"Ha, i"m perfectly fine, there"s nothing wrong with me."She rolls her eyes,
"Who are you trying to convince? Yourself?"
My knees wobble a bit,
"I said i"m fine, stop trying to-"
She slaps my arm,
"Get your s.h.i.t together or i"m leaving."
A strange tingly feeling pumps though me.
"Leave? Leave me?"
"Am I losing her?! Is this it?! I swear, if she leaves i"m gonna kill-"
"No you idiot, leave as in go back inside."
"Oh,"
I feel so stupid.
"I knew that."
She puts her blade back into its case and takes my hand in hers,
"What"s bothering you?"
I sit on the gra.s.s and pull her down into my lap.
"This place just brings back so many bad memories. Can I tell you about it?"
I pull her closer and rest my jaw on her soft shoulder.
"Of course, you can tell me whatever."
I breathe in her scent and wrap my arms around her,
"I was probably 16 years old,"
***
[5 years ago]
"Ya es tarde. ¿Dónde has estado?"
(It"s late. Where have you been?"
"Out."
I throw my jacket on the floor.
"Has estado dando vueltas alrededor de ese chico otra vez, ¿verdad?"
(You"ve been going around that boy again, right?)
I suck my teeth,
"What"s it matter to you?!"
"Cuida tu lenguaje!"
(Watch your mouth!)
"Whatever, i"m leaving."
"Qué? You just got home."
"Yeah well i"ll leaving again."
I pull the door open,
"Espere,"
(Wait,)
She rushes towards me with a bag,
"Sé que no has estado comiendo a Ricardo."
(I know you haven"t been eating Ricardo.)
"So what?"
"So,"
She shoves the bag in my hands,
"I made you a snack for a later."
I try to hide a smile. Even though I treat her like an a.s.s, she still treats me like a toddler.
"Thank you mama."
I bend down and kiss her cheek.
"I"ll be home in time for school."
I should"ve stayed home with her. I should"ve hugged her. I should"ve loved her harder. I should"ve been a son. But I didn"t, instead I pushed rock. I neglected her pure intentions as a mother and decided to be a low-life piece of s.h.i.t.
"Well well, look who decides to show up."
"Shut up Jay."
He throws his arm around my neck,
"We just got a huge shipment today. From now on you"ll have to sell double your amount."
I push him off of me,
"That"s what I came here to talk to you about..."
His smile drops and he glares at me.
"I"ve been thinking lately and I don"t think I should do this anymore. I got a part-time job at my uncles food truck so I don"t have to sell anymore."
He stares at me for a few seconds then begins to laugh.
"Whew, good one Rico."
"I"m serious Jay, I can"t keep this up."
He clenches his jaw like he always does when he gets upset,
"Pft, you think you can back out now b.i.t.c.h? Don"t be stupid."
I shove him,
"Don"t call me no b.i.t.c.h, and I said that i"m done so yeah, I think I can back out."
He pushes back,
"This ain"t no game Rico, this real life."
I push him harder than before,
"It"s your life, not mine."
"This is your life too. You came to me. Remember that."
"You think this was my choice, you f.u.c.king idiot?! I don"t work for you, I work with you. Remember that."
"You think you"re the s.h.i.t huh? Just because you gotta little job? You"ll see, he"ll never let you just quit. He owns you b.i.t.c.h."
I punch him clean in the face.
"n.o.body owns me!"
He touches his busted lip,
"You b.i.t.c.h!"
He charges at me but I dodge him. He might be bigger than me but i"m faster.
I kick his legs and he falls to the ground. I pin his arms down with me legs and punch him as hard as I can, making sure each one harder than the last.
"Hey guys, sorry i"m late-WOAH, WHAT THE h.e.l.l"S GOING ON?!"
Layla pulls me off of Sanjay.
His face is bruised and b.l.o.o.d.y but he doesn"t seemed fazed at all.
"Somebody wanna tell me what the f.u.c.k happened?"
Jay spits out blood then laughs,
"Rico here wants to quit."
"Is this true Ricky?"
She looks me in the eye.
"Yeah. I don"t needa do this s.h.i.t anymore. I"ve gotta real job."
She sucks on her bottom lip,
"Well let"s go talk to my uncle. Whatever he says goes."
"But my meeting isn"t till next weekend."
"So? I"m his niece, he loves me and I love you, so he"ll have to talk to you today."
"I guess it won"t hurt to try...unless he kills me of course."
"Oh don"t be such a p.u.s.s.y, let"s go!"
***
"Where the f.u.c.k are we?"
"His cabin in the woods. I"m pretty sure he"s still working but not from home."
"Why? Is someone after him?"
Layla giggles,
"No idiot, he just wanted to spend some time in the woods."
She walks into the large cabin and I awkwardly follow her.
"Why h.e.l.lo my beautiful niece. What brings you by?"
He catches my eye,
"Ah, I see. Go ahead and talk son."
"Well sir, you see I uh, I..."
I scratch my head nervously.
"Geez, he got a new job and wants to quit selling!"
"Layla!"
She shrugs,
"You were taking too long."
"Hm, is this true boy?"
I nod awkwardly,
"Y-yessir."
"Why"d you do it?"
"Excuse me?"
"Layla, out."
"But I-"
He holds up his hand. She nods the takes her leave.
"Now answer my question; why"d you do it."
"Why did I start selling? That"s easy, I wanted to help my mom."
He stokes his beard,
"I thought you"d say that. Does she know what you do?"
"Of course not, she thinks I work a real job."
"So this isn"t a "real job" to you?"
"Oh! T-that"s not what I meant!"
He laughs loudly.
"I kid. I know what you meant,"
He walks over to me,
"You know what happens to men who wanna quit on me boy?"
His tone changed from playful to dead serious and cold.
"N-no sir."
"Good, let me inform you then,"
He puts his hand on my shoulder,
"Any man who wants to lead a normal life has every right too..."
I finally exhale. I hadn"t even noticed that I was holding my breath.
"But,"
"f.u.c.k."
"You"re different Ricardo. I"ve never seen someone sell so much and be able to handle themself so well. And my dear Layla is quite fond of you."
"Thank you sir."
"You know what that means, don"t you?"
"You"ll let me go?"
"Ha, you"re my right hand man Rico. Why on earth would I do that?"
"Right hand man? What the f.u.c.k?!"
"So...is that a yes?"
"Sure, you can stop selling. But know this, you make that mistake i"ll make sure you regret it."
His grip on me is harder.
"What does that mean?"
"It means that you should"ve kissed your mother longer boy."
He claps his hands and three of his goons come out with a squirming person with a bag over their head.
My heart"s pounding rapidly.
"Is that my..."
"Ah yes. Thank you boys, please show him our guest."
They yank the bag off the persons face.
"MAMA?!"
I run over to her but two of the men hold me back.
"LET HER GO YOU OLD b.a.s.t.a.r.d!"
"Oh my boy, I did not wish for this to happen,"
He pulls the gag out of her mouth.
"If she"s out of the picture then you"ll be all mine. I have to do this, for you Rico."
He holds a gun to her head.
"MAMA PLEASE! IM SO SORRY THAT I TREATED YOU SO BADLY!"
"Don"t apologize mijo. I knew you were just trying to help."
Her thick accent and her shaky voice makes it a little hard to hear but I understand completely.
"I love you Ricardo, be good."
He pulls the trigger. A loud bang echos though the room followed by the thud of her body.
My tears stop flowing, my mind goes blank and my emotions disappear. Everything turns red, then black.
***
[Present Day]
"And I don"t really know what happened after that."
Kaz turns around hastily,
"HE KILLED YOUR MOTHER AND YOU CONTINUED TO WORK FOR HIM?! WHAT THE h.e.l.l?!"
"I know, but that day something happened inside here,"
I tap my chest.
"It was like..."
"Your heart shut down."
She finishes my sentence.
"Exactly."
"That still doesn"t explain why you stayed."
"I stayed because I wanted to be the one to kill him. I met Carlos and we instantly became close. I told him what happened and he agreed to help take him down from the inside."
"Sorta like a double agent."
"Eh, I guess."
I lay down on the warm gra.s.s and she snuggles up next to me.
"Do you think it"s back on now?"
"Huh?"
She rubs my chest,
"Your heart. Is it back on?"
"Well sure dum dum. You"re the reason."
She crawls on top of me,
"Really?"
I grip on her thighs.
"You know what else you"re turning on right now."
She puts her thumb in her mouth,
"I"m sure I can guess."
I pull her hand down.
"You bite down on your finger like that again and I just might lose it."
She takes my hand and sucks on my finger.
"That better?"
"Ah s.h.i.t, there it is."
She repositions herself on top of me,
"Ricky are you..."
"Yup. And it"s your fault."
She runs her hands under my shirt and then pulls it off.
"I guess i"ll have to take care of it then, won"t I?"
My heart is beating so hard I swear it"ll pop out of my chest.
"P-please do."
She grins as she slowly and seductively unzips my pants.
"You really wanna do it out here?"
I grab her and throw myself on top of her,
"Ah c"mon, a few gra.s.s stains never hurt anybody."