"Not yet anyway," she adds before I can respond.
"Whatever you want, darlin"." I kick the stand down and wait for her to climb off my bike before following her.
"You"re not angry, are you? That I want to hide it from everyone?" Her hands bunch up at the bottom of her shirt and I know she"s probably been worrying about this on the whole ride over.
"Do you want to hide it because of Brooks and Kelly, or because you"re having second thoughts?"
"Because of Brooks and Kelly. I"m not second-guessing my choices, Beau. I just don"t want to upset anyone. Not when everything is still so unknown."
"Then I"m not angry. It"s why I love you." I pull her body to mine and kiss her. Maybe it"s selfish I asked her to marry me when Brooks is dealing with his s.h.i.t. When her friend, Heidi, is still missing. When we have so much s.h.i.t to deal with at the shelter. But I don"t care. Because in a normal day, I wouldn"t factor how me asking Mackenzie to be my wife would affect anyone else"s life but ours. I"m not about to start now. Especially not when I"ve worked so hard making sure Kenzie doesn"t either.
"It will just be until things settle down." She pulls back, still worrying about it.
"Darlin", I"m not angry. But fair warning, when my ring goes on your finger it"s not coming off."
"Noted." She reaches up and kisses me again. This time skimming her tongue along my lips.
Yeah, I f.u.c.king need a ring today. No f.u.c.king way I am keeping this s.h.i.t locked up.
"Where the f.u.c.k you been?" Nix"s question interrupts our kiss, bringing us back to the hospital parking lot.
"We had s.h.i.t to deal with for the opening at Missy"s." I look down at Kenzie and give her a wink. He doesn"t need to know we were off the grid because I needed to f.u.c.k my new fiancee.
"Kelly"s awake."
I look up just as Mackenzie"s body recoils at the news. "Oh my G.o.d."
I reach around Mackenzie, not trusting her to keep standing. "Good news, darlin"," I remind her as she breaks down into sobs.
"Yeah, it"s great." We both look up at Nix"s tone, and notice he doesn"t share the same excitement.
"What"s wrong?" Mackenzie beats me to it.
"She doesn"t know who she is." He rubs his forehead.
"What? What do you mean?" I hold Kenz tighter, not sure this is the news we were hoping for.
"I don"t know. That"s all Brooks could tell us before he went back. He hasn"t come back out. They"re running some tests."
"Oh my G.o.d, Beau." Kenzie twists to look up at me.
"Don"t think about it like that, darlin". This is good news. For all we know, it"s temporary."
"But what if she doesn"t remember? What if she never remembers?" Her mind moves straight to the worst possible outcome.
"What if she didn"t wake up, Kenz? You can"t keep on this track. She woke up. It"s a start and you have to believe it"s gonna be okay." I take either side of her face in my hands. "She"s gonna remember, darlin". And if she doesn"t, then we"ll find a way to remind her." A tear falls down her cheek, but I don"t take this one away. She needs to feel this if she is going to believe it.
It might not have been the news we hoped for, but we"re closer to having our family back, and we have to hold on to what we are given.
Because what is the alternative?
Epilogue.
Mackenzie
Four months later "This can"t be happening now." I look up at my reflection and try to talk myself down. "This is what you wanted," I remind myself, watching the d.a.m.n wrinkle crease between my brows. "If you don"t relax, your makeup is going to be messed up." I nod, feeling myself calm a little. I don"t want to have to ask Holly to fix up my face or my hair. Not when she just spent two hours making me perfect. "You can totally do this. No, you have to do this." I level my stare at myself just as another wave of nausea has my head in the sink. I pray I don"t bring up my lunch.
"s.h.i.t, I can"t do this."
"Are you okay in there?" A knock at the door pulls me out of my trance and back to the room.
"Err yeah, just give me a second," I call back, before taking some deep breaths then placing the pregnancy test in my bag so no one finds it.
"You still need to put your dress on, Kenz. Hurry up," Kadence shouts through the door, rushing me along. Not wanting to run any later, I shake the nervousness off and force myself out of my panic.
"Sorry. I"m here." I open the bathroom door and step out into the room in front of my friends.
"Come on, everyone"s ready." Kadence stands from the bed first and rushes toward me.
"I know. I know, I"m coming." I drop my bag on the bed then let her help me out of my silk dressing gown so I can step into a strapless, fit and flare ivory dress with a sweetheart neckline.
I didn"t want anything too fancy, but with friends like Kadence, Holly and Bell, I knew the dress shopping would turn into a huge deal.
"Oh my, Mackenzie, it"s so beautiful," Bell whispers from the bed as I hold the front of my dress up, allowing Kadence to carefully zip me.
"Thanks." I smile, watching all the girls come to stand around me. The last four months they have really gone above and beyond. With still no news on where Heidi is, they have shown me all the support I could ever imagine helping to organize my wedding.
"I wish Kelly and Heidi were here." I blink a couple of times, fighting the tears.
"I know with everything in my being both of them would want to be here." Bell reaches for my hand and offers me a light squeeze.
"Now, no more tears today. We have b.u.t.tons to deal with." Kadence drops to her knees and starts fastening each one of the thirty b.u.t.tons.
It"s the best and the worst part about the dress.
"Thanks." I sigh, my anxiety coming back full force as she fiddles more with it.
"Are you okay? You seem tense." Holly gazes at me through the makeup mirror as she touches up her lipstick.
"Yeah," I lie, trying to keep my breathing under control. I"m not okay, but I can"t tell them. Not now.
"How much time do we have?" I ask, starting to second-guess my choice on this dress. The b.u.t.tons are amazing, but a pain in my a.s.s.
"Okay. Done." Kadence steps back and allows me to take a closer look in the floor-length mirror.
"Wow." I look at myself, my hand instantly touching my stomach.
I"m going to be a mom.
Beau"s going to be a dad.
I don"t even see myself as a bride on my wedding day, making sure everything is perfect. All my eyes see is my hand on my stomach holding in the biggest secret.
"Beau is going to freak." Bell pulls me out of my head and I turn to look back up at her.
Would he? I know she"s not talking about the news, rather how I look, but all I can focus on is the life growing inside of me.
"Mackenzie?" I look up at Kadence"s voice as the music starts to play, signaling the beginning of the ceremony.
"Oh my, G.o.d, girls." I inhale deeply, only to stop when a sharp pain halts me, radiating through my chest.
"What"s wrong?" Kadence steps forward, offering me her arm.
"I can"t breathe." My heart beats fast and my hands start to sweat.
"You can, just slow your breathing down." She tries to calm me by holding me, but it doesn"t help. I"m too worked up. Holly steps forward, followed by Bell, but each one of their panicked faces only pushes me into anxiety.
"No, I can"t. It hurts, something"s wrong." I inhale again, only to be restricted by the same sharp pain. "I can"t do this." I step out of Kadence"s embrace and pace. "What am I doing here, guys?" I know I"m overthinking it, but I can"t help it. Everything that"s happened over the last four months has happened so fast.
Between Kelly coming out of her coma, Missy"s place taking off and needing so much of our attention, Beau asking me to marry him and now this- everything feels rushed.
"I can"t. Oh, G.o.d, I can"t." I sit on the floor, my legs becoming too unsteady to stand. "I can"t breathe. I literally cannot breathe." The sharp pain in my chest grows as I struggle with short pants. "It hurts."
I briefly hear Kadence talking to someone before tunnel vision kicks in and I"m spiraling out of control.
Is this too soon? What if we aren"t ready? Question after question spins me further out of control. I can hear Kadence and Bell"s voice try to pull me back, but I can"t latch on to them. I"m too focused on what"s happening inside of me.
"Mackenzie." The deep timbre of Beau"s voice breaks through my panic and a quick sharp burst of air accompanies it. "Come back to me, darlin"." He enters my heads.p.a.ce and slowly starts to coax me back. "Slow your breathing and come back to me, now." I"m moved from the floor and pulled into the warmth of his lap.
Not understanding what"s happening, I focus on his smooth comforting voice and follow his orders.
"That"s it, darlin", nice slow breaths." I do as I"m told, drawing strength and comfort from him. After a few more silent minutes, I"m finally able to open my eyes.
"Beau?" I look up, the room coming back to me.
"Welcome back." He pushes some curls from my face and leans forward to gently kiss me.
"I"m so sorry." I close my eyes, realizing I just totally freaked and caused him to come running back here.
"Talk to me. What happened?" I look up briefly, noticing we"re alone.
"Where are the girls?"
"I kicked them out." He lifts his shoulder in a shrug, and for the first time since he"s come in, I notice his outfit.
"You look handsome." I run my eyes over him. He"s wearing his leather Rebels cut over a clean white dress shirt that pulls tight over his arms, and black pants.
When we started planning our wedding, Beau only had two requests. First was he would not wear a tux and second, he wanted to be married at the clubhouse. It didn"t bother me either way where we got married, but I was a little disappointed I wasn"t going to see him in a suit. Now I"ve seen his alternative, I"m not so torn up.
"Glad you approve." He grins his s.e.xy grin as I look back up at him. His hair is pulled back in one of his messy buns, which makes his beard look longer, and my knees weak. "I"m trying not to look at you, darlin", but from what I can see, you"re taking my breath away." I smile at his ability to always say the right thing. We both know I"m a hot mess right now. I mean, he just pulled me up from the floor of my old room in the clubhouse.
"Seriously, did I just ruin our wedding?" I dab under my eyes with the pad of my finger.
"I don"t know why you would say that? I think it"s normal for the groom to come back and talk the bride down from having a panic attack."
"Don"t joke right now." I shift a little in his lap, my dress less restricting now I"m not in the middle of a full-blown freak out.
"What happened?" His voice lowers with his question and I know we"re being serious now.
"I just panicked. I don"t know." He rests his forehead to mine and lets me try to gather my thoughts.
"You wanna get out of here?"
"What? No!" I pull back, almost shocked he even suggested leaving. Not only do we have forty people waiting outside for us to be married, I want this.
"Then talk to me. What"s happening?"
"I"m pregnant." I blurt the news out without even thinking about the consequences. His body tenses underneath mine while he processes my words.
"Darlin"." His hands come up and cup my face. "Are you f.u.c.king with me?" I shake my head. "You have my baby inside of you?"
I nod.
"I just found out. Like ten minutes ago. I took a test."
"This why you panicked?"
I nod again.
"This is what you want, right? Why you stopped taking the pill?"
"It is, but I wasn"t expecting it so soon." I only stopped taking the pill last month, thinking we would have some time to enjoy married life before I would be peeing on sticks.
"You having second thoughts?" His brows dip low as he tries to figure me out. It"s not like we haven"t discussed it. As soon as he put his ring on my finger, he"s talked about starting a family. I just wasn"t expecting to find out right here, on my wedding day.
"No. Never. I want this so much. I just think with everything happening I"m a little overwhelmed. You know?"