he"d wanted whom he hadn"t gotten, and he had no intention of letting Miss Karen Whitlaw be the exception.
Marc had two big advantages when dealing with women. First of all, he respected their differences from men, and whenever he became involved with a woman, he devoted himself to discovering what she needed. Of course, the needs varied from woman to woman, but for the most part they all wanted the attention and caring that said they were important to him. When Marc was with a woman, he was hers; it was that simple. He gave each one the respect of fidelity while their affair lasted, he learned their moods and quirks, and he lavished them with attentiona"in short, babying them. He loved doing it, loved seeing a woman glow with happiness.
Given her background, he thought Karen was desperately in need of babying. She had spent her life being a tough little soldier, and she deserved the chance to relax, to let someone take care of her for a change. He was just the man for the job.
His second big advantage was that he was both ruthless and relentless.
He would have to move fast, because she wouldn"t be here long, probably no more than a couple of days.
He didn"t have time for a leisurely seduction, disguised as dinner and dancing, stretched out over several weeks. She had a job and a home to return to, and unless he forced the issue before she left, she wouldn"t have any reason for continuing the relationship.
He had no doubt there would be a relationship. He was absolutely certain, more certain than he had ever been before. The shock he had felt a moment before had gone all the way through him, deep into his bones. And he was, suddenly, uneasy in a way he had never been before, because having a woman had never before felt this important, this necessary.
He didn"t know how they would work out the details, with her in Ohio and him in Louisiana, but they could settle all that later. The most important thing right now was to stake his claim, and to do that he had to win her trust.
Beginning now, he thought, flicking a glance from her hands to her composed expression, then to the television screen. Despite her immediate identification of her father, Dr. Pargannas was painstakingly showing her the "Semper fi" tattoo and other identifying marks, perhaps wanting to make certain she hadn"t spoken hastily, perhaps because Marc had been lost in his thoughts and hadn"t moved to end the session. He swore silently to himself; he should have stopped this the second she spoke.
"Thanks, Doc," he said now, putting one hand on the back of her chair and bracing the other on the table in front of her, effectively embracing her without touching her. He saw her stiffen a little, an instinctive reaction to the subtle possessiveness of his position, but she was too upset to be consciously aware of what he had just done. Those somber dark eyes glanced at him, then quickly averted when they made eye contact, but not before he saw the relief in them.
She hid it well, managing to shift so she could slide out of the chair away from him, standing and saying briskly, "What do I have to do now?"
"Sign some papers so we can release the body," Dr. Pargannas replied, then blinked at the narrow look Marc gave him. "Aha that is, your father"s remains." The doctor seemed bewildered; if she had been more visibly upset, he could have understood such tact, but he plainly considered it a waste of time with such a businesslike woman.
Marc had stood when she did. Noting the tension in her shoulders, he quietly said, "I"ll call a funeral home for you, then take you to a couple of small cemeteries so you can pick out a plota"if that"s what you want?"
"Yes, thank you," she said quickly.
"Okay, we"ll get the paperwork wrapped up here. Doctor?" d.a.m.n, those dark eyes of hers were really getting to him, twisting his guts into knots. He wanted to cradle her, hold her close so she would know she wasn"t alone in this, but it was too soon; such a blatant move would panic her. He had to keep it low-key until she relaxed enough with him.
Instead, he put his hand on the small of her back, feeling her warmth through her dress, knowing the heat of his hand on such a sensitive area would comfort her. On a normal day, she would probably jump away and give him a frosty look, but this wasn"t a normal day. She was tired, heat-stressed, and was going through an emotional wringer. She was too tense even to notice the touch, except perhaps to feel relief that he was there and that he was helping her.
Dr. Pargannas was staring bemusedly at him. "Hmm? Oha"of course. Take Miss Whitlaw to my office, and I"ll be there in a minute. Would either of you like a cup of coffee?"
Marc felt Karen"s small shudder at the thought. "I"ll get us something cold from the drink machine," he said as he ushered her out of the conference room and into the cramped, cluttered office across the hall.
Thirty minutes later, he was walking her back to the car. The second soft drink had steadied her once again, but the effects of the sugar would wear off soon; she needed food. He thought for a second. A leisurely sit-down meal in a cool restaurant would be best, but likely she would balk at the idea. Not only would she consider it an intolerable delay when they had so much to do, but the surroundings would make her feel as if they were on a date. Less beneficial but more likely to be accepted would be if he picked up something in a drive-through and they ate as he drove.
"Would you mind if we got something to eat?" he asked in an easy tone. "I didn"t get a chance to eat lunch." That was a lie, but so what, if it accomplished his purpose. In retrospect, he was angry with himself for missing the signs when she first walked into his office. She was brittle with stress, on the verge of shattering, and only her self-discipline held her together. He wanted to kick his own a.s.s; he usually read people better than that.
"Eat?" Her tone was vague, as if she had only the faintest idea what the word meant. Then she visibly shook herself and said, "Of course, I don"t mind."
"We"ll pick up something from a drive-through. Do you like Mexican, hamburgers, fried chicken, red beans and rice, pizzaa""
"Mexican is fine," she said, because it was the first thing he had listed.
A cop knew every restaurant in town, and he drove to a tiny, ramshackle place that had once been a barbecue hut. There were no tables inside, just the drive-up window through which the owner dispensed tasty burritos and enchiladas. Soon they were on their way again, and he watched the color seep into her face as she slowly chewed on a burrito.
"How long is the drive?" she asked.
"About half an hour, in traffic." A half-smile quirked the corners of his mouth. "I could put the blue light on the dash, but I try not to use it unless I"m hungry, or really need a bathroom."
A startled little laugh spurted out of her. She covered her mouth with her hand, blinking as if she couldn"t believe he"d actually joked with her, and she had laughed in any case. Those big dark eyes were owlish with surprise.
Because of those eyes, he decided to push it a little further. "You"ll notice that I cleaned up my language in deference to you, instead of saying something about really needing to take a p.i.s.s."
She laughed again and looked just as startled as she had the first time. "Aha yes, I noticed," she managed to say. "Thank you."
Marc veiled his satisfaction. That harmless, teasing little exchange had firmly shifted their relationship from strictly business to subtly personal, relaxing her. She needed to relax; from the looks of her, she needed to sleep. When she had finished eating the burrito, he took the wrapper from her, brushing her fingers in the process, and stuffed it in the bag with his own discarded wrapper. "Why don"t you lean back and close your eyes until we get there?"
"I"m afraid I"ll go to sleep if I do." She watched the traffic. "I work third shift, so Ia""
She stopped, and he continued the sentence. "So you hadn"t had more than a couple of hours" sleep when I called." That explained a lot. She was truly exhausted.
"I returned your call when I got home, but it was too early for you to be in."
"Didn"t the voice mail pick up?"
She shook her head. "No, and I let it ring for a long time."
He smothered a curse and reached for his cellular phone, jabbing in a number with his thumb. Karen watched nervously; she constantly saw patients who had been in car accidents because their attention wandered while talking on the phone while they were driving. Detective Chastain kept his eye on the traffic and his left hand firm on the wheel. He was a very good driver, she thought, his driving style so smooth she scarcely noticed how fast they were moving.
He broke the connection with another jab of his thumb. "Voice mail isn"t working. Sorry about that. I"ll check into it when we get back; a detective can"t afford to be unreachable. In the meantime, grab a nap if you want. I"ll wake you up when we get there."
She wanted to refuse, but she was too tired, and the temptation too irresistible. She leaned her head back on the headrest of the seat and closed her eyes against the late-afternoon sun, which was glaring through the windshield straight into her eyes. Cold air poured out of the air-conditioning vents, though, washing over her wrists and throat, and she felt her tight muscles slowly ease.
Sleep evaded her, but still it felt good to rest. Though she had been braced to endure the identification process, she hadn"t expected it to be so difficult. Surely the years of separation and the lifetime of desertion and broken promises should have given her as much emotional detachment as if she had been identifying, say, a neighbor. It hadn"t worked that way.
Though she hadn"t seen Dexter in several years, she had recognized him immediately, without a single doubt. His hair had grayed more, but his face, which should have been craggier, had been smoothed by death. She had seen that before, as if the end of life erased some of the lines it had worn into the flesh, giving death a peaceful mien. His broken nose hadn"t changed, still listing slightly to the right. That was his jaw, long and narrow, and the straight line of his brows. There were the deep-set eyes and high cheekbones she had inherited, as well as the tapering fingers.
The neat hole in his forehead was new.
She had tried to look at it clinically, but everything in her had recoiled. She had wanted to bolt from her chair, get out of that room, go somewhere, anywhere. Instead, she had clenched her hands hard enough to dig her nails into her palms and forced herself to speak calmly. She had hoped identifying him would bring the session to an end, but instead, the doctor continued running the videotape, making comments in a dry monotone.
Thank G.o.d Detective Chastain had stopped him. The tape couldn"t have gone on more than a couple of minutes, but it had felt like hours to her. She had been frozen in her seat, unable to speak or move, until Chastain broke the spell by speaking. Dizzied by a flood of relief, she had actually leaned toward him; she hadn"t been aware of swaying, but suddenly his face was much closer, his arms opened to catch her if she toppled out of the chair. After she had almost fainted in his office, he apparently wasn"t taking any chances. Embarra.s.sed, she had scrambled to her feet to show him she was perfectly all right.
He must not have been convinced, though, since he had poured yet another soft drink down her. She wondered if she had completely misread him before, if her own frazzled state had led her to see dislike where none had existed, because now he seemed like a perfectly nice man. If he disliked her, he was hiding it well now, and she was so tired she didn"t care. She had needed to eat, and she needed to sleep. Tomorrow, after she had done both, she would be her old self again, but for now she was grateful for Chastain"s help.
Burying Dexter here was the most logical thing to do, until she could get everything arranged back home. She supposed there were places where his body could be stored, but whatever Dexter"s failings, and they had been many, he had still been a person, a man, a husband, and a father, not just a lump of dead flesh. He deserved the ritual of a funeral, the prayers said over his remains.
She felt a sense of relief and knew she was doing the right thing.
The detective"s radio crackled, rousing her from her drifting, half-asleep reverie, though she didn"t open her eyes. He spoke quietly into the radio, and it was like hearing his voice again for the first time. She didn"t notice his voice as much when she was looking at him, she realized; he was a physically compelling man, not so much because of his looks as because of the forcefulness of his character. He controlled his intensity, but it was revealed in those narrow, glittering eyes.
Now, though, his voice poured over her like dark honey. She didn"t listen to the words, just the tone. The slur of his drawl was relaxing, as if there was no hurry to go anywhere or do anything. The way he said "where" gave the word two, perhaps three, syllables.
If he took as much time making love as he did talking, he must bea"The s.e.xual thought shocked her, and her eyes flared open. She didn"t dare glance at him, though she was abruptly, acutely aware of him sitting no more than a foot away.
Her cheeks felt hot. Where had that thought come from, and now, of all times? She wasn"t in the habit of speculating about a man"s s.e.xual skills. She wasn"t in the habit of speculating about men, period. In her view, s.e.xual freedom was stupid from the beginning, and now it was dangerous as well. She had never dated much, and not at all since Jeanette"s death.
The truth was, she had always avoided getting emotionally involved with a man because she hadn"t trusted any of them. She had been afraid to risk her heart the way her mother had done; she didn"t want to waste her life loving a man who never returned that love. Instead, she had been wasting her life not loving a man at all.
She felt stupid and angry at herself. All men weren"t alike; she knew that. Yes, her father had abandoned them, but she also knew men who loved their wives and families, who were faithful and dependable. But emotionally she hadn"t moved beyond the quiet fear and desperation of her childhood. Only yesterdaya no, this morninga"G.o.d, the day felt as if it had been a year long, and it wasn"t over yeta"she had decided not to let the past drag her down. She had started making plans for the apartment, for her career, but those plans hadn"t included a man.
How dumb could she be? Why hadn"t she seen this before? She refused to cheat herself out of a husband, a family, just because of her father"s miserable example. When this was over and she was home again, she would start accepting some of those invitations that occasionally came her way. She knew some nice men, and it was time to give one of them a chance to be more than just a casual friend.
In retrospect, she was glad she"d had such a spicy little thought about Detective Chastain, because it had sparked that burst of self-examination. And he probably was good in bed, she thought, feeling defiant. Whatever his personal opinion of her, he was going out of his way to smooth the path for her. One of her friends on the surgical floor, Piper Lloyd, said you could always tell if a man was a good lover or not just by watching him at work. Some of the male doctorsa"okay, most of the male doctorsa"thought they were G.o.d"s gift to women, but according to Piper"s theory, they were too arrogant and in too much of a hurry. If they didn"t pay attention to their patients, they weren"t likely to pay attention to a lover.
Piper would approve of the detective, Karen thought drowsily. She would already be batting her eyes at him and fluffing her cap of black curls, but then Piper was a battle-scarred veteran of the love wars. She was careful about s.e.x but not shy about going after what she wanted.
Karen wasn"t anywhere in Piper"s league. Just dating occasionally, giving a guy a chance, would be a big step for her.
"Are you married?" Her eyes popped open when she heard the words come out of her mouth. She hadn"t meant to say that; she hadn"t intended to say anything at all, because it had felt too good to sit there with her eyes closed. Instead of looking at him, she stared at the pa.s.sing scenery, where Burger Kings had given way to trees and gra.s.s as they left the city behind.
"No, never have been," he replied, his tone easy, surprising her. "How about you?"
"No, Ia"no." She had started to go into a long explanation about being too busy but decided to leave the answer as it stood. She hadn"t been too busy, she had been too wary.
"Engaged?"
Well, one nosy question deserved another, she thought. "No."
"I was, once, but we both thought better of it." He flashed her an oddly veiled look. "Cops have the highest divorce rate in the country. Some women can"t handle kissing their husbands good-bye in the mornings, knowing it might be the last time."
Karen clucked her tongue, irrationally amused instead of sympathetic. "Shallow," she p.r.o.nounced in judgment. "Imagine being upset over a little thing like that."
A quick grin lightened his expression. He had what she thought of as the typical cop look, slightly remote, definitely cynical. The military-short black hair made him look even harder, so the flicker of amus.e.m.e.nt was as brilliant as a jag of lightning in a sullen sky.
"You could marry another cop," she suggested.
He grunted as he turned on his left signal, slowing as he approached an intersection, then taking a secondary road. "Yeah. Like you"d marry a doctor or another nurse."
She made a face. Some people married within the profession and made it work, but Karen wanted some freedom from the hospital. She immersed herself in the work while she was there, and she loved her job, but she didn"t want to take it home with her.
"What type of nursing do you do?"
She gave him points for actually knowing there were different types. "I work on a hospital surgical floor, but I"m thinking about going back to school and getting my master"s, maybe specializing in trauma."
Saying the words aloud, however, seemed to solidify them, and she knew she was going to do it.
One eyebrow quirked. "Isn"t that like ditching a desk job for front-line duty?"
"You"re in the trenches yourself," she pointed out. "Besides, I want to know more, do more." She tucked a curve of hair behind her ear, half turning toward him, her normally serious expression bright with intensity. "I want to know what the latest procedures are, the newest drugs and treatments. I don"t want to change a surgical dressing, I want to apply the pressure that stops the bleeding." She didn"t know why she was telling him, a virtual stranger, all of this, but there was something about him that made it easy to talk. Odd, because they certainly hadn"t started off in a buddy-buddy mode. Maybe it was because he seemed really interested, or maybe it was just a relief to get her mind off Dexter. Maybe she was punch-drunk with fatigue or riding a sugar high from all the soft drinks he had poured down her.
He pulled into the parking lot of a small country church, empty and dozing in the fierce afternoon heat. To the side, beneath the sheltering limbs of ma.s.sive live oaks, was a well-tended cemetery. Karen looked at the graves and felt her insides tighten again. She had managed to forget for a few minutes, but the respite was over. She squared her shoulders and got out of the car.
"Someone will be here in a few minutes," Chastain said, slipping on a pair of sungla.s.ses as he walked beside her toward the cemetery. "If you like the plots, you can do the paperwork this afternoon."
She drew in the thick, heavy air, feeling as if there wasn"t enough oxygen in it. She was already dewed with sweat, and she thought longingly of another one of those icy soft drinks, sugar overload or no. Chickens cooked at a lower temperature than this. She was at least half done herself.
Chastain"s hand settled on her back again, as hot as a brand. This wasn"t real, she thought, staring at the fuzzy tangle of Spanish moss draped from the trees, swaying in a nonexistent breeze. Just this morning, she had been sleeping in her darkened, air-conditioned bedroom. Now she was roasting in New Orleans, picking out a burial plot for the father she hadn"t seen in years until the ME had popped in a video of him on an autopsy slab, and she was being baby-sat by a tough-looking cop who didn"t like her but who, for reasons of his own, was being very helpful.
No, it wasn"t real. It was a nightmare, but nightmares, like all dreams, eventually came to an end.
Langley, Virginia Franklin Vinay, the deputy director of operations, habitually worked late. He enjoyed the hours at his desk when his staff had gone home, the phone mostly stopped ringing, the demands on his time lightened. It was then that he plowed through the mountain of papers that landed on his desk every day, trying to stay one step ahead of the country"s adversariesa"whoever the h.e.l.l they were.