"But what--" began the other.
"This will tell you all I know," said the woman, as she fumbled in her ap.r.o.n, and put a sc.r.a.p of crumpled paper into Helen"s trembling hands.
The girl seized it and glanced at it; then she staggered back against the wall, ghastly pale and almost sinking. The note, in Arthur"s hand, but so unsteady as to be almost illegible, ran thus: "You will find in this my board for the past week; I am compelled to leave Hilltown, and I shall not ever return."
And that was all. Helen stared at it and stared again, and then let it fall and gazed about her, echoing, in a hollow voice, "And I shall not ever return!"
"That is all I can tell you about it," went on the woman. "I have not seen him since Elizabeth was here yesterday morning; he came back late last night and packed his bag and went away."
Helen sank down upon a chair and buried her face in her hands, quite overwhelmed by the suddenness of that discovery. She remained thus for a long time, without either sound or motion, and the woman stood watching her, knowing full well what was the matter. When Helen looked up again there was agony written upon her countenance. "Oh, are you sure you have no idea where I can find him?" she moaned.
"No, Miss Davis," said the woman. "I was asounded when I got this note."
"But someone must know, oh, surely they must! Someone must have seen him,--or he must have told someone!"
"I think it likely that he took care not to," was the reply.
The thought was a death-knell to Helen"s last hope, and she sank down, quite overcome; she knew that Arthur could have had but one motive in acting as he had,--that he meant to cut himself off entirely from all his old life and surroundings. He had no friends in Hilltown, and having lived all alone, it would be possible for him to do it. Helen remembered Mr. Howard"s saying of the night before, how the sight of her baseness might wreck a man"s life forever, and the more she thought of that, the more it made her tremble. It seemed almost more than she could bear to see this fearful consequence of her sin, and to know that it had become a fact of the outer world, and gone beyond her power. It seemed quite too cruel that she should have such a thing on her conscience, and have it there forever; most maddening of all was the thought that it had depended upon a few hours of time.
"Oh, how can I have waited!" she moaned. "I should have come last night, I should have stopped the carriage when I saw him! Oh, it is not possible!"
Perhaps there are no more tragic words in human speech than "Too late." Helen felt just then as if the right even to repentance were taken from her life. It was her first introduction to that fearful thing of which Mr. Howard had told her upon their first meeting; in the deep loneliness of her own heart Helen was face to face just then with FATE. She shrank back in terror, and she struggled frantically, but she felt its grip of steel about her wrist; and while she sat there with her face hidden, she was learning to gaze into its eyes, and front their fiery terror. When she looked up again her face was very white and pitiful to see, and she rose from her chair and went toward the door so unsteadily that the woman put her arm about her.
"You will tell me," she gasped faintly--"you will tell me if you hear anything?"
"Yes," said the other gently, "I will."
So Helen crept into the carriage again, looking so full of wretchedness that her companion knew that the worst must have happened, and took the reins and silently drove towards home, while the girl sat perfectly still. They were fully half way home before she could find a word in which to tell him of her misery. "I shall never be happy in my life again!" she whispered. "Oh, Mr. Howard, never in my life!"
When the man gazed at her, he was frightened to see how grief and fear had taken possession of her face; and yet there was no word that he could say to soothe her, and no hope that he could give her.
When the drive was ended, she stole silently up to her room, to be alone with her misery once more.
CHAPTER XI.
"Thou majestic in thy sadness."
Upon the present occasion there was no violent demonstration of emotion to alarm the Roberts household, for Helen"s grief was not of the kind to vent itself in a pa.s.sionate outburst and pa.s.s away. To be sure, she wept a little, but the thoughts which haunted her were not of a kind to be forgotten, and afterwards she was as wretched as ever. What she had done seemed to her so dreadful that even tears were not right, and she felt that she ought only to sit still and think of it, and be frightened; it seemed to her just then as if she would have to do the same thing for the rest of her days. She spent several hours in her room without once moving, and without being disturbed, for her aunt was sufficiently annoyed at her morning"s reception not to visit her again. The lunch hour pa.s.sed, therefore, unthought of by Helen, and it was an hour or two later before she heard her aunt"s step in the hall, and her knock upon the door.
Mrs. Roberts entered and stood in the center of the room, gazing at Helen, and at the look of helpless despair which she turned towards her; the woman"s own lips were set very tightly.
"Well?" she said abruptly, "have you had your wish, and are you happy?"
Helen did not answer, nor did she half realize the question, so lost was she in her own misery. She sat gazing at her aunt, while the latter went on: "You have had your way in one thing, at any rate, Helen; Mr. Harrison is downstairs to see you."
The girl gave a slight start, but then she answered quietly: "Thank you, Auntie; I shall go down and see him."
"Helen," said Mrs. Roberts, "do you still refuse to tell me anything of what I ask you?"
Helen was quite too much humbled to wish to oppose anyone just then; and she answered mournfully, "What is it that you wish?"
"I wish to know in the first place why you wanted to see Mr.
Harrison."
"I wanted to see him to tell him that I could not marry him, Aunt Polly."
And Mrs. Roberts sat down opposite Helen and fixed her gaze upon her. "I knew that was it," she said grimly. "Now, Helen, what in the world has come over you to make you behave in this fashion?"
"Oh, it is so much to tell you," began the girl; "I don"t know--"
"What did you find at Hilltown?" went on her aunt persistently. "Did you see Arthur?"
"No, Aunt Polly, that is what is the matter; he has gone."
"Gone! Gone where?"
"Away, Aunt Polly! n.o.body saw him go, and he left a note saying that he would never return. And I am so frightened--"
Mrs. Roberts was gazing at her niece with a puzzled look upon her face. She interrupted her by echoing the word "frightened"
inquiringly.
"Yes, Auntie!" cried the girl; "for I may never be able to find him again, to undo what I have done!"
And Mrs. Roberts responded with a wondering laugh, and observed, "For my part, I should think you"d be very glad to be rid of him so."
She saw Helen give a start, but she could not read the girl"s mind, and did not know how much she had done to estrange her by those words. It was as if Helen"s whole soul had shrunk back in horror, and she sat staring at her aunt with open eyes.
"I suppose you think," the other went on grimly, "that I am going to share all this wonderful sentimentality with you about that boy; but I a.s.sure you that you don"t know me! He may get you to weep over him because he chooses to behave like a fool, but not me."
Helen was still for a moment, and then she said, in an awe-stricken voice: "Aunt Polly, I have wrecked Arthur"s life!" Mrs. Roberts responded with a loud guffaw, which was to the other so offensive that it was like a blow in the face.
"Wrecked his life!" the woman cried scornfully. "Helen, you talk like a baby! Can"t you know in the first place that Arthur is doing all this high-tragedy acting for nothing in the world but to frighten you? Wrecked his life! And there you were, I suppose, all ready to get down on your knees to him, and beg his pardon for daring to be engaged, and to promise to come to his attic and live off bread and water, if he would only be good and not run away!"
Mrs. Roberts" voice was bitter and mocking, and her words seemed to Helen almost blasphemy; it had never occurred to her that such grief as hers would not be sacred to anyone. Yet there was no thought of anger in her mind just then, for she had been chastened in a fiery furnace, and was too full of penitence and humility for even that much egotism. She only bowed her head, and said, in a trembling voice: "Oh, Aunt Polly, I would stay in an attic and live off bread and water for the rest of my days, if I could only clear my conscience of the dreadful thing I have done."
"A beautiful sentiment indeed!" said Mrs. Roberts, with a sniff of disgust; and she stood surveying her niece in silence for a minute or two. Then smothering her feelings a little, she asked her in a quieter voice, "And so, Helen, you are really going to fling aside the life opportunity that is yours for such nonsense as this? There is no other reason?"
"There is another reason, Aunt Polly," said Helen; "it is so dreadful of you to ask me in that way. How CAN you have expected me to marry a man just because he was rich?"
"Oh," said the other, "so that is it! And pray what put the idea into your head so suddenly?" She paused a moment, and then, as the girl did not raise her head, she went on, sarcastically, "I fancy I know pretty well where you got all of these wonderful new ideas; you have not been talking with Mr. Howard for nothing, I see."
"No, not for nothing," said Helen gently.
"A nice state of affairs!" continued the other angrily; "I knew pretty well that his head was full of nonsense, but when I asked him here I thought at least that he would know enough about good manners to mind his own affairs. So he has been talking to you, has he? And now you cannot possibly marry a rich man!"
Mrs. Roberts stopped, quite too angry to find any more words; but as she sat for a minute or two, gazing at Helen, it must have occurred to her that she would not accomplish anything in that way. She made an effort to swallow her emotions.