But words rot inside you Your heart will decay They don"t want your trouble, they don"t want to care You"re just inconvenient They don"t want you there.
I"ve learned to stay silent on matters like this Absolve them of burden Give ignorant bliss.
And still I"m more bother than I ever was worth I"m nothing but trouble Since the day of my birth.
33.
"Are you okay to drive?" Kovac asked.
They walked toward the parking ramp, flurries coming down like fine powdered sugar. It was later than she wanted it to be. Again. Her head was pounding. She was cold and tired and weighed down by the heaviness of the case and everything else in her life. She felt as if she were made of lead.
"I"m fine," she said. She could feel him looking at her.
"Seriously? You don"t have a concussion?"
"No. It"s just a cut. I got hit by a girl, not Mike Tyson."
"You"re a girl," he pointed out. "I don"t want you coldc.o.c.king me."
"Yeah, well . . . What did Ka.s.selmann want?" She had watched him go into the boss"s office after their session in the war room had ended. He had come out with a dark expression on his face.
"Nothing important." He shrugged it off but then said, "I"m coming home with you."
She looked up at him, surprised. "What? Why? I"m fine."
His mouth twisted a little in that way that told her he was figuratively chewing on something he didn"t like.
"I have to confiscate your hammers, remember?"
She waited for the other shoe to drop.
"I need to speak to Kyle again," he said. "I don"t think we have the whole picture of what went on at the Rock and Bowl."
Nikki narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "You"re leaving something out."
"You"re reading something in," he countered. "I just want to clarify a few details, that"s all. A couple of the kids today made comments I want to follow up on."
"You know those are the kids Kyle doesn"t get along with."
"I know."
"That Fogelman kid," she said, her protective instincts rising. "He"s a spoiled, ent.i.tled little s.h.i.t."
"I know."
"Did he say Kyle did something?" she asked.
Kovac looked annoyed. "Will you relax?"
"No," she said, stopping in her tracks. "I won"t. Tell me what"s going on."
Kovac turned around and sighed. "Don"t flip out on me."
"You might as well say "Flip out now." What the h.e.l.l is going on?"
"Ka.s.selmann called me in to let me know the Fogelman kid"s father is connected and that he made some noise to an a.s.sistant chief that maybe Kyle is getting preferential treatment because he wasn"t included in the group I questioned this afternoon."
"f.u.c.k him!" Nikki snapped. "And f.u.c.k Ka.s.selmann too! Why didn"t he call me into his office? Why didn"t he speak to me?"
"I can"t imagine," Kovac said sarcastically. "Fear of death? Conflict of interest? Take your pick. I told the boss there"s not a problem. I explained the situation. Everything is cool for now. I"m just dotting the i"s and crossing the t"s. So let"s just get on with it."
Despite Kovac"s a.s.surances, she worried all the way home. It was becoming her default state of being-worrying about the boys, that she was missing out on their lives, that she wasn"t giving them what they needed; worrying about Kyle in particular, that he would lose his scholarship, be expelled from PSI, get so deep into something that by the time she found out about it, it would be too late to stop something bad from happening.
Marysue sat at the dining table, addressing wedding invitations while R.J. grudgingly did his math homework. Nikki bent over and kissed the top of her son"s tousled head. The usual pleasantries were exchanged, the cursory "How was your day?" small talk that seemed so ridiculous when she was knee-deep in a murder investigation. Kovac joined in, as much a part of the surrealism as anyone.
The samurai warrior greeted them at the door to Kyle"s room. Liska looked the fierce image in the eye and tapped her knuckles against the door.
"Kyle? It"s Mom. I need to talk to you. Sam needs to talk to you."
No sound came from the room, no TV, no music. She held her breath and listened, resisting the urge to knock again too quickly. She could hear him moving around. He opened the door and looked from one of them to the other without saying anything. He looked tired and sad. The bruise on his cheek was dark purple against his pale skin.
"Hey, Kyle," Kovac said. "Sorry I have to bother you again, but I need to ask you a couple more questions about the other night at the Rock and Bowl."
"Gray"s dead, isn"t she?" he said flatly.
Kovac nodded. "It looks that way. I"m sorry."
Kyle moved back into his room and sat down on his desk chair, bent over with his forearms resting on his thighs and his head down.
"How did you hear?" Nikki asked, struggling against the urge to touch him.
"Someone texted me."
She didn"t scold him for being on his phone. What had seemed so important that morning seemed petty and foolish now. Whatever he had done, whatever trouble he had gotten himself into, at least he was alive.
Kovac sat down on the foot of the bed and, consciously or not, mirrored Kyle"s pose.
He began with a sigh. "I"ve talked to everyone who was there that night Gray went missing. There are a couple of holes and discrepancies I think you can help me out with, Kyle. But here"s the deal: no more f.u.c.king around, okay? I ask you a straight question, you give me a straight answer, no bulls.h.i.t. You don"t shade the truth and you don"t leave things out. Man-to-man time, okay?"
"Nothing you say will be used against you by me," Nikki said, drawing a glance from her son.
"Kyle, did you ride to the Rock and Bowl with Gray and Brittany that night?"
He nodded.
"Tell me what happened between Gray and Christina."
"Christina had made up this stupid poem about liars and lesbians and how Gray is a walking freak show and s.h.i.t like that. Gray got p.i.s.sed and said some things back."
"What did she say?"
"Like how Christina is such a stupid b.i.t.c.h because she thinks everybody loves her, and n.o.body loves her at all because she"s a fake, egotistical c-u-n-t." He glanced up. "Sorry, Mom. Sam said not to leave anything out."
"It"s okay."
"She said something like you think you"re living this Barbie doll dream life with your perfect everything," he went on. "And you think your dad"s a f.u.c.king Ken doll. Stuff like that."
"And at some point things got physical between them?" Kovac said.
Kyle nodded. "Yeah. Gray kind of leaned in and said something I couldn"t hear, and Christina went ape s.h.i.t and lunged at her."
Kovac sat up straighter. "Christina lunged at Gray?"
"Yeah."
"You"re sure?"
"Yeah. I mean, Gray fought back, but Christina started it. Then Aaron Fogelman got between them and he punched Gray about here," he said, bringing his fist against his upper left chest.
"And then?"
"And then I got between them. I mean, you can"t hit a girl!" Kyle said, offended by the very idea. "I shoved him back; then he took a swing at me," he said, pantomiming the bigger kid"s knuckles grazing his cheekbone. "And then I popped him in the mouth and busted his lip," he said, reenacting his overhand right.
"And where was security during all of this?" Nikki asked, unable to bite her tongue any longer.
Kyle shrugged. "It happened really fast. And then I turned around and Gray had left, and by the time I got to the front door, she was driving out."
"Did you see the others leave?" Kovac asked.
"No."
"How did you get home?" Nikki asked.
"There"s a bus stop a couple of blocks down."
"And you didn"t talk to Gray or hear from her after that?"
He shook his head. "I texted her a bunch of times, but she never answered. I even tried to call her, but it went straight to voice mail." He thought about it for minute, the terrible realization dawning. "I guess she was already dead, huh?"
Kovac sighed. "She might have been, yeah."
"Britt said a serial killer got her. Is that for real?" he asked, incredulous. "That"s crazy! That"s crazy movie s.h.i.t!"
"We don"t know what happened," Nikki said. "That"s a possibility."
"I don"t get it," Kyle said, emotion straining his voice. "Why does somebody do that? That"s so insane! She never hurt anybody. All she ever wanted was to be . . . was for people to just accept her. Why did somebody have to do that to her?"
Nikki stroked a hand over his bowed head and gently pulled him to lean against her. Looking down, her gaze fixed on his bruised cheek. Her mind went back over what he had said.
Penny Gray had gone missing the night of the thirtieth. Kyle"s altercation with Aaron Fogelman had happened on the thirtieth. Yet, she hadn"t noticed the damage to her son until New Year"s Day. How was that even possible?
She thought back, sorting through the blur of work hours and overtime. They had caught a homicide the night of the thirtieth, a domestic dispute that had turned deadly. The whole thing had been complicated and had dragged on, and she hadn"t gotten home until late. The boys had been in bed by the time she got home. They had still been asleep when she left for work the next morning, the morning of New Year"s Eve, and in bed by the time she got home from the callout to Zombie Doe"s scene.
She had lost an entire day without even realizing it. Her son had been hurt a full day before she had even noticed.
She thought about Julia Gray, who hadn"t known her own daughter was missing. How irresponsible that sounded. How uncaring. What a rotten mother.
She thought of Penny Gray and the possibility that she had been s.n.a.t.c.hed off the street while her mother was too busy out with her boyfriend to know where her daughter was.
In her mind"s eye she watched the video from the Holiday station play out across her memory. Penny Gray-a kid the same age as Kyle-alone, headed for the door, seeing someone out of camera range, hesitating, turning back, then walking out into the night to never be seen alive again.
Leaving Kyle to his thoughts, she walked Sam back downstairs. Marysue and R.J. had fallen asleep on opposite ends of the couch. The television whispered to itself.
Nikki was silent as they stood in the hall at the front door and she listened to Kovac run through his thoughts on Kyle"s chronology of events, what he wanted to clarify, who they needed to talk to. He wanted to go back over all the video from the Rock & Bowl, from the Holiday station. He wanted to speak again to Christina Warner, but he knew Michael Warner wouldn"t allow it. He wanted to know what Penny Gray had said that had flipped Christina"s switch.
It was all just noise in the background. She felt as if she were hearing him from far away. A weird numbness ran through her like some kind of IV lidocaine.
Kovac finally hooked a knuckle under her chin and picked her head up. She expected to see irritation, but that wasn"t it at all. She saw concern and caring.
"Hey," he said softly. "I"m sorry this is. .h.i.tting where you live, Tinks."
Pain shivered through the numbness. "It"s hard," she whispered.
"I know," he said. "Let me give you that hug you asked for."
And she put her head against his chest and let him hold her for a long, quiet time.
AFTER SAM HAD GONE, Nikki went back up the stairs to knock once more on Kyle"s door.
He tucked his phone under his pillow as she let herself into his room. He sat on his bed, backed up against the headboard, looking forlorn. Nikki sat down on the edge of the bed.
"I"m so sorry about your friend," she said softly.
"We weren"t really friends," he said. "Gray didn"t really have friends like other people. She was kind of . . . alone . . . inside herself."
Like you, Nikki thought. Locked up inside himself, careful not to let anybody in too far.
"I knew her," he said. "We hung out sometimes. She was cool in a lot of ways."