Kohitsuji wa Mayowanai

Part-A: “Today’s enquiry” (Adapted from the meeting record of “The Unlost Sheep Enquiry Committee”

“Firstly, please forgive my sudden letter to you.

I am going to tell you about my feelings.

I like you.

Ever since the first time I have laid my eyes upon you, I fell in love with you. Each time I met you since then, my feelings grew stronger.

I could not understand what this feeling is at first. But when I realized that this is love, a love that can never be repaid, I considered giving up, but I just could not do it, even staying by your side watching you, has become a torture.

It’s so painful. I can’t bear with this bitterness.

Please, be my boyfriend.

The next time we meet, please tell me your reply.

Thinking of you throughout day and night.

By: 鹿野

- Enquirer : 綿貫司Watanuki Tsukasa (Cla.s.s 2C ) (#1)

Err? Ah, yes…… That’s it, a love letter.

……It’s a love letter right?

I would like to ask about this letter.

This letter was placed in this envelope(#2), and placed in my shoe rack this morning. I did not see it when I went home yesterday, I guess it must have been placed in later or early this morning. To add on to that, as there was no club activity yesterday, I went home early.

(#1) The second year Watanuki senpai is a suave guy with distinct features, so he is able to get such a confession letter in this modern age. A cool fringe swings about with his occasional actions. During drama club public performances, he would be the main character once out of two times.

(#2) That is a plain sakura-pink colored landscape type of envelope, it is not a letter within, but an elegant flowery printing paper, the printed content bearing clear font. The only sad thing would be that it was sealed up with double sided tape, and not a heart shape sticker.

I don’t think it’s a prank, nor can I think of anyone so dreadful that would set up such a troublesome trap.

So….. I am very troubled.

Ah, the reason I am looking for you guys is not to find a way to reject, nor is it because it gives me a bad feeling, so I would like a way to let the person back off…… Hmm? It seems the same from a different view?

……Anyway, the biggest problem is at that I have no idea who wrote it.

Yes, there is a name at the end of the letter.

But------ there is two people I know of that is called鹿野(Shikano).

One of them is my drama club senpai(#1), the other my cla.s.smate.

(#1) I know about that drama club Shikano-senpai too. Shikano-senpai is neither the club president nor vice-president, and has always stood up at key moments during meetings claiming to be “Acting president”. She looks small and cute at first glance, but when she opens her mouth…… Anyway she is a very powerful senpai.

Is it Shikano-senpai[senior] or Shikano-san[cla.s.smate]…… I can’t reply unless I know the answer.

……Yes, naturally if I go and verify it, I would know, but…… The letter said “The next time we meet, please tell me your reply.” Right? I won’t be so nervous if I am performing on-stage, but to have me not put on stage makeup and talk to others, I can’t do that, so I would hope to give a straight reply the next time we meet, without the verification. Ignoring the fact whether I guessed correctly or wrongly, to ask directly: “Are you the one who wrote the letter?” I think it is rude…… Thinking up to that, I feel even less confident of talking right……

Actually, if it is my senpai, I would agree to go out with her. Or should I say, I…… like senpai, whether she has confessed with the love letter first, I would still hope to reply in a perfect manner……

Be it lucky or not, I was unable to meet with either of the Shikano, one of them being that club activities was postponed, the other being she is absent today.

Though I hope the letter is written by senpai, but I think the possibility is really low too……

Because, senpai already has a boyfriend, and he is a post-graduate of this school, currently working while studying at a university, being really busy. He only graduated last year, I know him too. I have heard that he is busy, but I have never heard of him breaking up with senpai.

So the possibility of this letter being from senpai is really low…… In drama club, senpai has taken really good care of me, and of course we have not gone out alone, but during holidays we would go out with everyone else. Because of that, I don’t really want to give up hope either……

The other Shikano-san is my cla.s.smate, I met her in my second year. Our seats are very close, so we get to chat quite frequently. She seems to have heard of me(#1) due to club activities…… But we aren’t especially close, at most considered “Friends that get along”.

I don’t think she hates me, so that is not impossible.

Of course I don’t hate her either, so I have never considered her in that manner…… Senpai has already got my head spinning, I can’t think. If Shikano-san is the one who placed the letter, I must reject politely.

(#1) Watanuki-senpai acted in the drama club ever since year one. I still remember that during last year’s openhouse, I once observed his pitiful Cinderella. He is as he said, very bold on-stage, as if he is someone else.

Huh? Yes…… Just this won’t be enough to tell who wrote it……

You ask if they did anything different recently? Hmmm…… About that…… Ah, but now that you mention it, I recall something.

Let me talk a bit more about them while at it.

Lets start with Shikano-senpai.

I first met senpai when I came to this school last year.

I was roaming the club stands that’s looking for new students to join them in the stadium, I was looking for a cultural club, but senpai who for some reason was wearing a fat wolf puppet outfit------I think a lot of people would use an extremely ugly outfit to attract attention, but she for some reason seems very suitable for it------ grabbed me and brought to a corner of the stadium, and quickly watched a forty five minute tape of the drama club’s previous year’s public performance “The Mystical Little Red Riding Hood Energy”, and said: “I let you watch the performance for free, so join the club.” Her tone seems rather convincing, or you could call it threatening, anyway so I joined the club.

……She’s that kind of person. To add on to that, senpai’s boyfriend is the club president then.

Because of such a beginning, so I have always treated senpai as a beast when I was in my first year, and never saw her as a girl……But, erm…… You can say, adaptability can be a scary thing……

Ever since I got to my second year, I would go for club activities with senpai everyday. We didn’t really agree that I would look for her for club activities or to fetch her in the cla.s.sroom, but just so coincidentally the drama club borrowed the stage of the stadium for practice, and from our cla.s.sroom to the stadium we would have to pa.s.s by the third year cla.s.ses, so I would go find her on the way there. Even though there is no need to worry about her skipping club activities, but she seems to always dilly dally in the cla.s.sroom causing her to be late, so club president told me especially to bring her to the club.

……Err, doing that…… Now I shall be honest with you, to some extent, it is something I am happy to do.

Err…… And then about a week ago, when I went to her cla.s.s, she seems a little strange.

That day when I walked into senpai’s cla.s.s, senpai was chatting with her friend as usual.I think her name is 加納(Kanou)? She is very tall, has short hair…… Someone that seems like a guy, though of a different cla.s.s as Shikano-senpai, but they seem to be really close, I heard that senpai would discuss anything with her. Though I say discuss, but from the way they chat normally, it is more like the reliable Kanou-senpai taking the role of comforting Shikano-senpai who might go on a rampage anytime.

They even complained that though they have been close friends since primary school, but they have never been in the same cla.s.s.

Small, narrow-shouldered senpai wearing a skirt is like a triangle. With Kanou-senpai close to her looks even more like a geometric figure------blends very well. I feel a little unsatisfied, as Kanou-senpai is taller than me.

That day when I shouted outside the cla.s.sroom, senpai suddenly jerked up, giving off a sound as if she’s sneezing. This action is not strange; Senpai is different from me, she is the same on-stage, and off-stage, her reactions towards some small things can be very exaggerating. I forgot when she said it, but she once smiled and said it’s a professional illness.

But Kanou-senpai who was there then looked awkward, glancing between me and senpai. I guess they are probably chatting about something related to me, or something they won’t want a guy to hear. Shikano-senpai regained her calmness instantly, and signaled to Kanou-senpai before talking huge steps over and hitting my shoulder with her sharp elbow as she ran out of the cla.s.sroom.

There is nothing really strange after that, senpai still went to the stadium as usual, usual warm-up, vocal training…… I would join senpai for club activities as always, and then go home. But from that day on, she would always say something close to s.e.xual hara.s.sment to me------ “Watanuku, are you popular? You fool around?” “You like girls older than you right? I know just from the look on your face.” And things like that. Huh, senpai is not only speaking like an old man only now, but the content is quite different from the past…… Sorry, that’s what I think.

Hmm, to say things that are different from the usual, that is roughly all there is. Though that’s what I said, but I only realized it because of what you just asked, one reason being that there is no obvious difference, the other being that it might just be me thinking too much.

Now let’s talk about the other one------ My cla.s.smate “Shikano”.

Just as I mentioned earlier, my relationship with Shikano Momoko is at most to chat when we are free, yeah, you can say out of all the girls in my cla.s.s, she is on the best terms with me. The one who initiate the chat will always be her. I recall that the first thing she said was “Are you Cinderella?”……In my shock, I still remember that I can chat with her then and not feel nervous. She is the kind that can a.s.sociate herself with anyone easily, and I am not the kind that would actively look for female friends, so it really rare to have a friend like her.

We would normally chat about homework or books we read recently, and to cry out in tiredness------After that for some reason she would take fashion magazines for me and seek my opinion. I must say this first, I am not too familiar with female clothing……To wear feminine clothes on-stage is due to senpai forcing it on me when I joined the club, it is not my hobby. Senpai liked that costume……

…… Sorry, I left the subject.

Er, anyway these are the topics Shikano-san would chat with me. But not too long ago she asked me a very strange thing. I felt that she is a little unenergetic, and doesn’t seem to be on her mind when she asked me questions.

“Watanuki, do you want to have children?”

…… She asked me.

I thought my expression back then is just like everyone now(#1). I glanced to see that several people who heard our conversation were stunned, and began to break in cold sweat.

(#1)The male members including me were showing an awkward expression. The females on the other hand are shining in their eyes.

We were originally talking about the food in our bentos, so when she asked so suddenly, I was at a loss of words, and can only make mindless replies like “I have no idea”, “I will only know when the time comes” etc…… When is that when that time comes……?

Hearing my reply, Shikano-san seems shunned------ It seems she has just said it subconsciously------ She straightened her hands out with a red face to apologize: “Sorry sorry, I accidentally asked a weird question.” And she continued on to explain: “Because there was a foreign clip showing a baby do a front roll on television yesterday night, the baby in the clip is so cute, the image is still on my mind, so I asked without realizing it.”

Me and the other cla.s.smates that were paying attention felt relieved. From her personality, this reason is valid. Even though there are several female cla.s.smates that looked at us with strange eyes, but when they saw Shikano-san chatting even more intense than normal, they seem to show no further interest in us.

This matter ended there and then.

But, after that Shikano looks rather down, she would be in deep thoughts when she is not talking to others------ Err, even now. That down mood looking into nowhere is completely different from her. Her female friends and teachers have asked her why, but Shikano-san would force a smile telling them not to worry, so its hard to continue asking.

After that, I am not sure if this is related, but not too long ago, a friend saw Shikano-san talking to a senior at the corridor. That senior seems to have a lot in mind then, and Shikano-san seems troubled as she looked up towards that person. Ah, just to mention, my friend who saw that said that from the color of the tie of that person, that person is definitely a senior, and looks quite cool.

I am not sure if I am thinking too much, but Shikano-san rarely chatted with me since then. Yeah, she has already been constantly in a down mood since before, so the two may be unrelated.

To say what is different, Shikano-san is even stranger than senpai, but though something seems wrong with her, it is not only towards me. Though she is absent the very next day after I got this love letter, this is a little……

……Yeah, that is about everything I can say.

How about it? Can you guess who is the one that gave me this letter?

Err…… Sorry to enquire about such a superficial matter, because you said “Any problems are welcome”…… And I am really troubled, so much so I am on the brink of collapse.

There will be club activity tomorrow, and I think Shikano-san would be in school tomorrow too, so I would hope to get an answer today, please(#1).

(#1) After finishing, Watanuki-san bowed with a straight posture.