Kokoro Connect

Chapter 3 - The Past Self and the Present Self

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Chapter 3 - The Past Self and the Present Self

The next day, Taichi exited through the gate of the train station near Inaba"s house. Like the day before, he had arrived much earlier than the agreed meeting time.

"Ta—Taichi? What a coincidence!"

Nagase"s reaction seemed over exaggerated today. She was not wearing a knit cap.

"Er, it"s kinda normal given the fact that both our destination and meeting time are the same."

"Ah, you"re right! Now that I think about it, we ran into each other yesterday too! Yay!"

She was unusually in high spirits.

"But hey, what are the odds of that, though? I guess "attraction force" really does exist!"

""Attraction force?""

"Oh, don"t mind me. I"m just mumbling."

Taichi thought he caught a glimpse of sorrow in Nagase"s expression.

"Don"t just mumble to yourself like that... If you need something, by all means, tell me."

"It"s alright~ It"s alright! If I need your help I"ll ask you! Act~ tual~ ly~ What I want to say is, Taichi, that goes for you too!"

Nagase narrowed her eyes.

"Ah... Of course."

"Why are you avoiding my eyes? Look at me when you answer!"

"Er no, I thought it was embarra.s.sing... Aren"t you a bit too hyper this early in the morning?"

Even though Nagase was usually energetic, today she appeared more energetic than usual.

Especially since they were still being haunted by a phenomenon like "Time Regression"...

"Taichi overthinks too easily, and you always overburden yourself. It"s a selfish mentality, you know!"

"Please don"t say "selfish" with a bright and cheery smile on your face like that."

It was something that concerned Taichi very much. However, even though he was being directly called out like that, he didn"t seem to feel too uptight about it.

"Ah, now that I think of it, Taichi, are you hiding something from us?"

Taichi cringed at that question.

"N—No, of course not! Yeah... Er... What makes you think that?"

He could not afford to bring up «Number Two». He had to keep it a secret. Not to mention, Taichi had a feeling that "they" might be "observing" them at any moment. He could not defy them, only obey.

"Hmm... Instinct!"

Nagase could be very intuitive at times, Taichi thought. He best not underestimate her.

The two headed towards the abandoned apartment from the day before.

"In the end... Is it everybody except Taichi who is caught by "that person"s gimmick" this time?"

Nagase asked suddenly.

"I—I"m not sure. B—But those writings on the board seem to be accurate so far."

How much could he reveal, by «Number Two»"s standard, before it was considered a violation? Not to mention Taichi had no idea what those beings had in mind.

"Mmm~ Well, should I ask Taichi for help then? ...I feel like I shouldn"t be asking for too many favours... But..."

"Didn"t I just say "tell me whenever you need something"?"

"...Of course this is how it"d end up! But it feels like I"m using you, and that kinda bothers me!"

"You don"t need to worry about that."

"I owe you too much already... C"mon, Taichi, you could at least rely on me a little! Even though I can"t be much help compared to Inaban..."

"That"s not true!"

Taichi seemed to have gotten agitated, which surprised Nagase.

"...Nagase helped me a lot too. Your smile and your cheerfulness bring me strength and such."

"Odd. Am I really the cheerful, energetic type of girl?"

"Not only that, of course, but that"s part of the whole picture... At least that"s how I think of it. Or should I say, you give me that kind of impression right now."

"Hm! Is that so~"

Nagase smiled shyly.

"...Okay then! Let"s ask Taichi for a favor then!"

"What is it?"

"Just for a little... Can you observe the child me carefully? To see what kind of child I was like back then."

Nagase"s voice came out with her foggy white breath. It was clear...but cold.

What was her true self like? Nagase had always been asking herself that question.

Not many people could answer her.

Normally speaking, life could go on even when there was no clear answer to that question.

But once aware of it, there would be no escape. Lost in the sea without direction.

Let alone someone who once had the mindset that "the self is an act".

"Ah, it was nothing. Let"s not get too obsessed about it. I"m sure I will find "my true self" eventually," Nagase said brightly.

"But hey~ This is the kind of phenomenon that lets you "relive your past"!"

Things that would normally never be unearthed were forcefully revealed due to "Time Regression."

"We"re being forced to revisit our past, even though we can"t change it nor undo it. It"s hard not to think about it, you know? Something like that... Bleh, what am I saying!"

Nagase sliced the air in front of her with her hand.

"I"ve been wondering though: Is this on purpose? Maybe it just happens to be that way, hmm... Does «Heartseed» think it would be "interesting" to see me like this? So he wants to make it even more interesting? Hmm?"

What was «Heartseed» after?

Where was the goal?

"Hmm. There"s no point talking about him right now. Whatever."

The two stopped at the red traffic light.

They remained silent as they watched the vehicles driving by.

Taichi suddenly noticed Nagase"s fixation at a certain point.

He traced to the object of her view.

There was a six or seven year-old girl holding on to her father"s hand, waiting for the traffic light.

Seeing such a scene, Taichi couldn"t help but to wonder: What would Nagase, who had several successive fathers due to family complications, be thinking about?

"I have a question for someone like Taichi-san!"

Nagase raised her finger and pointed at Taichi with a handsome gesture.

"What you mean by "someone like Taichi-san"...?"

Despite being unsure how to react, Taichi tried to point out the awkwardness in her speech.

"This is just an a.s.sumption. If you could go back in time, would you like to start over?"

Nagase asked in a purposeful, dramatic tone.

What sort of answer was she seeking?

"...There were times where I thought to myself, if only I did this or that... But truth be told, there wouldn"t be such a chance to start over anyway."

Taichi glossed over the question dubiously.

"Normally."

Was Nagase implying that they were "not normal" now?

"I"m just gonna add that if I ever get the chance to start over, I would take it; and if I can play the role of my character better, I would do that as well."

Nagase a.s.serted with a very determined look on her face.

As if it were predetermined, Nagase became fourteen years old while Aoki became eleven.

"Looks like our a.s.sumption can be confirmed now. Not only that, but we can say that it will always be two of us that gets transformed randomly... Even though we can"t be certain yet... Also, we can revert to being fourteen years old as well, huh? I knew it."

Inaba remarked as she looked at Nagase(14), so Taichi inquired:

"What do you mean?"

Needless to say, Nagase(14) didn"t look that different, especially when compared to when she turned into a child. She only looked slightly younger than usual, so it wasn"t necessary to change her clothes.

"I mean the age seems to be completely random and without limit. If it can turn us into ourselves from two years ago, then there"s a chance that it can also turn us into ourselves two years after we were born. Would I be correct?"

"I see... So speaking of extremes, we might turn age zero as well?"

"...We might need a baby feeder soon..."

Inaba smiled stiffly.

Like the day before, Taichi and the others spent their time in the abandoned apartment room.

Since the forecast said that the weather would be getting colder, they combined their budget for a heater. It was not exactly a powerful heater, but with blankets and heat packs it seemed to suffice for the most part. They only needed to hang on until five anyway; it should be enough to keep them from getting sick from the cold.

Their ages post-transformation were on the older side today, so they were able to take it easy for the time being.

At around three o"clock, they thought about getting something warm.

"I"ll go take a walk and buy us something along the way... Or would you all like to come along?"

Inaba adjusted her long coat and was getting ready to head out.

"You say "us all", but would it be okay for Nagase and Aoki to go outside? They"re undergoing "Time Regression" right now."

"After the change, they"d most likely stay like that until five. So where we are shouldn"t matter before then. Even if we run into anybody we know, we can just wave it off with something like "this is a child of our relative, they came to visit for the winter break"."

That could work... Maybe.

"It"s a different story if we walk into a karaoke with this set up, but if we"re just strolling around the area, I doubt anyone would pay much thought to it. More importantly...to think that we"re spending half a day of our lives in this cold, desolate building at the end the year like this... How do you expect me to stay put! I should be rolling around my warm and cozy room right now, dammit!"

"...In the end you really just wanted to stay in the warmth of your room."

"I"ll go too~"

Nagase(14) raised her hand.

Nagase(14) was a cheerful and well-behaved child. It was almost like the present Nagase, minus her "wild and imaginative" aspect.

"Yui and Yos.h.i.+fumi, you guys coming along?" Inaba asked.

Aoki(11) seemed engrossed in his handheld video game.

"...Oi, Yos.h.i.+fumi. Did you hear me? Would you like to come along?"

"Hm? Oh... I"m playing games, no thanks."

"Pfft, you home-staying modern little brat!"

"You"re not the one to say that."

What was that? Was Inaba playing dumb on purpose to let others jab at her?

"In that case...I"ll stay. We can"t just leave a child here alone by himself."

Kiriyama smiled gently like a caring sister.

"Eh~ I"ll feel bad that way, Nana"s sister can go too you know~"

Kiriyama"s expression froze.

Again.

Aoki, who was undergoing "Time Regression", mistook Kiriyama as Nis.h.i.+na Nana"s relative once again.

The room entered a state of awkward silence.

"Huh? Aoki-kun, are you confusing Kiriyama Yui-san with someone else?"

Nagase(14) was the first to break the stale atmosphere.

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"Kiriyama-san is... Kiriyama Yui-san right? Even though that"s a weird question."

"...Oh... Yeah, you"re right."

"Strange... You really do look alike, I guess you"re a different person after all. That"s right~ You"re Kiriyama-san."

Aoki(11)"s eyes fixated on Kiriyama"s face briefly, then returned to the game screen. He didn"t seem to put much thought to it.

"Oi, Yui, don"t—"

"I—I"m fine."

Kiriyama cut Inaba short.

Even though she was smiling, her expression was stiff.

"...don"t think too much about it, okay? And should anything happen, make sure you call us, okay?"

Inaba said again.

"Would you like me to stay? If we can let Kiriyama-san have some fresh air—"

"No, no, I"m fine, Iori...-chan. You don"t need to worry. Please take care."

Although Taichi felt concerned about leaving Aoki(11) alone with Kiriyama, he left the room with Inaba and Nagase(14).

"Mmm~~ It"s so cold out here~~"

Nagase(14) hid her face behind her scarf and rubbed her hands.

"Would you like to borrow my gloves?"

Taichi asked, but Nagase(14) shook her head.

"Uh-uh, I"m fine. Thank you though, Taichi-san."

"You don"t need to be courteous, just take them."

Taichi stuffed his gloves towards Nagase. While it was unclear how the Nagase who was undergoing "Time Regression" was related to the actual Nagase, he would rather not risk her catching a cold.

"Ah... Thank you... Teehee, they"re warm."

Nagase(14) smiled so sweetly that just looking at her made Taichi feel happy. He was right about "doing something for her," he thought.

"Look at your face, all happy and satisfied..."

Inaba stared coldly at Taichi.

"In that case, as a form of grat.i.tude... I love you, Onii-chan!"

Nagase(14) suddenly grabbed onto Taichi"s left arm.

"O—Onii-chan!?"

Wasn"t Nagase(14) calling him Taichi-san before?

"Odd. I thought Taichi-san liked being called "Onii-chan", no?"

"I do like it... But how did you know?"

Ah——fetish exposed.

"Hmm... Should I say, a woman"s intuition?"

Nagase(14) gave off a very sweet, charming smile.

Since the start, Taichi had believed her to be a very caring and observant child towards people around her, especially when it came to people"s moods.

Could this be the true prowess of her past adaptive self?

If that was the case, she was certainly incredible beyond imagination.

Suddenly, a strange, belligerent aura approached Taichi"s right side.

"How long are you gonna keep holding hands and snickering, hm~? Oni~ Cha~ N~?"

"Owowowow—OW! Ear! My ear is gonna fall off! I"m sorry, forgive me, Inaba!"

"Ah! Inaba-san is taking the other side? That"s great, Taichi-san! Having two girls on both your sides."

"Iori! If it weren"t for you being fourteen years old, I wouldn"t have let you off so easily!"

Inaba was being extra feisty.

"I must say the rose on the right is full of thorns tho—OW!"

"Taichi, stop being so sharp on spot."

"Ahaha, the two of you sync really well! You"re like a couple."

"D—Do I and Taichi really...?"

"Yup~! You"re like the "one true pair"!"

"I—Is that so? Iori-chan is such a good girl. I"m going to specially treat you, then."

"In—Inaba just got bribed!"

Nagase Iori(14) is a monster.

Under Nagase(14)"s recommendation, the three decided to drop by the lounge for some coffee at the local department store.

Taichi and Inaba bought some coffee from the vending machine. As they were about to hand Nagase(14) some change, she shook her head.

"Iori-chan?"

"Sorry, Taichi-san, I want to look at something by myself real quick!"

She quickly sped out of their sight as she said that.

"Eh? Oi! What are we gonna do, we should go after her shouldn"t we?"

Taichi was panic-stricken, but Inaba didn"t seem to mind.

"Mm~ I doubt she"ll do anything reckless, we"ll be fine. Even if anyone we know sees her, they"d probably just think "she looks alike" and leave it there."

"But..."

Were they not supposed to keep the risk of a commotion to a minimum?

"We"ll be fine, it really isn"t as bad as it sounds."

Inaba blew at her coffee; it was still very hot.

"Inaba... Even though you"re very meticulous sometimes, you"re pretty reckless when you"re acting bold."

"Don"t you find it captivating?"

"...That"s... I can"t comment on the "captivating" part..."

Even under this relaxing setting, Taichi felt uneasy about being alone with Inaba.

Inaba was an important friend.

She was the girl who resolutely confessed to Taichi, proclaiming her love for him.

Even though Taichi replied that he loved a different girl, Inaba expressed that she would not give up.

Afterwards, the two chatted casually, and the time pa.s.sed like the wind.

Their conversation was suspended.

The one who broke the silence was Inaba.

"...This is her goal."

"Eh?"

"How should I say it... She"s too skilled at reading the mood, too smooth at pleasing people."

Inaba took a sip of her coffee. Taichi followed suit.

Sweetness and bitterness began to fill their mouths.

"...She was purposely leaving the two of us alone?"

"Most likely, although I have no idea why or what sort of feelings would make her want to do that."

"This must be...what Nagase mentioned before, the her that would only act according to her surroundings... Is it?"

"Who knows. One thing that"s certain, though, is that I am fully convinced that she"s a "good and clever kouhai[1]"."

Was Nagase(14) a clever girl who preferred to only concern herself with her surroundings?

Was Nagase(14) a girl who played the good girl just to please people around her?

Or was she, Nagase(14), an ordinary girl who was both?

"Doesn"t matter anymore... These are all things from the past, am I correct?"

Inaba peeked earnestly at Taichi"s eyes.

"...Of course. What matters is the "present"."

"Is that so..."

Inaba lowered her head.

"...By the way, I just want to verify: I know I heard some of it from you guys... But, what was I like when I was four?"

"A good and obedient girl, and very bright too."

Best not to mention anything about "smooching". Definitely!

"...Feels embarra.s.sing to have you compliment me like this. Was I shy?"

"Umm... You were a bit scared of Nagase and Kiriyama, but that was entirely their fault..."

"Scared...you say? You"re right... I"ve always been afraid of something... Even in the present."

Inaba gazed afar.

Her eyes were peering towards somewhere beyond the horizon.

"That being said, it wasn"t so bad when I was only a sprout. It was when I started being a half-a.s.s smarty-pants in middle school that it became miserable."

"Miserable might sound a little extreme..."

"Anyway, I, in the "present", would rather not let anyone...especially you, to see my past. It"s a fact that can"t be helped."

"But, even if we see each others" pasts, it won"t change anything. Inaba, didn"t you just say that they are all things from the past?"

"I want to think that. Even so, something will definitely change. Unlike reminiscing or hearing from somebody else, in this phenomenon, we will be facing a "complete presentation of a certain someone from the past". Anything could happen, like Yui and Aoki"s situation right now..."

Inaba stopped without finis.h.i.+ng her sentence.

The past self that was once yourself, but not quite yourself, yet still was yourself.

"Sometimes there are things that you don"t want others to know, and then there are things concerning others that you don"t want to know. Some things about other people are better off left in the dark, and some things about yourself are better off not recalled."

The past did not exist "at this present moment".

However, if the past appeared "at this present moment"...

"Something in it will become "a trigger for a certain definitive event"."

"But so far...we"ve made it through together, haven"t we? I"m sure this time will be the same..."

Taichi said. Even just a little, he wanted to remain positive.

"I guess you"re right, we"ve made it so far. It"s really a miracle. But there"s no guarantee it will go that smoothly in the future. If we keep walking on the ice, someone is bound to fall through."

When will "that moment" arrive?

Until "that moment", would these unnerving phenomena that had been haunting them these past few months ever truly come to an end?

They wouldn"t continue until "that moment" finally came, would they?

"...As a four year-old, my self-awareness wasn"t fully developed, so I couldn"t really remember what I was thinking back then..."

Inaba briefly bit her fingertip, and let go.

"But ever since that phenomenon yesterday, I felt something as well. I can"t quite describe it properly, but I kinda remember some feelings from when I was small... This feeling was so pure that it became strong, like it was going to swallow me whole..."

Inaba pressed against her chest.

Taichi couldn"t even begin to imagine how much everyone must be struggling with their overflowing sentiments. Because he never experienced the phenomenon himself.

"When this "physical transformation" first happened, I imagined the kind of h.e.l.l it"d bring us. Since we couldn"t afford to let anyone see this, I feared that we"d end up living like fugitives. But as we found out that there was some sort of limit to it, I thought we might actually be able to patch things up. In the end, however, it"s still nothing but h.e.l.l for us..."

Inaba said.

"I"ve blabbered about a lot of things, but I"m really just trying to say one thing... (sigh)... I"m such a difficult woman."

Inaba said self-mockingly. She looked at Taichi, her eyes wavering.

"I"m worried, Taichi. I... I"m very worried."

Inaba did not overplay anything. She straight out confessed her weakness to Taichi.

Yet, Taichi was unable to share her burden.

"It will be fine..."

He could only comfort Inaba verbally.

Inaba managed to squeeze out a smile at him and said: "I would believe so."

Why could he not be more affirmative in telling her that "It will be fine"?

That was probably because——

"Speaking of such, how come «Heartseed» still hasn"t shown up yet?"

"...!"

Taichi almost made a sound but managed to hold it in. Inaba didn"t seem to have noticed.

The mastermind behind this phenomenon wasn"t «Heartseed».

Taichi was the only one who knew this fact.

«Number Two» only ever appeared before Taichi. He was certain of that, judging by what Inaba said.

Therefore at the time being, everyone"s safety fully depended on Taichi"s course of action.

"I"d really love not to see him again... But, in situations like this I keep wanting to see him quickly for some info... This feels so awkward."

He was unable to rely on Inaba"s a.n.a.lytical prowess, as he could neither share nor discuss anything with her.

Taichi alone carried the weight of everyone"s fate.

At five o"clock, both Nagase(14) and Aoki(11) returned to normal.

Just as she came to, Nagase made an "Auu!" moan and held her head.

Taichi hurriedly inquired, but Nagase only replied "I"m just feeling a bit confused in my head". She didn"t look too well, Taichi thought. Was she really okay?

"Is this gonna keep happening...?"

As everyone began tidying the room, Inaba muttered to herself.

Since this place would be their hideout for the time being, the club members decided to leave as much as they could behind.

Aoki said:

"At least we know when it"s gonna happen, right? That way we"ll just have to hold out during those hours."

"That"s right. Not to mention we"re on winter break, so we don"t have to worry about school. However, we"ll end up away from home the whole day."

Nagase, who seemed to have recovered her composure, added cheerfully.

"At this rate, New Year"s Eve and New Year"s Day... How are we gonna explain ourselves to our families?"

Kiriyama"s expression turned melancholic.

"Oh! You"re right~ I almost forgot about those festive activities. My family rarely ever has any plans to travel to our hometown. What about you guys? Do your families have any plans?"

Nagase inquired.

"My family doesn"t so far."

Taichi answered. The others, too, due to either their relatives living fairly close by, or that not every member of their family was planning to travel home, didn"t seem to have problems with the conflict.

"Not needing to travel home is a plus for us. Even though we"re almost never home during the day, we can go home at night. Not to mention those who aren"t transformed can go straight home as well. It"s much easier to dispel any suspicions this way."

"But let"s stick together as much as possible anyway! Companions support each other!"

Aoki declared a.s.sertively. Inaba chuckled.

"Of course... Alright then, let"s think positive! Now that I think about it, this way we can be together the whole winter break. As long as we"re not being reckless, we can still go outside."

Inaba concluded. Nagase proceeded cheerfully as well:

"We definitely need to go to our Hatsumode! Oh oh! Speaking of New Year, we gotta eat rice cakes~ Yay rice cakes~ And before that we gotta have tos.h.i.+kos.h.i.+ soba[2] for the pa.s.sing of the year! Ah... but I won"t keep any of those memories if I get transformed by "Time Regression"... Isn"t that the same as not having eaten any? Noooooooooooo!"

"Even when you"re in this kind of situation you still manage to worry yourself about food..."

Such hardy spirit... Taichi thought as he pointed out the ridiculousness in her statement.

"Now that I think of it, isn"t having someone turning into a child the funnest thing around? Ahh, I wanna see mini-sized Inaban again!"

She seemed a little too energetic.

"Mini-sized Inaba" seemed to have caught Kiriyama"s attention as well.

"I—I wanna see chibi-Inaba too! She"s so adorable it"s like a dream. If we see her again next time... Muhu~!"

"What you mean by "Muhu~"? What on earth are you trying to do to me, Yui!?"

Inaba backed away slightly.

Kiriyama Yui. Age sixteen. High school girl who loves cute things.

"Hm? Does this mean I might run into a chibi-Iori too? ...Myuhu~!"

""Myuhu~" sounds much more terrifying than "Muhu~"! Yui, don"t you dare do what I"ve done to Inaban to me!"

"You——! You did things to me that you don"t want to be done to yourself!?"

"Oi, oi, Taichi, just in case, I wanna verify, did I get..."

Aoki seemed concerned. In order to relieve him, Taichi a.s.serted:

"Don"t worry. You"re completely untouched."

"I see, that"s a relief... Hey, that sounded so sad! I was adorable as a kid too, you know!"

What a difficult person.

Even with only a portable lamp as a light source, the room felt unusually bright.

It"s amazing, Taichi thought innocently.

The strength between the CRC companions was even able to repel the darkness.

Even if he was powerless, he wanted to do his best: To overcome the phenomenon this time, "Time Regression"—— Taichi soliloquized and swore deep in his heart.

What really worried him was: Kiriyama and Aoki did not talk to each other much at all.

The second daughter of the Kiriyama household, Kiriyama Anzu, received a call from a person who she recently met again by chance and exchanged contacts with.

"You don"t know why your sister gave up karate either, Anzu-chan?"

On the other end of the phone was Mihas.h.i.+ Chinatsu, who was in the same year as Anzu"s sister, Yui, as well as Yui"s rival in karate.

"Yeah, she wouldn"t tell me no matter what..."

Mihas.h.i.+ seemed displeased at Yui giving up karate.

"I also heard she"s partic.i.p.ating in a strange club, isn"t she?"

"I think it"s a club called the "Cultural Research Club"... Oh, she"s been saying that she has to take care of something in the club lately and is never home during the day."

"A club that even runs during the closing of the year you say, yet you don"t know what it"s about... What was that about?"

"Well, Onee has always been talking about her club happily to me. Onee, who had been down and lifeless like the walking dead ever since she gave up karate, has gotten a lot more cheerful lately. So really, I"m glad she joined her current club."

This was the truth.

"...Is that so... I see."

"Now that you mention it, Onee seems to be going out for New Year"s Eve and New Year"s day for club activities as well. Father thinks the family should be spending the New Year together, so they almost started a fight over it."

"She"s that pa.s.sionate about her club, huh."

What is Onee really doing?

Even though looking at the greater picture, Yui did indeed recover some liveliness, she had been acting strange in recent months: Speaking awkwardly, shutting herself in her room, having sudden outbursts of anger, etc... It seemed to have something to do with the club.

"I feel the need to talk to her again... and see what she"s been doing lately... Where do her club activities take place?"

"I have no idea, but it doesn"t seem to be in the school, since it"s winter break. Oh and, she has been searching around the room for children"s clothing and bringing blankets outdoors. All of this strange behavior..."

Hm, now that she thought about it, Yui had been... acting strange recently.

So strange that it began to worry Anzu.

"...Looks like we really need to see for ourselves... Do you think we should stalk her?"

"Eh? Stalk... You mean that "stalk"?"

"Er, I mean, I know it sounds kinda creepy..."

"C—Can I... come with you too?"

Translator"s NotesJump up↑ Undercla.s.sman, someone who was in a lower grade. There are social-cultural implications of this that aren"t present in Western society.Jump up↑ Tos.h.i.+kos.h.i.+ Soba (年越し蕎麦): Soba is eaten on New Year"s Eve in most areas of j.a.pan as an old tradition.

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